How often does your DH/SO do something with the kids without you along?

[cathmom]

Somewhere teetering on the edge of never... :tongue_smilie::D

[Nestof3]

I try very hard to make him feel appreciated. I fully admit that I could not do what he does. He, on the other hand, thinks my job is pretty easy--until he's home with bickering girls for a few hours. Then he turns to me, wide-eyed, and says, "How do you DO this every day?" Yeah, good question, buddy!

 

My husband says that too. He gets home from work a lot when it's 1:00 or 2:00, and he just marvels at how difficult the boys can be. The last weekend he took the boys to his parent's and kayaking, he came back asking if I knew how hard it was to deal with bedtime routine, sunscreen, etc. He didn't have any meal prep to deal with either. Of course I know how much work is involved in taking care of kids.

 

I also take care of all the paperwork including business paperwork that he used to do. Truth is, I am better than he is, and his mind isn't what it used to be. Neither of us wants to switch jobs.

Edited September 15, 2012 by nestof3

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Only after she's done this routine for several years does she realize she's painted herself into a corner. Dh doesn't expect any role in child-management because dw did all the SuperWoman Attached Mama stuff for years and years to begin with.

 

I'm not sure I can agree with you here. It sounds like you're saying that if mom BFs exclusively and nurses baby to sleep, dad gets to claim a forever pass on knowing how to care for children on his own. Is there really no middle ground? Isn't there a point where a transition can begin to take place? That's how it worked in our house.

[Nestof3]

I'm not sure I can agree with you here. It sounds like you're saying that if mom BFs exclusively and nurses baby to sleep, dad gets to claim forever pass on knowing how to care for children on his own. Is there really no middle ground? Isn't there a point where a transition can begin to take place? That's how it worked in our house.

 

For me, it just seems unnatural that a man wouldn't do these sorts of things. Why would a dad not want to take the kids places, do things, etc? For me, one of the reasons I homeschool is so I can spend time with them. I need a break from everyone I know -- not just my kids. I guess I'm thinking of more than just taking the kids somewhere for the weekend. I'm thinking of the place a father sees in his kids' lives. Why would a father want out of all that?

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

For me, it just seems unnatural that a man wouldn't do these sorts of things. Why would a dad not want to take the kids places, do things, etc? For me, one of the reasons I homeschool is so I can spend time with them. I need a break from everyone I know -- not just my kids. I guess I'm thinking of more than just taking the kids somewhere for the weekend. I'm thinking of the place a father sees in his kids' lives. Why would a father want out of all that?

 

I don't disagree with you. I don't think my own DH wants out of it. He just wants me in it WITH him. It's hard to blame him for that :tongue_smilie: But as someone mentioned above, though, he's definitely an extreme extrovert and really wants me along for any fun outings. We were just at the beach with friends, and he was miffed anytime I wanted to stay back and get some quiet time. Of course, he has no concept of how difficult it is for me to be on vacation with 11 people, because that's his idea of heaven!

[marbel]

I'm not sure I can agree with you here. It sounds like you're saying that if mom BFs exclusively and nurses baby to sleep, dad gets to claim a forever pass on knowing how to care for children on his own. Is there really no middle ground? Isn't there a point where a transition can begin to take place? That's how it worked in our house.

 

I won't claim to speak for Quill (the poster you are responding to; I should have multi-quoted) but I have seen that happen. Not necessarily because of breastfeeding. But mothers often have ways of shutting their husbands out of baby care.

 

My husband always gave our infants their baths. He did it better than I did. Sometimes in the course of mommy conversation, other moms would be shocked that I would "allow" my husband to bathe his baby. They really didn't see how he could possibly do it as well as I could. There were other ways he participated with the kids, even though I was exclusively breastfeeding.

 

It may not even be conscious on the mother's part, but it is easy for a woman to claim the baby as "hers" and let her husband know that her way of doing things is the only right way. Eventually, her husband will get the message.

[Nestof3]

I don't disagree with you. I don't think my own DH wants out of it. He just wants me in it WITH him. It's hard to blame him for that :tongue_smilie: But as someone mentioned above, though, he's definitely an extreme extrovert and really wants me along for any fun outings. We were just at the beach with friends, and he was miffed anytime I wanted to stay back and get some quiet time. Of course, he has no concept of how difficult it is for me to be on vacation with 11 people, because that's his idea of heaven!

