Desert Rat Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 (edited) I could use it. My dad's memorial service is today and I've got to get through it. I'm sitting here in my pretty dress, no makeup, obviously, waiting with dread. The boys are dressed. In interest of the recent thread, button downs with dressy shorts (it's still in the 90s here). And *gasp* tennies. Dh is wearing a shirt that buttons for the first time in years, with nice pants and dress shoes. We're expecting over 200 people. All those people telling me their sorry..... ugh. Can I just crawl under the covers and come out tomorrow? I've decided that I'm going to have a glass of wine before the service to calm me down a bit. My stomach is a wreck. I keep hearing that this will give me closure. Maybe I'm missing something. I had closure when I held his hand as he slipped away. I mean, I miss him like mad, but I'm really fine. I keep thinking something is wrong with me because I'm not needing more closure. Maybe the service is for everyone else's closure. In which case, do you think they'd miss me? I'm kidding. I'll go. All I can think of is that scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where Cameron is in bed and saying, "I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go." But, in my head I'm gonna complain about it. Here's my favorite pic of my dadda and me. I was a year old and he was a hip, hip cat. :001_smile: Update: Dad's memorial was really wonderful. The church was overflowing and they had to move the reception to a larger space. My dad was a youth pastor for nearly 25 years. So many of his "kids" showed up and gave such wonderful memories of him. I was so shocked. The best moment was when the pastor officiating called all the "kids" up to give our traditional Methodist Youth Group Benedicion. "May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace." Over 40 "kids" came forward. I audibly gasped. And I had a couple friends tell me that they knew my dad better than their own. I guess I just never realized how special he was to everyone else. I'm glad I went. Edited September 14, 2012 by Kalah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simplyme99 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug: Prayers for you hon, you can do this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug: My deepest sympathy to you. My Dad died three years ago and honestly, most of his funeral is a blur. I dreaded it also but it did actually help me to be with others that loved him too as we said that good-bye. I hope you can find some comfort there as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabeline Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug: You can complain all you want. Funerals/memorial services just aren't fun. P.S. You dad was totally rocking those shades and sideburns! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Praying for you. People expect you to be in a fog - you do not have to make witty conversation - or any conversation at all. Thank them for coming -- onto the next person. Years ago when I was in college, I had to go the viewing of a beloved family friend whom I had always called 'uncle.' I was devastated - my dad called me at my dorm to tell me the details and where I had to go. I was crying and I said that I didn't think I could do it. My dad (who was a wonderful dad) told me that everyone comes into the world with 'ceremony' and they leave with 'ceremony.' He went on to say that was why I had to go to the viewing. I never forgot it, and when my dad passed, I could hear him telling me that - you can do it!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 I don't even remember my dad's service. My body was there, but I "checked out" mentally. I'll be thinking of you today. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 I could use it.My dad's memorial service is today and I've got to get through it. I'm sitting here in my pretty dress, no makeup, obviously, waiting with dread. The boys are dressed. In interest of the recent thread, button downs with dressy shorts (it's still in the 90s here). And *gasp* tennies. Dh is wearing a shirt that buttons for the first time in years, with nice pants and dress shoes. We're expecting over 200 people. All those people telling me their sorry..... ugh. Can I just crawl under the covers and come out tomorrow? I've decided that I'm going to have a glass of wine before the service to calm me down a bit. My stomach is a wreck. I keep hearing that this will give me closure. Maybe I'm missing something. I had closure when I held his hand as he slipped away. I mean, I miss him like mad, but I'm really fine. I keep thinking something is wrong with me because I'm not needing more closure. Maybe the service is for everyone else's closure. In which case, do you think they'd miss me? I'm kidding. I'll go. All I can think of is that scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where Cameron is in bed and saying, "I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go." But, in my head I'm gonna complain about it. Here's my favorite pic of my dadda and me. I was a year old and he was a hip, hip cat. :001_smile: :grouphug: Closure is a lie. You just feel it less. They want to mourn with you, share him, and love your family. Let them love you and him. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stratford Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug: At my Mom's funeral, I really felt it was more about the others needing closure. My emotions were put on hold to "entertain" others. I am sure they were there to support me but all the small talk was draining. It certainly didn't help that at the end after all guest had left, the church wanted to give me the two vases and flowers on the altar. The siblings of my mom started making comments about loving to have one of them. :001_huh: Whole day sucked. :grouphug::grouphug: Prayers and hugs has you get through this difficult day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Ack. I can't imagine. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug: What a wonderful picture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Sending you :grouphug:. I'm so sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 I could use it.My dad's memorial service is today and I've got to get through it. I'm sitting here in my pretty dress, no makeup, obviously, waiting with dread. The boys are dressed. In interest of the recent thread, button downs with dressy shorts (it's still in the 90s here). And *gasp* tennies. Dh is wearing a shirt that buttons for the first time in years, with nice pants and dress shoes. We're expecting over 200 people. All those people telling me their sorry..... ugh. Can I just crawl under the covers and come out tomorrow? I've decided that I'm going to have a glass of wine before the service to calm me down a bit. My stomach is a wreck. I keep hearing that this will give me closure. Maybe I'm missing something. I had closure when I held his hand as he slipped away. I mean, I miss him like mad, but I'm really fine. I keep thinking something is wrong with me because I'm not needing more closure. Maybe the service is for everyone else's closure. In which case, do you think they'd miss me? I'm kidding. I'll go. All I can think of is that scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where Cameron is in bed and saying, "I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. I'll go." But, in my head I'm gonna complain about it. Here's my favorite pic of my dadda and me. I was a year old and he was a hip, hip cat. :001_smile: :grouphug::grouphug: All the goodwill, strength, peace...I hope it comes to you. I can sympathize. Funerals do not give me closure, they give me exhaustion. It seems that for me, the service is for everyone else and even though I'm worn out, that doesn't count. I KNOW exactly how you feel, that Ferris Bueller scene, laying in bed, fighting internally, yep...that's it exactly. I am soooooooooooooooooo sorry you have to go through this. Keep the good memories ever present in your mind today. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAMom Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:It's so, so hard....:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: I wish you peace and strength. I know you've discussed some of your beliefs here and I wish you extra peace for all the words you'll hear today. You look like your daddy. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southcarolinamom Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug: May the Lord give you strength to get through today ...it's so.stinkin'.hard. I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug: and prayers for peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I remember a similar day, just a few years ago... :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomemom Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I remember a similar day, just a few years ago... :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Closure is not a point in time. For example we don't get closure on Monday at 3 p.m. because of an event, a funeral, a memorial service. It is IMHO a misleading word. Grieving is a process and takes months and often at least one year to get over the worst. We are meant to grieve a loss. Our souls are made to remember and feel pain but the pain gets a little less debilitating with time. Take time to cry, to howl, to grieve, to remember. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 :grouphug: I hope you find peace and have wonderful memories of your dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 :grouphug: Still praying for you, sometimes days like these go by in a whirlwind and at night when it is quiet, and you can think......is when it hits the hardest......:grouphug: :grouphug:I hope it was a beautiful day and you are at peace tonight. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 :grouphug: that picture is precious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Hope the service was not too draining for you. It's so nice to have wonderful memories of a wonderful 'dadda'! :grouphug: Hugs and sending you some strength as you navigate the next little while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I'm glad the service turned out so nicely and that you were able to see the impact your father had on so many people. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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