do you make your kids do...

[kfeusse]

something you can't get your husband to do, like put their shoes in their bedroom, not in the livingroom, or put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, not the kitchen countertop?

 

If so, how do you answer this question: why doesn't dad have to do these things? Is your answer "becasue he is Dad"...or is there a better one?

[amo_mea_filiis.]

"Because i'm teaching you so your spouse will not have to!" lol.

 

This is what i tell my kids when they question something that i don't do. It's so you are more capable than i at keeping a home decent.

[Remudamom]

Absolutely. Tell your kids grandma screwed up their dad and you aren't about to make the same mistake with them.

 

Actually, my mil waited on her boys hand and foot, but my dh survived it and is great help around the house.

[Haiku]

something you can't get your husband to do, like put their shoes in their bedroom, not in the livingroom, or put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, not the kitchen countertop?

 

If so, how do you answer this question: why doesn't dad have to do these things? Is your answer "becasue he is Dad"...or is there a better one?

 

Yes, I do, and the answer is, "I wish that Dad would do these things. I'm raising you so that you will."

 

It's no secret in our home that we could each improve in certain ways. The fact that one of us stumbles doesn't mean we all fall down.

 

Tara

[Denisemomof4]

It's not my responsibility to teach/train an adult to do what's right, but it IS my responsibiliy to teach/train my kids.

[Starr]

Dad is too old for the training program. ;)

[elfgivas]

 

The fact that one of us stumbles doesn't mean we all fall down.

 

Tara

 

:iagree: this is a great quote! in our house, it also involves keeping bedrooms tidy. when they point out the disparity, "yup. its not fair. its definitely better to develop the skills and habits when you're young than to still be fighting the battle when you're in your 50s". and that is that. i wouldn't appreciate my spouse for saying "i wish your mom would do that", so i don't say that about their dad.

 

fwiw,

ann

[----]

.

[LaxMom]

"Because i'm teaching you so your spouse will not have to!" lol.

 

This is what i tell my kids when they question something that i don't do. It's so you are more capable than i at keeping a home decent.

That is how we answer, here, too. "I'm trying to teach you better than I was taught." They see us struggle to be on top of things and make good habits that we didn't learn in childhood, so they get it.

Yes, I do, and the answer is, "I wish that Dad would do these things. I'm raising you so that you will."

 

It's no secret in our home that we could each improve in certain ways. The fact that one of us stumbles doesn't mean we all fall down.

 

Tara

If my husband wasn't inclined to improve his habits, that would be my answer. I love the bolded. It's so true and something that I think we're all working on here.

[Trish]

There's probably a LOT of things that don't apply to Dad! He doesn't have a bedtime, does he? Dad has special rules because he works so hard and he's THE DAD.

 

"When you're the dad or the mom you can leave your shoes anywhere you want, even on top of the kitchen table or in the microwave. But while you live HERE this is where they go..."

 

:D

[Haiku]

i wouldn't appreciate my spouse for saying "i wish your mom would do that", so i don't say that about their dad.

 

It doesn't bother me at all when my dh tells the kids he wishes I would keep the computer desk cleaner. I suck at keeping it clean. It's fine that the kids know that I do things that frustrate and annoy Daddy and vice versa. I don't want my kids to think marriages must be perfect and we must think our spouses do no wrong. And I want my kids to know that people are lovable even when they are imperfect.

 

Tara

[DawnM]

In my case it would be that *I* am the one who doesn't pick up. :tongue_smilie:

 

Dh is a bit of a neat freak. I am not. Sadly.

 

PS: Adding because I did think of something......DH is a PICKY eater. Drives me NUTS. He has a list of "will not eat" foods and I don't want the kids to be like that. I grew up in a foreign country as the child of missionaries and I was told to eat whatever was in front of me. I did.

Edited September 16, 2012 by DawnM

[amy g.]

Absolutely. When my kids go out and work and support our whole family, they can leave their belongings all over the house.

