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if people come/stay late to your party


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For my kids' birthday parties I make them from 1 - 4 and let people know we'll only be serving snack foods. I make PLENTY of food and everyone loves everything that I make. I don't want to have to serve dinner and my kids need their downtime before bedtime which is why I like my parties to end at 4. People always stay until 5, and I don't have a problem with that, but then my DH starts hinting that we need to provide dinner for those who are choosing to stay. :glare:

 

Yesterday, my DH's 2 uncles and 1 aunt were two hours late to our three hour long party. They claimed they got lost. That's impossible seeing as they've been to our house and we're literally right down the road from where my DH grew up (and DH's brother still lives and the uncles and aunt know that house and the area very well). The one uncle privately told my DH that they didn't get lost and instead stopped off for a drink. :glare: I held up the cake and ice cream for them because my DH didn't want them to miss out.

 

After cake and ice cream my DH said his uncles and aunt probably wouldn't want to leave right away since they had just gotten there and that we should provide dinner for them. Uh, no. When they did leave the one uncle seemed a bit upset about something (could have totally not been related to the party) and my DH said the uncle was probably hungry and that we should have offered them dinner. Again, uh, no.

 

Am I crazy? I mean, if I say the party is from 1 - 4 and we're only serving snacks, am I suppose to provide dinner for those who choose to come/stay late??

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No, you don't have to serve dinner to those who come late. But just because you're not supposed to doesn't mean you shouldn't, especially if your dh wanted to invite his family members to dinner.

 

But I guess I grew up differently. Family was always welcomed to stay for lunch/dinner if they stopped by, even if it was unplanned (and even if they had to much to drink...:tongue_smilie:).

 

For them to come so late, and expect to stay is rude on their part. And it is frustrating to have your plans changed. I don't blame you for being upset or feeling put out. Still, if my dh wanted his family to stay for supper I would hate to say no. (And that would also go for my family. If they did that and I wanted to invite them, I would expect my dh to welcome them. )

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I grew up with a lot of family in the area, and in our family, I'm pretty sure people left parties at their ending times exactly never. :D We're party people. In my bubble, parties with family have different rules than parties for a group of same age peers with invitations and goody bags and things. However, I know that's not how it is in everyone's world.

 

If I were to have a "family party" for my little one that started at 1pm, I would expect some people to be there until 8 or 9pm. I wouldn't be surprised if people stayed later. I would make some more food (probably with the help of a few family members) around dinner time, but there would be no formal, sit down, dinner. Everyone would keep it down or go outside while I put the LO to bed at bedtime. People would help me do dishes as we laughed and told jokes. Men folk would probably have some sort of fire outside. :tongue_smilie:

 

Is it possible you and your DH just come from different party cultures?

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While I love to feed people and I love drop ins for whatever - I would be horribly upset and cranky if I asked for my relatives to come to a party and they showed up two hours late AND then wanted to stay late. I would tell them sorry that they want to keep visiting - then they shouldn't have gotten "lost" at the bar and showed up on time :glare:. I mean, honestly, be a grown up and go AFTER the party.

 

But that's just me.

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Depends! Hubby and my family differ on relatives coming to parties. On my side, the invitation is open ended and I expect family members to stay past the time of the party so we can visit. On hubby's side, the party is from here to here and you leave immediately. Doesn't matter if you haven't seen them in a year or more or are driving 3 or more hours to get there. They (the party givers) always make plans for afterwards so they are busy and don't have time to visit.

 

In your circumstances, sounds like the relatives were deliberately late. Now if you hadn't seen them for a while, yes it would have seemed strange not to want to visit afterwards. But if you see them alot, they should abide by the time set.

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Is it possible you and your DH just come from different party cultures?

 

Yes, this is definitely the case. I grew up with parties just for birthdays, holidays, etc, that were like the parties I like to host. My DH's family partied because it was Tuesday. :glare: I mean seriously, there was (and still is) a party at my DH's (now the rest of the family's) house every. single. weekend. And the longer the party, the more drunk they become, and fights break out..... It's not pretty and it's not something I want at my house. As it is, I don't feel it's necessary to serve alcohol at a kid's birthday party that's in the middle of the afternoon, but they always come with their whiskey, beer, etc. And my DH buys beer for those who didn't bring any/run out. :glare: But I know I'm sensitive on that issue because I grew up with an alcoholic father so for me, I want people to see they don't *need* alcohol at a party.

 

As far as family staying, my sister and her kids always stay later and we order/make food if they want to eat. The pro there is we eat the same (we're vegan and my sister's family is vegetarian). My DH's family states almost every time food is brought up that "something must die" in order for them to eat it. :glare: So they aren't very receptive to our foods. They like my appetizers, though. :) So the only solution in feeding them would be to order pizza or something. Then that would take about an hour for a sheet pizza to be made, the booze would start to flow, and the craziness ensues. Do you see my issue with this all? :lol:

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It's family... what can you do?

