teenage worrier - excessive? got long.

[clementine]

My daughter, 14yo, is an excessive worrier. They are age-appropriate worries, but helping her to get them out of her head is difficult. Her latest worry is sad...

 

There have been several suicides in our area in the past year (when I say our area, I mean within several large suburbs surrounding us). We didn't know any of the students personally, but knew people who knew them. Unfortunately, the media makes a big deal out of them and she is a very empathetic child and sensitive in many ways. So, her mind goes to the how could they do that? and the why's? and how did they do it? and would it be easy? and would I ever do it? questions.

 

She came to me last week confessing these worries. She let them build up and they all came spilling out. She feels guilty thinking about them and thought I'd be mad at her for thinking about it. We talked - she is very open with us and is very honest about her feelings. I told her that worries are normal - if dad is late coming home from work, I worry that he was in an accident. If granny doesn't answer her phone for hours, I worry that she's not okay, etc. Worries are normal, as long as it doesn't go further than that.

 

She said that our talk helped a lot (and I believe her), but she still finds herself thinking about disturbing things more than she (or I) would like. I am not worried about her taking her life - she said she is absolutely not thinking about that. I am just hoping for coping skills to help curb those thoughts or how to push them out of her head when they pop in.

 

We have tried removing nitrates from her diet and trying lavender oil at her temples - she is sleeping fine. As of Tuesday, I suggested that every time she goes to that dark place in her thoughts to pray for someone who is struggling - we found an app of prayer requests from our local Christian radio station & she chooses a few to pray for. I think that is really helping to put her worries in perspective.

 

Any other ideas from moms with worriers?? Its weighing on me.

 

Thank you.

[happi duck]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Wish I had advice. I too have a sensitive, empathetic girl who struggles at times because of it.

[fairfarmhand]

I was that girl. I too would wake up and fret about things. I just outgrew it I guess, because I seldom do that.

 

Would journaling help? Sometimes the worries that seem huge at night seem silly by the light of day. It might also help her solidify her questions so that she can talk to you about them the next day instead of having them swirl around in her head all night.

 

I'd also show her 2 Corinthians 10:5. Meditating on scripture is VERY helpful. Especially the Psalms. The Psalms are so comforting in times of stress and worry.

[clementine]

Thank you! I am a worrier too, but try to keep them hidden from my kids, for the most part, because I don't want them to become one. :tongue_smilie:

 

She has been listening to Christian music while falling asleep to keep her mind on other things - that has helped, but journaling might be a great addition to that. I'll talk to her about it.

 

It's nice to know that we're not the only ones dealing with this. Thank you.

[VeganCupcake]

I was a teenage worrier. I still have anxious tendencies, but I manage them a bit better.

 

I read a great book that I wish someone had guided me through when I was a kid/teen. It's called Freeing Your Child from Anxiety. I've been using a few of the ideas with my 4 year old, and there are lots that are appropriate for older kids and teens, too. There are ideas I found helpful for me, too.

[fairfarmhand]

also, she may need to edit her TV, movies and books. Some teen focused media is very dark. In spite of the fact that she may enjoy it, it may be feeding the worries. She may need to avoid the news. Plenty of adults do such things, not because they are immature, but because looking at the news or watching violent movies triggers unhealthy things in their minds.

[clementine]

I was a teenage worrier. I still have anxious tendencies, but I manage them a bit better.

 

I read a great book that I wish someone had guided me through when I was a kid/teen. It's called Freeing Your Child from Anxiety. I've been using a few of the ideas with my 4 year old, and there are lots that are appropriate for older kids and teens, too. There are ideas I found helpful for me, too.

 

Ordering it today - never heard of it - Thanks!!

 

Also, she is not a TV watcher - although the news is on when I cook dinner. I will make sure that it is off. Good idea :)

[Little Nyssa]

You've gotten some great advice! so I will just chime in with an additional thought-- maybe the anxiety is worse because of noticing things, but not being able to do anything about them. At that age it is so hard.

 

If there was some way that she could be involved helping people who are suffering or who have some difficult problem to cope with. Or even animals. I suppose she is too young to do much with suicide prevention? but she could be involved in community activities which are supposed to 'keep kids off the street' and/or strengthen the bonds of community so that people who are in despair have people around them who they can talk to before it gets bad.

 

Or helping anyone. Like volunteering someplace, even tutoring kids who are having trouble reading, or at a soup kitchen, or Habitat, whatever her interest is.

