Crimson Wife Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I was so sad to read this announcement today. Praying for her and her family. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Oh, that's sad. I'll be thinking of her... I always have thought that she's an incredibly classy lady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I heard it was him who filed for the divorce and she was grieving over it. One reason she took the spot on Survivor. But that is just rumor. That's to bad about the divorce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blakereese Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I saw that today and I was so surprised. I don't know why, it is not like I know her. :tongue_smilie: But it made me sad. I was also surprised she was going to be on Survivor, but maybe now it makes more sense. I'm always sad when I hear of divorce, but especially with couples who I know took those vows seriously and who made a long life together. Of course, only they know their marriage and what went wrong, and maybe it really is the best thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrjoy Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Oh no. I will be praying for her. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I remember reading one of her books (her first one, I think,) and she talked about when she met her husband, and how she was not at all attracted to him and then she suddenly realized he was the right husband for her, and I kept thinking that the whole story seemed so odd to me. Frankly, I am amazed that they stayed together for as long as they did, considering the way she talked about him in that book. Even when she was saying nice things about him, I didn't get the feeling that she was particularly in love with the guy. I saw pictures of him and he didn't do anything for me, either, so I can understand the initial lack of attraction. :tongue_smilie: OK, so I'll admit that I'm shallow about that sort of thing, but I always thought Lisa's dh looked sort of sissyish, and she was so pretty that I thought she could have done a lot better, at least in the looks department. It sounds like he was a nice guy, though, and I know that is what is most important, but I definitely couldn't imagine being physically attracted to the guy. I have no idea what happened between them, but I hope they are both happy, and that their kids are OK with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygal Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 How sad! I don't understand the point after being together for so long!!! :confused1: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 They both seem to be conducting themselves maturely and with civility, at least in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofsbandeg Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 It was finalized in March before she began taping Survivor. I'm surprised they were able to have privacy about it as long as they have. 24 years of marriage is a long time....to end in divorce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 She wrote about their relationship prior to marriage here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Beachy Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Wasn't he also the one mainly responsible for the bad investments that caused her to lose most of her tv earnings? Anyway, I just saw the clip of her on Survivor, and now I feel old. She is saying how she plans to down play the fact that she was on a tv show. She feels they will all assume she has money and that would make her a target. That struck me as funny that she can hide that, but I guess all those younger people wouldn't know her from that or that she does national speaking tours, is an author, etc. :) Beachy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 That makes me incredibly sad. How old are their kids now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I remember reading one of her books (her first one, I think,) and she talked about when she met her husband, and how she was not at all attracted to him and then she suddenly realized he was the right husband for her, and I kept thinking that the whole story seemed so odd to me. Frankly, I am amazed that they stayed together for as long as they did, considering the way she talked about him in that book. Even when she was saying nice things about him, I didn't get the feeling that she was particularly in love with the guy. :iagree: She wrote about their relationship prior to marriage here. When I first read they were divorced, I was surprised and quite sad for them. Then I read the above linked article. . . . and the surprise disappeared. The whole thing smacked of her being pushed into a marriage, and having to convince herself. I understand - and appreciate - that you can't base a marriage SOLELY on physical attraction. But it's gotta be there at some point, kwim? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 That story of how she ended up marrying him is painful to read. I mean, geez. I tease my dh that he got me via a pity date and persistence, but there was absolutely zero doubt whewane put my engagement ring on my finger that I loved him and wanted to marry him. Thing is... I think she really did love him when she married him. It's just tragic that it wasn't The Love type and it sounds like it might never have grown into that. How sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 The end of that book excerpt describing their bizarre courtship sounded more like a rationalization than actually falling in love. Like a trick of the mind to allow her to go forwards with the marriage and avoid hurting his feelings. I CAN fill pages listing the very positive traits of my best male friend...but that doesn't add up to romantic love. He is even a nice looking guy. But there is just nothing romantic between us and has never been for the nearly 20 years we have been friends. I could never in a million years make it out to be love despite caring a great deal about him. Whereas with my husband before I could list even 10 good traits, I knew he was a game changer in my life. While romantic love is not all there is in a marriage, without a bit of it...well, imagine the pain of