Juniper Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 My sister's close friend and the little sister of her long term boyfriend committed suicide a few days ago. She was 15. I found out that she is the second suicide, as another boy in her class committed suicide 10 days prior. I cannot even wrap my brain around this. My sister is staying at the house of her friend, her boyfriend has flown in from his university (it was both their first semesters at college, but he went to another state and my sister stayed local.) I do not even know what I am asking... Why? ....not really.... What can I expect my sister to go through? I am not looking for quick fix answers, more long term, will she make it through this semester? Things to watch for down the road? My sister was already in a vulnerable place, but she is strong. Please be gentle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherMayI Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 :grouphug: I am so sorry. What a tragedy. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 :grouphug: I am so sorry. What a tragedy. :grouphug: Thank you. :001_smile: Prayers and good thoughts are very appreciated for these families and the community at large. I know there is a lot of fear of more suicides over the next couple weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 teenagers are very emotional. often they feel they can not find happiness and there is no way out except that one. sometimes there is an untreated mental illness, or they were being bullied about something surviving a friend's suicide can bring a lot of guilt - i should have known, i should have done something. I think the shorter term is the hardest, but the most important thing is to make sure she knows its not her fault, but accept whatever feelings she has, and make sure she will talk to someone if she starts thinking about it. Making kids promise to call someone they trust (some specific person) if they start thinking about suicide is a good step to prevent it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 My sister's close friend and the little sister of her long term boyfriend committed suicide a few days ago. She was 15. I found out that she is the second suicide, as another boy in her class committed suicide 10 days prior. I cannot even wrap my brain around this. My sister is staying at the house of her friend, her boyfriend has flown in from his university (it was both their first semesters at college, but he went to another state and my sister stayed local.) I do not even know what I am asking... Why? ....not really.... What can I expect my sister to go through? I am not looking for quick fix answers, more long term, will she make it through this semester? Things to watch for down the road? My sister was already in a vulnerable place, but she is strong. Please be gentle. :grouphug::grouphug: You are looking for answers in some unanswerable. The desire for answers is understandable, and expected. There is nothing you can "do", really, in the short or long term. There are a few things to avoid (often platitudes having to do with religion). Also, don't try to fix the feelings, hurry the processing, or avoid the awkwardness. It's an awful, raw, angry, miserable situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fhjmom Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: My step-daughter's best friend committed suicide at the beginning of their sophomore year in high school. She was 15. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsH Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Awful. The Samaritans have a helpline that I've heard many good things about. It might be worth checking our their website and/or calling, either for you or your sister or her boyfriend. So sorry for you all to go through this, may you find strength in your grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tasia Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 I've been trying to understand for 20 years. :grouphug::grouphug: The counseling center at her university might be worth looking into. They can provide short term counseling and help her make decisions about continuing her semester. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 I'm so sorry. :( Praying here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 :grouphug: I am so sorry. We went to a funeral for a beautiful, smiling 19yo suicide victim earlier this year. It was HORRIBLE. :grouphug: Her family has become involved in the yellowribbon.org which works to help prevent teen suicide. They have a lot of information and resources for teens, parents and survivors. Maybe you can find some wisdom there. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 I wanted everyone to know that I am reading the posts. I don't have a lot of words, but I really appreciate the responses. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 It"s just awful. This summer my oldest had a friend die from heat stroke. A week later, that friend's long-time girlfriend committed suicide. It was a horrible, horrible time for the whole school. There's no reasoning behind it, and that makes it harder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 why? I think there are many reasons why. One of the reasons is that a person feels so miserable that they honestly think everyone would be better off without them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 The counseling center at her university might be worth looking into. They can provide short term counseling and help her make decisions about continuing her semester. :iagree: Even high schools generally have a counselor on hand for kids affected by the death of peers. There's no telling what she's going to go through and she might find some help from a counselor if she'll agree to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 a friend and classmate of my daughter's committed suicide in her junior year... on my birthday in fact. It was horrible for us parents and all the kids at that small school. I think grief is very unpredictable. One thing my priest's wife told me is that it is like a rubber band. You think you're doing well and then: bang! it snaps back and all those feelings and sadness flood back. Boy was she right. Nearly 5yrs later, my daughter will still come to me from time to time crying about it. She'll light a candle and we'll pray for him and for his family. One of the things I know helped at the time was that there was a sense of community... both at school - since they were all grieving together - and at our parish. I never felt like anyone was trying to sweep it under the rug and move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 (edited) My boyfriend committed suicide when we were 24 years old. It's been 18 years and I have still not figured it out. I spent YEARS in denial, YEARS being furious, YEARS feeling guilty... You name it. I still don't really understand it. It is awful. I am so very sorry. :grouphug: Edited September 17, 2012 by Heather in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 Thanks all! I am continuing to read and glean from all of your thoughts and similar experiences.