WWS2 Post assignments here

[Kendall]

Ruth, Thanks for asking about a thread for WWS2. Kendall

 

Week 2 Day 3

 

Background: This is a 9th grade, almost 15 ds, who did not do WWS1. This has not been edited. He obviously chose to invent a history:).

 

My thoughts: Should the information about the filiment and tungsten in the 2nd paragraph be moved to the first paragraph and more about the process written in the 2nd paragraph? Also the last sentence of the first paragraph should go with the 2nd paragraph. I think. In paragraph 3 I think he shouldn't have the very last comma before "and fought". He should also have used then instead of now in the last sentence.

 

 

A light bulb appears so simple, yet inside it is somewhat complex. The light bulb takes on a shape similar to that of a vase, with a small base that glides into a ball. On the base is a metal screw, which screws into a socket, which bears electricity. When electricity is applied to the socket, the light bulb lights.

 

When the bulb lights, this process occurs: electricity runs through the screw into the the filament. This filament is made of a metal that glows profusely. This metal is called tungsten. This process ends with the electricity returning to ground. This process cycles continually, lighting the surrounding area until the electricity is cut off.

 

The light bulb was invented by Thomas A. Edison in circa 1893, after a long period of darkness. Before this invention the only light after the sun went down came from the fierce fire-breathing dragons that regularly attacked in those days. After the light bulb was invented the human population was freed from this menace because they now could see their enemies, and fought them off successfully.

[Create Your Ritual]

Week 2, Day 3

dd11 wrote this in about 15 min early this morning. Not edited.

 

The blender is a tool that people use frequently in their homes. It is about one foot high and four inches wide at the top. They can come in all different colors, and can be used from making soups to smoothies.

 

It holds a small engine with a glass pitcher that sits atop it. You flick a switch and it powers the small engine. That small engine then turns a sharp gear that rotates a blade which blends ice or other edible things.

 

As a result of having blenders, today we can blend things more efficiently. We no longer have to toil over bowls of unmixed food by hand, because now we can just throw it in the blender.

[lewelma]

Thanks for starting the thread, Kendall. Glad it was ok, because I have a question for you fellow beta testers. After the historical paragraph, DS did not include a description of the clock, just how it works (he did some research). When I asked him about it, he said "what would I describe? A clock is a square box with an hour hand and a minute hand. Or Inside a clock is a golden colored plate with all the gears behind it that you cannot see." (He did study them using a dental mirror! :001_smile: ) I could see his point, but was hoping that you guys would weigh in on it. Thanks!

 

Ruth in NZ

 

 

Week 2, Day 3. DS(12) Edited by DS.

 

Humans have always been interested in telling time. The first way to do this was to simply use a sundial. However, sundials could only tell time on a sunny day, not if the day was rainy or even cloudy. The Greeks made a different sort of clock powered by water, but it was not until the 14th century that the first mechanical clocks began to be designed. They kept even time by the swinging of a pendulum. However, these clocks could not keep time on a sailing ship, for the rolling of the ship would distort the even-swinging of the pendulum. A better clock must be made.

 

The first clocks that could be used at sea kept even time not by the swinging of a pendulum but by the expanding and contracting of a spring. As the spring expands and contracts (once per second), it spins a wheel with a notch in it allowing a lever to go in and out. This lever controls the movement of a gear called the escape wheel forcing it to move at a continuous and even rate. Through a large number of gears and cogs, the escape wheel turns the hour and the minute hand thus telling time. A kind of clock useable at sea had finally been made.

Edited September 15, 2012 by lewelma

[Create Your Ritual]

Lewelma,

 

I never really know WHAT to say about his excerpts. He uses a completely different thought process than I do, and so I never seem to be able to comment intelligently on it. I am in the mode of following the WWS 'patterns' so to speak because they make logical sense to me to lay out a sequence in history by giving an introduction, description of the object, how the object works, and then ending with a result or consequence of it being used in history.

 

I will say that dd11 also balked at why she had to write a description, and why she couldn't just say both things in one paragraph. I told her it would become more obvious when the pieces she was working on were longer and there was more descriptive writing to be had. This was a quick exercise to see that she understood the assignment. So my thought is that you have two options .. hold him to the assignment so that you know he is fully understanding the material (which obviously he is ..lol), or you let him create within the confines of the assignment, as he seems to get personally invested in HOW he wants it to sound and WHAT he has to say about it. I can't imagine that ever being a bad thing!

 

My educated guess would be that he did very well. I also loved the humorous description on the history of the lightbulb from Kendall. Although I do think in both cases to address the specifics of the assignment, things would have to be moved around or added.

 

I for one don't know how to teach writing, so I am staying in the parameters. ;-) Others might have better luck outside of them.

