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what do you do to get back your cool?


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Increasingly as I get older I try to focus on how destructive anger is and how upset I get when I let it take over. I have enough experience of being angry that this is quite effective :tongue_smilie:. I then concentrate on how I would ideally like to handle the situation, looking for positive things I can do that will address whatever has made me angry while also allowing me to feel 'good' about myself to some extent.

 

I will treat myself kindly at these times, but I don't believe in just 'trying to forget' whatever has angered me, because I find that if I don't deal with it then it can fester and all comes out at some later date in a horrible uncontrolled way.

 

There are occasions when having thought long and hard about a situation that has angered me I come to the conclusion that an angry outburst is probably justified, but at least having pondered it calmly for while the outburst, when it happens, at least comes out in a relatively rational, articulate way :D.

 

Some things, of course, make us angry and there is nothing we can do, either in a calm, constructive way or by letting rip. I then try to just let it go. Anger exhausts me. I find that meditating helps enormously in this process of 'letting go'.

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I do the things others mentioned for cooling off until I can be objective and then I will really look at why I was angry. Did the person violate a boundary that should not be violated? Did the person do something wrong? While I don't want to be going off half-cocked, I do think that anger can indicate that something is wrong. And I don't think it is healthy to just stuff those feelings. It depends on what it is about and who it is that angered me but I might try to talk it out - by ourselves or in counseling. Or I will draw (or redraw) appropriate boundaries and enforce those boundaries. Or if I realize that my anger was an over-reaction, then I will just let it go.

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Hi guys,

What strategies do you employ to get back you cool? I am meaning when you are beyond mad at someone, but quietly furious.

 

 

 

Thank you for posting this thread, Melissa. I really needed it today.

 

Let's just say you're not the only one feeling "beyond mad but quietly furious" today. Let's just say that someone I thought was a friend has done something very hurtful, and while I know I'm done with the friendship, it's hard to let go of the anger. I was totally blindsided, and I usually see these things coming, but this time I had totally let my guard down, and I'm paying for it big time.

 

I hope you're able to calm down and feel better soon. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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If it is someone I care about I usually sob for a while. I know, ridiculous. I make sure I'm by myself first. I kind of can't help it. Then DH finds me crumpled up somewhere and I cry on him. Then I get over it.

 

Maybe I need some pointers too.

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Thank you for posting this thread, Melissa. I really needed it today.

 

Let's just say you're not the only one feeling "beyond mad but quietly furious" today. Let's just say that someone I thought was a friend has done something very hurtful, and while I know I'm done with the friendship, it's hard to let go of the anger. I was totally blindsided, and I usually see these things coming, but this time I had totally let my guard down, and I'm paying for it big time.

 

I hope you're able to calm down and feel better soon. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Hope you feel better soon too.

 

I read something that really helped me get back my cool (at least outwardly)

 

"Our behaviour is the result of our own biased interpretation of the world" Rudolf Dreikus.

though I have switched the word our to his in my mind.

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Several years ago I was in a situation like you describe. I sat down and wrote a very long letter detailing the offenses and how I felt and stuck it in a drawer. I intended to send it at first but I found that just getting everything down really helped. Later I read the letter again and while some issues still had to be resolved, I was really glad I hadn't said those things.

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