Lisa Whelchel Divorcing After 24 Years

[Susan C.]

That article is sad. She was obviously pressured into a marriage she didn't want by spiritual leaders she respected. She then spends 24 years convincing herself and the world that it was the right thing to do.

 

Pastors should not abuse their spiritual authority. :glare:

 

Pastors (and actually all others) should realize the weight of advice they give and the implications to those they are giving it to.

[Nestof3]

Dr. Gottmann is famous for his research on what makes marriages work. His research shows that (roughly) years 3, 7, 13, & 25 are the most common for divorce.

 

3: what were we even THINKING?

7: he/she will never change and I can't deal

13: midlife crisis divorce

25: we've raised the kids and now have nothing else in common OR we have stayed the course long enough.

 

I have seen a very high divorce rate among people i know who are at/near the 25 year mark...it has been a shock to me. sad.

 

Hmmm. We are at 13, and if it were not for the kids, there are many days I would welcome a divorce.

[Catwoman]

Just because a relationship doesn't start with "I only had eyes for you..." type of, heart-pounding, nerve wracking attraction, doesn't mean you love your partner any less. I fiercely love my husband. I wouldn't trade him for anyone. He is my perfect match. I just couldn't see that clearly at first.

 

But you DID love your husband by the time you married him, and you are obviously still crazy about him -- I didn't get that impression at all from the way Lisa Whelchel described her dh, whether it was before they got engaged, after they got engaged, or during their marriage. And I think that makes all the difference in the world!

 

I absolutely agree that it doesn't have to be an, "our eyes met across a crowded room," kind of thing, but when I read Lisa Whelchel's book, I didn't feel like she was ever attracted to him, and that the only reason she agreed to marry him was because the engagement ring he'd chosen for her turned out to look just like the ring she had imagined for herself and she thought it was a sign from God or something. (I may be remembering that incorrectly, though -- but I know it was something about the ring!)

 

She also talked about having to do a lot of praying and how she got spiritual counseling about marrying the guy. Personally, I thought she was railroaded into the whole thing. I never got the impression that she really loved the guy as anything more than a buddy.

 

I also remember reading her blog for a while, and she rarely mentioned her husband at all. It seemed like she lived for her kids and her dh was an occasional accessory. If she did mention him, it was because he was away somewhere, or because he was being foolish with money.

 

I feel sorry for her, but I also think she was very weak to have married a man she didn't love, and for letting others influence her to the point where she didn't even feel able to tell the guy she didn't want to marry him. I hope that her marriage was a lot better than it sounds like it was, but I can't help but wonder if the dh's intentions were less than pure when he pressured her into marriage -- she was a wealthy young woman at that time, and religious man or not, it sounds like he sure enjoyed her money.

 

And I still think he looked sissyish. :tongue_smilie:

[Scarlett]

Hmmm. We are at 13, and if it were not for the kids, there are many days I would welcome a divorce.

 

:(

[Scarlett]

I have a thought.

 

Her article from 2001 was painful to read....what a terrible way to begin a marriage...but

 

How do you live with someone for 25 years, have 3 children with him and not feel love for him...especially since she clearly liked him as a friend before marriage.

 

I think, that marriages don't blow up over lack of love. They end from hate. And hate can grow from feelings of resentment (maybe she felt pressured and manipulated into marrying him, or maybe he lost all her money for her) and/or from something actually going on in the relationship.

[Joanne]

I'm not sad about the divorce. I'm sad about the culture, path, and life that made a divorce-able marriage happen.

 

I'm not a Lisa fan; I don't like her faith approach or her parenting advice. I don't get what made her worthy of parenting guru status.

 

But I'm sad about the amalgam that created yet another unhappy marriage.

[Happy]

I think the 25 year mark is interesting. I believe it has a lot to do with kids leaving the nest. Too many couples forget to keep that connection to their spouse during the child raising years. (And, yes, it's HARD sometimes to do!)