missing it for over 2 decades. I feel badly for all concerned. I am sure they both do love each other but platonic love is not enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Sounds like she was manipulated, and rather than standing up and saying no, she convinced herself to go w/it. I mean, a pastor announcing an engagement w/out permission? Really? When both parties aren't even present? Something about that stinks to high heaven. Very sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I don't see how the idea of NOT marrying the guy she wasn't attracted to somehow escalated into a crisis of faith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 The end of that book excerpt describing their bizarre courtship sounded more like a rationalization than actually falling in love. Like a trick of the mind to allow her to go forwards with the marriage and avoid hurting his feelings. I CAN fill pages listing the very positive traits of my best male friend...but that doesn't add up to romantic love. He is even a nice looking guy. But there is just nothing romantic between us and has never been for the nearly 20 years we have been friends. I could never in a million years make it out to be love despite caring a great deal about him. Whereas with my husband before I could list even 10 good traits, I knew he was a game changer in my life. While romantic love is not all there is in a marriage, without a bit of it...well, imagine the pain of missing it for over 2 decades. I feel badly for all concerned. I am sure they both do love each other but platonic love is not enough. Sounds like she was manipulated, and rather than standing up and saying no, she convinced herself to go w/it. I mean, a pastor announcing an engagement w/out permission? Really? When both parties aren't even present? Something about that stinks to high heaven. Very sad. I don't see how the idea of NOT marrying the guy she wasn't attracted to somehow escalated into a crisis of faith. :iagree: Sounds like she never should have married this guy in the first place. Physical attraction isn't everything, but it is important. If the thought of kissing your fiance makes you :ack2:, you should NOT be marrying him. And I honestly don't believe God wants you to marry someone you don't want to marry. Her whole situation is heartbreaking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Obviously I know nothing about their marriage, their divirce, or their life, but wow! That article was painful to read. She spent paragraphs explaining how she wasn't into him and a few sentences on their love story. It was...ick. If my spouse talked about me like that publicly I would be so hurt and insecure. I can't imagine having an engagement or whatever like that. He called her to tell her their marriage was impending instead if clarifying. I just can't even. Ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 How sad! I don't understand the point after being together for so long!!! :confused1: Sad but the fact is I'm going on 18yrs and have basically lived separated for the last six but we live in the same house and I have to spend a lot of time faking it to others. The truth is because of my health, homeschooling and the kids it will probably be close to 20 or more years married before I can divorce. I need to start a thread one of these days cause it's so sad and depressing for me. I just feel for anyone who ends up in these positions. I am missing so much not being loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Sad but the fact is I'm going on 18yrs and have basically lived separated for the last six but we live in the same house and I have to spend a lot of time faking it to others. The truth is because of my health, homeschooling and the kids it will probably be close to 20 or more years married before I can divorce. I need to start a thread one of these days cause it's so sad and depressing for me. I just feel for anyone who ends up in these positions. I am missing so much not being loved. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry, Shannon. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 That article was painful to read. Especially this line: "Because either my past was all a lie or my future was to be lived as one, I had to find the truth." Guess she didn't find it. :001_huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caroljenn Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I feel bad for both of them. I can't imagine what it would have been like for him to read that article, it was painful for me to read, and I'm a stranger!! I wonder what she will do if God sends another man for her to love, but one she's attracted to- she'll be shocked when she feels the difference in chemistry! I will be praying for their family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negin Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I need to start a thread one of these days cause it's so sad and depressing for me.I just feel for anyone who ends up in these positions. I am missing so much not being loved. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Dr. Gottmann is famous for his research on what makes marriages work. His research shows that (roughly) years 3, 7, 13, & 25 are the most common for divorce. 3: what were we even THINKING? 7: he/she will never change and I can't deal 13: midlife crisis divorce 25: we've raised the kids and now have nothing else in common OR we have stayed the course long enough. I have seen a very high divorce rate among people i know who are at/near the 25 year mark...it has been a shock to me. sad. This is very interesting. Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Dr. Gottmann is famous for his research on what makes marriages work. His research shows that (roughly) years 3, 7, 13, & 25 are the most common for divorce. 3: what were we even THINKING? 7: he/she will never change and I can't deal 13: midlife crisis divorce 25: we've raised the kids and now have nothing else in common OR we have stayed the course long enough. I have seen a very high divorce rate among people i know who are at/near the 25 year mark...it has been a shock to me. sad. If we clear the 25 year mark will it be smooth sailing ??? please say yes!