If you once helped a homeless person...

[5wolfcubs]

With a fast food meal, a ride, some $, a coat...whatever, just helped them by giving or doing something...what did you do the next time you saw them?

[LaxMom]

I'm not sure what you mean. I've handed money to very specific people I would see during my commute through DC, provided a meal, etc. I don't know what your question means, though. Are you thinking there's some assumption of continued support?

[Susan in KY]

smile and say hello.

[5wolfcubs]

I'm not sure what you mean. I've handed money to very specific people I would see during my commute through DC, provided a meal, etc. I don't know what your question means, though. Are you thinking there's some assumption of continued support?

Yes. I helped a woman last week and there is a chance I'll run across her again in the same area as I'm there weekly. I don't know what I should do... What I'd like to do is say come to my house for a shower and a meal and stay til you get a job.

 

smile and say hello.

It's after the hello that I'm wondering about.

[DawnM]

If I can help again, I will.

 

One meal and a few dollars will last less than a day.

 

However, I might call around for a shelter and ask if I can take him/her there for continued help.

[Candid]

Before children I worked in a homeless shelter so I helped a lot of homeless folks. As an extension I did some one on one work with individuals but I developed fairly long term relations and plans with them.

 

I do not recommend giving money to folks on corners if that is what you are talking about. They are often scam artists who aren't truly homeless (and I say that based on having spent time knowing those in my town who were and seeing those on corners, plus others in our system also drew that conclusion). Money can easily be spent on drugs and alcohol and possibly result in the person you are trying to help injury or even death. So if you feel you must give, give food directly.

 

I would not suggest giving anyone a ride who you don't know. Even in the social work community this is rarely done and only done after some long term knowledge is developed and even then usually only by specific workers.

[AimeeM]

We have/had two particular homeless persons we enjoy helping on a rather consistent basis.

 

The first was an elderly man who lived behind a local gas station. Very nice man. We gave him cash (small increments, around $5) every time we saw him and brought him a hot meal every evening; at one point my husband put him up in a local motel for about a week because it was abnormally chilly. Eventually a lovely woman who ran the gas station took him home with her. I'm happy to say that he passed away there - not happy that he passed, but happy that he passed away in a warm bed, with a full stomach, knowing that people cared about him and would miss him.

 

Currently, there is an older woman who resides behind a local grocery store that happens to be across from my Starbucks. I bring her a fast food meal and put a few dollars in the bag; in the colder weather I grab an extra coffee for her when I'm on my Starbucks run to add. I don't do this every time I see her - she is a staple there and many regulars stop by on their way out of the grocery to give her a deli sandwich or salad with cash. She's a community favorite. I wouldn't offer her a place to stay myself. Unfortunately, my charity has to end at helping ensure her a full belly and extending a kind word. In this case, I am pretty sure she has some problems; she's a lovely woman, but I wouldn't be comfortable having her in my home. The elderly gentleman we helped before, though, well... if my husband had let me, I certainly would have brought him home with :D. He used to show me his old CDL license every time I saw him - he was so proud of it! He would go through the trash and find trinkets for my DD (she used to come with me to bring him dinner); my daughter still cherishes those little trinkets.

[5wolfcubs]

Thank you all. I saw her from a distance last week, and was relieved I didn't have to make a decision. I'm not sure why this is so hard for me.

[Tohru]

Thank you all. I saw her from a distance last week, and was relieved I didn't have to make a decision. I'm not sure why this is so hard for me.

 

:grouphug:

 

It can be hard because you feel obligated, but you are not. They appreciate what you did when you could.

Just say hi or smile and keep going if you see them and don't want to stop or you can ask if they need anything, can you do anything for them.

 

If they approach you and you don't want to help, just say you're not in a position to this time, maybe next time. It's okay.

[Scuff]

There have been a few people that I helped repeatedly. Not every time, but several times. Always with food, very rarely with $. Not all the stories are sweet. One guy got very weird, telling me he loved me and wanted to take care of me and my kids (while begging me for $). But most of them are just hungry and in need.

[mathwonk]

first I gave him money, even when I had to drive to the ATM for it. Then because he said he needed it for room fee at a shelter I offered to drive him to the shelter but he declined. he came back and said he was hungry so i invited him into our kitchen and cooked a hamburger for him. He kept coming back and saying he could not find a place to stay in cold weather. I called some shelters and found that indeed they did not take single men.