 

** As I write the fact that we are trying to follow her guidelines, I am quite certain that I didn't focus on the word count on this one, and my guess is that we are short. **

 

Also Ruth, I was going to say that most of your ds's essays read like something out of an encyclopedia or national geographic. I truly think he is a good writer. I have no clear idea of what you are supposed to tell him. lol. I just think he is going to take from it what he needs and run with it!

Edited September 15, 2012 by SaDonna

[Kendall]

I'm out of my element in writing and though I'm in WWS1 with a few younger children, we are only to week 7. So I'm not sure how helpful I will be.

 

Since he is telling the function of a particular type of clock-the first working sea clock, then that is the kind that he should describe. I think it would help to "see" the clock before reading about the function. I also think that describing it might be hard! How large is it? Does it look just like a wall clock? mantle clock? How is it mounted? to a horizontal surface, vertical? Are the working parts visible or do you only see the face and hands? Is it made of wood or metal or both? I think it would be okay and maybe good to mention some of the parts he will then refer to later(spring, wheel etc.

[lewelma]

Thank you both for your comments. Once I suggested that he was not actually describing the clock in our house, but rather a historical object, that motivated him to describe it. I told him that I had no idea what it looked like and it would really help *me* to picture it in my mind if he would describe it. He did not want to make it into a separate paragraph. Personally, I don't really like the "you" that he uses in one of the description sentences, but I thought it was generally ok and left it. I also told him that I did not know what a "chronometer" looked like or even that it was round, and he told me that it was obvious and everyone would know *that*.:glare: Did I mention that he is 12 and starting to get some teenage angst!

 

****

 

Humans have always been interested in telling time. The first way to do this was to simply use a sundial. However, sundials could only tell time on a sunny day, not if the day was rainy or even cloudy. The Greeks made a different sort of clock powered by water, but it was not until the 14th century that the first mechanical clocks began to be designed. They kept even time by the swinging of a pendulum. However, these clocks could not keep time on a sailing ship, for the rolling of the ship would distort the even-swinging of the pendulum. A better clock must be made.

 

The first clocks that could be used at sea kept even time not by the swinging of a pendulum but by the expanding and contracting of a spring. The first reliable, spring-powered clock was made in 1761 by John Harrison. It was the size of a large pocket chronometer, 12cm across and plated with silver. If you were to open it you would find numerous, intricate and delicate gears. In its center was the spring that kept the clock ticking regularly. As the spring expanded and contracted (once per second), it spun a wheel with a notch in it allowing a lever to go in and out. This lever controlled the movement of a gear called the escape wheel forcing it to move at a continuous and even rate. Through a large number of gears and cogs, the escape wheel turned the hour and the minute hand thus telling time. A kind of clock useable at sea had finally been made.

[lewelma]

My thoughts: Should the information about the filiment and tungsten in the 2nd paragraph be moved to the first paragraph and more about the process written in the 2nd paragraph? Also the last sentence of the first paragraph should go with the 2nd paragraph. I think.

 

I really like the intro sentence and I LOVE the fanciful history.

 

I do think the last sentence of the first paragraph should go in paragraph 2, and then the "when the bulb lights, this process occurs" can be dropped

 

I would combine these 2 sentences: "This filament is made of a metal that glows profusely. This metal is called tungsten."

 

I find it interesting that his last paragraph flows better than the first 2 paragraphs -- more advanced sentences and more description. Is non-fiction writing new to him? And has he focused mostly on fictional writing in the past? Or does he just prefer it? In contrast, my ds loves non-fiction and *cannot* write anything creative. I would suggest that you have him analyze and compare the length of the sentences and the number of clauses in each paragraph. Ask him what stylistic devices make the last paragraph flow so well. Focus on the positive aspects of his style -- not "how can you make the first 2 paragraphs better?", but "how can you imitate the last paragraph in future writing?"

 

HTH,

 

Ruth in NZ

Edited September 17, 2012 by lewelma

[lewelma]

dd11 wrote this in about 15 min early this morning. Not edited.

15 minutes to write? Wow oh wow! may my ds get there one day. I think that her writing flows and that each of her paragraphs has a clear purpose. My main suggestion is that it could include more detail; it is just a bit to short to bring the blender to life. (yes, I know the pot calling the kettle black, given that my son did not even include a description!)

 

paragraph 1: I like the intro sentence. I would like to see included: the base vs the glass container with a lid, the buttons you push, and perhaps a bit about how the glass container can be removed from the blade or about the noise it makes when on. I would also move the making soups and smoothies to the second paragraph.

 

paragraph 2: To extend it I would have her include what happens when you hit different buttons. Or perhaps what happens to the food if you put in carrots on chop or bananas and milk on purée.

 

paragraph 3: excellent. No suggestions here. I really like the word "toil."