 

Ah -- introvert / extrovert thing. I completely understand. My dh and I are both introverts. He still prefers my company on outings, though. So, I do some, sit out on some. I don't do camping, though.

[Parrothead]

Not often. Mostly about once or twice a year he and dd will go to the movies.

[Mommy_of_4]

He tries to every day to give me a break.

[I talk to the trees]

I'd say once in a blue moon, but it's more like never. Sometimes he will take dd with him to the store down the street to get milk and eggs, but that rarely takes longer than 15 or 20 minutes. And, like the OP's dh, mine always tells me to "go out for a coffee if you need to" when what I'd really like is a day to myself at home. *sigh*

[WagsWife]

All the time! In fact, he probably spends more time with them outside the house than I do. He does most of the running with them (sports practices, driving to friends, ect), and he also makes a point to take them each out for ice cream, Starbucks, movies, lunch dates, etc.

 

He has always done this, even when they were little. Once they were somewhat portable, he would take them out to run errands and things.

[Guest]

I'm not sure I can agree with you here. It sounds like you're saying that if mom BFs exclusively and nurses baby to sleep, dad gets to claim a forever pass on knowing how to care for children on his own. Is there really no middle ground? Isn't there a point where a transition can begin to take place? That's how it worked in our house.

 

I'm not saying dad gets a forever pass because mom bf. I have seen women who seem to be using intensely devoted parenting to push dh out to the edge of involvement. Family bed, exclusive long-term bf, babywearing - using those things in a way that suggests, "We're the team now; you just bring home the bacon." But then later, they say they are burnt out (I'm sure they are) because they've done this intensive involvement for years and never gave dad a role. It would be harder for both dad and the kids if this was the setup for several years and now mom realizes this is no longer good.

 

In our household, yes, there was a transition, but it wasn't years down the road. I did bf and babywear and at first, I was the only one who put the babies to bed because I nursed them and they slept with me. But I also worked towards flexibility, because I knew that I did want it to be possible for dh to put the babies to bed or take them out without a boob nearby.

 

I won't claim to speak for Quill (the poster you are responding to; I should have multi-quoted) but I have seen that happen. Not necessarily because of breastfeeding. But mothers often have ways of shutting their husbands out of baby care.

 

My husband always gave our infants their baths. He did it better than I did. Sometimes in the course of mommy conversation, other moms would be shocked that I would "allow" my husband to bathe his baby. They really didn't see how he could possibly do it as well as I could. There were other ways he participated with the kids, even though I was exclusively breastfeeding.

 

It may not even be conscious on the mother's part, but it is easy for a woman to claim the baby as "hers" and let her husband know that her way of doing things is the only right way. Eventually, her husband will get the message.

 

:iagree: Yes, exactly this. When my oldest was a toddler, she would freak out and scream her head off when washing her hair because of any speck of water that got on her face. Dh started sharing the bathing duty. In one respect, it irritated me when he was bathing her, because he would just dump the water any old way and she would scream her head off. But after a while, she adapted. She learned that the world would not end if her face got wet. His input made her into a better child, because I am also hyper-sensitive and I was feeding her freak-out. He is not hypersensitive at all and it helped her get over her touchiness in that area. :thumbup: But I have known mothers who would never have gotten to the payoff, because they had to intervene on the part of the child if dh didn't do things "right."

[Danestress]

I think it is fine if you and your DH reach an agreement that works for you, so if he refuses to take all five and you are happy with that, great. The original post was from a mom who really feels the need for time alone. Not all women do.

The trips to the mall or park weren't because anyone really needed to go. They were because mom wanted some peace and quiet. As for sporting events, I survived a season of soccer with one year old twins - practices two or three times a week. So it didn't seem like a big deal for DH to take them on a saturday, but if it's a big deal to your husband, then you have to do what works for the two of you - not what worked for me and my DH. I was just answering the question - not saying every dad must go the same places with the kids that mine did.

 

But I do know a lot of larger families in which one parent regularly is out with all the kids. It's just making the choice to do it - or not.

[2squared]

I think it is fine if you and your DH reach an agreement that works for you, so if he refuses to take all five and you are happy with that, great. The original post was from a mom who really feels the need for time alone. Not all women do.

