Daydreamers...do they ever get it together??

[UmMusa]

My DD10 is a self proclaimes daydreamer. She likes to spend time alone to daydream, she is kind of artsy, and not very good at remembering to stay on task. She's very sociable and talkative. When it comes to school work (desk work) she does not do well.

 

I"m not an unschooler. I don't know what to do with her style, though. She can work hard when it is something she likes. She can sit in an hour and a half long art lesson and make a nice picture. But finish a short spelling lesson, remember to bring her Science book with her to the library, or do a grammar exercise... you must be kidding!

 

What happens to people like her as they grow up? Or what should I do so that she grows up responsible at least for herself? We battle it out a lot over stuff I've told her to do that she doesn't do. Natural consequence? Well, that is usually that she doesn't get her schoolwork done for the day, but what is he consequence really? That she is behind? Making her finish it makes her more fatigues and makes me house-bound if she is to stay home and finish it. I want school work done during school hours. She doesn't care to lose electronics time or dessert. She shrugs any 'punishment' off.

 

I am open to ideas. When she was in 3rd grade I thought she was still young; by 4th grade I thought she's outgrow it by the end of the year. Now we've begun 5th grade and it isn't better at all. She is not focused on what is expected of her. That is the main idea.

[Unicorn.]

You just described the classic symptoms of ad/hd. You might do some research to help find strategies for things that will work w/ her. Look up ADDitude magazine online. They have a lot of articles that might help.

[Catwoman]

Unfortunately, the only way to keep her on task may be to hover over her and make sure she does her schoolwork.

 

The most important thing to remember is that she's not doing this because she wants to get on your nerves, or because she is a bad kid. It's just her personality, and that can be tough on an organized, task-oriented parent. You probably want to pull your hair out when she's daydreaming for an hour instead of simply completing a 10 minute lesson, but I'm willing to bet that she doesn't identify with the idea of "just getting it done." And again, I doubt it's in any way intentional on her part.

 

That said, once she finds things she's interested in, or when she has a goal in mind, concentration probably won't be an issue. She will be fine. I think all you can do is try to teach her strategies for getting herself organized -- but you'll have to give her a LOT of reminders in order to help her develop good habits.

 

I hope you're a patient person... :tongue_smilie: I was a lot like your dd when I was growing up, and I think I turned out OK. (But I'm still a daydreamer!)

[Dory]

Sounds like me! Or rather, much the way I was when I was younger. I am still prone to losing focus if I'm not careful. My mom used to set a timer and have me stay on task for 15min and then I could wander off for 15min. By the time I was in high school the amount of time I could stay on task with things that didn't interest me had made it to 1hr. After that I HAD to move on and think about something else, or take a break and come back to it later. Even if I would try to make myself keep going I would just make stupid mistakes because my brain would be wandering off somewhere else. I used to be called a dizzy fairy :tongue_smilie:.

It can improve but only with work. She won't just wake up one morning able to focus.

[shanvan]

You just described the classic symptoms of ad/hd. You might do some research to help find strategies for things that will work w/ her. Look up ADDitude magazine online. They have a lot of articles that might help.

 

:iagree: I have a Dd with the same issues. I did a lot of research for teaching methods that help. She was definitely harder to teach than Ds. You won't believe what we did.....

 

We got her her own dog for 4H. You'll think that's crazy, but it helped. She had been working with leaders' dogs and seems to have a natural gift with dogs ( I think they like her energy). Anyway, she did most of the training with our supervision. She's got a real handful of a dog that I wouldn't give to just any kid and she does amazing with him. She has no choice but to focus on him or he becomes unmanageable.

 

I know it sounds crazy, but her focus has improved in many areas. Relatives, ccoaches, and 4H leaders have all noticed the change in her. Not that I'm recommending you get her a dog......no:tongue_smilie:.....but definitely do some ADD research for ways to help her.

[elegantlion]

I would suggest this book.

 

This one is good too, Strong Willed Child or Dreamer.

 

This may show you how to work with her personality, yet still keep her working on task.

[Durriyyah]

A friend of mine has a daughter that is a bit like this, but she has been diagnosed with ADHD, so it could be different. What you are describing doesn't really sound hyper at least, and what's the difference between wandering and "attention deficit"? Anyway... things that helped were for her to be fidgeting with things while she is working. It could be something in her hands, she could sit in a rocker or swing, basically something controlled that feeds into the want for a distraction.

 

I think people eventually learn how to control it. As a supervisor, I worked with some people I thought as wanderers or daydreamers, and when the consequences deal with real life, people find ways to cope.