 

Tell dh he can take them out to eat, order a pizza for delivery, or get out the sandwich fixings. ;) It is not a hill (battle) I'd die over. My family is the same and everyone is invited over to eat -- even if all we can afford are rice and beans. The group of folks I hang out with have friends stay over late into the evening with or without food. They always make do. And everyone has a good time. But it is up to the person to dictate how they will entertain others.

 

ETA: If family members become belligerent or drunk... simply call the cops. After one or two arrests at your place, they'll get the message to not drink and party at your place. Problem solved.

Edited by tex-mex
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I grew up with a lot of family in the area, and in our family, I'm pretty sure people left parties at their ending times exactly never. :D We're party people. In my bubble, parties with family have different rules than parties for a group of same age peers with invitations and goody bags and things. However, I know that's not how it is in everyone's world.

 

If I were to have a "family party" for my little one that started at 1pm, I would expect some people to be there until 8 or 9pm. I wouldn't be surprised if people stayed later. I would make some more food (probably with the help of a few family members) around dinner time, but there would be no formal, sit down, dinner. Everyone would keep it down or go outside while I put the LO to bed at bedtime. People would help me do dishes as we laughed and told jokes. Men folk would probably have some sort of fire outside. :tongue_smilie:

 

Is it possible you and your DH just come from different party cultures?

 

This is also my family. Our kid/family parties revolve around a meal though, as opposed to PP. If the main course gets eaten, and people stay later (which is always), we pull out the leftovers and eat again. Kid friend parties are different, and I feel those set times should be adhered to closely.

 

People tend to come and go at our parties, so arriving late is not unusual. We just offer whatever is left.

 

In your case, I would make dinner after the party as you normally would, and offer to have the remaining guests stay to eat with you, but also hinting how the kids need to get to bed early because tomorrow will be a very busy day for them. ;)

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Yes, this is definitely the case. I grew up with parties just for birthdays, holidays, etc, that were like the parties I like to host. My DH's family partied because it was Tuesday. :glare: I mean seriously, there was (and still is) a party at my DH's (now the rest of the family's) house every. single. weekend. And the longer the party, the more drunk they become, and fights break out..... It's not pretty and it's not something I want at my house. As it is, I don't feel it's necessary to serve alcohol at a kid's birthday party that's in the middle of the afternoon, but they always come with their whiskey, beer, etc. And my DH buys beer for those who didn't bring any/run out. :glare: But I know I'm sensitive on that issue because I grew up with an alcoholic father so for me, I want people to see they don't *need* alcohol at a party.

 

As far as family staying, my sister and her kids always stay later and we order/make food if they want to eat. The pro there is we eat the same (we're vegan and my sister's family is vegetarian). My DH's family states almost every time food is brought up that "something must die" in order for them to eat it. :glare: So they aren't very receptive to our foods. They like my appetizers, though. :) So the only solution in feeding them would be to order pizza or something. Then that would take about an hour for a sheet pizza to be made, the booze would start to flow, and the craziness ensues. Do you see my issue with this all? :lol:

 

Well, that's just people being rude. :grouphug: People do not need to be getting drunk at your kids parties, and they certainly don't need to be criticizing your food.

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Yes, this is definitely the case. I grew up with parties just for birthdays, holidays, etc, that were like the parties I like to host. My DH's family partied because it was Tuesday. :glare: I mean seriously, there was (and still is) a party at my DH's (now the rest of the family's) house every. single. weekend. And the longer the party, the more drunk they become, and fights break out..... It's not pretty and it's not something I want at my house. As it is, I don't feel it's necessary to serve alcohol at a kid's birthday party that's in the middle of the afternoon, but they always come with their whiskey, beer, etc. And my DH buys beer for those who didn't bring any/run out. :glare: But I know I'm sensitive on that issue because I grew up with an alcoholic father so for me, I want people to see they don't *need* alcohol at a party.

 

As far as family staying, my sister and her kids always stay later and we order/make food if they want to eat. The pro there is we eat the same (we're vegan and my sister's family is vegetarian). My DH's family states almost every time food is brought up that "something must die" in order for them to eat it. :glare: So they aren't very receptive to our foods. They like my appetizers, though. :) So the only solution in feeding them would be to order pizza or something. Then that would take about an hour for a sheet pizza to be made, the booze would start to flow, and the craziness ensues. Do you see my issue with this all? :lol:

 

Add alcohol and that changes my opinion. Family coming to visit and staying late to visit and celebrate with the kids is one thing. Family coming and staying late to party, expecting you to make food for them that is not part of your regular diet, and insulting your choices is not good.

 

Sounds like they have a history of making where ever they are the party house. I don't blame you for showing them the door in that case. I'm sure that bar they found while "lost" will still be open. :glare:

 

I would want to keep the day focused on the birthday child, not drunken feats of valor. (I've seen family parties like that too, unfortunately)

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