 

Friends of mine are struggling--she is sad about the empty nest. He is panicked because he is getting 'old'. It's a tough road for them--especially since they were high school sweethearts...they are still very good friends, but having struggles with being husband and wife. It's tense, sad, and scary.

 

Keep being lovers (dates, time away, being there for each other), not just parents. It may not cure all the woes, but it helps.

[LucyStoner]

 

How do you live with someone for 25 years, have 3 children with him and not feel love for him...especially since she clearly liked him as a friend before marriage.

 

I think, that marriages don't blow up over lack of love. They end from hate.

 

She likely did. There are many kinds of love. I think it is likely that she did and does love him in some ways. But that is not a marriage.

 

And I don't think that marriages only end in hate. My parents separated when I was 20. While they never divorced, they never lived together again. They never hated each other. They just did not get along under the same roof. My mother never forgave an affair and my father didn't love my mother the way he should have if he was going to marry her. My dad rushed from his first marriage to this one (they met right after his divorce) and my mom was more taken with his religion than him. Plus she really wanted to get away from a bad mother and she had a 5 year old son already she felt needed a father. Not a good recipe for sucess all around. I don't think my dad treated her very well when they lived together- nothing violent, but a very toxic disregard for her needs and feelings. They remained quite friendly and amicable till she died. No hate.

Edited September 21, 2012 by kijipt

[Soror]

She likely did. There are many kinds of love. I think it is likely that she did and does love him in some ways. But that is not a marriage.

 

And I don't think that marriages only end in hate. My parents separated when I was 20. While they never divorced, they never lived together again. They never hated each other. They just did not get along under the same roof. My mother never forgave an affair and my father didn't love my mother the way he should have if he was going to marry her. My dad rushed from his first marriage to this one (they met right after his divorce) and my mom was more taken with his religion than him. I don't think my dad treated her very well when they lived together- nothin violent, but a very toxic disregard for her needs and feelings. They remained quite friendly and amicable till she died. No hate.

 

:iagree: I don't think it is all that uncommon for divorced couples to love each other, just not romantically.

[mommybee]

Hmmm. We are at 13, and if it were not for the kids, there are many days I would welcome a divorce.

 

:grouphug:

 

That was about the year I realized everything I thought about my life and husband was all wrong. He wasn't who I thought he was.

[Scarlett]

She likely did. There are many kinds of love. I think it is likely that she did and does love him in some ways. But that is not a marriage.

 

And I don't think that marriages only end in hate. My parents separated when I was 20. While they never divorced, they never lived together again. They never hated each other. They just did not get along under the same roof. My mother never forgave an affair and my father didn't love my mother the way he should have if he was going to marry her. My dad rushed from his first marriage to this one (they met right after his divorce) and my mom was more taken with his religion than him. Plus she really wanted to get away from a bad mother and she had a 5 year old son already she felt needed a father. Not a good recipe for sucess all around. I don't think my dad treated her very well when they lived together- nothing violent, but a very toxic disregard for her needs and feelings. They remained quite friendly and amicable till she died. No hate.

 

This is what I don't get. How can you remain friendly and amicable with someone who has a toxic disregard for your needs and feelings? That would breed hate in me. And even if I could let go of the hate post divorce, I would not want to be friendly with someone like that.

 

And I know that people get divorced for reasons other than hate...I guess I was thinking of a person like Lisa...who clearly took the marriage very seriously.

[mommybee]

This is what I don't get. How can you remain friendly and amicable with someone who has a toxic disregard for your needs and feelings? That would breed hate in me. And even if I could let go of the hate post divorce, I would not want to be friendly with someone like that.

 

And I know that people get divorced for reasons other than hate...I guess I was thinking of a person like Lisa...who clearly took the marriage very seriously.

 

:iagree:

 

Although I have a lot of divorce in my family and mostly they were amicable and so I always saw it as possible. I also used to be so confused as to how people could make babies together and then hate each other so much, until my marriage fell apart. Now I really, really dislike this man I made my wonderful boys with and don't ever want to be friends with him.

[sweetbasil]

I read the article Lisa wrote, and there are SO many spiritual red flags in it I was astonished.

