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is it weird of me to want my husband to call when he is away?


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My DH has only gone out of town without me once in our entire 15 year relationship. LOL If he did go out of town without me, he would be calling me every chance he gets. Even now, we talk on the phone at LEAST once a day while he is at work, usually over lunch, but he usually also calls me on his afternoon break at 2pm, then again when he gets off work at 4:30. LOL We talk a lot.

 

I absolutely COULD NOT imagine going 2-4 days without speaking. :/ I would probably have a panic attack, thinking something happened to him.

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so calling to talk to their wife isn't subject enough? UGH...I get your point...but how does that help me...I mean, really...do I need to give him a topic to talk about each day? Monday we will talk about the weather, Tuesday we will talk about child #1,.....sigh....I get your point...it is a good one...thanks.

 

Topic #1: I have arrived safely. He has at least 10 minutes sitting on the plane while they taxi, etc. Likely more like 30 minutes. He can call to tell you he arrived at least.

 

Topic #2: Find out how his wife and children are doing after a day or two without him. He can find time. Seriously, my DW's trips are often *packed* with evening events, social obligations, and such. She finds time. When she comes back to her room between work and dinner, after dinner but before the evening event, during a 15 minute break between conference speakers, from the taxi on her way to an event, etc. Many of her calls start with "I only have a minute".

 

DW travels a lot, lengths varying from one night to 6 weeks. I expect a call or text at LEAST daily, unless there are extenuating circumstances (time zones, lack of phone access, etc). This is the primary reason why we both learned to text. Usually we text several times a day and chat at least once.

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Do you want him to call, or do you want him to WANT to call? It's two different things. Honestly, I think is sounds a bit needy and that's not a problem as long a your levels of neediness match. Your DH sounds like he might need a single night free of family obligation. That doesn't seem unreasonable to me. I'd give it to him and watch a movie that my DH would hate :D

 

You could probably guilt him into calling by making him suffer the consequences if he doesn't, but I'd let it go and catch up when he comes home. Clearly, he's enjoying his friends and doesn't want to be the guy whose wife MAKES him leave the party to call. Why do you NEED a phone call if you know he's safe? Why can't you skip a day, let the 'heart grow fonder', and enjoy catching up when he comes home. It's only a 'thing' if you dig and make it one. Give him a hance to actually miss you. I'm sure you can find SOMETHING to do other than stewing over this call.

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Do you want him to call, or do you want him to WANT to call? It's two different things. Honestly, I think is sounds a bit needy and that's not a problem as long a your levels of neediness match. Your DH sounds like he might need a single night free of family obligation. That doesn't seem unreasonable to me. I'd give it to him and watch a movie that my DH would hate :D

 

You could probably guilt him into calling by making him suffer the consequences if he doesn't, but I'd let it go and catch up when he comes home. Clearly, he's enjoying his friends and doesn't want to be the guy whose wife MAKES him leave the party to call. Why do you NEED a phone call if you know he's safe? Why can't you skip a day, let the 'heart grow fonder', and enjoy catching up when he comes home. It's only a 'thing' if you dig and make it one. Give him a hance to actually miss you. I'm sure you can find SOMETHING to do other than stewing over this call.

 

I would be perfectly content and happy if I knew he arrived safely, but he doesn't even call me to let me know that. If I would get a text, email or brief call saying that he arrived in one piece...I would enjoy my night and the next day without contact...but he left here Sunday afternoon and there was not one second of contact until he arrived home this afternoon. I didn't think wanting that was too needy....I wasn't trying to be that. i KNOW he enjoys his time and he deserves to have that time...but for me to not worry...a brief minute of contact would be nice. I know he won't text and I know he didn't take his laptop to email, so his ONLY other option was to call me....but if he would even do the other 2 options, that is all I really want...if I get more, I wouldn't complain either...it would be nice...but not NEEDED.

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I would be perfectly content and happy if I knew he arrived safely, but he doesn't even call me to let me know that. If I would get a text, email or brief call saying that he arrived in one piece...I would enjoy my night and the next day without contact...but he left here Sunday afternoon and there was not one second of contact until he arrived home this afternoon. I didn't think wanting that was too needy....I wasn't trying to be that. i KNOW he enjoys his time and he deserves to have that time...but for me to not worry...a brief minute of contact would be nice. I know he won't text and I know he didn't take his laptop to email, so his ONLY other option was to call me....but if he would even do the other 2 options, that is all I really want...if I get more, I wouldn't complain either...it would be nice...but not NEEDED.

 

I don't blame you at all for wanting/expecting that. I would be the same way. I would be worried sick the entire time DH was gone if I didn't know he arrived safely. Like I said, I would be panicked thinking he was involved in an accident. I would sit him down and have a little chat with him, and lay out your expectations. Perhaps he just doesn't realize you want him to call when he arrives? If he does know you expect that, and he still doesn't call, then he is being a jerk IMO.

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Do you want him to call, or do you want him to WANT to call? It's two different things. Honestly, I think is sounds a bit needy and that's not a problem as long a your levels of neediness match. Your DH sounds like he might need a single night free of family obligation. That doesn't seem unreasonable to me. I'd give it to him and watch a movie that my DH would hate :D

 

 

Why is her perspective needy and his reasonable?

 

OP has said he feels he can't take time away from the other men, yet they call their wives too. He is surely not with the other men every minute of the day/evening. He has a silly excuse for not texting (phone doesn't have a qwerty keyboard - come on - it's still not hard to text a quick "I'm here, love you, good night!") He turns his phone off so calling him is not an option. He gets agitated when she mentions it. But that's reasonable?

