Infertility & Heaven (cc)

[CalicoKat]

Just came across one of my journals from pre-children days. And I came across a question I had then that I realize I haven't been able to answer. Not that it personally matters much post 3 adoptions and 2 foster kids. But still I wonder.

 

The Bible describes Heaven as a place where no one will get sick, get hurt, or feel pain. But isn't it also true that there will be no births or dying in heaven?

 

If that's true then pain of infertility is the one earthly ailment that God can't/won't heal. So then true infertility (i.e., no pregnancy, no babies) is an eternal ache.

 

Only those have have experienced this condition, the pain of never holding a child that is part of each of you, understand the hurt can't truly ever completely disappear. Even when it is miniscule there is always going to be the, "I wonder what might have been? "

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Just came across one of my journals from pre-children days. And I came across a question I had then that I realize I haven't been able to answer. Not that it personally matters much post 3 adoptions and 2 foster kids. But still I wonder.

 

The Bible describes Heaven as a place where no one will get sick, get hurt, or feel pain. But isn't it also true that there will be no births or dying in heaven?

 

If that's true then pain of infertility is the one earthly ailment that God can't/won't heal. So then true infertility (i.e., no pregnancy, no babies) is an eternal ache.

 

Only those have have experienced this condition, the pain of never holding a child that is part of each of you, understand the hurt can't truly ever completely disappear. Even when it is miniscule there is always going to be the, "I wonder what might have been? "

 

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain, for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. Revelation 21? something, first few verses

 

I think the general interpretation is that the former things -- cares, concerns, pains, sorrows, needs -- would be done away with. It's like the desire of the heart would be healed. There would be a new life with new desires.

 

That's just my memory of the general interpretation of the verses as I recall them, so grain of salt, whole shaker of salt, whatever it takes.

[GSMP]

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain, for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. Revelation 21? something, first few verses

 

I think the general interpretation is that the former things -- cares, concerns, pains, sorrows, needs -- would be done away with. It's like the desire of the heart would be healed. There would be a new life with new desires.

 

That's just my memory of the general interpretation of the verses as I recall them, so grain of salt, whole shaker of salt, whatever it takes.

 

You were close enough and that was a great response......

 

I don't know if this will help you, and I certainly hope you won't be offended.....but maybe it will give you a little more peace.

 

I have a friend who was a missionary. While on the field their baby boy (6 months old) became ill. He was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition. He was brought back to the states to be buried.

 

While in the states, my friend got pregnant again. They were rejoicing. It was only a couple months later that their new baby became ill. She too had the same issues. She was in the hospital for the last 6 months of her life.

 

There was much that came out of this and it was amazing to see God work in their life and the lives of the staff at the hospital.

 

They went for testing and discovered that they both had a recessive gene that no matter how many times she became pregnant they would loose the child.

 

It devastated her.......A few years later they adopted two children from their previous mission field. I remember her saying once that she would have rather been spared the heartache of giving birth to a child of her own then loosing the child. She would have preferred never having been able to have children. That whole thing nearly destroyed her.

 

I'm not trying to belittle how you feel at all.....maybe there was a greater heartache that you were being spared. Maybe you were handpicked to become the mother of the children you chose. The lives and hearts you are raising may be one day will serve a greater purpose that wouldn't have been met accept for this path you had to travel.

 

My heart goes out to you......my husband was adopted. He thinks it was pretty cool. His parents celebrated two birthdays each year. His "birth" day and his "choosing" day. When they chose him and brought him home and adopted him.

 

The verse Pam quoted....God promises to wipe all of that pain away....

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[GraceinMD]

When I was going through all the 'infertility stuff,' I asked my pastor if he thought I wd ever know WHY. He said, "I think if you still want to know when you're in Heaven, you'll know." I took that to mean that we will be so busy praising the Lord and enjoying everything As It Shd Have Been that maybe the tremendous pain of something like infertility will be put -somehow-in its proper perspective.

It was somehow quite comforting to me, & I hope at least a small comfort to others, too.