The trips to the mall or park weren't because anyone really needed to go. They were because mom wanted some peace and quiet. As for sporting events, I survived a season of soccer with one year old twins - practices two or three times a week. So it didn't seem like a big deal for DH to take them on a saturday, but if it's a big deal to your husband, then you have to do what works for the two of you - not what worked for me and my DH. I was just answering the question - not saying every dad must go the same places with the kids that mine did.

 

But I do know a lot of larger families in which one parent regularly is out with all the kids. It's just making the choice to do it - or not.

 

I agree with all this. I think our life is just different. We live very rurally on 7 acres. We live here to get away from suburbia. Neither one of us wants to run the kids around as if we living in suburbia. If dh is running them around on the weekends, then he doesn't get to do the very many projects around the property that we need him to do. Besides that, he is away at least one weekend a month in the Air Force reserves. He does take the kids to sports practices, but he is working with the kids. He's not available to watch extra kids.

 

The problem with all our great life choices, though, is that I don't get a break.

 

My dh was a SAHD for three years. He can do it all and do it well. We are just both so tired right now.

 

Thanks for all the responses and chatting. I'm going to think about this some more.

[chiguirre]

Dh has gotten much more involved with the kids now that they're older. When they were little he hated watching them alone (and, honestly, so did I--2 autistic littles can create a LOT of havoc FAST). Now that GW is a teenager, dh will take him along on errands without any trouble. He's much less stressed by GW's stimming or vocalizations than I am, he just tunes out the stares completely while I still hate getting the "look".

 

Dh has also started taking the kids along when he bikes or swims. They all enjoy it and I get some time alone. It's made us all much happier. Dh has a better relationship with the kids and I get enough peace and quiet to be content, too.

 

Things have gotten much easier than I ever imagined. Dh is much better at handling older kids than he was at handling littles and he's developed hobbies that the kids can participate in. I never would have imagined dh would eagerly take the kids out for an hour, but that's become our routine when he's home. Plus, they're all in really good shape with all the biking and swimming.

[2squared]

I've been thinking a little, and what I came up with is that my dh doesn't get a break either. He works for pay during the week, and on the weekends he's either working around our property, serving in the Reserves, or with kids. His commute is all of 2 minutes. He doesn't have any hobbies or out-of-the-home pursuits.

 

I am with kids all the time. On the weekends I am with fewer kids at times, but I am still with kids. I don't have any hobbies or out-of-the-home pursuits.

 

No wonder we are both so tired. Our life is just a lot of work. :tongue_smilie:

[LucyStoner]

A lot. He is a very hands on dad. With me at home and him working and in college, I do essentially all of the housework and homeschooling. Parenting is a fully shared undertaking however.

[angela in ohio]

It may not even be conscious on the mother's part, but it is easy for a woman to claim the baby as "hers" and let her husband know that her way of doing things is the only right way. Eventually, her husband will get the message.

 

You see it on this board, in the opinion that mom has the final say: "There's no way my dh gets to call the shots about our kids." "You're the mom, it doesn't matter what he says." and so on. I rarely see the opinion that the dh shares in the raising of the children when there are decisions to be made, just when it comes to sharing the work. ;)

[redsquirrel]

My dh has his own relationship with the kids. He took over bedtime as soon as nursing etc was done. It seemed to take forever with each boy, but it was really only until each was about 4. Now, he is in charge of the evening pick up and bedtime routine.

 

On weekends, he does almost everything with them. Not because I 'make' him, but because that is when he is around and he wants to be with them. That is how you have a relationship with someone, you spend time with them.

 

He takes them to activities, brings them to playdates, or oversees playtime at our house with friends etc. That is how he meets their friends and their parents. DH likes to play games and has shared that with the boys. That is their 'thing'. They spend a good chunk of weekends together playing games. It used to be things like Settlers of Cattan, but now it is games like Dungeons and Dragons. Does he always want to play every weekend? No. But, he knows that pretty soon, they will be older and not so thrilled about spending time with their dad. He hopes that by having a joint hobby they will continue to play with him in their teens and beyond.