 

This one particularly caught my attention:

 

I knew this was God talking because it was the last thing I would have ever thought to think on my own.

Just because we have an unlikely or unexpected thought doesn't mean it's from God.

 

She deserved to be properly counseled by mature believers who could have acknowledged her lack of attraction (amongst all the other warning signs) and advised caution. It's obvious that she was not very far along in her faith at the time and she really needed discerning older Christians to ask her the hard questions.

 

And as for my opinion of "The Big Kahuna," as she described him --"Pastor" Jack, I'll just keep my mouth shut. Tons of red flags around that guy too. This whole tale reveals just how dangerous a spiritually abusive and/or immature church can be. Yes, I said it.

 

So incredibly sad for all involved.

Edited September 21, 2012 by sweetbasil

[LucyStoner]

This is what I don't get. How can you remain friendly and amicable with someone who has a toxic disregard for your needs and feelings? That would breed hate in me. And even if I could let go of the hate post divorce, I would not want to be friendly with someone like that.

 

 

Because she saw him for the flawed person he was and chose to focus on what she could do to be happy (get her own apartment) rather than on hate. Did they both get angry with each other? Sure. But that doesn't need to equal hate. My dad is a pretty selfish dude. He is an ok friend but a lousy husband. But that is not the whole of him.

 

Also my mom and dad always felt that sharing 3 children meant they would always be family. I thought they did the very mature thing- they saw each other almost daily for some reason or another, my dad drove my mother to get groceries and see her doctor. They celebrated most family holidays together with us and they were both at every wedding, birthday party, baptism etc. compared to my FIL who refused to come to our wedding or any of our son's birthdays because he would see his ex-wife (who left him for ample cause, believe me!) I am happy my parents found a more harmonious way to move ahead with their lives. My FIL chose hate and died an angry and bitter man few people liked, much less loved. My mother chose forgiveness and friendship and died surrounded by her loving family. There is a lesson there.

Edited September 21, 2012 by kijipt

[JenC3]

Sooo sad. Dh and I have noticed more marriages falling apart recently:(

[redsquirrel]

I don't think marriages only end because of hate. I think far more end because of indifference. People just get sick of each other. The don't move from Love to Hate, but from Love to not caring. They move from intimacy to polite strangers.

 

You might not hate them, but you know that there is no sustaining bond between you. You are not holding each other up. You are two adults living in the same house living parallel lives.

 

That article she wrote was fairly horrifying. It is even sadder to me that she wrote it to be a positive thing. She was trying to make it sound like she was happy. Yuck.

 

I read on article that said that her youngest is 19 and in college. So, they have been waiting a while. They got their youngest through the first year of college and firmly out of the nest. Now they are moving on. Good for them.

[redsquirrel]

She mentions a bunch of celebrity married people in that 'support group' she was in. Anyone know if any of those marriages lasted?

[PrincessMommy]

Another factor of these timelines when the women enter menopause. I think in one respect it's an emotional wake-up call for many of us. We're no longer biologically doing everything to protect our children because they're leaving the nest or getting older/self-suficient (ie. putting up with someone who may be a selfish or demanding or whatever). Then we sprinkle in a lack of interest in teA since we're exiting the babymaking stage (which has been discussed on another thread) and you've got quite scenario for two unhappy people. They may not hate each other, sure, but it's not all lovey-dovey either. KWIM?

 

My FIL is 102. Whenever I get these emotional darts thrown at me, all I think is, "I've got another 45years of this?! I don't think I can make it."

 

just saying.

[Scarlett]

Because she saw him for the flawed person he was and chose to focus on what she could do to be happy (get her own apartment) rather than on hate. Did they both get angry with each other? Sure. But that doesn't need to equal hate. My dad is a pretty selfish dude. He is an ok friend but a lousy husband. But that is not the whole of him.