[summer]

I think the idea that we are no longer parents, siblings, children in heaven..we are all equals and our children will be more like brothers and sisters (children of God). They were born later than us, but in Gods eyes, we are all loved and the same. So I think the pain from infertility will be replaced by our "siblings." We will no longer desire to have that one child of our own as no one has children of their own and there are no longer hierarchy type relationships (parent child, husband wife, etc)

[RebeccaC]

If that's true then pain of infertility is the one earthly ailment that God can't/won't heal. So then true infertility (i.e., no pregnancy, no babies) is an eternal ache.

 

Only those have have experienced this condition, the pain of never holding a child that is part of each of you, understand the hurt can't truly ever completely disappear. Even when it is miniscule there is always going to be the, "I wonder what might have been? "

 

I used to feel this way about the suicide of my baby brother that I helped raise. That I would always wonder if I had not left home and stopped mothering him if he would have lived, if..... if..... what might have been....

 

I think that God understands what you feel and knows the pain,

Psalms 113:9

He makes the barren woman abide in the house {As} a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD!

 

This is one verse that I began to cling to,

 

Psalms 16:11

You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever

 

and this verse,

Jude 1:24

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy,

 

I doubt that there is any enteral ache in heaven. I doubt that there is any, I wonder what might have been...... In His presence is fullness of joy! He is a good God! There are all kinds of aches here on earth and all of them will fade away in His presence.

Revelation 21:4

and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."

 

You will not mourn the fact that you had no pregnancies or wonder what might have been and neither will I. He will take all pain and wipe every tear He is a big God, a great God, a good God! and in His presence is fullness of joy. If He is not able to take mourning away then He is not great but here He promises,

Psalms 30:11

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,

 

The is a very important reason why there will be no mourning in heaven and this verse sums it up well,

Isaiah 61:3

To grant those who mourn {in} Zion, Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.

It is for the sake of His glory that there will be no sadness or eternal ache or mourning in heaven. How can He be glorified if there are men and women with eternal ache in their hearts. No He will give gladness instead of mourning. He will turn mourning in to dancing for in His presence is fullness of joy!

 

I am praying for you that on earth in this life you will be freed of mourning for what might have been and that you will experience His joy. I know that it is not His will that you live with such a burden. His burden is easy and His yoke is light. Begin to meditate on the verses that I have posted and I think you will in time feel a lifting of the ache.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things

 

Pain and what might have been is not on the list of things to think about. I know it was hard for me to change my thinking but with His help I did. Depression left, anxiety left, grief left, flashbacks of finding my brothers body and from the Gulf war all left when I began to live by the above verse. I know that your pain is real but it does not have to stay and you can have joy. The battle ground is your mind and the key to winning the battle is what you think on.

Ps 27: 13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. 14 Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!

Part of waiting on the Lord is thinking about who He is and what He promises. It is not strength to ache and it is His will that your heart be strengthened. It is not strength to dwell on what might have been. That is a trap a bitter bitter trap and Philippians 4:8 is the key to freedom from that trap.

 

Blessings,

[Mom to Aly]

I posted something about this recently in response to someone whose SIL had lost a baby. My first daughter died just after birth. She was born prematurely, at 22 weeks, 5 days. I doubt you could imagine anyone who wanted a baby more, from the time I was little, I had planned, dreamt, this was my goal in life.

 

It took years of testing, specialists, all diff opinions, most of them saying, I'd probably never know, just try again, and if it happened again, maybe they'd figure it out (all of the ones who said that, btw, were men)--in the meantime, it had truly nearly destroyed me. I thought of my daughter daily, I went from a small size 5 to a large size 22, I talked about children non-stop, it took me 3 years to be able to see a baby without bursting into tears, but I couldn't hold one until 7 years after, when I finally found a doctor who figured out what was wrong--an incompetent cervix.

