is it weird of me to want my husband to call when he is away?

[kfeusse]

My husband isn't gone that much for his job, but about 6 times a year he is gone for 2-4 days depending on the reason. If he is gone 2 nights (part of 3 days) he rarely calls home. It's not that he couldn't , its that he doesn't make it a priority to do so. Am I spoiled to think it would be a nice thing for him to do...at least to let me know that he made it to his destination? He doesn't text...so that isn't an option. He doesn't check his email while he is gone, so that isn't an option. If he is gone longer than 3 nights, he might check in once. when I bring it up to him, he tells me that I shouldn't NEED him to call he is only gone x days. IT's not a matter of needing...but rather a matter of "I want to feel important and that he cared enough to call"...

 

He is coming home this afternoon...do I mention this to him? Do I play his game and act like it doesn't bother me and just let it be? What do I do...if I mention it to him, we will end up disagreeing...we have been down that road before...and we keep hitting the same dead end. I know he loves me, I know he loves the kids...he is just with a bunch on men who he really enjoys being with and doesn't think it is needed for him to tear himself away to call home. So do I just let him have an enjoyable time and not fret whether he calls home or not? I can reach him if I do NEED him...and that isn't a problem for him....I guess, I just want to have the knowledge that he thought about me once while he was gone. Am I being petty??

[DianeW88]

I don't think so. My dh calls me 2-3 times a day when he's gone. I couldn't imagine him not calling me at all when he's on a business trip.

[Desert Rat]

I don't think so. My dh calls me 2-3 times a day when he's gone. I couldn't imagine him not calling me at all when he's on a business trip.

 

:iagree: And we text more than that. He's only had a job traveling for the last couple years. So, it's really hard on both of us to be apart.

[Cammie]

My DH is on an extended (2.5 week) business trip to the other side of the world. We usually try to touch base first thing in the morning (my time) to say good morning and maybe in the evening to say goodnight. (He will call more when he is at Costco and needs to know what to buy!)

 

I think it is only polite to let the other person know that you arrived safely. Once a day for five minutes is enough for me. I am not a phone person. I know he is extremely busy/jet lagged. I think it depends on the person!

[Dory]

Mine calls me a couple times a day when he's away. Oddly I'm the type that doesn't really care whether he calls or not, but I do sometimes appreciate knowing what's going on or if something has been delayed. My dad used to call my mom a couple times a day when he was away too.

[SailorMom]

Do I play his game and act like it doesn't bother me and just let it be?

 

There's your answer.

Never play games. He seriously may not be a phone person and doesn't need to call. But if YOU need him to call, you need to tell him. Not in a'How can you not care, why don't you want to talk to me way," but in a "Hey - I'd love to hear your voice when you're gone, can you start calling me more?" way.

[nd293]

Dh doesn't usually call when he is away, but he does text / respond to texts ( which is fine with me - I am not crazy about phone calls, and we usually text during his regular work day). If he's away longer than a couple of days he will call to chat to the kids. I think it's reasonable to ask your dh to check in when he gets to his destination and before he leaves, if nothing else.

[fairfarmhand]

I don't think that is odd either. I'd be VERY hurt.

[kfeusse]

There's your answer.

Never play games. He seriously may not be a phone person and doesn't need to call. But if YOU need him to call, you need to tell him. Not in a'How can you not care, why don't you want to talk to me way," but in a "Hey - I'd love to hear your voice when you're gone, can you start calling me more?" way.

 

I know...I know to never play games...I am just sort of frustrated. I like your wording....I will try that and see what happens.

[Parrothead]

I'm sorry. Not taking the time to let you know he arrived safely is simply rude. Not taking a moment to call the kids each evening before bed is awful. Not taking the time to touch base with you during the day is call to go shopping.

[Leanna Tomlinson]

My dh has travelled our entire married life. He calls me at least once a day when he is gone. If he didn't, I would be hurt. He also sends me a quick text to let me know he arrived safely. Sometimes the time difference or foreign travel will prevent a call, but then he'll call as soon as he is able.

 

If he didn't call me while he was gone, I would start to resent his travel. There are little things that come up all the time which we share over the phone. It makes us feel connected. If he came home from every trip needing to catch up on the day to day workings of our home, I would feel like he's a visitor.

[SailorMom]

I know...I know to never play games...I am just sort of frustrated. I like your wording....I will try that and see what happens.