 

Actually, Ds 16 had community college classes Friday morning, then went straight to a friend's wood shop to build some soap displays for our big festival coming up. He got home late, went straight to bed, woke up at 3:00 am to pack the car and sell at our Farmer's market. Ate lunch in the car, and went straight to the festival site to build more of Miss Good's booth. He came home after 10:00 pm too tired to eat supper, and is already back out there building in the heat.

 

You can bet I'm not going to mention that he didn't clean the kitchen last night. I'll get one of his sisters to take out the trash instead of reminding him to.

 

When someone works around the clock for the good of the family, they get a pass from me. My Dh is always working that way, so I don't care about his messes.

[lisamarie]

Absolutely. Tell your kids grandma screwed up their dad and you aren't about to make the same mistake with them.

 

Actually, my mil waited on her boys hand and foot, but my dh survived it and is great help around the house.

 

:lol::lol::lol: This is so true. My DH grew up just throwing his clothes wherever in his room. The laundry fairy picked it up off the floor and returned it neatly folded while he was at school. It has taken me 10 years to get DH to just confine his "pile" to the foot of our bed.

 

So yes, I do have much higher standards for my kids than what my DH does. Shoes, dishes, clothes in the hamper, keeping their rooms clean, the list goes on.

[Nestof3]

something you can't get your husband to do, like put their shoes in their bedroom, not in the livingroom, or put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, not the kitchen countertop?

 

If so, how do you answer this question: why doesn't dad have to do these things? Is your answer "becasue he is Dad"...or is there a better one?

 

Yes, I require them to do the things I think are important for a clean house. There have been things -- not really about cleaning the house, though b/c my husband is pretty neat -- that they have countered me with "But, Dad does it."

 

I tell them when they are adults owning their own space, they can make decisions like their dad does. For now, I am allowed to have expectations on them.

 

With the cleaning up thing, I would remind them that they have to put something away even if their dad doesn't -- we don't excuse ourselves from doing something just because someone else doesn't do it. I would also remind them that their future wives will appreciate them cleaning up after themselves.

 

When anything is left out -- requiring someone else to clean it up -- I remind my crew that this is a form of putting one's own comfort above someone else's. My boys get this "lecture" a lot. Someone is going to end up putting those dishes in the dishwasher. I ask them if they are intending that the someone should be me. If Dad is in earshot, oh well. :lol: (kidding -- my kids are the slobs around here, not dh)

Edited September 16, 2012 by nestof3

[Jen500]

So I have a question...when dad doesn't put away shoes, leaves dishes around, etc, who cleans up after him? Do you do it?

[Greenmama2]

I was thinking about this today as I cleaned our pigsty of a house, cajoling the children into helping me while DH sat at his computer all day. He had a perfectly valid reason for not helping since he was actually earning our income. I realised as I mused that when I manage to get them to consistently do the little things that make life so difficult if not done (shoes on the shelf as they come inside, clothes to be washed in the laundry, dishes to the kitchen etc) that he actually starts to follow suit. So my answer would be that we each of us has a responsibility to set a good example for the rest of the family. Daddy doesn't put his shoes on the shelf (that he made)? Put yours there & show him what it's for!

[angela in ohio]

"Because dad and I have bad habits we developed because our parents didn't teach us as well as we are teaching you, but we want better habits for you."

[SailorMom]

Absolutely. When they are paying the rent/mortgage, they can do whatever they want. Until then - my rules.

[Murphy101]

Yes. Absolutely.

 

And for that matter, it does not go over well when dh doesn't do it either. I refuse to do it for him either.

 

Many years of sardine living made me ruthless. It didn't matter whose it was - it risked being tossed it if wasn't where it goes. Dh caught in quick same as the kids.:tongue_smilie:

[mommymilkies]

"Because i'm teaching you so your spouse will not have to!" lol.

 

This is what i tell my kids when they question something that i don't do. It's so you are more capable than i at keeping a home decent.

 

:iagree:

[HappyLady]

So I have a question...when dad doesn't put away shoes, leaves dishes around, etc, who cleans up after him? Do you do it?

 

 

I'd like the know the answer to this, too. :glare:

[Melissa B]

If I were in a good mood I would probably say - Good eye! Grab those too. (Or Don't forget to put those away while you're at it., etc.) I like to maintain a home where everyone helps one another without complaint and would not throw a family member under the bus due to a lazy moment (or even a bad habit.)