 

Mine was worse than they thought, and once I got pregnant, they decided I would be lucky if I made it to the 7th month. They put me in bed 6 weeks into my pregnancy, full bed rest, bathroom priveleges, put me in the hosp at 6 & 1/2 months with PIH and super-imposed eclampsia, afraid I was going to stroke out. My baby was born 5 weeks early, and is perfect, the only prob slightly small lungs that have caused her asthma, which she is growing out of.

 

Not a day goes by that I don't think of my first daughter. I miss her, I love her, I imagine what she would be like, she would be doing. I am sitting here crying as I write this, and my heart is aching for her. My goddaughter is almost exactly one year older than she would have been, so it is impossible for me not to make comparisons.

 

My point is this--if one thing, one single thing in my life had been different, I might not have my second daughter right now. I adore her, she is the most important thing in my life--she is what gets me up in the morning, no matter how badly I feel, she makes me smile, no matter how much my heart is breaking, she puts it back together and makes it sing with the joy of knowing her. She is the light of my life, which is sometimes rather dark.

 

If one thing in your life was different, including your battle with infertility, you might not have your adopted and foster children. Could you honestly say you would trade them in for biological children?

 

My daughter has erased all regret from my life. My horrible marriage. The fact that my ex cleaned us out, took every penny we'd ever had and left me in tremendous debt (yes, I am THAT type of cliche woman). Even, to the extent it can happen, my first child. I know now that their is a reason. I also know that I cannot understand why in this lifetime. I hope that I will in the next. I hope that you will too. I just keep trying to enjoy what I have now. I hope you can do that too. You sound very blessed with the family that you have right now.

[Penny]

Just came across one of my journals from pre-children days. And I came across a question I had then that I realize I haven't been able to answer. Not that it personally matters much post 3 adoptions and 2 foster kids. But still I wonder.

 

The Bible describes Heaven as a place where no one will get sick, get hurt, or feel pain. But isn't it also true that there will be no births or dying in heaven?

 

If that's true then pain of infertility is the one earthly ailment that God can't/won't heal. So then true infertility (i.e., no pregnancy, no babies) is an eternal ache.

 

Only those have have experienced this condition, the pain of never holding a child that is part of each of you, understand the hurt can't truly ever completely disappear. Even when it is miniscule there is always going to be the, "I wonder what might have been? "

 

This post pains me because it means you would feel differently about your biological children than you do for your adopted children. I have 3 adopted children and could not imagine a greater love. I devote my life to them and would die for them. (In fact actually living for your kids is even more difficult than dying for them.) I face people who sincerely believe that I don't understand a mother's love. That hurts. This post furthers their case. I am deeply disturbed. I absolutely do know a mother's love. This leaves me wondering if you are holding back with your children. I do not mean to be unkind, just wondering how it could possibly be different to have a child "who is a part of me". My kids are a part of me. They reside in my heart. Their pains are my pains. Their joy is my joy. I pray that you will know this kind of love for your kids, that God himself intended for you.

 

Penny

[Chris in VA]

I'd rep you if I could, Rebecca. Thanks for adding a lovely post. I hope it comforts the op.

[Just Me]

I just finished a great study that addresses the issues. It is "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn. It transformed the way I think of Heaven and my future. I highly recommend it to anyone who question what Heaven will be like. Excellent!

[Chris in VA]

Calico, I just wanted to say, there are pains I have that I just don't know how God is going to erase, but I trust he will. We don't have to feel comfort to know he comforts. He IS our comfort. I'm learning to rest in God, and let go of the pain. It's still there, the might-have-been, wish-it-wasn't stuff. But the closer I get to God, the more he fills the empty place in my heart, and my focus is taken off the pain. You can hurt but still be ok.

I think all pain will be gone one day--and that's a tall order, isn't it? There are things I will never experience--but one day it simply won't matter that I didn't "do" or it didn't "happen." God is bigger than any experience. Any.

 

Until then, rest in his arms, and cry all you want, knowing one day you will heal.

Every blessing to you.