 

Also my mom and dad always felt that sharing 3 children meant they would always be family. I thought they did the very mature thing- they saw each other almost daily for some reason or another, my dad drove my mother to get groceries and see her doctor. They celebrated most family holidays together with us and they were both at every wedding, birthday party, baptism etc. compared to my FIL who rexisted to come to our wedding or any of our son's birthdays because he would see his ex-wife (who left him for ample cause, believe me!) I am happy my parents found a more harmonious way to move ahead with their lives.

 

I'm not arguing the way they conduct themselves post divorce. I think that is great. And your explanation as to how your mom can view your dad in a friendly manner post divorce is helpful.

 

And now I've forgotten my point. :tongue_smilie:

[Jenny in Florida]

I was amazed how many of my friends' parents divorced when they were in college. Many appeared to wait until their kids had gone away to school.

 

Well, I can't help thinking of that thread over on the high school board in which many of us are discussing our feelings about heading toward an empty nest. I wonder how many of those couples who divorced once the youngest was away at school simply woke up and looked at each other one day and realized there was no pressing reason for them to stay together if they didn't want to do so?

 

Not like I'm following the story avidly, but it sure sounds like this is pretty much what happened with Lisa W. and her husband. They got married, had three kids, raised those kids and then decided to move on with their lives. Honestly, isn't life too short to force yourself to stay with another person for no good reason other than that you "should?" As long as they can be friendly and not complicate their adult children's lives by not getting along, I don't really understand why this is tragedy for anyone.

[redsquirrel]

Well, I can't help thinking of that thread over on the high school board in which many of us are discussing our feelings about heading toward an empty nest. I wonder how many of those couples who divorced once the youngest was away at school simply woke up and looked at each other one day and realized there was no pressing reason for them to stay together if they didn't want to do so?

 

Not like I'm following the story avidly, but it sure sounds like this is pretty much what happened with Lisa W. and her husband. They got married, had three kids, raised those kids and then decided to move on with their lives. Honestly, isn't life too short to force yourself to stay with another person for no good reason other than that you "should?" As long as they can be friendly and not complicate their adult children's lives by not getting along, I don't really understand why this is tragedy for anyone.

 

I guess some do 'wake up' after the kids leave, but I think just as many are counting down the days.

 

I haven't thought about Lisa W. since I was in middle school, but after reading that article she wrote it does not sound like empty nest was the death of her marriage. It sounds like the marriage was never meant to be from the very beginning. She didn't love him. She wasn't attracted to him from the very beginning. She was pressured and had to talk herself into it.

[mommybee]

 

My FIL is 102. Whenever I get these emotional darts thrown at me, all I think is, "I've got another 45years of this?! I don't think I can make it."

 

just saying.

 

The women in my family live very long and I think the same thing sometime.

[kitten18]

I'm not sad about the divorce. I'm sad about the culture, path, and life that made a divorce-able marriage happen.

 

I'm not a Lisa fan; I don't like her faith approach or her parenting advice. I don't get what made her worthy of parenting guru status.

 

But I'm sad about the amalgam that created yet another unhappy marriage.

:iagree:

 

She mentions a bunch of celebrity married people in that 'support group' she was in. Anyone know if any of those marriages lasted?

I was wondering too, so I looked it up. :tongue_smilie:

 

Michael and Stormie Omartian are still married, she wrote the "The Power of a Praying..." books

Gabri Ferrer and Debbie Boone are still married

Charlene Tilton - divorced

Donna Summer was still married until her death

 

 

And now I feel like the biggest loser because I took the time to look that up.:001_huh:

[maddykate]

I dont know if anyone has brought up this point, but I think it is really sad that her husband was never truly, fully loved. She was...it sounds like he truly loved her, but he never had a woman completely, madly in love with him. That is sad, too.

[Catwoman]

I dont know if anyone has brought up this point, but I think it is really sad that her husband was never truly, fully loved. She was...it sounds like he truly loved her, but he never had a woman completely, madly in love with him. That is sad, too.

 

I'm not so sure he truly loved her.

 

I can't help but wonder if he was more smitten by her all of her money than he was by her pretty face and sweet personality.

