Purple Cat Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 There is a person who has especially generous and helpful to our family, which consists of me and the kids. I told her that I planned to take my children to see the ocean for the first time last May. She exclaimed, "Oh, I'm going to. Don't you love all I just invited myself? But I can't go until Sept." I said okay, but she pushed it until the first of Oct. She has been under enormous stress. Her two daughters, BOTH had to leave a very exclusive private school because of nebulous, perhaps in one instance stress-related conditions. Her first daughter developed debilitating, daily headaches that left her homebound and incapable of doing any school work her senior year. (The school just graduated her.) Her second daughter missed so much school at the start of her sophomore year for stomach aches and burping (with a year later no discernable medical cause despite many consultations) that the school forced her to withdraw for the year and would not allow her to return until she was sufficiently less anxious for a lengthy period so that she could regularly attend and funciton at school. Last October when we visited this friend and stayed with her for 5 days, two different types of things occurred, for which I need some guidance. First, I felt rather relentlessly dissected and character-analyzed. I'm being asked many times, so "what are you doing to take care of yourself," "what do you do just for yourself that has nothing to do with the kids." I was told in a serious tone that I am an apple-aholic because I snacked on about 3-4 apples a day. These questions about "what are you doing for you" seem intrustive to me. I'm not asking for her advice on how to live my life. I'm left feeling like I'm on Oprah. Second, and the real nub of my hurt and discomfort, is this person pointedly told me, "You know you're not very articulate. You do know that, don't you. You don't speak very well." She did this twice, and told her husband in front of me that she had told me that I'm not very articulate. She's right! I went through a very traumatic event that impacts my speech when I'm nervous and I stutter at those times and find it very difficult to find the right word when I'm nervous!!! I do feel self-conscious about it, but in 30 years not one single person has ever said anything like that to me. I felt incredibly hurt and offended. I can't imagine ever saying anything like that to anyone, let alone a "friend." I really need some good boundary and bean dip lines at the ready. Her daughter resumed her school for her junior year despite no improvement in her year-long health issues that made it nearly impossible for her to do a few online, easy classes, so I really can't imagine that she won't cancel. But I really need some good ideas on how to set some boundaries here and respond to these types of comments. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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