 

 

Oh - we all play games :) I have to tell myself that all the time :)

As for the wording... Yeah - I'm much better in print.... :lol:

[Annie G]

Dh calls when he gets up and when he's in for the night. And texts in between, or calls if something happened he wants to talk about.

 

If he didn't, I'd probably be grumpy while he's away. I like that he checks in to see how things are- makes me feel loved and appreciated.

 

Everyone doesn't need that kind of contact but I do.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Dh will call once each day- usually at bedtime to talk to the kids and to me. This summer he did miss a few days a couple of times but I knew that he was at a camp where cell phone reception was spotty and that he couldn't always call. I don't need him to call in a "I'll fall apart if you don't" sort of way but in our busy lives we need that daily connection even if it is short and not all that private (since the kids are crowded around).

[kfeusse]

so now that I know I am not alone in my feelings, how do I best make him understand? Again, it's not like he is gone monthly or gone for a week or more...it is usually just a night or two. The kids and I are used to him not calling, but we all want him to call...but I know he doesn't want to get into a lengthy phone call either, so that is probably one of the reasons he doesn't call. If he spoke to all 4 of us, even 5 minutes a peice would be 20 minutes and I am certain he doesn't want to give that up. IT's not like he is alone on a business trip and he has down time in the evening, he is with a bunch of other guys and part of the trip is down time visiting and bouncing ideas at eachother. If he takes time away from that, he might miss something...I know I am giving him all sorts of excuses...but those are the ones I hear from him, when I bring the subject up.

 

So how do I get him to see that I want to be a priority while he is gone and that I miss him?

[elfgivas]

its a reasonable expectation. however, i'd wait a few days before mentioning it. it will be easier to be less intense about it. and it feels bad to have been away for a few days and then feel confronted by something you did wrong.

 

that said, dh is an infp, deeply, deeply introverted, and it took about 13 years and several crises he was out of touch for before he really "got" that i needed him to call because we were still in relationship whether or not we were sleeping in the same country.... he's a very sweet man, but doesn't need that sense of support.

 

he does text now which is fabulous. when he's travelling, which is 1/3-1/2 the time, i get a one word text that says "airport", and then another that says "plane". hours later i get one that says "landed" and another that says "hotel". we settled on this because sometimes once he's there, things get wild and wooly and he forgets to call. this way, i at least feel thought of and connected to. but usually he calls/skpyes at the end of the first day, and every day thereafter. one of our daily habits is that he calls me as he leaves work each day, so that habit is already established. ie. when he finishes work for the day, his habit is to call me, so he's more likely to when he's away.... that way, i can have dinner ready when he gets here, or can ask him to pick up something on the way home.

 

it may be worth you journalling for yourself how you feel when he doesn't call, and then why you think you feel that way, and what you need and how you think you might both approach it.

 

fwiw,

ann

[vonfirmath]

*hugs* I'm sorry. Is he someone who spends time on the phone otherwise?

 

I fear, if my husband travelled, this is how he would be. He's just NOT a phone person and it wouldn't occur to him to call.

 

My dad DOES travel for work and I know he calls my mom or my mom calls him at least one time every day, and often more than once.

[marbel]

I'd be upset if my husband didn't check in at least once a day. And certainly to let me know he'd arrived safely.

 

He doesn't travel much now but used to travel a lot for work.

 

If I was in your shoes, I think I'd wait till his next trip is coming up and just say "I know you don't think it's necessary to be in touch while you're away, but it's important to me that we check in daily (or however often you want, obviously be reasonable). Please give me a quick call when you arrive!" If he presses it and needs a reason, I'd counter with "why is it so important to you not to call?" (Poor grammar there, sorry.)

 

The idea that he can't tear himself away from the other men for a 3-minute call makes me shake my head in wonder. But my husband and I have had some weird moments in our marriage when our expectations don't mesh. Even after 17 years we can still look at each other and realize we just don't get the other's point of view.

 

Sorry this is hurtful to you. Hope you can come to a good agreement.

 

BTW does he not text because his phone lacks capability or does he have a philosophical problem with texting in general? I find that when my husband and I are apart, texting is better than phone calling.

 

ETA after seeing your update: He doesn't need to talk to you each for 5 minutes! That would be too long. Just a quick hi/love you/bye is all you want, right?