 

My kids have activites and dh is involved in them. My older ds is in a theater company. My son and my husband go to all scenery calls together. They paint and hammer together. My boys are involved in a local ballet company. My dh had to learn the world of ballet pretty darn quick. I am not allowed in the men/boys dressing room, so DH had to learn about stage makeup and dance belts. He was so helpful that they hired him to work the curtains. He picks up a few $$ during performances and gets to be there for his boys. Sweet!

 

What do I do when he is with the kids? I STAY OUT OF IT! :001_smile: It is their time to build their relationship. I go grocery shopping, I workout, I read, I hang out on the computer, I run errands, I shave my legs, I clean out drawers, I take a nap, I plan for next weeks lessons, I go to the library. I do stuff that I feel like doing and stuff that needs doing.

[greenvneck]

My dh has his own relationship with the kids. He took over bedtime as soon as nursing etc was done. It seemed to take forever with each boy, but it was really only until each was about 4. Now, he is in charge of the evening pick up and bedtime routine.

 

On weekends, he does almost everything with them. Not because I 'make' him, but because that is when he is around and he wants to be with them. That is how you have a relationship with someone, you spend time with them.

 

That is exactly how it is here! Our boys are 11 & 7 and he STILL reads to them for at least an hour every night. On the weekends he spends all of his time with them, no matter what he's doing. Just like I do, every Monday-Friday. ;)

[Alice]

I don't disagree with you. I don't think my own DH wants out of it. He just wants me in it WITH him. It's hard to blame him for that :tongue_smilie: But as someone mentioned above, though, he's definitely an extreme extrovert and really wants me along for any fun outings. We were just at the beach with friends, and he was miffed anytime I wanted to stay back and get some quiet time. Of course, he has no concept of how difficult it is for me to be on vacation with 11 people, because that's his idea of heaven!

 

How clearly have you said this to him? My dh is also very much an extrovert and I’m very much an introvert. He prefers us all to be together even if it’s things like errands. He also grew up in a family where it’s the norm for everyone to do everything together, where I’m an only child. I try and accommodate him by making sure we do have family days where we are all together. He accommodates me by giving me alone time. He doesn’t really understand why I need time alone but he gives it to me. Maybe if you explain it very clearly to your husband that it’s not that you want some kind of fancy “me time†out but just a few hours alone on a Saturday morning (or whatever) he’d be willing. He might just need it spelled out for him. :)

[cylau]

When my kids were 9 and 6, I had a need to just go out and do something by myself. So I join the worship band, the commitment is 10 to 12 hours a week when I am playing. My husband takes over the kids on rehearsal days and weekends. It is good for me because I really need the time off after the whole week of homeschooling, and to have time with some other adults of the same interest.

[AdventureMoms]

My DW takes the kids out a lot, really. Weekly or every other week at least. They are young, it is very hard, but it is also hard to be home with them all the time (for the same reasons it is hard to take them places) so she makes it happen. I also make sure she gets some breaks. It's usually not quite enough for either of us, but we manage!

 

I'm always a little startled and confused when my friends won't/can't leave their kids with their spouses, or claim their spouses can't manage to take the children out. It's a bit foreign to me.

 

FWIW, I EBF dd, coslept with them all, etc, etc. DD did not sleep without the breast until after age 2 or so. She weaned recently at age 4. But DW always parented DD in other ways. Once she was over 6mo or so I could go out of the house without her for a few hours at a stretch, by 2 I only needed to be around for bedtime, and by 3 I went out of town for a long weekend. DW was home with a 3yo and two 12mo's. It was crazy!! But that's the same crazy I deal with every day and I very much enjoyed the break! I did it again this summer (DW was home with a 4yo and 2 20mo's) and will be doing it again this fall (DD will be 4.5, the twins will be 2yo).

[KungFuPanda]

My DW takes the kids out a lot, really. Weekly or every other week at least. They are young, it is very hard, but it is also hard to be home with them all the time (for the same reasons it is hard to take them places) so she makes it happen. I also make sure she gets some breaks. It's usually not quite enough for either of us, but we manage!

 

I'm always a little startled and confused when my friends won't/can't leave their kids with their spouses, or claim their spouses can't manage to take the children out. It's a bit foreign to me.

 

Men are foreign to all of us. You're not special !!! :D At the risk of sounding sexist, I've never heard of a woman who didn't get the concept of needing to be alone in the house. I've heard of lots of men who are clueless to this need, or simply don't care to meet it.

