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If your husband travels a lot for work....


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1. How hard is it on your family? (I'm talking about being gone 4 days/nights a week.) With my DH's current job, he is gone for a week at a time, depending on what's going on.

 

The first 10 years of our marriage my DH worked in Indonesia (we live in Northern California). He commuted, working 28 days on / 28 days off, but he had to travel on his days off.

 

2. Under what circumstances would you consider this? If the money is right. My DH is thinking about going back to work in Indonesia. He also has a job offer in Dubai.

 

3. Is the extra income and relief of acute financial stress, worth the sacrifice of him being gone? Yes it's worth it.

 

4. What do you do to make it easier on you and the children? (i.e. skype etc.) My kids never had any issues with their dad being gone. That's all they knew.

 

5. If you are a Christian, what are your thoughts. ???

 

6. Any other thoughts, warnings, advice, opinions? If you are going international, make sure you iron out the tax situation before going. You don't want to be responsible of owing taxes in the US and another country.

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I guess I confused a lot of you with my question about being a Christian etc.

What I meant was, do you think a husband can still fulfill his Christian duties to his wife and children if he is away a lot? I wasn't trying to be offensive at all. Forgive me if I came across that way.

 

The answer is yes; it just may not look the same or work in the exact same way as for a family with a different dynamic.

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I also kind of feel ... what is that word.... like I am giving him the cold shoulder. That's awful, I know. Kind of like I feel like he was gone, I survived, so I guess I don't really need him. Irrational but maybe a coping method? Especially when he's gone for 2 weeks or more. A couple of nights here and there aren't a problem, but longer than 10 days starts to get me in weird frame of mind.
I can really relate to this. We have had to be apart in the past for different reasons. I do think it is a coping mechanism. Because he would be home 3 days out of the week, I am hoping to avoid this.

 

Renee

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1. How hard is it on your family? (I'm talking about being gone 4 days/nights a week.)

 

2. Under what circumstances would you consider this?

 

3. Is the extra income and relief of acute financial stress, worth the sacrifice of him being gone?

 

4. What do you do to make it easier on you and the children? (i.e. skype etc.)

 

5. If you are a Christian, what are your thoughts.

 

6. Any other thoughts, warnings, advice, opinions? :bigear:

 

Thank you so much. I will eagerly await your responses :001_smile:

 

Renee

 

I should preface my response with the fact that my husband is active duty Marine Corps.

 

1.VERY, EXTREMELY difficult. There have been times when he was even commuting to a professional course during the week and then coming home on the weekends for a few months and it was extremely difficult.

 

2.I married into the Marine Corps so in a way, I knew what I was getting into, however, I CANNOT WAIT for it to be over so we could have a career path with more stability and him being home more often.

 

3. No, in my opinion, nothing is a substitute for him. He earns extra income being away from us and while it is nice to have, I would rather have him home than the extra income. I would rather sacrifice in other ways to save money or earn money.

 

4. Skype, but even that only gets you so far. When he traveled for the couple of months commuting back on the weekends, it was almost more difficult for he, myself, and the children.

 

5. As a Christian, i believe God's BEST design for family is to have both their mother and father present in their lives daily. I believe that it is even in God's best design for husband and wife to be sharing in life DAILY. Can that be done over the phone and Skype? Only so much. It's a very difficult thing to strike when someone is traveling a lot. I just see that God really did design this to be a together thing.

 

Just my thoughts.

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1. How hard is it on your family? (I'm talking about being gone 4 days/nights a week.) Sometimes it is very hard. Last time dh was gone it seemed like he was gone forever(just a week). The 2 yr old was a mess. We stick to our routine as best as we can

 

2. Under what circumstances would you consider this? When he applied for the job we knew travel would be a part of it.

 

3. Is the extra income and relief of acute financial stress, worth the sacrifice of him being gone? It's part of his job. There is no extra income for traveling, but he is paid well. If the choice is between a job with traveling and no job then we'd pick the job w/traveling.

 

4. What do you do to make it easier on you and the children? (i.e. skype etc.) I try to stick to our routine as much as possible. We try to stay busy. We probably go out to eat more than usual though or have cereal for dinner.

 

5. If you are a Christian, what are your thoughts. Christian and I'm not sure what you are looking for here. I don't think it's a moral issue or anything because he travels for work.

 

6. Any other thoughts, warnings, advice, opinions? Keep a routine during the day and with bedtime, be flexible because everyone will be missing him. Call so everybody can say their goodnights. Make a big deal when he gets home!

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What are you talking about? My dh is gone for 3 weeks at a stretch, not a few days. And no bc of time differences and work environment, we don't get a phone call unless it around midnight or later. Considering we get up before the sun does every morning, they can't stay up after midnight waiting for a phone call every night.