 

Here's the problem I have with him -- even if he really was in love with her, he knew she wasn't attracted to him romantically, because she was very open about her lack of romantic feelings for him, but he still plotted (and yes, I believe he PLOTTED) to get her to marry him, by using the pastor and church members to convince her that God wanted her to be with him. She was completely steamrolled into the whole thing, and the plot worked because she wanted to please "her Father" (God.)

 

That's not love. That's manipulation.

Edited September 21, 2012 by Catwoman

[kesmom]

I remember reading that Crosswalk article back in the day and being horrified. I couldn't imagine feeling that pressured into marriage, nor could I imagine going public with those feelings about my husband!

[Murphy101]

This is what I don't get. How can you remain friendly and amicable with someone who has a toxic disregard for your needs and feelings? That would breed hate in me. And even if I could let go of the hate post divorce, I would not want to be friendly with someone like that.

 

And I know that people get divorced for reasons other than hate...I guess I was thinking of a person like Lisa...who clearly took the marriage very seriously.

 

 

I don't get it either. If I like him well enough and we get along well enough to raise a family over 20-40 years, then I don't understand why I would leave. It would take so much more than just not feeling in love or feeling loved, regardless of kids, for me to ever even contemplate divorce.

 

I'm not so sure he truly loved her.

 

I can't help but wonder if he was more smitten by her all of her money than he was by her pretty face and sweet personality.

 

Here's the problem I have with him -- even if he really was in love with her, he knew she wasn't attracted to him romantically, because she was very open about her lack of romantic feelings for him, but he still plotted (and yes, I believe he PLOTTED) to get her to marry him, by using the pastor and church members to convince her that God wanted her to be with him. She was completely steamrolled into the whole thing, and the plot worked because she wanted to please "her Father" (God.)

 

That's not love. That's manipulation.

 

:iagree: And if she either "woke up" to that reality or in some other way came to view it that way - I don't care what image they are projecting, she'd have to have some serious resentment dislike for that man.

 

 

Proviso: Obviously I don't know his version of the tale. For all I know, he was just as manipulated or whatever by their community as she was and he honestly felt he was doing the right thing, however twisted obviously wrong the rest of us can see it in 20/20 hindsight. For that matter, for all we know, HE came to waking up to that conclusion and is the one that wanted the divorce.

 

Either way. It's still sad. To think that 2 people could live, love, sleep, eat, and raise children together and then just walk away after 25 years is sad no matter the circumstances.

[Impish]

I'm not so sure he truly loved her.

 

I can't help but wonder if he was more smitten by her all of her money than he was by her pretty face and sweet personality.

 

Here's the problem I have with him -- even if he really was in love with her, he knew she wasn't attracted to him romantically, because she was very open about her lack of romantic feelings for him, but he still plotted (and yes, I believe he PLOTTED) to get her to marry him, by using the pastor and church members to convince her that God wanted her to be with him. She was completely steamrolled into the whole thing, and the plot worked because she wanted to please "her Father" (God.)

 

That's not love. That's manipulation.

:iagree:

[Galatea]

I have a thought.

 

Her article from 2001 was painful to read....what a terrible way to begin a marriage...but

 

How do you live with someone for 25 years, have 3 children with him and not feel love for him...especially since she clearly liked him as a friend before marriage.

 

I think, that marriages don't blow up over lack of love. They end from hate. And hate can grow from feelings of resentment (maybe she felt pressured and manipulated into marrying him, or maybe he lost all her money for her) and/or from something actually going on in the relationship.

 

It's not hate that is the opposite of love though, it is indifference. Hate means that feelings are still involved, and that with work, those feelings could change back to love. When a person just doesn't care anymore about their spouse, doesn't want to talk, doesn't want to spend time together, doesn't care about how the other's day went or what they want to do, that's when the love is gone. The marriages that last 25 or 30 years and then end do that because of complete indifference. The children were the only common bond, and now they are just two strangers in a house.

