Brilliant Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Let's say a mom plans a weekend retreat for the homeschool group moms - planned to be Friday morning to Sunday night. About 8 or so moms from the group can attend, so 2 cars are needed for the carpool. The planning mom decides to go up to the retreat on Wednesday, taking 2 of the other moms with her. So the other 5 will go up together on Friday as planned. Is that rude? Does it matter if the planning mom lets the group know a few days before, that there is a car going up early for anybody who can get away those extra 2 days? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Let's say a mom plans a weekend retreat for the homeschool group moms - planned to be Friday morning to Sunday night. About 8 or so moms from the group can attend, so 2 cars are needed for the carpool. The planning mom decides to go up to the retreat on Wednesday, taking 2 of the other moms with her. So the other 5 will go up together on Friday as planned. Is that rude? Does it matter if the planning mom lets the group know a few days before, that there is a car going up early for anybody who can get away those extra 2 days? I don't think it's rude. It is nice if she gives others the option of coming up early but not necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I might feel a little left out if the planning mom was one of my good friends, but I don't think it's rude. Planning something like that can be hard work, and maybe she wants a little time that feels like a getaway (without a large group, time to get things ready, etc.) for her too, but didn't want to go alone or knew her car space was needed. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Well it would feel rude if the invitation wasn't extended to everyone. I mean I feel like I'd show up on Friday and missed half the party. It feels like playing favorites, like we'll go have a good time before the others show up. It depends on the friendship dynamic as well and if the other driver has room for 5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Well it would feel rude if the invitation wasn't extended to everyone. I mean I feel like I'd show up on Friday and missed half the party. It feels like playing favorites, like we'll go have a good time before the others show up. It depends on the friendship dynamic as well and if the other driver has room for 5. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Not rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 It wouldn't bother me either way, but I think that by extending the invitation to all you are covering all of your bases. I don't see how anyone could possibly be offended since you plan to let everyone know ahead of time. It's kind of you to consider the other gals' feelings. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I might feel a little left out if the planning mom was one of my good friends, but I don't think it's rude. Planning something like that can be hard work, and maybe she wants a little time that feels like a getaway (without a large group, time to get things ready, etc.) for her too, but didn't want to go alone or knew her car space was needed. Cat Well it would feel rude if the invitation wasn't extended to everyone. I mean I feel like I'd show up on Friday and missed half the party. It feels like playing favorites, like we'll go have a good time before the others show up. It depends on the friendship dynamic as well and if the other driver has room for 5. Not rude at all.... the longer I can get away, the better. Kudos to those who can, so long as the invite was for all going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Well it would feel rude if the invitation wasn't extended to everyone. I mean I feel like I'd show up on Friday and missed half the party. It feels like playing favorites, like we'll go have a good time before the others show up. It depends on the friendship dynamic as well and if the other driver has room for 5. :iagree: What EL said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Well it would feel rude if the invitation wasn't extended to everyone. I mean I feel like I'd show up on Friday and missed half the party. It feels like playing favorites, like we'll go have a good time before the others show up. It depends on the friendship dynamic as well and if the other driver has room for 5. This, maybe. The women's retreat at my church is coming up soon. It's understood (and announced) that anyone who wants to go early may, for an extra $50 per night. Wonderful rate since we get a house at the beach. (We have to rent the house for the whole week so it brings down the cost for everyone else.) I never feel like I've walked in on 1/2 the party. BUT if it were not announced ahead of time, then I probably would feel that way. OH, and the retreat leader usually does go early. And if possible gets a room that she doesn't have to share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 To those who think it is rude: Why shouldn't the leader go early with a couple of her friends? Would it be rude if it were someone else in the group? Is it because she's the leader? If you wanted to stay a few days later with a close friend would you think you needed to extend the offer to the others? I'm really seeking info here, not seeking to argumentative. I happen to be in several positions of leadership (not necessarily wanted!) and want to be sensitive and understand others positions if I am ever in this situation.