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negin Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 If we clear the 25 year mark will it be smooth sailing ??? please say yes!! I know. Really. Let's just hope. I know some who got divorced after that. Sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Well we have just cleared 27 years, but still have one in the house. I think the 25 year point is more or less about the average of all kids out of the house. I think it may change to later years if you spaced your kids. We didn't have any kids until 2 year in and then had our last kid more than 10 years after we were first married. We will be 30 years married right after or right before she goes to college. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Well we have just cleared 27 years, but still have one in the house. I think the 25 year point is more or less about the average of all kids out of the house. I think it may change to later years if you spaced your kids. We didn't have any kids until 2 year in and then had our last kid more than 10 years after we were first married. We will be 30 years married right after or right before she goes to college. :iagree: Same here - we're at 27 but still have an 11 yr old. I'm sorry to hear the Lisa W's marriage fell apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Awwwww....that is sad. :grouphug:To her and her kids. What a difficult time she must be going through....:grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 If we clear the 25 year mark will it be smooth sailing ??? please say yes!! Well, no. I think we had a lot of soul searching and coming to terms with each other AFTER our 25th. We had never really argued prior to that....and we were both so busy with our young ones and jobs before then...that when our 25th came, we both turned our focus to what was right and what was WRONG in our marriage. I think it was our most difficult year or 2..... And I am thankful we were able to work through it. ( we are now at 27 years and the last 6 months have been sooooo much better than the last 2.) I have seen this a lot now with my friends and siblings....and siblings in law. For us, that 25 year point has been sort of a truth hitting the trail. We have made it through.....not everyone is so lucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I just feel for anyone who ends up in these positions. I am missing so much not being loved. :grouphug::grouphug:Shannon:grouphug::grouphug: ----- The article was odd, but what I took from it was her seeking God's will for her life. The way I see it is that two Christians will get divorced for just a handful of reasons--or one has fallen away and just refuses to be married anymore. Sad ending for her, whatever the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyerin Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 This is so sad, but unfortunately, not uncommon. Dr. Gottmann is famous for his research on what makes marriages work. His research shows that (roughly) years 3, 7, 13, & 25 are the most common for divorce. 3: what were we even THINKING? 7: he/she will never change and I can't deal 13: midlife crisis divorce 25: we've raised the kids and now have nothing else in common OR we have stayed the course long enough. I have seen a very high divorce rate among people i know who are at/near the 25 year mark...it has been a shock to me. sad. Yes, my parents divorced after 30 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I was amazed how many of my friends' parents divorced when they were in college. Many appeared to wait until their kids had gone away to school. For some reason, I thought my parents would be among them, but they're still together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I used to think there was some magic number you'd pass and feel secure. I don't think that anymore. Dh and I are about to hit the 20 year mark. It seems every season of our lives has added different challenges to our marriage. It's never dull, yet it can make one weary. My parents have been married over 50 years, but when my dad retired (married 40 years about that time) they had a huge adjustment learning to be around each other all the time. My own belief is that you have to find a reason to like the person you're married to, not love, not romantic love, just like. Love and commitment may keep you in the marriage, yet if you don't like each other it can be miserable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krorabaugh Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 wow that is so sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Dr. Gottmann is famous for his research on what makes marriages work. His research shows that (roughly) years 3, 7, 13, & 25 are the most common for divorce. 3: what were we even THINKING? 7: he/she will never change and I can't deal 13: midlife crisis divorce 25: we've raised the kids and now have nothing else in common OR we have stayed the course long enough. I have seen a very high divorce rate among people i know who are at/near the 25 year mark...it has been a shock to me. sad. Many years ago I read somewhere that the divorce rate for couples past the 25 year mark is actually HIGHER than that for couples married less thà n 7 years. :( If its just until the kids are gone, then I suppose I'm safe until at least the 40 year mark. :p tho I can't imagine getting divorced at 60+ years old. Course I can't imagine dh not loving me anymore either. How awful. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I remember reading one of her books (her first one, I think,) and she talked about when she met her husband, and how she was not at all attracted to him and then she suddenly realized he was the right husband for her, and I kept thinking that the whole story seemed so odd to me. Frankly, I am amazed that they stayed together for as long as they did, considering the way she talked about him in that book. Even when she was saying nice things about him, I didn't get the feeling that she was particularly in love with the guy. I don't know about Lisa W, but I can say, when I met my husband in 1988, I wasn't particularly attracted to him, either. We were friends for 8 years before we had a "real" date, and after that first date we *knew.