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I had a close friend attempt suicide several times during high school. I never knew when she was thinking about it seriously. Obviously she was crying out for help but it never seemed to really help. She was much happier before then normal. She finally did it at 24. I still think about her daily and wish I could have changed things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 I think it is often about a lack of power. A teen's only experience is being a kid and having a lot of people allowed to tell them what they can and can't do, and who they should and shouldn't be. It's hard for them to look ahead a few years and see the autonomy they'll have. :grouphug: Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warneral Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 As someone who has had suicidal temptation and depression (as a mom of 2 little ones no less) - it is not something you can fathom from a rational mindset. That type of depression is completely irrational. You hate yourself so much you think everyone would be better off without you. That is not rational so don't try to understand it other than to realize that suicide takes the life of people who are so sick, they don't and can't understand how hurtful it is to those who love them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 It's just utterly gut wrenching. I cannot even imagine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 I'm so sorry for those families and for your sister. I have no sage words of advice because I just can't imagine...the thought of one of my own children taking their own lives makes me sick. I can't imagine the pain, remorse, anger and probably guilt that those parents are going through. Nothing anyone could say would make me feel better in that situation. Just having loved ones around who would understand that I needed lots of time and quiet patience would be the best support I could ask for. :grouphug: to your sister, to you, to all this tragedy touches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Where we used to live the Catholic school was about a mile or two down the road. One day I heard sirens and sirens and sirens. Come to find out a 13 year old boy had killed himself at school. It really hit me hard and brought up a lot of things. When I was teen a boy up the street killed himself outside of his house. My mom had worked with him and it's been maybe 30 years and it still doesn't feel right. The incident at the school created a lot of discussions with ds. We talked about teen years being tough, but they are just the beginning of life, really. I don't know, I get the WHY behind someone wanting to just step out of their life, I just don't get the permanency of that one decision. I know there are tons of mental health issues, life issues, etc, so complex behind the thought process. I find lately that death in teens and even in someone in the prime of their life is so troubling. In the last few years I've lost too many people I had once considered friends, including one to suicide. I miss their presence in this world. With a child, who hadn't even had a chance to fully see the goodness of this world, it seems doubly painful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 I agree - it is not something that can be understood on a rational level. Imagine a deep, dark chasm. You're at the bottom looking at a tiny pinprick of light that just gets smaller and smaller. You are helpless, worthless, and everyone would be better off not having to deal with you. The sweet nothingness of death - to not have to feel anymore, to not have to be afraid, to not have to think or hurt.... You believe you are hurting the ones around you by your very existence. It can be very hard to see a way out once you are too far down. As for teens - I think teens are more reactive to begin with. I think the point at which they get to the bottom comes faster and with less build up.... :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warneral Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 As for teens - I think teens are more reactive to begin with. I think the point at which they get to the bottom comes faster and with less build up.... :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :iagree: And less rational too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Because the frontal lobe of the brain is not fully functioning yet nor fully formed, in terms of the part that governs judgment and the ability to reason and delay gratification many young people suffer . Here is a link to survivors groups and you might want to just stay connected, listen, listen and listen to her. This is awful to live with but going on is what must be done. http://www.suicidology.org/suicide-support-group-directory'>http://www.suicidology.org/suicide-support-group-directory I have watched the ineptitude of so called" processing feelings" with those who are teachers but not trained in psychology and it makes for a gfreat deal of drama and group think. Stick with those who know wnat they are doing rather than trusting the school to handle it,cluster suicides are a relatively recent phenomenon that I think occur due to the saturation of feelings from those who did not even know the person who has died it is just one more drama. I often think if the students who wander around weeping uncontrollably and being drama queens had maybe included the deceased in their clliques, or sat with them at lunch, or defended them against bullies they might have done a hell of a lot more good than indulging in a day or two of penitential grief.The old saw that suicide is not preventable is absolute hogwash. Kicking patients out of mental hospitals in three days after a serious attempt is one of the primary problems. I know in this case your sister was close to the decedent but having had two suicides in my immediate family I know a bit more than your average bear about the dynamics in play. I also litigate wrongful death suits against mental hospitals and providers when they have been negligent. Full disclosure is my rule of thumb. I am sorry your sister has had such a terrible loss and I hope she can find peace in knowing she was kind and loyal. Here is a link ot survivors of suicide groups by state. There might be one that is for youths and that would be best as the adults there do not and should not censor the truths and graphic visual residue of the death they are dealing with. http://www.suicidology.org/suicide-support-group-directory Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 I agree - it is not something that can be understood on a rational level. Imagine a deep, dark chasm. You're at the bottom looking at a tiny pinprick of light that just gets smaller and smaller. You are helpless, worthless, and everyone would be better off not having to deal with you. The sweet nothingness of death - to not have to feel anymore, to not have to be afraid, to not have to think or hurt.... You believe you are hurting the ones around you by your very existence. It can be very hard to see a way out once you are too far down. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :iagree: You don't even think about how it will affect others... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 :grouphug: I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maeintx Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 As someone who has had suicidal temptation and depression (as a mom of 2 little ones no less) - it is not something you can fathom from a rational mindset. That type of depression is completely irrational. You hate yourself so much you think everyone would be better off without you. That is not rational so don't try to understand it other than to realize that suicide takes the life of people who are so sick, they don't and can't understand how hurtful it is to those who love them. My son's best friend tried to commit suicide this summer. Thank you for this. I needed to read that. To the OP- I am so very sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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