 

Ruth in NZ

Edited September 17, 2012 by lewelma

[Create Your Ritual]

I know Ruth! I am in total agreement with you on that. I am going to make certain with next assignment that she takes more time and adds more details to it. Time was a factor on this one, and it shows. ;-P She is pretty good at following the directions, but will do the bare minimum if under a time constraint. Of course .. there was no love for the blender AT ALL. haha .. we need to find subjects that she enjoys I think. Perhaps I will have her do it again with an ipod!! ;-)

[Capt_Uhura]

WWS2 Week 2 Day 3

 

What is a microwave? How does it work? You may ask and receive mixed responses such as magic or check the internet. The microwave was invented accidently in 1946 by an engineer named Percy Spencer. Spenser, who was working at Raytheon Corporation on a project related to radars, happened to stand near a magnetron. This device emits microwave radiations. He had a bar of chocolate in his pocket. Later, he realized the chocolate had melted. “Further experiments with popcorns and eggs confirmed his suspicions that the microwave radiations emitted by the magnetron were somehow able to raise the temperature of the food placed near it and hence, as a result, could be used effectively for cooking purposes.â€

 

Presently, the microwave is a rectangle shaped kitchen appliance that can vary in size and colors. A small microwave is about 24†across, 10†high, and 12†deep. A larger microwave may be around 30†across, 16†tall, and 15†deep. It has a door on the front with a handle or button on the front, and a turntable on the inside. The turntable turns as the microwave runs. It has buttons for different settings. The buttons control on/off, time, and power. Microwaves can usually be found on a counter, mounted beneath a cabinet or mounted over a stove.

 

A microwave works by beaming radio waves into food, which excites the molecules in the food, thus heating it up. Because the radio waves move the atoms which makes heat, the food is cooked evenly. As the turntable spins, it helps to even out the heating of denser foods that the waves can not penetrate well. A light comes on so you can see how well the food is cooking through the window. To pause the process, press the pause button or just open the door. Microwaves are most commonly used to reheat foods and to thaw frozen foods rather cook raw foods.

[Capt_Uhura]

I agree. If he's talking about a sea clock, I have no idea what one looks like. It would be nice if he could paint me a picture. 8-)

 

I'm out of my element in writing and though I'm in WWS1 with a few younger children, we are only to week 7. So I'm not sure how helpful I will be.

 

Since he is telling the function of a particular type of clock-the first working sea clock, then that is the kind that he should describe. I think it would help to "see" the clock before reading about the function. I also think that describing it might be hard! How large is it? Does it look just like a wall clock? mantle clock? How is it mounted? to a horizontal surface, vertical? Are the working parts visible or do you only see the face and hands? Is it made of wood or metal or both? I think it would be okay and maybe good to mention some of the parts he will then refer to later(spring, wheel etc.

[Kendall]

Ruth,

Thank you so much for the comments. I asked him about the different writing quality in the last paragraph and he laughed. He said, "That's because I knew what I was writing about since I made it up." He didn't research about the light bulb at all so he was shaky on the facts there. So for him it is known vs. unknown rather than fiction vs. nonfiction. We talked about altering these assignments to match with a biology or history concept whenever it fits so that he could write about something he has already learned/read about.

 

Thanks for pointing that out because I hadn't noticed it.

 

Kendall

[lewelma]

Major success this week! The description of gold is awkward, but I did not want to make any major changes because he was so proud of himself. This took about 3 hours to write and document (note taking was an additional 2 hours). He edited and proof read independently, and I only made about 5 small suggestions (just a few words).

 

 

The discovery of gold in California changed America for decades. It happened in January 1848 when James Wilson Marshall was working on a mill for a wealthy man, John Sutter. As he was investigating whether or not the tail race for the mill was finished, he saw some gold flakes. Soon he had found an ounce of gold. He quickly rode on horse back to John Sutter's fort and tested the it for impurities. It was 23 carat gold.

Although the discovery of gold was kept secret, it soon leaked out. In the first year after the discovery, several thousand men and women left their homes and set out for California. Stories of men who found $30,000 in a week drove them on, and by the end of the decade 365,000 people1 had come to find their fortune.

 

The discovery of gold had come in a strategic time, right after the Mexican war, for most of the people's money had been used to fight the war which had “blanketed the East with mortgages.” 2 Because of these difficulties “many sober communities were ready, deliberately and without excitement, to send their young men westward in the hope of finding a way out of their financial difficulties.” 3

 

Gold is a unique element. Not only is it one of only two transition metals that has a colour other than gray, but it is also almost perfectly corrosion resistant. One of its most interesting properties is its density. Amazingly, a 30 by 30 centimeter cube of gold weighs about one ton. It is because of this density that gold can be found by panning.