 

 

 

I am so sorry - I thought I read 3 days somehow. I really didn't mean to be insulting in anyway.

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I am so sorry - I thought I read 3 days somehow. I really didn't mean to be insulting in anyway.

 

No problem. I was rather curt in tone with my response when mostly I was sitting here thoroughly confused by your post. Sorry for coming across harsh.

 

Sigh

 

It's obviously a touchy subject these days.

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My dh drives for a moving company. He's gone 2-3 weeks a month. When he's home, he's usually working long days, and has only one day off in the week. So, our situation is different from the 3-4 days a week. I would actually love that!

 

1. How hard is it on your family? (I'm talking about being gone 4 days/nights a week.)

 

It was harder when dd was little. Now that she's 11, she handles it better. She and dh are very close, and dh is good about spending time with her when he is home.

 

I do okay during the day, but miss him a lot at night. I don't struggle a lot with the parenting side of it, but maybe that's because I have only one child.

 

2. Under what circumstances would you consider this?

 

We are doing it because he couldn't make enough to support us, without me going to work. DH really wants me home with dd, and hs'ing, as do I.

 

3. Is the extra income and relief of acute financial stress, worth the sacrifice of him being gone?

 

Yes, because we didn't have any other choice, if we want to hs. I would sacrifice financially, but not to the point where I can't pay bills.

 

The extra money is nice, and the relief from financial stress is also very nice. We've had three years of under-employment and some un-employment, so I am very much enjoying being able to pay bills on time and having some extra spending money. We have also paid off our unsecured debt, and have been able to help others. Now, we're going to work on fixing up the house. The extra money does make dealing with his absence more tolerable.

 

4. What do you do to make it easier on you and the children? (i.e. skype etc.)

 

We have a lot of activities during the week. DD has piano, dance, homeschool support group, playdates, etc. She talks on the phone to her friends a lot.

 

DH calls every other night, and texts us. Actually, dd doesn't like to talk to him on the phone. I guess it makes her miss him.

 

5. If you are a Christian, what are your thoughts. ???

 

This won't apply to you, but it affects us in that dh rarely is able to make it to church. He is either out of town, working or too tired. So, I'm a single mom at church, and have to get involved on my own.

 

6. Any other thoughts, warnings, advice, opinions?

 

We try to find ways to spend more time together. DD and I went on the road with him for 2 1/2 weeks this summer. Sometimes he has a week off between jobs, and it's nice to spend that much time with him.

 

Sometimes I wish he would get a local job, and I get tired of being alone. Sometimes I enjoy being my own boss. There are advantages and disadvantages to everything.

 

One down side I'll mention is that I get used to doing things alone and my way that I feel a little resentful when he gets back for a couple of days. I don't like his sloppy habits messing up every room in the house. I also kind of feel ... what is that word.... like I am giving him the cold shoulder. That's awful, I know. Kind of like I feel like he was gone, I survived, so I guess I don't really need him. Irrational but maybe a coping method? Especially when he's gone for 2 weeks or more. A couple of nights here and there aren't a problem, but longer than 10 days starts to get me in weird frame of mind.

 

I can relate to that a lot.

Edited by Leonana
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DH does not currently travel for work, but there was a time several years ago when he would come home on Friday nights and leave again on Sunday mornings. We live in Delaware and he would travel to Michigan to work in the auto industry every. single. week. We did this for over a year.

 

1. How hard is it on your family? (I'm talking about being gone 4 days/nights a week.) Honestly, it wasn't at all. The hardest part was the fact that I didn't drive and was pregnant at the time so I had doctor appointments and such. I really loved this time in our marriage because we didn't worry about the little things and didn't argue about the stupid stuff. Just to be clear, we really don't argue a lot NOW but the everydayness of life does happen.

 

2. Under what circumstances would you consider this? Sometimes, I wish he would start traveling again. It was great.

 

3. Is the extra income and relief of acute financial stress, worth the sacrifice of him being gone? For us, yes. We were relatively newly married and expecting a baby at the time. The money was great and him being gone wasn't really a sacrifice. If the opportunity came up again I would want him to do it in a heartbeat but at the same time, I don't know if he would feel the same way being much older than he was before.

 

4. What do you do to make it easier on you and the children? (i.e. skype etc.) This was not an issue before because DS was very young. I think DH stopped traveling when DS was around a year old or so. He would call me every night though to see how things were going.

 

5. If you are a Christian, what are your thoughts. I am a Christian but I don't see where this has any bearing on anything. :001_huh:

 

6. Any other thoughts, warnings, advice, opinions? :bigear: Nope. I realize that I'm probably in the minority here with frequent travel but that's just us. DH and I are very independent and have lives separate from one another. We know married couples who have literally never been apart for one night since they got married and honestly, neither of us understands that. We're both on the same page.

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