Edited September 18, 2012 by marbel

[elfgivas]

so now that I know I am not alone in my feelings, how do I best make him understand? Again, it's not like he is gone monthly or gone for a week or more...it is usually just a night or two. The kids and I are used to him not calling, but we all want him to call...but I know he doesn't want to get into a lengthy phone call either, so that is probably one of the reasons he doesn't call. If he spoke to all 4 of us, even 5 minutes a peice would be 20 minutes and I am certain he doesn't want to give that up. IT's not like he is alone on a business trip and he has down time in the evening, he is with a bunch of other guys and part of the trip is down time visiting and bouncing ideas at eachother. If he takes time away from that, he might miss something...I know I am giving him all sorts of excuses...but those are the ones I hear from him, when I bring the subject up.

 

So how do I get him to see that I want to be a priority while he is gone and that I miss him?

 

maybe he could call first thing in the morning to just say "good morning". that way, he's not already involved in anything, and he's unlikely to be "missing" anything. does he have a skype option? that way, he could see all of you and talk to all of you and it could take only 5 minutes. if he does agree to start calling, then i think its important to reduce the time commitment to a minimum initially. he'll feel freer later on to expand the time once he knows he won't get "trapped".

 

or he could call and say hello to two of you each day, so in two days, he'd have talked to all four of you. ie. even with all his travel, dh rarely spends 20 minutes on the phone with anyone, ever. when the kids were little, i would have them think of one thing from their day yesterday that they wanted to tell dh when he called. that way, they had one thing to say with great enthusiasm, he could respond to it and then it was the next person's turn.

 

fwiw,

ann

[QueenCat]

I think it's reasonable to expect a call or make the call daily. It doesn't have to be 5 minutes with each kid. He could talk to all of you in 10 minutes, which even with the down time gatherings, should work. Or have him call in the morning, before his day gets started. The important thing, though, is communication. Explain to him that even though he doesn't need the call, you do, the kids do. I'm sure if you talk to him from your heart, you can reach some sort of compromise.

[MrsMommy]

DH calls when he has a chance, although, when he travels internationally, that can be difficult with time zones. He does at least text occasionally and/or e-mail.

 

It's the worst for the children. Sometimes, he'll be gone overseas for a week to ten days, and his work schedule makes it so that while he may get to call, it's often in the middle of the night when they're asleep. Sometimes he'll get a chance to call in the morning, but then our DS who attends public school misses out. I feel bad for him when that happens.

[Erica in OR]

With your mention of the length of the phone call being a downside—when DH or I travel, whoever is at home with the kids has the cordless phone and puts it on speakerphone. Then they can all hear what I'm saying and they can all jump in, so it's like we're all there together. Then I'll usually talk to him separately for a bit.

 

I do want to have him call me every day and I call them every day if I'm gone.

 

Erica in OR

[justLisa]

I am an oddball. I actually don't care if DH calls. We text and he will email the kids. Usually when he's gone it's party time for the kids and I :D

 

Not that I enjoy him gone, it's just our little slumber party when he does.

[Just Kate]

My dh works out of town regularly (15 days gone, 6 days home). We talk once a day, usually only for 5 minutes or so. Sometimes we will end up talking for longer, but dh isn't much of a phone person, so this is what works for him.

 

I would be upset if he didn't want to talk to me at all while he is out of town. I think you need to talk with your dh about it. :grouphug:

[amy g.]

My husband often does text or call, but sometimes I don't hear from him for a couple of days. It doesn't bother me. I understand that he is just trying to get a job done.

 

When he is at home, his attention is completely on us. I expect that he is the same way about work.

[kfeusse]

first off: his phone doesn't text well (not a qwerty keyboard) but he doesn't want a phone to do that, so he hasn't purchased one with that capability.

 

I know I can get chatty on the phone, so I am sure that is part of the problem. He doesn't typically just talk on the phone for talking sake...to me or anybody. We do call our parents once every 1-2 weeks to chat, but that is about it.

 

I like the idea of waiting until the next time he is leaving...to have the conversation...so that it actually has immediate meaning.

 

I am at least glad to know that I am not a weirdo in this and that my wanting him to call me is not "normal". thanks.

[Liz CA]

Mention it to him. Perhaps something like"...I know you think it's odd, but I'd feel better if you called once a day while you are gone. I get worried. Could you please start doing it?"