 

Used for thousands of years, panning is probably the first way ever discovered to collect large quantities of gold. The prospector would fill his pan with sand, clay, and water from a river. He would then break up the clumps of dirt to make a fine slurry. Next, the prospector would swirl the water around and let “the water flow gently over the lip of the pan.” 4 After repeating this process several times, only black sand would be left. If the prospector was lucky the pan might also contain a few flecks of gold and possibly a gold nugget. “All that was necessary to join the race for wealth was a shovel and a pan.” 5

 

The journey to California, however, was very expensive. Most people spent their life savings to get there. Those people who did not have enough money to journey to California would pool everything they had in a club and draw lots to find out who would go.

 

Unfortunately, California only contained a fraction of the amount of gold expected. Although there was enough gold for some to make thousands of dollars, most who went lost all the money that they had put into the venture. And few returned home. However, in a strange paradox the people who made the most money were not searching for gold but were selling tools to find it.

Edited September 29, 2012 by lewelma

[Create Your Ritual]

(So .. this was taxing on us. lol. Mostly because we have such a busy schedule and it doesn't allow us to give it our full attention. We are a bit behind schedule because we put it aside for a bit.

 

I think that I am realizing is that once my dd gets 'into' the project then it flows more naturally. So we took time to read more information about the gold rush online, as well as capture some of the essence of that time. If I can get her to care about the paper (like she does when she writes so descriptively about horses) then she generally can come up with something to say.

 

That will be our biggest struggle this year. Taking each and ever composition and truly soaking it up and recounting it in her own way without just stringing note cards together. Actually having something to say .. or saying it in a way that makes it her own. I think that can only come with time. She just isn't 'there' quite yet.

 

I do have a question about footnotes. If she reads through the material and then recounts it on her own from note phrases, not really using any specific choice of wording directly from the material, does she still need to have a footnote to cite that she read the material FROM a specific source? For example, she took notes on the gold panning, but wrote it her own way. Does that then become common knowledge, because gold panning in itself has been written about countless times, and the process is fairly similar in each recounting? Or does she still need to cite that she read it from THAT book specifically?)

 

 

** oh .. and it's clear to me that dd is NOT in to pulling out every single detail that she reads and taking a note on it to include in the composition. I wish she was a bit more thorough in her note taking, but for now we are just going with having something to say and making sure that she has points in there that are chronological and take you to where you intended to go by the end of the paper. **

 

Week 4 Day 3

The Gold Rush

dd11

 

Nowadays when you think about gold you think about a necklace or ring, but during the gold rush all people thought about was a nugget or dust.

 

James Wilson Marshall was not a man that woke up one morning deciding to be famous. He was building a mill for a man named John Sutter. He discovered a “gold speck”, that turned out to be ½ oz. of gold dust.1 The next day he came back and the stream running through the mill was laden with gold dust. He gathered 3 oz. and took it to John Sutter.

 

Up until this point, gold had only been found in very small quantities. The people of California were restless and in need of money and adventure. “The American War was just over and the adventurous spirits, unwilling to settle down, were looking for real excitement”2 Sam Brannan, a man greedy for money, figured that he could get rich by selling pans and shovels to miners because they were in demand. He was a store owner, and in order to get lots of business, he tried to create a gold frenzy. He walked down the street waving a bottle of gold dust in the air, yelling “Gold, Gold from the American River!”3

 

As a result of gold being found, people thought it was everywhere. Every strong man left their job and rushed to California, sailors left their ships and soldiers left their ranks4. Gold could be found at the roots of bushes, veins of rocks, and could simply be dug out with a pocket knife. “Every man with a drop of red blood in his veins wanted to go to California.”5

 

Panning for gold was hard work, but many people thought gold was worth it. Gold was easiest found with basic equipment. But to get to this heavy and beautiful metal all you needed was a pan. The pan was just a simple iron or tin pan no larger than a dinner plate. Because pans were so plentiful, many people thought that all they had to do was run to California with a pocketknife and a pan.

 

Gold rolls down streams and since it is heavy it will naturally stay at the bottom of the stream, catch on a big rock, or wash up on a sand bar. A 14 inch square block of it would weigh a ton. Water is needed to find gold to separate it from sand. Since the gold is heavy, it will sink to the bottom of the pan. To pan for gold, simply put some sand into the pan, take out all big rocks and fill it up about halfway with water. Move the pan in a small circular motion, and all the rocks will fall out. If you are lucky you might be left with some gold flakes or nuggets at the base of the pan.

 

Unfortunately for James Marshall the sawmill that he was working on the day of the discovery was never finished because all of his workers were instead searching the hills for gold. Neither James Marshall nor John Sutter ever benefited from the discovery. James Wilson Marshall ended up dying penniless and alone in a shack not far from the mill where he worked.6

Edited October 3, 2012 by SaDonna

[lewelma]

Oh, I *love* it. Just wonderful.