[Harriet Vane]

This post pains me because it means you would feel differently about your biological children than you do for your adopted children. I have 3 adopted children and could not imagine a greater love. I devote my life to them and would die for them. (In fact actually living for your kids is even more difficult than dying for them.) I face people who sincerely believe that I don't understand a mother's love. That hurts. This post furthers their case. I am deeply disturbed. I absolutely do know a mother's love. This leaves me wondering if you are holding back with your children. I do not mean to be unkind, just wondering how it could possibly be different to have a child "who is a part of me". My kids are a part of me. They reside in my heart. Their pains are my pains. Their joy is my joy. I pray that you will know this kind of love for your kids, that God himself intended for you.

 

Penny

 

I really don't think CalicoKat meant in any way to denigrate adopted motherhood or to imply that she or you do not love your adopted children as much as other mothers.

 

I think she is referring more to seeing the way a biological kid looks like you or like dh, seeing the quirks they have inherited, seeing the way the two of you have melded into a totally different person.

 

Speaking very gently here, I wonder if you have read into her post hurts that other, non-adoptive people have shown you. I find your questioning of CalicoKat's love for her children, questioning if she is holding back, to be, yes, unkind. She has posted here about her honest pain--that pain does not negate her ability to fully, totally love the children she has been blessed with through adoption.

[CalicoKat]

I really don't think CalicoKat meant in any way to denigrate adopted motherhood or to imply that she or you do not love your adopted children as much as other mothers.

 

I think she is referring more to seeing the way a biological kid looks like you or like dh, seeing the quirks they have inherited, seeing the way the two of you have melded into a totally different person.

 

Speaking very gently here, I wonder if you have read into her post hurts that other, non-adoptive people have shown you. I find your questioning of CalicoKat's love for her children, questioning if she is holding back, to be, yes, unkind. She has posted here about her honest pain--that pain does not negate her ability to fully, totally love the children she has been blessed with through adoption.

Thank you Strider. My questions/thoughts/grief does not diminish my total, deep, love for my children.

[Robin Hood]

If one thing in your life was different, including your battle with infertility, you might not have your adopted and foster children. Could you honestly say you would trade them in for biological children?

 

 

I understand this line of reasoning. My girls sometimes ask me if I ever wish that I had birthed my own children. It takes about one second for me to think about all the tears, aching empty arms, dashed hopes at each late period, the stoisisim around others, especially pregnant friends and sisters, before I answer them with, "Not on your life. If I had my own babies, I wouldn't have you. You may not have been concieved in my womb, but you were in my heart."

 

The Bible also says that right now we only know in part, when we are with the Lord, we shall know in full. Don't forget that the peace of God passes our understanding.

 

Hormones play a big part in our thinking. If you are still menstrating, you probably still have the desire for children. If you are peri..., that comes and goes. Once you get to the other side, it's all good. I have no regrets.

[Happy]

I really don't think CalicoKat meant in any way to denigrate adopted motherhood or to imply that she or you do not love your adopted children as much as other mothers.

 

I think she is referring more to seeing the way a biological kid looks like you or like dh, seeing the quirks they have inherited, seeing the way the two of you have melded into a totally different person.

 

 

 

Exactly. I love my adopted sons. They are handsome and funny and very much ours. There are times though, when I *see* my late sister in law in her grown daughters, when someone remarks about how much I take after my dad's aunt or my deceased mom, or when I see a parent's face on a newborn baby that I ache to know what a biological child of mine and my dh would have looked like. Would one of my bio children loved horses as passionately as I? Would they have taken to the skies like my dh? My sons are wonderful. Someday, perhaps, we will know who they look like and who they take after. The ache is an unhealed hurt. I only hope to be able to know the reason God asked us to do this when I get to heaven. That would make it all worthwhile.

[Robin Hood]

I really don't think CalicoKat meant in any way to denigrate adopted motherhood or to imply that she or you do not love your adopted children as much as other mothers.

 

I think she is referring more to seeing the way a biological kid looks like you or like dh, seeing the quirks they have inherited, seeing the way the two of you have melded into a totally different person.