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 When I run a spiritual retreat, I plan on going up at least one day if not two ahead of time. I need that time to set - up, make sure equipment is working, food is bought and prepped, and I've chilled out from my family responsibilities before I can tend to those who are attending the retreat. A "retreat" is never a retreat for the people running the show. If I don't have enough time and I get too stressed then the retreat can flop and I come home and end up in bed for 24 hours. Which doesn't help my family. So, no I don't think it is rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 It's pretty unlikely this would bother me at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 I didn't say this in the OP, but if you didn't guess already, I'm the planner. Three of us were talking about getting away earlier, as a lark. I am guessing it won't be possible for most of the moms (for some, it's hard enough leaving the family responsibilities just for the original time). So even if we extend the invitation, I doubt anybody else would take us up on it. And I'm just very worried that someone might feel like they have missed half the party, as somebody put it. Since it's such a small retreat, there's not much planning or setup to be done. I could make everyone's bed. :) I want everyone to have a fun, relaxing time with no hurt feelings. But I also *really* want to get away earlier. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 So even if we extend the invitation, I doubt anybody else would take us up on it. Are you afraid to extend the invitation because someone else might decide to go as well? It sounds as if you really don't want the others to go. You might not escape hurt feelings here. You can go and hope no one will mind. Or you can stay and feel disappointed that you aren't getting the vacation *you* want. It doesn't sound like an easy decision. If you don't mind others joining you, then invite everyone and just see what happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 Are you afraid to extend the invitation because someone else might decide to go as well? It sounds as if you really don't want the others to go. You might not escape hurt feelings here. You can go and hope no one will mind. Or you can stay and feel disappointed that you aren't getting the vacation *you* want. It doesn't sound like an easy decision. If you don't mind others joining you, then invite everyone and just see what happens. No, my point in saying that was that I think it will be a futile gesture - inviting someone that you know will say no is not really an invitation! I am pretty decided that if we decide to go early, I'll invite everyone. But still trying to decide if I'll take that risk of hurting feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 No, my point in saying that was that I think it will be a futile gesture - inviting someone that you know will say no is not really an invitation! I am pretty decided that if we decide to go early, I'll invite everyone. But still trying to decide if I'll take that risk of hurting feelings. Well, if I was one of the moms, I wouldn't feel bothered if you offered me the chance to go and I couldn't. That makes it *my* problem, and not your problem. But if you just went with other moms and didn't invite me, I'd have my feelings hurt and would worry you didn't like me. It's hard to know how people will react. I still think it's safe to just say you have decided to go early and anyone who wants to go along with you is welcome to go. Also, are you sure the other person's car can handle 5 comfortably? I have a mid-sized sedan and I've been in the backseat with two of my teens. It was not comfortable, especially for the one sitting on the middle part of the seat! How long is this ride? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Well it would feel rude if the invitation wasn't extended to everyone. I mean I feel like I'd show up on Friday and missed half the party. It feels like playing favorites, like we'll go have a good time before the others show up. It depends on the friendship dynamic as well and if the other driver has room for 5. :iagree:I think it's OK if you at least give everyone the option of going early. I would feel like I was back in middle school again and I wasn't in the "in crowd" who was invited to go early. Even if I had to decline, the invitation would save a lot of hurt feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I don't see how it's rude, regardless of whether everyone is invited or not. It doesn't even sound like it affects the carpool plan. If you do invite everyone, then I really don't see how it is rude. Being the event leader does not factor into my decision. I think anyone in the group can legitimately decide to go up early, with or without inviting the others. The only way rude factors into it is if a ride was promised to someone, and no substitute ride can be found. Likewise, some people may decide to stay late, and that's fine as long as the carpool works out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Well, if I was one of the moms, I wouldn't feel bothered if you offered me the chance to go and I couldn't. That makes it *my* problem, and not your problem. But if you just went with other moms and didn't invite me, I'd have my feelings hurt and would worry you didn't like me. :iagree:I think it's OK if you at least give everyone the option of going early. I would feel like I was back in middle school again and I wasn't in the "in crowd" who was invited to go early. Even if I had to decline, the invitation would save a lot of hurt feelings. What they said. I would issue the invite to all, and if others can come, great! If not, I'll miss them--but I'll enjoy my own break either way :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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