 

As far as I am concerned, common knowledge made into your own words does not need to be footnoted. But you are not allowed to paraphrase an entire paragraph sentence for sentence and not footnote, because then you are copying the organizational structure. But one idea is fine if it is common knowledge.

 

Ruth in NZ

[Create Your Ritual]

kandbp,

 

I am not sure if you saw my dd's composition on the gold rush above, and my thoughts on it. She also has a hard time getting into the topic. We stopped and I had her watch history channel excerpts as well as PBS stuff we could find online. It's a matter of getting them to care enough to put those creative energies into the paper.

 

When we initially started WWS last year with volume 1 that was my biggest complaint the first 12 weeks or so. We had come from mostly writing creatively and retelling fables, etc. Her more academic writing sounded dry, boring and stilted. It just takes a lot of time to write academically with a voice and I think that largely has to do with age, with experience with this style of writing, and with acceptance that ultimately THIS will largely be the style of writing that they are asked to do in schools & universities.

 

Every single week with WWS2 I am blown away by the topics we are covering, what we are learning, and WHY IN THE WORLD I NEVER GOT TAUGHT HOW TO WRITE LIKE THIS!! Does dd11 appreciate all that she is learning .. hahaha .. maybe one day. ;-) For now we are putting 'tools' in our tool belt and learning how to pull them out and write a paper that isn't so broad as to say nothing, but zooms in to a specific subject that is definable. We are learning that we have choices of topoi from last years volume & this one, and choosing one largely depends on your resources and what you want to say. It really is very interesting, just probably not to a pre-teen/teenager. ;-)

[Kendall]

I think the quotes are supposed to be quotes that were in the sources, not quotes of the sources. There were only a few to choose from. I had to explain this difference to my son.

 

My son also writes much better when it is a topic he has chosen, but that also requires more time for research and I want to do more writing. I haven't figured out the balance yet. Maybe boring writing for learning the topoi, and then he will apply that when he does his own writing in the future. We just completed Week 9 in which they do choose their own topic and he used adult level resources which also takes longer(he is in 9th grade).

 

Here is a paragraph from the Week 7 assignment where he used the Wright brothers notes in the book and a paragraph from the Week 9 assignment where he chose his own topic. He hasn't edited the second one yet. To me, Reading them back to back they don't sound like the same kid wrote them!

 

Neither Wilbur nor Orville Wright ever married. They both enjoyed being uncles and were quite warmhearted toward their nieces and nephews. Wilbur wrote more letters than Orville did. He wrote them mostly to his father. Orville wrote to his sister Katharine most of the time. His letters were very eloquent and amusing.

 

 

Washington planned the attack on Trenton for Christmas night, 1776. On Christmas Day, he and his 2,400 men marched from their camp to McKonkey’s Ferry, nine miles north of Trenton. When they arrived, a vicious nor’easter joined them at the Delaware River, making the crossing treacherous. The crossing was directed by Henry Knox, the boats commanded by John Glover. The task of Knox and Glover was large: to transport 2,400 troops, 18 cannon, and 50 horses in the dead of night with a winter storm raging against them over a violent river filled with chunks of ice. They succeeded without incident. It was the first of many miracles that night.

 

 

I agree. Each week I am more an more impressed with WWS2. (and WWS1). We are doing WWS2 without the background of 1, but I am using WWS1 with two of my younger children. So we are at about the same week in each.

 

Kendall

[Create Your Ritual]

I love those two examples Kendall .. it does show that the topoi is being 'learned' and while sounding stilted in the first one, I am with you .. it's too hard to come up with topics while also teaching the topoi. So I will stick with what is given and be glad for it! But at the same time, my main goal is always to teach the topoi, get them well and good in their minds, and then worry about the voice next. I loved your second example and how much personality came through. If I let my dd11 choose her own topic all she would ever write about would be horses!

[Kendall]

Thinking about this again, do you think we should take the time to improve the voice with each assignment or is it okay to move on. I'm wanting to move on, accomplish more, and since I know he is capable of better style, maybe that is okay. I don't know.

[Create Your Ritual]

Well for example dd11 finished her Wright Brothers compare/contrast last week. I have the resources ordered for the subjects we plan to write about in the upcoming weeks, so while we are waiting I intend to have her go back over the Wright Brothers and expand the sentences and inject more of the 'voice' we have been discussing. Mostly to show her that revision needs to take place. She isn't the kind of kid that will revise, revise, revise and have it all come out well in the same week, but she may recognize now that she has had some time away from it that it needs to have a bit more personality.

 

I will typically make them try their best to have it sound good by the last revision. Sometimes that comes in the same week they are doing the composition, but if it really isn't coming together then we set it aside and try again in a week.

