Is this a new thing? Asking for $$ instead of. . .

[StephanieZ]

There was a time when people gave $$ to widows and orphans when the husband/father died.

 

I recently attended a funeral for a young man who left young children. The family had established a fund for the boys and asked for donations. I think it is a nice idea.

 

When my own dad died, we invited people to donate to his church in lieu of flowers. I like flowers, but I just thought that thousands of dollars could be better spent on other charitable endeavors. TBH, I think a handwritten note is more meaningful than anything else. Out of tradition/respect, I still always send flowers (or a $ donation if requested), but I don't really like the tradition of all the flowers. I think they are pretty ugly and a waste of $$. I'd much rather donate to a charity or to the family if they are in need.

[Lizzie in Ma]

But the people who would send flowers or make a charitable donation are the ones who care and are rally-ing to help. These are the 'extended family'...maybe not by blood.

 

So many people want to help when there is a death and I for one prefer to know if the family has a need...no matter the reason. I would hate to give money to a charity and then find out that the family is behind on rent or whatever.

 

Even the making a meal thing...those meals often come at a time when no one's very interested in eating, yet no one thinks making a meal is weird...because it is tradition. Well in our world now, money is a great help.

 

We have had more than our share of death the last few years. I have sat in the funeral director's offices planning services and when he takes the info for the obit he asks about flowers v. donations and if donations, does the family need help or is there a charity.

 

When you are on the receiving end and some extra cash helps you get through...to be done with funeral bills and the reminders...when you can grieve instead of frantically scraping together money for a bill or working up the nerve to ask someone for money...you will be reminded of the people who loved you enough to help in such a practical way.

 

It makes me sad to think that when my loved one's world shattered due to a death that people were wondering about the etiquette of helping. The money my loved one received was a God-send.

 

What better way to honor the deceased than by helping who is left behind.

 

As you can tell, this is a raw nerve for me.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[4everHis]

But the people who would send flowers or make a charitable donation are the ones who care and are rally-ing to help. These are the 'extended family'...maybe not by blood.

 

So many people want to help when there is a death and I for one prefer to know if the family has a need...no matter the reason. I would hate to give money to a charity and then find out that the family is behind on rent or whatever.

 

Even the making a meal thing...those meals often come at a time when no one's very interested in eating, yet no one thinks making a meal is weird...because it is tradition. Well in our world now, money is a great help.

 

We have had more than our share of death the last few years. I have sat in the funeral director's offices planning services and when he takes the info for the obit he asks about flowers v. donations and if donations, does the family need help or is there a charity.

 

When you are on the receiving end and some extra cash helps you get through...to be done with funeral bills and the reminders...when you can grieve instead of frantically scraping together money for a bill or working up the nerve to ask someone for money...you will be reminded of the people who loved you enough to help in such a practical way.

 

It makes me sad to think that when my loved one's world shattered due to a death that people were wondering about the etiquette of helping. The money my loved one received was a God-send.

 

What better way to honor the deceased than by helping who is left behind.

 

As you can tell, this is a raw nerve for me.

 

I can see what you are saying and I guess I would think the people closest would already know those things and be helping. I just hadn't seen it announced in the newspaper.

[Mom22ns]

I've never seen "money to the family," but it's very normal here to request money to a charity that the deceased supported or to something related to their cause of death. Honestly, I think it's a much better use of money.

 

:iagree:

 

We did this when both of my parents died. A breast cancer charity for my mom who died of breast cancer and a charity my father had been personally involved with. A few people sent plants or flowers and we provided a family floral arrangement, but we loved getting the cards from the charity saying gifts were received.

[momofkhm]

I've never seen "money to the family," but it's very normal here to request money to a charity that the deceased supported or to something related to their cause of death. Honestly, I think it's a much better use of money.

 

:iagree:

[Kathryn]

I've never seen that. I often see requests for money to charity instead of flowers. I've seen requests for funds for a young child whose parent(s) died. But, never just money outright to the family.