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How do you channel your inner Ma Ingalls/Charlotte Mason???


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I feel like I'm doing too much yelling, too much "Don't have time, let's talk about it later" to curious questions, and too much making a mental grocery list instead of listening to my kids recount some story that is apparently important to them. :-)

 

I want to be more like Ma!!! She seems to be busy all the time, and yet have all the time in the world for her kids. Now, obviously she's been fictionalized into an ideal mother figure, but still.

 

Books? Tips? How can I be this mom?

 

(I'm currently reading Pocketful of Pine cones, and finding it to be a wonderful story of what this might look like)

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I'm pretty sure my inner Ma Ingalls is over at Starbucks having a pumpkin spice latte with my inner Charlotte Mason, and they're laughing about what a rotten mother I am, because neither one of them ever seems to be around when I need them. :glare:

 

 

Hey! Mine, too!

 

 

 

(but, I doubt you are a rotten mama...) :grouphug:

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I feel like I'm doing too much yelling, too much "Don't have time, let's talk about it later" to curious questions, and too much making a mental grocery list instead of listening to my kids recount some story that is apparently important to them. :-)

 

I want to be more like Ma!!! She seems to be busy all the time, and yet have all the time in the world for her kids. Now, obviously she's been fictionalized into an ideal mother figure, but still.

 

Books? Tips? How can I be this mom?

 

(I'm currently reading Pocketful of Pine cones, and finding it to be a wonderful story of what this might look like)

 

 

Do you have a daily schedule? Last year, I scheduled one-on-one time with each of my four children, once per week. It was their hour, and we did whatever they wanted to do, and I forced myself to be present with them. It's not much, but, well, it was all I could do.

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Try reading Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry. I didn't read it for a while, because I felt the material may be overtly religious (I'm agnostic), but it was not. It is a very pleasant and easy read and may be just the respite you're looking for.

 

I just went over to Amazon & began to read the online sample. I'm enjoying it, but realized I was skimming the material. Not exactly what the author had in mind, I believe. :001_smile:

 

Thanks for the recommendation!

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Well, Ma Ingalls had lots of time-consuming but mindless chores to get through, so she could talk to the girls at great length while husking corn, stringing beans, kneading bread, etc. She also didn't have distractions like ringing phones, gymnastics lessons, e-mail, social media, etc. :tongue_smilie:

 

I find that the best way to make mental room for questions, bunny trails, and just basically being present with the kids is to put whatever can go on auto-pilot on auto-pilot. If you are mentally making a grocery list or deciding what to have for dinner during school hours or at that moment when little Johnny wants to know why the sky is blue, it's likely that you are distracted by a task that could have been assigned a time and place in your schedule (aka put on auto-pilot). Chores, menus, bill paying, shopping, researching curriculum, studying TMs, etc. can all be put on auto-pilot. Not having to think about these things frees your brain to be in the moment and helps you feel more grounded and calm. Being present with my kids is something I've been working on myself. Honestly, instead of reading inspirational books, the best thing for me has been making a comprehensive plan to clear away my mental clutter so I can actually focus on my kids and be 100% mentally present with them when I am physically with them. Maybe read Getting Things Done before you dive into Pocketful of Pinecones, CM's volumes, or other such inspiring reads. :tongue_smilie:

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The best blog I've read that addresses this is Hands Free Mama. It's beautiful. It reminds you daily to put the phone down, close the computer, and focus on your kids.

 

I've also discovered the beauty of a chore chart, a naughty bin (for wayward toys that require a chore to get out of the naughty bin), and having my kids take turns loading the dishwasher after dinner and taking care of their own dishes after breakfast and lunch. It frees me up to focus on the bigger chores only and gives me more time to spend with my kids.

 

The other side effect of having a naughty bin for toys is that I no longer get upset by the kids leaving their crap all over the house. I just pick it up and put it in the bin and don't have to worry about putting it away. When the kids realize their favorite toys, shoes, backpacks, jackets, water bottles, etc, are in the naughty bin, they come to me and ask what chore they can do to earn their stuff back. No more yelling, no more getting annoyed by their trails of clutter. I get a sick sort of glee out of picking their stuff up now because it means I can give them a chore that I don't want to do or don't have time to do. Today I got my coffee table cleaned, the garden watered, and a hamper of clothes folded. Maybe they'll remember to hang their backpacks up after co-op next week.:tongue_smilie:

 

I also make rules about things that annoy me. The constant "Mom, can we watch Netflix? Mom, can we play on the computer?" has been combated by my new rule--no screen time until after 2pm and only after your chores are done. Don't even ask because the answer is no.

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If you are mentally making a grocery list or deciding what to have for dinner during school hours or at that moment when little Johnny wants to know why the sky is blue, it's likely that you are distracted by a task that could have been assigned a time and place in your schedule (aka put on auto-pilot).

 

 

This is a really good point. Thank you!

 

Also, thank you for the blog and book recommends.

 

I actually have the audio CDs of "Getting Things Done" but have not yet found the time to put them on. Irony, anyone??? :lol:

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I HATE, HATE, HATE this feeling. I some days wonder why I torture them and myself with the ranting and raving about not doing what they are asked, shirking their reading, watching TV.....

Off to the library to get that book and to stop by Starbucks and wrestle Ma back into the van.

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Automate. The more I can make my responsibilities routine and predicable, the more mental energy/space I have for my family. So we eat the same thing each week, and I buy the same things over and over, and in as much bulk as possible (side of beef, etc.) We keep things simple in the house. Every object that you own takes some time, so we don't have a lot of things. We keep clothing simple (with the exception of the teen girls, but that's their responsibility :D.) Bills are auto-paid, and dh keeps track of money. Chores are outsourced to dc or scheduled for a certain time. I also don't fill every space with things that *must* be done. When dc might need me, I do things like read, study, research, etc. - things I could drop quickly. Then I am not only available, but I end up better prepared to homeschool.

 

Of course, now I'm realizing this is all based on my dc's ages, and I'm in a very different place than you right now. When my dc were those ages, it was a bit different. Now, my dc are busy, and they need me intermittently. When they were young, I was present constantly instead. I kept strict bed and wake times, and I pushed most things off until 8:00 pm when they were in bed. If something crept into my brain while I was with them, I would make a note and then let it go until nap time. We went out a lot, because it was impossible to clean or such while we were at the museum. :D We would go to the park for hours on end, because there is nothing to do but play with them and talk to them. I did crafts and art with them that I enjoyed as well, so that I wanted to participate. I read them books I liked for the same reason. We did chores together, too.

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Try reading Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry. I didn't read it for a while, because I felt the material may be overtly religious (I'm agnostic), but it was not. It is a very pleasant and easy read and may be just the respite you're looking for.

 

The author wrote another book. You may enjoy listening to her read from it:

 

 

(if it's the reading I think it is,you may need tissues!)

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I let small things slide. I am very careful when picking 'fights'. I take age, degree of exhaustion, child's personality, and child's intent into account. I try not to make mountains out of molehills.

 

I make sure we get out in the fresh air. I see that my kids help in the barn, feed the dogs, unload the dishwasher, play board games, chat with the family, help cook, gather eggs, pick from the garden etc.

 

I also give my children the time they need to read and follow their passion.

 

Admittedly, I do not have a child prone to sitting in the basement all day. If I had that sort of personality in our home, dh and I would absolutely change it up. I can't tell you what that would look like. I guess I would start with having the offspring help with with marketing, chores, helping a sibling etc.

Edited by LibraryLover
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