[lewelma]

Well, he finished it! Week 10 - Literary analysis. And this is my very very logical, why-are-we-doing-this, STEM major. All I can say is that SWB rocks!!!!!!

 

 

In The Open Window by Saki, Mr Nuttle, a nervous young man, was attempting to cure his nervous disorder by visiting strangers. As he was sitting in the parlor waiting for Mrs Sapleton to arrive, her niece, Vera, told him about her Aunt's tragedy. Three years ago her Aunt's husband and two younger brothers drown in a bog when going hunting, and her Aunt still believes that they will come back. This is why the large window has been left open.

 

When Mrs Sapleton arrives all she wishes to talk about is the imminent arrival of her husband and brothers. Mr Nuttle finds this conversation horrifying and attempts to change the subject by discussing his ailments. When Mrs Sapleton notices that the hunting company is “walking across the lawn towards the window†covered in mud, Vera stares in horror. Mr Nuttle becomes so scared that he runs out of the house, knocking a cyclist off his bike in the process. In the end, the reader finds out that the entire story of the death of her uncle was only a joke.

 

In The Open Window Saki uses a story within a story structure to play a joke on the reader. In the outer story Mr Nuttle and Vera are having a conversation in the parlor. The open window frames the inner story told by Vera about her Aunt's tragedy. By not revealing Vera's thoughts, Saki is able to draw the reader into this elaborate prank just as Mr Nuttle is drawn in. Only in the last sentence, do readers realize that they have been fooled.

 

Saki's word choice also makes the ghost story more effective. By using words to describe the arrival of the hunting party such as “in the deepening twilight,†“noiselessly the they neared the house,†and “a hoarse young voice chanted,†he is able to paint a vivid picture of ghostly qualities. However, Saki uses irony in most of the names he uses to give some hint at his prank. Vera, Latin for truth, is the name of the character who tells the lie. Sapleton gives the connotation of the Latin word, “sapientia,†meaning wisdom, but she ignorant of the prank. And Nuttle gives the connotation of nutty; however, he acts perfectly normally in the conditions in which he finds himself. Through the powerful use of language, Saki creates a believable story.

[Kendall]

His Open Window is fabulous! I totally agree about SWB. This curriculum gets better and better each week.

 

 

I looked for this thread so that I could post a question about conclusions. My son has written several conclusions that I'm not sure what to do with.

 

Here is his conclusion to the platypus and beaver comparison, though now that I look at it maybe it isn't so bad.

 

 

Though the platypus has rarer qualities, I should prefer a beaver. After all, I can just feed a beaver twigs and bark, which are easy enough to find, but a platypus requires crayfish and worms. Which animal would you prefer? Or perhaps the easier question to answer is whether you have any trees you should like removed.

 

 

Here is his conclusion to Week 11, the comparison between The Open Window and The Monkey's Paw. His main body paragraphs are decent, but this is his entire conclusion. I see he has altered it, it did say something about being glad The Monkey's Paw ended. Should I have him start over? Or can he do something with this? Answering my only question I think --maybe I just need to have him explain why he wished the one had ended sooner and the other not so soon. (that was his rough draft of the following)

 

 

The two stories both end. This is unfortunate in The Open Window, but happy in The Monkey’s Paw.

[Kendall]

Week 12 Day 4 writing project on volcanoes

 

Okay, here is a better question than my last one. Here is my son's Week 12 writing.

 

 

 

A volcano is a place where gases and magma escape from underneath the earth’s surface. In this way it acts like a “safety valveâ€, letting pressurized gases break out of the earth’s crust. The earth’s crust is divided into plates. A volcano erupts when two of the plates collide. The magma underneath the collision is very sticky, so it keeps the gases, now under pressure, from escaping. The pressure on the gases is great enough that it will push the magma out through a volcano.

 

When a volcano erupts, it is normally very destructive. It spews a column of smoke high into the air. When the eruption is so great that it becomes an explosion, it can break off large chunks of rock and flings them high into the air. Even more dangerous is the ash that descends over the surrounding area like a blanket, as one author put it. Pliny the Younger, who survived the 79 AD eruption of Mount Vesvius, described the ash as “a dense cloud†that acted “like a flood poured across the land.†Also out of the volcano lava might flow, rolling down the mountain and burning everything it touches.

 

He did the citations correctly I just didn't include that. In the second paragraph I made some comments (repeated "high into the air", wrong verb number on flings, last sentence is awkward, )

 

1) The one comment that I made that I'm not sure of is about the "As one author put it" I didn't think he should put that phrase in there. What do you think?

 

2) In Week 12 the rubric says that they shouldn't use any noun or verb more than twice. Do you think I should include volcano in that? It is about volcanoes. I don't want to be too easy on him, especially not based on my inabilities, but I can't think of a way to have two paragraphs about volcanoes without using the word more than twice.