 

If I were a little grumpier I would likely say - I hope you are not trying to imply that you work harder around here than your father?

I doubt there has ever been a week in their lives where that is true and I expect them to be aware of that fact. They can certainly put away an extra pair of shoes or clear an extra plate without complaint.

[justLisa]

My dh just has slobby habits. The kids get on him about it too. It's kind of a joke around here...well, sort of.

[DarlaS]

something you can't get your husband to do, like put their shoes in their bedroom, not in the livingroom, or put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, not the kitchen countertop?

 

If so, how do you answer this question: why doesn't dad have to do these things? Is your answer "becasue he is Dad"...or is there a better one?

 

Because I am not his mother.

 

(Or maybe "Ask your dad.". :D)

[Truscifi]

Yes. And I ask dh to do them too, and ds helps remind him (politely). Also, we all help clean up after each other. Occasionally I forget and leave my shoes out too. Whoever is picking up that area puts them away regardless of who they belong to.

[Princess Peach]

If I want something done, such as shoes in a certain place or laundry in the hamper, I tell everyone and it becomes a house rule. Everyone does it, including DH and me. DH also has rules regarding his tools and things in the garage. If they are used by the kids or me, we follow his wishes as to how they are put back. Works for us!

[Mom-ninja.]

Yes, I do.

 

I answer the question by reminding them that their dad has many many responsibilities that they, as children, do not. Therefore it's nice to help Dad out with the little things at home.

[Ellie]

You betcha.

 

"We're not talking about your father. We're talking about you. Go put your shoes away because I said so."

[MomatHWTK]

Hmm...

 

"I'm not his mother."

"When you get your own home you can do whatever you want."

"Because he's the dad and your not."

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Absolutely. Tell your kids grandma screwed up their dad and you aren't about to make the same mistake with them.

 

Actually, my mil waited on her boys hand and foot, but my dh survived it and is great help around the house.

 

:iagree: That's what I tell my kids. I tell them that dad was an unfortunate child who did not learn how to properly take care of himself nor did he learn to help around the house, and is forced to learn these things as an adult, or he has to pay other people to do them for him. I love them too much to let that happen to them. It would be funny, except that it's completely true.

[JessReplanted]

something you can't get your husband to do, like put their shoes in their bedroom, not in the livingroom, or put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, not the kitchen countertop?

 

If so, how do you answer this question: why doesn't dad have to do these things? Is your answer "becasue he is Dad"...or is there a better one?

 

Yes I do. If they ask (which they really don't anymore) I say something like "He's an adult and I'm not his mom."

[happypamama]

I would (and often do) say one of the following things:

 

One, "Daddy always knows where his shoes are so that he can put them on and get to work on time. Yours tend to get lost, and then we can't find them when we're getting ready to go somewhere." I might also mention, if appropriate, that there's a big difference between one person's stuff to find when getting ready to go and five people's stuff (which is how many I'm usually trying to get ready).

 

Two, "Yes, it would be nice if Daddy picked up his shoes, but that's between him and me. We're talking about your shoes right now."

 

Three, "When you are responsible for going to work and paying the bills or maintaining the house, then you can decide whether or not you put away your shoes. Until then, I say you have to put away your shoes."

[marbel]

"Because dad and I have bad habits we developed because our parents didn't teach us as well as we are teaching you, but we want better habits for you."

 

This one!

 

I am a lousy housekeeper and my husband is not good at all about putting things away. I think he truly doesn't notice things like the shop vac left in the living room after he uses it. He's always been this way. I am good about not leaving clutter around (mostly, though homeschool materials are hard to put away sometimes) but I am bad about actually cleaning. Like, the chandelier over the kitchen table... ugh...

 

So, I say pretty much what's quoted above. We both have bad habits so I don't badmouth my husband - I would not want him making comments about my poor housekeeping. Kids are pretty quick to see that adults get frustrated with each other and then get over it. I don't think we need to tell them explicitly.