[LostSurprise]

There's your answer.

Never play games. He seriously may not be a phone person and doesn't need to call. But if YOU need him to call, you need to tell him. Not in a'How can you not care, why don't you want to talk to me way," but in a "Hey - I'd love to hear your voice when you're gone, can you start calling me more?" way.

 

:iagree:

 

Its okay for it to be important to you, but its also okay for it to not be important to him. It has nothing to do with how he feels about you, so don't make it about him when you ask him to call. Most fights start when people are put on the defensive.

 

Just tell him it would really make you feel better if he could make an effort to call or text. Then give him positive reinforcement when he does. ;)

[SailorMom]

:iagree:

 

Its okay for it to be important to you, but its also okay for it to not be important to him. It has nothing to do with how he feels about you, so don't make it about him when you ask him to call. Most fights start when people are put on the defensive.

 

Just tell him it would really make you feel better if he could make an effort to call or text. Then give him positive reinforcement when he does. ;)

 

:iagree:

Exactly. Keep it about your feelings and needs. His are completely valid. As for long conversations, you could even joke that you promise he can set a timer for 5 minutes :)

He doesn't need to talk to the kids everyday, just start with a few minutes with you. He may end up eventually talking to them as well - but I'm sure the kids probably don't care as much as you do :)

Also - what about emails? Like a "good morning" one and a "good night" one?

My DH can really only call for 15 minutes once a week when he's deployed (he'll try to call more if something here is stressing me out), so we depend a LOT on emails....

[KatieJ]

There's your answer.

Never play games. He seriously may not be a phone person and doesn't need to call. But if YOU need him to call, you need to tell him. Not in a'How can you not care, why don't you want to talk to me way," but in a "Hey - I'd love to hear your voice when you're gone, can you start calling me more?" way.

 

:iagree: My DH calls me at least once a day when he is out of town. Certainly a phone call to let you know that he arrived safely would be appropriate.

[SailorMom]

Wanted to add...

DH and I had a talk about this a long time ago. There are spouses who 'break the rules' and call home almost every day because their wives get upset if they don't. DH says that the men aren't insensitive, and do really miss their wives, but most of them don't feel the need to call unless there is "something to talk about". They need a subject. An occurrence. To call just to call doesn't make sense to their 'y' chromosomes :)

[Shellers]

My DH is gone for work a lot. He worked overseas the first 10 years of our marriage. He calls me every single night he's gone. I don't think he's ever missed a call in 17 years of marriage.

 

He also emails me a few times a day. He texts me a few dozen times a day too.

 

I can't imagine going without contact. I would say something.

[Element]

I don't think that is odd either. I'd be VERY hurt.

 

This. I expect dh to call or text at least once a day when he's away on business, in addition to an arrival text ("Plane landed safely," or "I'm at ___ hotel," or whatever.)

[bettyandbob]

my dh calls at least once a day when he's away. He likes to say hi to each dc, so that may require a phone call at night and a phone call in the morning. His night calls after meetings etc are often after one dc goes to bed.

[Julie Smith]

Mine likes to check in with my via skype a few times a day. That is when he is just at work.

 

On the other hand my Dad travels a lot and rarely checks in with my Mom, and that works for them.

 

So I would say it's not okay that your dh doesn't check in more since it isn't working for you.

[mommaduck]

Except for extenuating circumstances, I would expect a phone call or to be able to call every single night.

[Mom-ninja.]

I don't think you're weird. My dh calls me at least once a day when he's gone. If he can't call I will at least get an email. For us it's a desire to talk to each other. I want to hear his voice and he wants to hear mine. Email is the next best thing.

 

He would never go a day without contacting me. The same goes when I am away. If I go to my parents' house I call him.

 

 

How would he feel if you went somewhere a few days and didn't call him at all not even to tell him you arrived?

[CAMom]

I do expect an "I got here safely" text when he arrives somewhere. :)

 

I used to get really hurt when he didn't call every day but I came to realize that's it's not that he doesn't miss me or care about me. It's just not on his radar. If I need to talk to him I can call him and he's happy to talk to me.

 

So, he can be gone a couple of days and sometimes I will only get the obligatory "I got here" and "I'm on my home" texts.

[Harriet Vane]

Dh has traveled for work here and there, as did I when I was working way back when.