 

Edit: I see that I am just agreeing with what redsquirrel said above :)

Edited September 21, 2012 by Galatea

[tex-mex]

 

The whole thing smacked of her being pushed into a marriage, and having to convince herself. I understand - and appreciate - that you can't base a marriage SOLELY on physical attraction. But it's gotta be there at some point, kwim?

:iagree:

 

It sounds like she was spiritually "led" into the marriage by Church on The Way/Jack Hayford's leadership and did not feel it emotionally? I recall her and the cast of The Facts of Life on Sally Jessy Raphael (years ago) -- and how everyone shared positive stories of what they were doing after the show ended. It was Lisa's turn and she said, "Oh, I'm not doing anything special... I'm just a mom." To which, her co-star, Charlotte Rae said to Lisa, "A mother is the the most important job in the world!" The audience clapped and I just recall Lisa's sad face during that. Kinda prophetic even more so now.

 

Rumors are circulating that she was very unhappy during the marriage. And I hate to say it, but there are rumors about his sexuality coming out of the closet as well. How the marriage was arranged to hide his struggles? Sad. I hope that part is not true.

Edited September 21, 2012 by tex-mex

[Scarlett]

I don't get it either. If I like him well enough and we get along well enough to raise a family over 20-40 years, then I don't understand why I would leave. It would take so much more than just not feeling in love or feeling loved, regardless of kids, for me to ever even contemplate divorce.

 

 

Yes! This is what I tried and failed to say well. As evidenced by this thread, not everyone feels that way. Some think that personal happiness is more important than honoring the vow...I don't. I was very unhappy with my first husband. However, I would have NEVER left him if he could have just managed to afford me the basic treatment a human deserves...that and not had several affairs.

 

 

Proviso: Obviously I don't know his version of the tale. For all I know, he was just as manipulated or whatever by their community as she was and he honestly felt he was doing the right thing, however twisted obviously wrong the rest of us can see it in 20/20 hindsight. For that matter, for all we know, HE came to waking up to that conclusion and is the one that wanted the divorce.

 

Either way. It's still sad. To think that 2 people could live, love, sleep, eat, and raise children together and then just walk away after 25 years is sad no matter the circumstances.

 

Yes. Totally agreeing.

[Scarlett]

:iagree:

 

It sounds like she was spiritually "led" into the marriage by Church on The Way/Jack Hayford's leadership and did not feel it emotionally? I recall her and the cast of The Facts of Life on Sally Jessy Raphael (years ago) -- and how everyone shared positive stories of what they were doing after the show ended. It was Lisa's turn and she said, "Oh, I'm not doing anything special... I'm just a mom." To which, her co-star, Charlotte Rae said to Lisa, "A mother is the the most important job in the world!" The audience clapped and I just recall Lisa's sad face during that. Kinda prophetic even more so now. Rumors are circulating that she was very unhappy during the marriage.

 

Seems like I remember that.

 

I guess I would have to know more about what made her so unhappy. Just being married to a man that I eventually realized didn't do it for me...well, it would take more. If he was kind to me, good to our children....didn't cheat on me....I know I could focus on the good.

[tex-mex]

Seems like I remember that.

 

I guess I would have to know more about what made her so unhappy. Just being married to a man that I eventually realized didn't do it for me...well, it would take more. If he was kind to me, good to our children....didn't cheat on me....I know I could focus on the good.

See my ETA at the bottom of my post. You missed that part.

[Blueridge]

Last year I had seen a video of a sermon of a popular preacher (I cannot recall his name), giving his most difficult 'sermon' to his congregation. He had recently separated from his wife and children and they were seeking a divorce, because he finally 'admitted' to her and to himself that he felt he was gay, and living a life of lies. :confused: I am wondering if that could be a possible reason for this sad story, too. I see there are others with the same suspicions.

[Scarlett]

See my ETA at the bottom of my post. You missed that part.

 

Oh I did miss that part. When I saw his picture that is the first thing I thought of....THAT would be one of the worst situations ever. Ugh. Poor girl.

