Bickering with friends...when do you step in?

[Old Dominion Heather]

Ds9 has a friend over to play today and I am browsing the boards and listening to them bicker. The friend is younger, he is 7, and ds has been in "big brother" mode all morning, which he has been warned about. He is SO bossy...

 

Ok, his little brother will call him on it, but the little brother is at camp with his dad this week.

 

When I warn ds about this being rude and NOT FUN, he cries... it is all ALWAYS just an attempt to HELP the other kid.:svengo: :nopity:

 

I have told him that NO ONE likes to be bossed and talked down to... Virtually all of this kids friends are younger than he is... but he won't have any if he keeps this up!

 

So, in other words, it is his fault. How do you break a kid of arrogance? Is that what this is? Ideas?

[Joanne]

When I warn ds about this being rude and NOT FUN, he cries... it is all ALWAYS just an attempt to HELP the other kid.

 

I have told him that NO ONE likes to be bossed and talked down to... Virtually all of this kids friends are younger than he is... but he won't have any if he keeps this up!

 

At younger ages, I "social coach" early and often. As they get older, I do so less because the natural consequences (less friends) work to assist.

 

I think the younger the child, the more info, support and help they need for appropriately behaving. Some kids intuit social issues better than others; some need to be told simple things that I still get surprised about.

 

You are doing the right thing. It's tedious and irritating and sometimes worrisome, but he needs you to help him learn how to be appropriate in his friendships and interaction.

[Old Dominion Heather]

Thanks, Joanne...

 

I was hoping you would comment.

 

This is my child that needs the most social coaching of any of mine. It amazes me the things I still have to tell him. He isn't unfeeling, he is just so analytical that he misses social cues all the time. He thinks that if people get impatient with his bossiness, THEY are the ones being unreasonable. They are not cooperating with his attempt to do x in the least number of steps.

 

He is just like my dad. My father has eliminated all the unnecessary strokes in his handwriting in order to save time. He no longer makes the vertical strokes in E's. The top and bottom stroke are connected to the letters before and after, so that E's are now only one stroke. Can we all say OCD?

 

He also tries to mail things with only a last name (we have an unusual one) and a zip code. He claims that this is all the PO should need.

[Joanne]

He also tries to mail things with only a last name (we have an unusual one) and a zip code. He claims that this is all the PO should need.

 

 

:lol::lol: Love that!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I agree with Joanne. The only thing I have to add is that there is a story about "Franklin" (the turtle) that addresses this very issue - I think it has "bossy" in the title. I remember reading this story to my ds when he was younger and was having trouble with this. . .

[Danestress]

He also tries to mail things with only a last name (we have an unusual one) and a zip code. He claims that this is all the PO should need.

 

There are actually two people with my last name in my zip code (my parents, and myself). I don't think there are any other people in the state with that name besides my sisters, who kept it too.

 

So anyway, I guess I need to write my street name, but I am going stop always writing "Charlotte, NC" because if I write the zip, I don't have to! I love it! Thank your Dad for me:)

[Rosie_0801]

I understand this problem! You can't cure him of bossiness, but you can train him to let it out in other ways. A bit of guidance changes bossiness into leadership. I wouldn't call it arrogance, the poor guy really does think he's being helpful. You have to teach him better ways to be helpful. In my experience, that magic word "better" is a good motivator.

:)

Rosie

[Sweetpeach]

I've never heard the term "social coach" before, but that's exactly what I do, always, often and early intervention.

 

When my kids have friends over and things are getting stale and going south, I absolutely help them . . . just this summer, we've talked about right-fighting, results v. relationship, proving yourself friendly, including, letting people have and share an opinion about a style of play which my kids didn't enjoy . . . etc etc etc.

 

I think "social coaching" is of immense importance -

 

Once again, Joanne is right on, as always.

 

T