 

Asking for a quick check-in is not unreasonable. Refusing to do that for the wife who is left at home with the kids while he is out partying with the guys is unreasonable.

 

Still plenty of time to watch movies and eat food he'd disapprove of. ;)

 

Sorry, OP, I believe you when you say he is loving when at home. But you may have to just let this go, if he is so set against contacting you when he's away. :grouphug:

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Honestly, straight out refusing to call at all when he is away for multiple days in a row would make me wonder what (or who) he is REALLY doing while he is away. Kwim?

 

I KNOW for a 100% fact he is with the people he says he is...he is a Pastor and he is at various Pastor's gatherings, studing theology, praying and worshiping. He is with MANY other Pastor's who I know very well and I am friends with (espeically their wives.)...so I know that he is doing what he says he is doing....I just know that when he gets together with other Pastors his mind is on Theology and only Theology. Which in and of itself is NOT a bad thing....but I just would love it if he would at least think of me and call me when he arrives.

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Honestly, straight out refusing to call at all when he is away for multiple days in a row would make me wonder what (or who) he is REALLY doing while he is away. Kwim?

 

 

I might have missed this - but I never read that he was "straight out refusing to call' her.

I don't even know that's she's really approached him about it in an up-front way yet.

I also can't stand it when strangers make comments about spouses when they are away regarding the possibility of cheating. It is base and rude.

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I might have missed this - but I never read that he was "straight out refusing to call' her.

I don't even know that's she's really approached him about it in an up-front way yet.

I also can't stand it when strangers make comments about spouses when they are away regarding the possibility of cheating. It is base and rude.

 

How is it rude of me saying that I would suspect my husband of cheating if he refused to call me for days on end?? Seriously, I'm curious why you think that.

 

OP has said he feels he can't take time away from the other men, yet they call their wives too. He is surely not with the other men every minute of the day/evening. He has a silly excuse for not texting (phone doesn't have a qwerty keyboard - come on - it's still not hard to text a quick "I'm here, love you, good night!") He turns his phone off so calling him is not an option. He gets agitated when she mentions it. But that's reasonable?

 

I got the assumption that he refused to call her based on this post quoted above.

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Come on - people - this isn't about whose feelings are right, or whose husbands are better with a Phone. No one is needy for wanting a call, but no man is horrible (or cheating...grrrrrr......) just 'cause he doesn't always call.

This sort of thread makes me understand some of the fights I hear other married couples having that I usually can't comprehend.

 

Wife: "You don't call me, therefore you are not considerate, are rejecting me, and must not love me like I love you. How could you want to go 24 hours without speaking to me???"

 

Husband: "You want me to call no matter what I'm doing even though I just saw you and nothing interesting has happened. I feel like you might not trust me, or you don't feel secure enough in my love if I need to reinforce it constantly."

 

And here's the kicker - neither one has heard a word the other has said. They both decide the other is being unreasonable, because of course what they feel must be RIGHT.

 

Sigh. Exhausting.

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How is it rude of me saying that I would suspect my husband of cheating if he refused to call me for days on end?? Seriously, I'm curious why you think that.

.

 

You did not say "my husband", you said "he" - and had not mentioned your DH. You were talking about the OP's husbands refusal to call, and said you would wonder who "he" was doing. That would imply speaking about her DH, not yours.

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ok, enough already...I am the OP....I got the validation I was looking for,, I know my husband isn't cheating on me and I have even been given some really good thing for me to think about. This thread can end now...I am happy with the outcome...that is up until a few posts ago....now I am done. Please drop the whole subject now. THANKS!!!!

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I would be perfectly content and happy if I knew he arrived safely, but he doesn't even call me to let me know that. If I would get a text, email or brief call saying that he arrived in one piece...I would enjoy my night and the next day without contact...but he left here Sunday afternoon and there was not one second of contact until he arrived home this afternoon. I didn't think wanting that was too needy....I wasn't trying to be that. i KNOW he enjoys his time and he deserves to have that time...but for me to not worry...a brief minute of contact would be nice. I know he won't text and I know he didn't take his laptop to email, so his ONLY other option was to call me....but if he would even do the other 2 options, that is all I really want...if I get more, I wouldn't complain either...it would be nice...but not NEEDED.

 

In that case, I'm on your side. A quick safe arrival call . . . even in the car between airport and hotel, could fix everything. It's even easier if he learns to text.

 

I thought you wanted a meaningful 'I miss you sooooo much Pookie Wookie' call (X number of family members at home) each night and would feel rejected not to get it.

 

In the interest of full disclosure, I've been known not to call every night if I'm out of town. Usually I'm in an evening show, so if I forget to call in the morning, it's too late or loud by night time.

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ok, enough already...I am the OP....I got the validation I was looking for,, I know my husband isn't cheating on me and I have even been given some really good thing for me to think about. This thread can end now...I am happy with the outcome...that is up until a few posts ago....now I am done. Please drop the whole subject now. THANKS!!!!

 

Oops. Sorry. Must have been typing at the same time :glare:

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I really wanted this thread to die, but becasue it hasn't let me say one more thing....I refrained from telling you all he was a Pastor becasue the LAST thing I wanted anybody to do was expect more of him than any other guy....he is no less human than anybody else and his profession has NOTHING to do with this issue...I only mentioned it because the doubt was placed that he might be out with another woman and I needed to clear that up...so please now let this go...I have. I will having a heart to heart with my husband and I will work it out.

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