 

 

Thanks,

Kendall

[Create Your Ritual]

Since this is an after school writing curriculum for us, we are a bit behind. Just started on Week 11 today. I did want to say that Week 8-9 was by far my favorite thus far. I loved the section about finding a subject and narrowing it down. dd11 ended up with Neal Armstrong - The 60s - Walk on the Moon. Here is her composition.

 

Neil Armstrong’s Trip to the Moon

 

Neil Armstrong walks off the space capsule, he sees the empty vastness of the moon, and he steps into the white dust covering everything around him. His footsteps would be the first ever to scratch its surface. What would it have felt like to be the first man on the moon?

 

On July 20, 1961, John F. Kennedy challenged America to put a man on the moon. He gave them until 1970 to fulfill this. The Soviet Union was trying to beat America to the moon so that they could claim that it was theirs, but the hardy Americans would not let this happen.

 

Missions before had failed, but the Apollo 11 was the best rocket yet. NASA had faced many challenges, including deaths prior to launching Apollo 11. The three astronauts, Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong and Michael Collins had been quarantined for weeks before, because nobody wanted them to get sick and not be able to do their jobs properly up in space.

 

The day of the space launch was on July 16, 1969. The astronauts got up and ate breakfast just like every other normal day. The walk to the space capsule was a lengthy one because anything near the rocket launch pad would either burn or fall over when it was launched. The people were straining at the ropes to get a good look at the astronauts and their space shuttle before they disappeared into the unfamiliar universe of space. Almost everyone was carrying binoculars because they had to be 3 miles away from the space capsule, or it would be too hot and loud for them. The astronauts were soon in their space capsule and it blasted off, and soon they would be on their way.

 

The first three days of the mission were uneventful, and on the fourth morning in space the space shuttle, Columbia, entered the moons gravity. Michael Collins disconnected the space capsule from the lunar landing module which floated down to the surface of the moon. The space capsule kept orbiting the moon, with Michael Collins still in it. They were about to touch down on the moon when Neil noticed something. The part of the moon on which they were to land on was too rocky to land on, so instead they found a smooth area. Neil took a hold on the steering and flew them to a spot called Tranquility Bay. When they landed, like boys eager to get in the snow, they got on their suits as fast as they could. Neil, being the commander of the ship went outside first. The other astronaut, Buzz Aldrin, went outside 15 minutes later.

 

As Neil put his foot down on the moon he said, “That’s one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind.â€1 They felt like kids in a candy shop. The men gatheredmoon rocks and lunar dust. They took turns loping around the moon and back again.†Neil Armstrong took many pictures of Buzz but not any of himself. They did their work properly but it took them longer than it should have, and soon their 2 1â„2 hours of moon time was over.

 

The moon has only 1/6 of the gravity of Earth, so a fully dressed astronaut that weighs 360 pounds, weighs only 62 pounds on the moon. This enabled them to get around much easier. Neil Armstrong once said, “The surface is fine and when you look out at night you see the black or dark spots on the moon. Those black spots are craters on the moon. There are so many of them because the moon does not have a thick atmosphere like Earth, so meteorites can crash into the moon easily.

 

Twenty- one hours after touchdown on the moon they blasted off again and flew the lunar landing module back into moon orbit in order to dock with Columbia. This was the first time they had ever done this, and it was not a simple task. Four days later, they splashed down in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and were rescued by a boat.

 

When Neil Armstrong came back from the moon, he was celebrated as a hero in many countries. Not only had the crew done what Kennedy had challenged them to do ten years earlier, they had done it correctly and succeeded.

[Kendall]

This is wonderful writing. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing.

[Colleen in NS]

We have been beta-testing WWS 2, too. I just LOVE it!!! I have to say that, after going through the lessons on how to brainstorm and write in science, whenever people say SWB's expertise is not in science, I'll have to disagree somewhat. She sure knows how to teach students to research and WRITE about science topics!!!! She really does a great job at showing the student *how to* delve into science topics in different ways. And once again, everyone says, "I really wish I'd been taught this way when I was in school!"

 

Thinking about this again, do you think we should take the time to improve the voice with each assignment or is it okay to move on. I'm wanting to move on, accomplish more, and since I know he is capable of better style, maybe that is okay. I don't know.

 

I know this is old, but I wanted to comment. I think that we already *are* helping the student to improve (or really, express his own) voice each time we help him to take the time to go through the WWS assignment requirements carefully, and then follow up with grammar/mechanics/spelling correction. Those requirements, combined with grammar/mechanics/spelling, form a framework on which the individual voice can "hang" or become formed and clear. Therefore, I don't spend a ton of time talking about "voice" with my kids - I spend my time helping them through the above processes, and asking questions to help them clarify what they mean to say. As long as what they mean to say fulfills the assignment requirements and the grammar/mechanics/spelling, their "voice" keeps developing.