* We had both been through the lovey-dovey, I'll do anything for you, with others, and had our hearts ripped to shreds. Just because a relationship doesn't start with "I only had eyes for you..." type of, heart-pounding, nerve wracking attraction, doesn't mean you love your partner any less. I fiercely love my husband. I wouldn't trade him for anyone. He is my perfect match. I just couldn't see that clearly at first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 That article is sad. She was obviously pressured into a marriage she didn't want by spiritual leaders she respected. She then spends 24 years convincing herself and the world that it was the right thing to do. Pastors should not abuse their spiritual authority. :glare: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 That's the saddest 'love' story I ever heard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Very sad :( I wish them both the best, along with their family. Reading her article was painful. It reminds me of my fiance before dh. He was a nice guy. I thought he was safe, we were friends before but I never really had that feeling I thought I should. I'm so happy I was able to break it off, although it was hard to do. Now I see his life and realize what little we had in common! Dr. Gottmann is famous for his research on what makes marriages work. His research shows that (roughly) years 3, 7, 13, & 25 are the most common for divorce. 3: what were we even THINKING? 7: he/she will never change and I can't deal 13: midlife crisis divorce 25: we've raised the kids and now have nothing else in common OR we have stayed the course long enough. I have seen a very high divorce rate among people i know who are at/near the 25 year mark...it has been a shock to me. sad. I've read this before and find it interesting. It seems somewhere around those years have been rougher here. However, we are year 13 and it is great but year 12 was a stressful one. I think more due to stress for dh working so much and some growth on both of our parts. Growth is good though, although painful at times. We are both better because of it and our marriage stronger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 That article is sad. She was obviously pressured into a marriage she didn't want by spiritual leaders she respected. That's the saddest 'love' story I ever heard. :iagree::001_huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I don't know about Lisa W, but I can say, when I met my husband in 1988, I wasn't particularly attracted to him, either. We were friends for 8 years before we had a "real" date, and after that first date we *knew.* We had both been through the lovey-dovey, I'll do anything for you, with others, and had our hearts ripped to shreds. Just because a relationship doesn't start with "I only had eyes for you..." type of, heart-pounding, nerve wracking attraction, doesn't mean you love your partner any less. I fiercely love my husband. I wouldn't trade him for anyone. He is my perfect match. I just couldn't see that clearly at first. I completely understand that. The differènce is, when you bc engaged, you did know and you didn't doubt and you were fearcly in love. She obviously wasn't. This isn't about sparks vs embers kind of burning love. She wasn't in love. She was pressured and manipulated. And I can see how if she trusted those ppl with her spiritual welfare, this could cause a crisis of faith and more than a small amount of anger. So sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 my dh's parents divorced about 2 years after we married. I think his mom planned it for a while, and she waited till he was married too. We have been married 26 years and our youngest is 17. We are still going strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 That's the saddest 'love' story I ever heard. :iagree: My heart goes out to them and their children. So very sad :( Praying that they heal and move on to find something sweeter and more wonderful than they ever could have imagined. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 That story of how she ended up marrying him is painful to read. I mean, geez. I tease my dh that he got me via a pity date and persistence, but there was absolutely zero doubt whewane put my engagement ring on my finger that I loved him and wanted to marry him. Thing is... I think she really did love him when she married him. It's just tragic that it wasn't The Love type and it sounds like it might never have grown into that. How sad. I couldn't finish reading that article. Painful is right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Why did they divorce? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) I am so sad for her. And reading that story, I am extremely disgusted in that pastor Jack--making that announcement like that? Even if there had been a solid engagement with a ring and a date, there was NO reason for him to be the one making the announcement. Unless her ex husband had told him to in an attempt to pressure her? Yikes. Either way, it's a horrible situation. Edited September 21, 2012 by RanchGirl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Well we have just cleared 27 years, but still have one in the house. I think the 25 year point is more or less about the average of all kids out of the house. I think it may change to later years if you spaced your kids. We didn't have any kids until 2 year in and then had our last kid more than 10 years after we were first married. We will be 30 years married right after or right before she goes to college. Thinking the same thing. We are approaching 25 yrs, with an 8 & 11 yr old. I guess for me it will be year 35. I can see how it happens though. I sometimes think that if we didn't have the kids, we would be living separate lives. Like ships passing in the night. I do love him and can't imagine life without him, but if we didn't have kids, we'd have to put some effort into connecting again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 She wrote about their relationship prior to marriage here. Wow! And I have felt badly about how public I've been about my emotions toward my husband! :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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