[Wendi]

My dh has always done stuff with our son alone. When ds was little, it was more typical that I would go out alone (to B&N to eat a scone and browse books) or with friends. I participated in a weekly Bible study with friends when ds was an infant, and I went to choir rehearsal every week when he was a toddler/preschooler. My dh never complained about my being out of the house. Sometimes on weekends, he would take ds out to the park or pet store or hobby store, or to a special event like an air show. When ds was about 7-10 years old, they went skateboarding together 2-3 times a week.

 

Now, ds is a teenager (almost 16). Thursdays are Taco Thursdays; they go out for tacos and then dh is teaching ds about electronics, a common interest. On Fridays and/or Saturdays, they often pick up ds's best friend, grab some food, and go to the used bookstore which also sells/buys used video games. They've been out together since lunchtime today; last I heard they were at the local amusement park with another dad and his kids.

 

Wendi

[CalicoKat]

Once a week DH takes the kids to Awana (church program) Our church serves a weekly dinner before hands soooooooo I get the night off. :001_smile:

[Joker]

Dh does do a lot with both dds during the weekend, but it's usually around the house. I can read or just hang out, but I can still hear them and I enjoy that. I read an entire book today while he played Barbies and Legos. I was able to enjoy them hanging out together, but no one asked me for anything. :tongue_smilie: I actually don't think I would like it if he took them away often. I like the noise, and I like us all being together when he's not working.

[Joanne]

Read the first 4 pages...........

 

XH: never (lived with him until the kids were 11, 9, and 7)

 

DH until he got very sick: Frequently. (He did so with his own 4 when they were growing up. He assumed 100%, and expected his wife/xw to do some. She did.)

 

I defended the "I am always with the kids" scenario until I saw that it is not of benefit, long term, for *anyone*.

[Sara in AZ]

In an unusual twist of fate, I have two weekend trips planned back to back coming up. DH will stay home with the older three, and I'll take toddler with me. I usually only get away for a weekend maybe once a year.

 

But, in general, DH is really great about taking the kids to do things when he can to give me a break. Just today he took the older three out to do his political canvassing with him for a couple of hours. Tonight he took our son to a cello concert.

 

I get what you mean about wanting to be completely alone. There are times when he wants to do stuff with them that he could do alone because he wants to be with me, too. That's great, but sometimes I do just need to be completely alone (sans toddler, too!) I feel like a couple of hours a week would be awesome.

[TravelingChris]

MY dh always took the kids places when he was/is around. FOr one thing, I can't do some things with them like rock climbing or playing tennis. But he would take them to do other things too or to drive them to an event. It has never been just a thing I would do.

[HappyCrazyMama]

I've been thinking a little, and what I came up with is that my dh doesn't get a break either. He works for pay during the week, and on the weekends he's either working around our property, serving in the Reserves, or with kids. His commute is all of 2 minutes. He doesn't have any hobbies or out-of-the-home pursuits.

 

I am with kids all the time. On the weekends I am with fewer kids at times, but I am still with kids. I don't have any hobbies or out-of-the-home pursuits.

 

No wonder we are both so tired. Our life is just a lot of work. :tongue_smilie:

 

I've read this whole thread.:tongue_smilie: our family pretty much mimics yours. We have our six acres and six kids and our weekends are typically spent at home working on the farm. We have our own park and the mall is two hours away. If one of us goes somewhere (I'm talking errands here, not park, beach, nor mall) the kids are usually split, but not always. My husband doesn't have hobbies that are not related to farm and family in some way. On the rare occasion of events like the OP listed; camping, trips to inlaws, etc. those things are done as a family. I get my alone time when others are sleeping.:) To be honest I'm surprised (not in a bad way) that for some it happens a lot but I guess though I love to stay home I also don't want to be left behind on a trip.:) Maybe it's just because it is a rare thing for anyone in our family to take a trip. It's a different life but it works for us and we love it.:)

 

 

So to answer the OP never and I'm fine with that. It is not a dad can't/won't have the kids by himself (I do take an overnighter myself about once a year) but neither one of us take all the kids and leave the other parent at home. Right now I'm posting from my parents and we're all here, saw the Tut exhibit yesterday and went to the top of the space needle.:D

Edited September 16, 2012 by Happyhomemama
Trying to post from phone!