[plain jane]

Is it ok if I add in a WEEK 2 DAY 3 assignment? We are late getting going with WWS2 but I would love some feedback.

 

 

 

 

 

WEEK 2 DAY 3

 

 

Having been invented in the year 1917 AD, and continuing to be in use nearly one hundred years later, the electric pencil sharpener has truly proved itself to be a valuable tool. In general, it is fairly large, outstripping by far the basic mechanical sharpener in size. The electric sharpener is not intended to be a hand held device, and must sit on a desk because of its rather capatious circumference of 36cm and a height of 17cm. The base has a rectangular form and rises, rounding off near the device's top. Near the top's centre, there is a narrow hole, designed to fit the unsharpened pencil. The gap of the hole continues downwards a small ways, ending at a blade, which resembles a cylinder decked with numerous rows of jagged teeth. The blade's “teeth†are used to shred away at the pencil to reveal the smooth grey lead. Beneath this, a miniscule latch is concealed, with the purpose of emptying out pencil shavings. There is a shallow basin located underneath the hole, which is contained behind a translucent door on the outside. When the door is removed by the mechanism's operator, the shavings can be released and properly disposed of.

 

 

As in many devices and machines, the electric pencil sharpener is run by an electromechanical motor. Basically, its purpose is to convert electrical power into mechanical energy, allowing the machine to run. It is this motor that powers the sharpener's blade so that the wood of the pencil can be chipped away, and expose the graphite lead beneath its surface. In order for this to happen, the unsharpened pencil must be placed in a hole in the pencil sharpener's top. Once that has happened and the blade has seperated the chips of wood from the main stem of the now sharpened pencil, the wooden shavings fall through a tiny gap and gather up in a shallow basin. A latch hidden to the side indicates the presence of a door, which is designed to prevent the shavings from spewing from the device like water from a burst dam. Once the wooden shavings have accumulated together and formed a wall in the pencil sharpener's interior, the door can be unlatched, and the shavings dropped into a garbage.

 

 

Originally, during the Middle Ages, quills crafted from raven's feathers and ink were the main tools intended with which to write. In order to sharpen the quills, the user had to saw at the feather's tip with a knife. In the future, graphite pencils were invented, but the knife method continued to stay in use, despite the tedious and often wasted labour. Eventually, during the year 1900, the first mechanical pencil sharpener was manufactured, having been invented by an American inventor by the name of Walter T. Foster. Later on, in the year 1917, the first electric pencil sharpener was produced. In 1917 however, the motor was more basic and simple. Other inventors continued to gradually develop and improve it, creating the tool we still operate today.

[Kendall]

I posted an essay from Week 21 in the High school writing workshop. Since my son is in 9th grade I feel like I should have him go beyond the rubric guidelines, but I don't know what direction to take. This is the farthest I have ever gotten in a writing program. I always end up not liking something about it, or it doesn't work with the child, but WWS 2 is really good. I hope my younger children will complete it before 9th grade. I also hope that WWS 3 is ready for beta in the fall (no guarantees there but that is the aim I think).

 

How are you all doing with it?

[Create Your Ritual]

So far so good here .. We are enjoying 'The Highwayman' in Week 17/18. ;-)

[Chrysalis Academy]

Mostly I'm posting to bump this thread, because it took me awhile to find it.  After taking some time off from WWS, we're dipping our toes back into it.  Here is dd11, 6th grade, Week 5 compare & contrast essay.  She was pretty unenthusiastic about the topic, which shows, I think.  There is such a contrast between the tone/voice/elocution of an essay when she's interested in the topic vs. when she isn't!  We're having the same problem with the Wright brothers essay of Week 7, which she's working on now.  I think I'm going to stop again and have her write a few compare & contrasts on topics she's interested in.

 

The Platypus and the Beaver

 

A beaver building a dam in a stream may not remind you much of the platypus, but in truth they are similar in many ways.   Platypuses and beavers are both water-dwelling mammals that dig burrows in the sides of riverbanks. They use thin flat tails to propel themselves through the water.

 

 

Beavers and platypuses raise their young in very different ways. Platypuses lay two soft shelled eggs while the beaver's young are born live. Platypus babies are born naked and blind, but beavers are born furry and with eyes wide open. Beavers devote two years of care and attention to their young, but platypus kits grow up in four months.  

 

The beaver and the platypus also eat different foods. The platypus uses its duck-like bill to catch the worms and crayfish it eats. The beaver uses its sharp front teeth to gnaw on the twigs and bark it eats. It also eats greens.                                                                                                    

 

Beavers and platypuses are both interesting, but I would rather have a beaver.  A beaver would be easier to take care of and is native to my country.