[Singingmom]

I don't know about Lisa W, but I can say, when I met my husband in 1988, I wasn't particularly attracted to him, either. We were friends for 8 years before we had a "real" date, and after that first date we *knew.* We had both been through the lovey-dovey, I'll do anything for you, with others, and had our hearts ripped to shreds. Just because a relationship doesn't start with "I only had eyes for you..." type of, heart-pounding, nerve wracking attraction, doesn't mean you love your partner any less. I fiercely love my husband. I wouldn't trade him for anyone. He is my perfect match. I just couldn't see that clearly at first.

 

Me, too! My dh and I were friends at first, and my attraction for him grew. He wasn't the "ideal" type I had in mind, so I didn't recognize him for a while! I also agree with the the poster who said that you have to like your mate. I have had more "chemistry" with another man I dated previously, but did not like, love and respect him in the way that I feel for my husband. It has been my experience that if the respect/trust/true friendship isn't there, then the attraction starts to subside over time. If those deeper elements are there, I think the attraction/romantic love has a chance to continue to grow. That has been the case in our marriage of 7 years so far :) .

 

I feel badly for Lisa's children,but, as for Lisa, I think she is about to embark upon a much happier chapter in her personal life.

[Singingmom]

:iagree:

 

It sounds like she was spiritually "led" into the marriage by Church on The Way/Jack Hayford's leadership and did not feel it emotionally? I recall her and the cast of The Facts of Life on Sally Jessy Raphael (years ago) -- and how everyone shared positive stories of what they were doing after the show ended. It was Lisa's turn and she said, "Oh, I'm not doing anything special... I'm just a mom." To which, her co-star, Charlotte Rae said to Lisa, "A mother is the the most important job in the world!" The audience clapped and I just recall Lisa's sad face during that. Kinda prophetic even more so now.

 

Rumors are circulating that she was very unhappy during the marriage. And I hate to say it, but there are rumors about his sexuality coming out of the closet as well. How the marriage was arranged to hide his struggles? Sad. I hope that part is not true.

 

 

I saw a video of him, and I must admit that was my overwhelming impression. If that were his struggle, it would make more sense to me why they could still hang out as buddies now. They have probably been no more than room mates for quite some time. I am just glad she finally gets to move on with her life. She is still young, and still has the chance to experience the kind of love a husband and wife should have for each other.

[Audrey]

I remember reading that Crosswalk article back in the day and being horrified. I couldn't imagine feeling that pressured into marriage, nor could I imagine going public with those feelings about my husband!

 

 

When reading it, I kept wondering that if this is what she was willing to put out there publicly, then what was she holding back? Because she doesn't seem like the type to openly trash someone, and from what I've read here and elsewhere, she also didn't discuss her husband that much publicly anyway. So, there is probably sooooooooo much more than what she wrote in that article. And, THAT makes it even sadder.

[LucyStoner]

Yes! This is what I tried and failed to say well. As evidenced by this thread, not everyone feels that way. Some think that personal happiness is more important than honoring the vow...I don't. I was very unhappy with my first husband. However, I would have NEVER left him if he could have just managed to afford me the basic treatment a human deserves...that and not had several affairs.

 

 

 

With all respect, not everyone shares your belief that infidelity is the only reason for divorce. Or for that matter shares your belief that a divorced person is able to remarry.

 

Also, we have no idea what prompted the divorce. There is a lot that presumabably only they are party to.

 

We know that a deeply religious couple made a decision to divorce. I can only assume that they know what is best for them. Hopefully they will be happier this way. I can't fathom being 49 and never having been with someone I loved.

Edited September 21, 2012 by kijipt

[TranquilMind]

If we clear the 25 year mark will it be smooth sailing ??? please say yes!!

 

Statistically, yes. Older people are more content in their marriages in the long term.

 

Don't worry, be Happy! ;)

[Scarlett]

With all respect, not everyone shares your belief that infidelity is the only reason for divorce. Or for that matter shares your belief that a divorced person is able to remarry.

 

Also, we have no idea what prompted the divorce. There is a lot that presumabably only they are party to.

 

We know that a deeply religious couple made a decision to divorce. I can only assume that they know what is best for them.