[Nestof3]

I was thinking more about this thread, and I think the real issue is that the OP has needs and should have the freedom to express them to her husband, and ideally, he would respond with something reasonable.

 

Not everyone here has the same needs as the OP. People are so very different. I am sure my dad would never need time alone. My mom is different.

 

People have different needs, and I think marriages work best if couples try to meet those needs.

[KungFuPanda]

I've read this whole thread.:tongue_smilie: our family pretty much mimics yours. We have our six acres and six kids and our weekends are typically spent at home working on the farm. We have our own park and the mall is two hours away. If one of us goes somewhere (I'm talking errands here, not park, beach, nor mall) the kids are usually split, but not always. My husband doesn't have hobbies that are not related to farm and family in some way. On the rare occasion of events like the OP listed; camping, trips to inlaws, etc. those things are done as a family. I get my alone time when others are sleeping.:) To be honest I'm surprised (not in a bad way) that for some it happens a lot but I guess though I love to stay home I also don't want to be left behind on a trip.:) Maybe it's just because it is a rare thing for anyone in our family to take a trip. It's a different life but it works for us and we love it.:)

 

 

So to answer the OP never and I'm fine with that. It is not a dad can't/won't have the kids by himself (I do take an overnighter myself about once a year) but neither one of us take all the kids and leave the other parent at home. Right now I'm posting from my parents and we're all here, saw the Tut exhibit yesterday and went to the top of the space needle.:D

 

I don't think I 'need' solitude enough to drive a long way for it. :001_smile: Dh takes the kids out a lot, but there is a LOT to do just a few minutes from home and a lot of things are free. In your situation, I'd do what my mom did. "Go play outside. If you come in before lunch I'm putting you to work." We scattered! :lol:

[AngelaNYC]

So I'm wondering, realistically, whether most dads/significant others take their kids on outings sans mom on a regular basis? Should I be insisting that DH take them somewhere once a week or something? I am teetering on the edge of burnout, but I almost feel like I'm not entitled to this kind of thing!

 

WDYT?

 

Dh takes the kids out without me all the time. He works regular 9-5 hours during the week. He takes the kids shopping, camping, to the movies, to the park, to church, to parties, and to all their activities. Sometimes he just takes them all out for the day while I relax.

 

We do things together too!

[mommymilkies]

Dh occasionally takes 1-2 kids to work with him for an hour or for a quick trip to the store. He keeps the 7 yo with him while I take the others 1.5 hours away to violin once a week.

[Wheres Toto]

I was thinking more about this thread, and I think the real issue is that the OP has needs and should have the freedom to express them to her husband, and ideally, he would respond with something reasonable.

 

Not everyone here has the same needs as the OP. People are so very different. I am sure my dad would never need time alone. My mom is different.

 

People have different needs, and I think marriages work best if couples try to meet those needs.

 

:iagree:

 

I guess for us it goes both ways. Dh takes the kids to visit his parents once a month giving me the whole weekend off, he watched them while I drove my oldest around to dance competitions (not exactly a break for me either but it would have been very stressful if I had the two littles along). But, dh has also taken trips to AC, or even Mississippi to visit friends without me or the kids. He used to go fishing out on his boat every chance he had (his boat needs to be fixed now).

 

So, it wasn't all him working all week then giving me a break on the weekends without him ever getting a break of his own. He took time for himself as well. By both of us taking the time we need, it makes everyone happier and things run smoother.

[QueenCat]

I was thinking more about this thread, and I think the real issue is that the OP has needs and should have the freedom to express them to her husband, and ideally, he would respond with something reasonable.

 

Not everyone here has the same needs as the OP. People are so very different. I am sure my dad would never need time alone. My mom is different.

 

People have different needs, and I think marriages work best if couples try to meet those needs.

 

Well said.

[acablue]

I was thinking more about this thread, and I think the real issue is that the OP has needs and should have the freedom to express them to her husband, and ideally, he would respond with something reasonable.

 

Not everyone here has the same needs as the OP. People are so very different. I am sure my dad would never need time alone. My mom is different.

 

People have different needs, and I think marriages work best if couples try to meet those needs.

:iagree: Outside of 9-5, my SO and I do everything pretty equally, but that doesn't work for everyone. What's important is that couples communicate to come up with a system or a balance that works for the whole family.