 

Speaking very gently here, I wonder if you have read into her post hurts that other, non-adoptive people have shown you. I find your questioning of CalicoKat's love for her children, questioning if she is holding back, to be, yes, unkind. She has posted here about her honest pain--that pain does not negate her ability to fully, totally love the children she has been blessed with through adoption.

 

:iagree: and I think she brings up a great question on what heaven is like. I believe there is a lot of misunderstanding about a place and the relationships we'll have there with what we can only imagine in our knowledge on earth.

 

If we have bio kids and a special relationship with them in heaven, how does it work with adoptive kids and bio families in heaven? Are not our adoptive kids on earth our kids in heaven? How about all the moms looking forward to reuniting with their bio kids who they lost already. Are our kid's bio mothers looking forward to being with their bio kids in heaven, the ones that we raised? Where do we as adoptive parents fit? Interesting questions but I really don't think heaven is about that kind of stuff.

[CalicoKat]

I understand this line of reasoning. My girls sometimes ask me if I ever wish that I had birthed my own children. It takes about one second for me to think about all the tears, aching empty arms, dashed hopes at each late period, the stoisisim around others, especially pregnant friends and sisters, before I answer them with, "Not on your life. If I had my own babies, I wouldn't have you. You may not have been concieved in my womb, but you were in my heart."

 

The Bible also says that right now we only know in part, when we are with the Lord, we shall know in full. Don't forget that the peace of God passes our understanding.

 

Hormones play a big part in our thinking. If you are still menstrating, you probably still have the desire for children. If you are peri..., that comes and goes. Once you get to the other side, it's all good. I have no regrets.

Ah yes, hormones :001_huh::lol:

 

 

I take mine from a bottle these days and I messed up last cycle--forgot to take the progesterone. I betcha anything that's got me a bit melancholy right now. I started up a new cycle with premarin on Monday so I figure that's it. That's for the dose of reality.

 

I don't doubt God's plan for me. God graciously revealed the "why" of the whole situation to us long ago--I would have died, along with the baby. Sometimes ya just get to wondering though what our combined genes would have looked like.

[CalicoKat]

:iagree: and I think she brings up a great question on what heaven is like. I believe there is a lot of misunderstanding about a place and the relationships we'll have there with what we can only imagine in our knowledge on earth.

 

If we have bio kids and a special relationship with them in heaven, how does it work with adoptive kids and bio families in heaven? Are not our adoptive kids on earth our kids in heaven? How about all the moms looking forward to reuniting with their bio kids who they lost already. Are our kid's bio mothers looking forward to being with their bio kids in heaven, the ones that we raised? Where do we as adoptive parents fit? Interesting questions but I really don't think heaven is about that kind of stuff.

Great questions.

[CalicoKat]

Exactly. I love my adopted sons. They are handsome and funny and very much ours. There are times though, when I *see* my late sister in law in her grown daughters, when someone remarks about how much I take after my dad's aunt or my deceased mom, or when I see a parent's face on a newborn baby that I ache to know what a biological child of mine and my dh would have looked like. Would one of my bio children loved horses as passionately as I? Would they have taken to the skies like my dh? My sons are wonderful. Someday, perhaps, we will know who they look like and who they take after. The ache is an unhealed hurt. I only hope to be able to know the reason God asked us to do this when I get to heaven. That would make it all worthwhile.

Thank you for your honesty and openness in sharing your feelings. :iagree:

[Robin Hood]

Ah yes, hormones :001_huh::lol:

 

 

I take mine from a bottle these days and I messed up last cycle--forgot to take the progesterone. I betcha anything that's got me a bit melancholy right now. I started up a new cycle with premarin on Monday so I figure that's it. That's for the dose of reality.

 

I don't doubt God's plan for me. God graciously revealed the "why" of the whole situation to us long ago--I would have died, along with the baby. Sometimes ya just get to wondering though what our combined genes would have looked like.

 

I definately understand the wondering.....and although I carry sorrow for those who are empty or have gone through your loss, I enjoy the sisterhood and encouragement we give to each other. And if God should reverse your circumstance and filled your womb, or that of anybody else formerly empty, I would rejoice without envy.