 

Anecdote: I recall when I was in nursing school, I hated to go into the E.R. because it seemed like a horrible place of suffering. It made me feel faint, actually. And anxious. But when I learned that there were things I could do to actually help, it did not make me anxious anymore and I was glad to be there so I could be useful.

 

People need to feel useful.

 

That is what is so hard about being a teen, that you can be so empathetic that the world is like a giant ER, and you feel you can't help.

:grouphug:

[clementine]

You've gotten some great advice! so I will just chime in with an additional thought-- maybe the anxiety is worse because of noticing things, but not being able to do anything about them. At that age it is so hard.

 

If there was some way that she could be involved helping people who are suffering or who have some difficult problem to cope with. Or even animals. I suppose she is too young to do much with suicide prevention? but she could be involved in community activities which are supposed to 'keep kids off the street' and/or strengthen the bonds of community so that people who are in despair have people around them who they can talk to before it gets bad.

 

Or helping anyone. Like volunteering someplace, even tutoring kids who are having trouble reading, or at a soup kitchen, or Habitat, whatever her interest is.

 

Anecdote: I recall when I was in nursing school, I hated to go into the E.R. because it seemed like a horrible place of suffering. It made me feel faint, actually. And anxious. But when I learned that there were things I could do to actually help, it did not make me anxious anymore and I was glad to be there so I could be useful.

 

People need to feel useful.

 

That is what is so hard about being a teen, that you can be so empathetic that the world is like a giant ER, and you feel you can't help.

:grouphug:

 

I bolded and put in red that statement - that is perfectly said!!!!!

[Journey]

My 18 year old daughter was that girl. She has since outgrown the excessive worrying and I am thankful. I too am a worrier so i know where my daughter got it from. But she outgrew it. It broke my heart when she was going through that stage. I always let her know that her worries were real and that it was okay to worry. We would talk about the things that were upsetting her and i like to think that helped her. I hope that i never belittled her worries because if they were real to her, then they were real to me. It's a very hard season to go through but i have a good feeling that your daughter will outgrow this. IDT it has anything to do with nitrates or television or anything else. I think it's a phase that some people go through.

[Dina in Oklahoma]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Wish I had advice. I too have a sensitive, empathetic girl who struggles at times because of it.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:Another one here.

[clementine]

My 18 year old daughter was that girl. She has since outgrown the excessive worrying and I am thankful. I too am a worrier so i know where my daughter got it from. But she outgrew it. It broke my heart when she was going through that stage. I always let her know that her worries were real and that it was okay to worry. We would talk about the things that were upsetting her and i like to think that helped her. I hope that i never belittled her worries because if they were real to her, then they were real to me. It's a very hard season to go through but i have a good feeling that your daughter will outgrow this. IDT it has anything to do with nitrates or television or anything else. I think it's a phase that some people go through.

 

Thank you for posting. You have no idea how much it helps to have read this. :001_smile:

[sbgrace]

I just want make you aware that intrusive thoughts/thoughts that make a person feel guilty for thinking can be a form of OCD. It's not obvious like, say a germ type OCD, and is sometimes called pure obsessional OCD. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purely_Obsessional_OCD

 

I don't at all know that what your daughter is experiencing falls into that realm vs. just an anxiety type child. But I wanted you to be aware as this type of OCD is very often missed. It's as treatable as any type of OCD with OCD specific cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. Finding a therapist who specializes in OCD and has experience in this type of OCD would be important. There are also some safe supplements that can be very effective for OCD. So if it's that there is a great deal of help available.

 

Of course she may well be processing the suicides and it's causing anxiety. I think it would for any sensitive child. I want to be clear I'm not implying it's more than that or more than just regular anxiety and I hope it's just a blip for her!

[TravelingChris]

It probably is just a normal reaction of a sensitive girl to troubling news.

 

However, if as she gets older, her fears seem to get worse and especially if there is a cyclical pattern to them, you should investigate PMDD. My dd;s gynecologist explained that it is an overreaction of the brain to the hormones and the reason it doesn't appear the first few years of having periods, is that there is relatively little hormone activity then. By the time full hormonal activity occurs with menstruation, PMDD is activated. Unlike PMS, PMDD often aggravates fears to a very severe level= lots of panic attacks, etc. Fortunately, it is easily treatable with either hormones (like BCC) or SSRI. My dd takes an extra Lexapro for half of the month and her symptoms disappeared.

[clementine]

I do think hormones play a part. Not sure how or to what extent, but they contribute. As for OCD - she's not obsessive in other areas of her life, so I didn't think of that.

 

Your responses have helped me a ton, thank you!