[*Michelle*]

With all of them? Never, but there are four under five. He does make a point of making sure that I get out of the house regularly. We have a sitter come for a few hours each week so I can run errands on my own and eat lunch. He has a long weekend once a month, so he pushes me out the door on one of those days.

 

When the baby is a little older and sleeping through the night, I'm planning on taking a weekend retreat. Other than going to the hospital to give birth to another child, I haven't spent one night away in the past six years. Outside of traveling for work, my husband has taken more than a few pleasure trips. I'd really like to take a full weekend to just sit in peace. Our diocese has a retreat center and I think it would be a great way to recharge.

[TranquilMind]

In general, I feel like the kids are my responsibility, because DH works long and hard, and I am grateful to be able to stay home after years of working a hated job and struggling to get us to a place where I could quit. I feel like I owe him for supporting us.

 

However, I feel like I'm seeing more and more of my friends' husbands doing things with the kids and giving mom a break--camping, the beach, taking the kids to the in-laws', etc. If DH takes the kids to his parents' house, he gets huffy if I try to stay home; if he wants to take them to an amusement park or something, he gets sad if I want to stay home. I know he feels like those things should be whole-family outings, but if they are, then I NEVER get a break. As it is, I get a break maybe once a month, when I can convince him to take the kids somewhere without me.

 

He says I should take breaks when I need them, but in reality, he makes that kind of hard. And his idea of a break is me going to sit at B&N or Starbucks, but I really very badly need to be home alone in order to recharge. Going to sit somewhere and sip coffee is really just me running more errands, KWIM?

 

So I'm wondering, realistically, whether most dads/significant others take their kids on outings sans mom on a regular basis? Should I be insisting that DH take them somewhere once a week or something? I am teetering on the edge of burnout, but I almost feel like I'm not entitled to this kind of thing!

 

WDYT?

 

ETA: Sorry, should have said that there are two kids, 10 and 7!

 

My husband has taken the kids and given me the entire day "off" every Saturday since birth. They are very close to him and always loved "Daddy Day". He is a wise man. He still does it today, though now that they are teens, sometimes involves friends, and my daughter isn't always there since she is living on a college campus right now. But when she's home, she looks forward to it. They talk a lot and play music and it is his way of connecting with them.

 

When we are both home, I am "off duty" because he wants to be with them and always has. Of course I do things also, but it is my time "off".

 

Have your husband start taking the kids out to lunch and then the park, or to a museum, or something every week (that he can). It will build memories and be a fun time for all. They will be tired when they come home, so you can have some Saturday night time.

 

Key to a good marriage!

[TranquilMind]

My dh used to tell me all the time to go to B&N or Starbucks. :lol: It took me FOREVER to get it across to him that I don't want to leave the house, I want the KIDS to leave the house! :lol: He takes any number of them to whatever, whenever I want, mostly. He also lets me "vacay" in the bedroom and won't allow them admittance! :tongue_smilie:

 

 

I totally get this! :D Sometimes you just want to be home ALONE!

[celticmom]

Dh takes dd to the park or shopping with him fairly regularly.

[I.Dup.]

Never.

[Guest]

Read the first 4 pages...........

 

XH: never (lived with him until the kids were 11, 9, and 7)

 

DH until he got very sick: Frequently. (He did so with his own 4 when they were growing up. He assumed 100%, and expected his wife/xw to do some. She did.)

 

I defended the "I am always with the kids" scenario until I saw that it is not of benefit, long term, for *anyone*.

 

I was wondering if you would chime in! This is what I love about you - you say it like it is.

[Liz CA]

this is my dh too!!! I have out and out TOLD him that I need him and ALL the kids to LEAVE.THE.HOUSE. Dh is an extreme extrovert. As in, I-will-make-a-new-friend-every-time-I-am-in-an-elevator kind of extrovert. I swear, he never stops talking. I love the man, but he exhausts me.

 

I just read him your post. Here's hoping HE takes the hint and actually makes the plans. Himself. I don't wanna plan it all!!!

 

:lol: Here is another introvert married to an extrovert. I would probably never start a conversation with someone in an elevator unless something unusual happened or they initiated it first.

[Negin]

Hardly ever.

When they were small, he used to.