Like a Bad Penny, Neighborhood Diva has turned up again

[Jean in Newcastle]

For 18 days after dd told Neighborhood Diva that she no longer wanted to be friends (part of the story here), Neighborhood Diva showed up again at our house like nothing had ever happened. Dd, did not question her showing up. She feels like she couldn't really tell ND to leave once she came over. I heard ND's voice outside and went out. I was pleasant but stayed in the yard with them playing with the dog and then called dd inside. ND is always perfectly behaved if I am right there.

 

Dd now is waffling on the whole thing. She has not had any abuse for 18 days and while she certainly remembers that it was there, the hurt is not fresh for her. I told dd that while I had not banned the relationship to begin with, and the actual "break up" of the friendship was her idea, I did not think that it was healthy to go back to where it had been. I told her that she may only see ND while I am right there because she is too special to me for me to allow anyone to treat her badly. I also said that I know that sometimes she was mean to ND, and that ND didn't deserve to be treated that way either and I needed to be there to prevent that as well. Dd is unhappy with me again.

[Susan C.]

"I'm sorry dd can't play right now." repeat repeat repeat

 

Hoping your dd finds a friend that deserves her!

[klmama]

:grouphug:

[Catwoman]

If your dd wasn't comfortable telling ND that she didn't want to play with her, perhaps you should have sent the girl home. I think you undermined your own intentions by letting the girl stay and play with your dd, even if it was only for a short time.

 

I'm sorry to be so critical, but considering your dd's history with that girl, I don't understand why you would allow her to play with your dd at all. :confused:

 

You know it's not going to end well, so why let the "friendship" start up again?

Edited September 21, 2012 by Catwoman

[Starr]

:grouphug: I'm with you. I wish I would've done the same sooner for dd when she was younger.

[Myeightkiddies]

When ND hurts her again, encourage her to write the experience and all her feelings about it on paper, immediately. Next time have DD read her feelings and experience before allowing her to start the relationship again. She may have to be the one to warn herself.

 

Unless she tells ND no next time it is going to start up again, and then, it will have to end again. :grouphug::grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

If your dd wasn't comfortable telling ND that she didn't want to play with her, perhaps you should have sent the girl home. I think you undermined your own intentions by letting the girl stay and play with your dd.

 

I'm sorry to be so critical, but considering your dd's history with that girl, I don't understand why you would allow her to play with your dd at all. :confused:

 

You know it's not going to end well, so why let the "friendship" start up again?

 

I did not get a chance to talk to dd until we were in private. I needed to find out who initiated contact (it was ND). I needed to find out what had been said between the two of them (just normal catching up talk in the 2 min. before I came out). I let her stay for five minutes while they finished taking a turn on the swing. Also- while I have been against the friendship, I had never banned the friendship. I needed to have some time to talk to dd, and to think some of this through myself. It caught me off guard.

[Catwoman]

I did not get a chance to talk to dd until we were in private. I needed to find out who initiated contact (it was ND). I needed to find out what had been said between the two of them (just normal catching up talk in the 2 min. before I came out). I let her stay for five minutes while they finished taking a turn on the swing. Also- while I have been against the friendship, I had never banned the friendship. I needed to have some time to talk to dd, and to think some of this through myself. It caught me off guard.

 

ND seems lie such bad news for your dd on so many levels, that although I know you want your dd to be assertive and to make her own choices, if I were in your shoes, this is one decision I would be making for her.

 

ND is a sneaky little manipulator, and she doesn't seem to have many positive qualities, so that's why I was so hard on you in my post. I truly think this kid will continue to do mean and hurtful things to your dd if the friendship (and I hesitate to even call it a friendship, because that kid is no friend,) is allowed to start up again.

[Jean in Newcastle]

ND seems lie such bad news for your dd on so many levels, that although I know you want your dd to be assertive and to make her own choices, if I were in your shoes, this is one decision I would be making for her.

 

ND is a sneaky little manipulator, and she doesn't seem to have many positive qualities, so that's why I was so hard on you in my post. I truly think this kid will continue to do mean and hurtful things to your dd if the friendship (and I hesitate to even call it a friendship, because that kid is no friend,) is allowed to start up again.

 

Oh, I hear you. I am stepping in somewhat, though not as aggressively as I think you would advise, by saying that they have to be supervised by me at all times. That will curtail much of the interaction because I physically cannot be out with them all the time. And I suspect that it will make the friendship more unpalatable to ND because she won't be able to be Queen Bee.