 

Touching base once a day is a reasonable expectation. Twenty minutes is NOT that long, either. I have a hard time believing that it is that impossible to break from the group for twenty minutes, let alone the 5-10 it sounds like you are willing to compromise on.

 

Marriage is give and take. He may not need to call, but it is selfish for him to make a unilateral decision based on his needs alone. YOU need him to call, and you are not asking for a huge amount of time.

 

HIS CHILDREN need to touch base with their father. That is how children are. He has the capability but not the desire. It is selfish for him to put his own needs first.

[In the Rain]

I think your expectations are reasonable. Letting you know he arrived is a common courtesy, and should be a minimum expectation. You mention that he isn't a phone person, and you get busy chatting. So what! He fell in love with you, he married you, he can spend 15-20 minutes out of a 24 hour day listening to your daily update. :tongue_smilie: My dh does- and if I hear his laptop keyboard clacking, I call him on it. :lol: Seriously. It is only a few minutes. Then he gets the rest of the night to himself in a hotel with a restaurant meal, while you have to deal with the kids and the house. I don't think you should feel bad for wanting to check in daily. Even when I don't have much to say to my dh, I at least like to say good night. The kids always have plenty to say. :lol:

 

When my dh travels, he lets me know at some point that he arrived safely. Now that he texts, I find the travel status updates to be a little more frequent than necessary ( but much better than none at all ;)). He touches base at some point every day. If he has business dinners and can't call in the late evening to say good night, he'll call during the day. He talks to all three of us. He often remembers to text me good night- just because he knows it makes me happy. :001_wub: When he was in Europe and connections were difficult, I got at least an email each day.

[kfeusse]

Wanted to add...

DH and I had a talk about this a long time ago. There are spouses who 'break the rules' and call home almost every day because their wives get upset if they don't. DH says that the men aren't insensitive, and do really miss their wives, but most of them don't feel the need to call unless there is "something to talk about". They need a subject. An occurrence. To call just to call doesn't make sense to their 'y' chromosomes :)

 

so calling to talk to their wife isn't subject enough? UGH...I get your point...but how does that help me...I mean, really...do I need to give him a topic to talk about each day? Monday we will talk about the weather, Tuesday we will talk about child #1,.....sigh....I get your point...it is a good one...thanks.

[In the Rain]

so calling to talk to their wife isn't subject enough? UGH...I get your point...but how does that help me...I mean, really...do I need to give him a topic to talk about each day? Monday we will talk about the weather, Tuesday we will talk about child #1,.....sigh....I get your point...it is a good one...thanks.

 

Here is his topic, asking how his wife and children are and how their day went. When that topic gets old he can move on to topic 2, saying goodnight. ;)

[SwallowTail]

It's not strange to expect communication with your spouse. DH and I always talk at least 2 times per day if my dh is away, and also when he isn't. even when I traveled to Europe for work, I would make time to call him at least once a day, at the best time I could with the time difference.

[marbel]

Wanted to add...

DH and I had a talk about this a long time ago. There are spouses who 'break the rules' and call home almost every day because their wives get upset if they don't. DH says that the men aren't insensitive, and do really miss their wives, but most of them don't feel the need to call unless there is "something to talk about". They need a subject. An occurrence. To call just to call doesn't make sense to their 'y' chromosomes :)

 

so calling to talk to their wife isn't subject enough? UGH...I get your point...but how does that help me...I mean, really...do I need to give him a topic to talk about each day? Monday we will talk about the weather, Tuesday we will talk about child #1,.....sigh....I get your point...it is a good one...thanks.

 

Here is his topic, asking how his wife and children are and how their day went. When that topic gets old he can move on to topic 2, saying goodnight. ;)

 

:lol::lol::lol: Seriously. I know everyone is different, but my y chromosome, engineer brain husband knows enough to give a quick call/text from time to time when he's traveling. No subject needed. If he didn't know to do that without my asking, I wouldn't interpret that as "he doesn't miss me" but I would feel hurt and disrespected if I asked and he wouldn't do it. Barring circumstances, such as being deployed, of course. ;)

 

I wonder (back to OP) - when you say he can't take the time out of his downtime with the other men - is he the only married guy? Could he be embarrassed at the thought of excusing himself for a couple of minutes to call the fam? He could call during a transition time in the activities - say, after work while people are in the hotel room getting ready for dinner, or right after breakfast, or whatever (depending on time zone). Maybe I'm off on that, of course.