 

With all respect isn't that what my post said? That not everyone feels the way I do?

 

And yes, I totally get that I am not privy to all the facts of her life.

[Spy Car]

Who?

 

Bill

[MrsBasil]

Who?

 

Bill

 

Actress(Facts of Life, I think? Never seen it) and then wrote several books on parenting and homeschooling.

[DarlaS]

I'm not so sure he truly loved her.

 

I can't help but wonder if he was more smitten by her all of her money than he was by her pretty face and sweet personality.

 

Here's the problem I have with him -- even if he really was in love with her, he knew she wasn't attracted to him romantically, because she was very open about her lack of romantic feelings for him, but he still plotted (and yes, I believe he PLOTTED) to get her to marry him, by using the pastor and church members to convince her that God wanted her to be with him. She was completely steamrolled into the whole thing, and the plot worked because she wanted to please "her Father" (God.)

 

That's not love. That's manipulation.

 

As I was reading the article, it occurred to me that even the ring could have been planned somehow. She had a dream ring in mind and all she would have had to do was describe it to someone (who knew him). I think he picked that store for a reason...

 

I'm not much of a believer in coincidence though.

[sweetbasil]

As I was reading the article, it occurred to me that even the ring could have been planned somehow. She had a dream ring in mind and all she would have had to do was describe it to someone (who knew him). I think he picked that store for a reason...

 

I'm not much of a believer in coincidence though.

 

An emerald cut flanked by two trillions isn't an unusual setting. I'm not surprised they had it at the store.

 

What is bizarre is the haste with which the fiance whipped out his credit card at a mall jewelry store. Most people are much more careful about making such an expensive and often "permanent" purchase.

 

(That is, unless they're trying to make sure they hurry up and get married before the fiancee changes her mind.)

Edited September 21, 2012 by sweetbasil

[Night Elf]

It sounds like he was a nice guy, though, and I know that is what is most important, but I definitely couldn't imagine being physically attracted to the guy.

 

I actually had a friend ask me what I saw in my DH because she said he wasn't an attractive man. I was stunned and informed her that I personally thought he was quite handsome. She wasn't even embarrassed. I eventually lost touch with her. So much the better I guess.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

And I hate to say it, but there are rumors about his sexuality coming out of the closet as well. How the marriage was arranged to hide his struggles? Sad. I hope that part is not true.

 

Oh I did miss that part. When I saw his picture that is the first thing I thought of....THAT would be one of the worst situations ever. Ugh. Poor girl.

 

I saw a video of him, and I must admit that was my overwhelming impression. If that were his struggle, it would make more sense to me why they could still hang out as buddies now.

 

I think everyone here might be on the right track. The most telling part for me was her boyfriend (at the time) saying he didn't have anything to worry about when she confessed her friendship with him.

[Murphy101]

Who?

 

Bill

 

LOL. Glad I'm not alone. the only reason I know who she is is bc of this board. I've never seen the show, or read any of her home school/parenting stuff.

[8circles]

I'm not sad about the divorce. I'm sad about the culture, path, and life that made a divorce-able marriage happen.

 

I'm not a Lisa fan; I don't like her faith approach or her parenting advice. I don't get what made her worthy of parenting guru status.

 

But I'm sad about the amalgam that created yet another unhappy marriage.

:iagree:

 

I don't know much about her. I read part of one of her books a while ago (not sure which one) and her theology wasn't my cuppa, neither was her parenting advice. I've always kind-of felt pity for her but didn't know why. It always seemed like there was a sad story under the beautiful smile. I feel sad for the whole situation.

 

I think unfortunately its a good example of being tricked into putting your Christian faith in something other than God. Happens a lot I think. :(

 

Shame on the "church" which led her astray.

[PrincessMommy]

I think everyone here might be on the right track. The most telling part for me was her boyfriend (at the time) saying he didn't have anything to worry about when she confessed her friendship with him.

 

 

Ya know, when I first saw the picture I also wondered... But, I didn't want to judge (especially from a photo!). But, it was the first thing I thought of.