[WishboneDawn]

so now that I know I am not alone in my feelings, how do I best make him understand? Again, it's not like he is gone monthly or gone for a week or more...it is usually just a night or two. The kids and I are used to him not calling, but we all want him to call...but I know he doesn't want to get into a lengthy phone call either, so that is probably one of the reasons he doesn't call. If he spoke to all 4 of us, even 5 minutes a peice would be 20 minutes and I am certain he doesn't want to give that up. IT's not like he is alone on a business trip and he has down time in the evening, he is with a bunch of other guys and part of the trip is down time visiting and bouncing ideas at eachother. If he takes time away from that, he might miss something...I know I am giving him all sorts of excuses...but those are the ones I hear from him, when I bring the subject up.

 

So how do I get him to see that I want to be a priority while he is gone and that I miss him?

 

I don't get something...Could you not just call him? You said something about texting so I'm assuming he has a cell phone. If not, he knows where he'll be staying and can give you the name of the hotel. You could tell him, "The kids and I want to say goodnight to you while you're away. What's a good time to reach you?" If he doesn't know, tell him a reasonable time you'll be calling anyway.

 

If he doesn't need to call but you need to talk to him, why not be the one to call?

[Entropymama]

Just another perspective - my dh is gone right now. He'll be back tonight and left Sunday. I just talked to him for the first time this morning when he was about to board the plane home. Because of the time difference and his meeting schedule he literally hasn't been able to call at a time I would have been able to talk to him. Maybe this is part of it?

[kfeusse]

He has a cell phone, but it won't be on...he will only use it if he wants to use it. Calling him at night is not an option becasue he will be hanging out in one of the guys rooms until late. No, he isn't by far the only married man there...and many of my friends whose husband is at the same meeting call their wives...this is my husband's deal and my frustration is how do I make it clear to him that I want him to call without being naggy about it...he gets really agitated when I mention it. I am almost to the point of just sucking it up and dealing with my hurt feelings. Please don't get the message that my guy is a meany or anything. He does love me and the kids...he shows that to us at home all of the time...he just "forgets" to call when he is away.

[kfeusse]

Just another perspective - my dh is gone right now. He'll be back tonight and left Sunday. I just talked to him for the first time this morning when he was about to board the plane home. Because of the time difference and his meeting schedule he literally hasn't been able to call at a time I would have been able to talk to him. Maybe this is part of it?

 

he is hardly ever in a different time zone...he drives to all of his meetings...so he is usually only a couple hours away. And sometimes the kids an I are gone/busy too...but even a message on the phone machine is better than no contact at all...so that really isn't an excuse I am wanting to go with either.

[Karen in CO]

Both my dh and I have traveled for work and for personal reasons. When we were younger, we called more frequently, but even now, we still say goodnight, no matter the timezone, the meeting schedules, or other difficulties. he is the last person I talk to every night. We've always been that way. It is a negotiated part of our relationship. What is right for us isn't what is right for you, but you and your dh don't need to "play games", you need to figure out what works for both of you.

[SailorMom]

so calling to talk to their wife isn't subject enough? UGH...I get your point...but how does that help me...I mean, really...do I need to give him a topic to talk about each day? Monday we will talk about the weather, Tuesday we will talk about child #1,.....sigh....I get your point...it is a good one...thanks.

 

 

Look - I'm not saying I agree. But trying to make a man into something he isn't is not going to work and will only cause problems. Yes - he should call to say goodnight if you/she/they want him to, but don't think it's wrong of him NOT TO want to. A lot of men are not "call just to say goodnight" kinda guys - but that doesn't make them mean or uncaring or inconsiderate.

You don't have to give him a topic - I was just trying to explain that a lot of guys have that phone-talk-disability :)

If you can, kindly and without judgement, explain to your DH that you'd like him to call and say goodnight, he should go ahead and call for that reason alone.

But -I think taking this sort of thing personally and being hurt by something that is rather normal for men is a waste of emotional energy. I see a lot of posts saying that they'd be hurt, offended, and how inconsiderate it is, etc. I just don't agree. Now - if the wife has expressed in a non-judgmental manner that they need/want that, and they guy still doesn't - well - that's different.

But - nagging or passive aggressive behavior to try to get them to call is not the way to do it. Just be honest and nice about it.