 

Then finally i called the home he said he was going to when i gave him rent money and they said they had not seen him for months. At a later time I called his social security office and they said they had a stipend for him but he had not come in for an interview. So I arranged one for him and set him up so that he began to receive a monthly stipend of $300, and obtained an apartment of his own.

 

He kept coming back, even showing up at our house freaking out my wife at midnight when I was out of town. I also gave him a down jacket I wish I had now that mine is worn out. Finally I just said I did not want to see him anymore on my porch. It seems he was something of a conman, even though truly homeless at first.

 

As Jesus said, the poor are always with you. You do all you can stand but they will wear you out at some point, unless you are a saint. But we need to keep trying to help. I mean they need help, even of they are liars and conmen.

 

I feel slightly better about the guy with AIDS i hugged and gave my other spare down jacket. But having been exploited by the first guy, I told him not to come back, and he didn''t. Now i feel bad about him.

 

that was when we were more poor. now that i have more i do less. but no one has been by lately.

 

on second thought, maybe helping once only has its benefits. when i was poor, a catholic charities lady helped me pay a bill. my first involuntary thought was, well this is a sweet deal, i can tap this again. but she immediately made it clear it was a one time thing. then i made a concerted effort to be ready to pay my own bill next time, and i succeeded. so she did me a favor by making me get on my own feet.

Edited September 19, 2012 by mathwonk

[Elizabeth in MN]

Before children I worked in a homeless shelter so I helped a lot of homeless folks. As an extension I did some one on one work with individuals but I developed fairly long term relations and plans with them.

 

I do not recommend giving money to folks on corners if that is what you are talking about. They are often scam artists who aren't truly homeless (and I say that based on having spent time knowing those in my town who were and seeing those on corners, plus others in our system also drew that conclusion). Money can easily be spent on drugs and alcohol and possibly result in the person you are trying to help injury or even death. So if you feel you must give, give food directly.

 

I would not suggest giving anyone a ride who you don't know. Even in the social work community this is rarely done and only done after some long term knowledge is developed and even then usually only by specific workers.

 

:iagree:

 

I use to help out a lot. Then I worked in Georgetown for a year. Every day I'd go past this family that were homeless and I'd give money. It took a good month before I realized that the kids were always the same but I never saw the same adult twice. After that I stopped giving.

 

And I say all this as a former resident of a homeless shelter with my own kid in tow.

[Harriet Vane]

Say hi.

 

If I cannot help them that day and they ask, I simply say, "Can't help today. Sorry." Relaxed, natural.

 

If I can help, I just do so. Say hi, be casual.

[Mergath]

We don't have many homeless people here, though I've given cash to a few. I lived in a bigger city when I went to college, and I'd give the people I saw regularly cash when I had it. If I didn't have any money on me, I'd stop and chat for a moment and wish them well. *shrug* It really wasn't a big deal.

[mathwonk]

On my way to our first date, my car broke a fan belt crossing the pass on the way to meet my wife, who was thus left waiting a long time at the ferry in seattle. She was there long enough to see the same man who had been panhandling, shabbily dressed for an hour or so, return later in a nice suit, all cleaned up. Apparently the shabby clothes were his "working" clothes.

[simplyme99]

Before children I worked in a homeless shelter so I helped a lot of homeless folks. As an extension I did some one on one work with individuals but I developed fairly long term relations and plans with them.

 

I do not recommend giving money to folks on corners if that is what you are talking about. They are often scam artists who aren't truly homeless (and I say that based on having spent time knowing those in my town who were and seeing those on corners, plus others in our system also drew that conclusion). Money can easily be spent on drugs and alcohol and possibly result in the person you are trying to help injury or even death. So if you feel you must give, give food directly.

 

Agreed. I live in Houston. Every.single.corner. has someone asking for money. Seriously, you can look at them and tell they aren't homeless .... they are clean, one was even talking on his cell phone :confused: holding up his sign. I think they ride the bus to our area of town, because I only see them on corners. One had a sign that said he was the "original spider man" from the Third Ward - a poorer area of town. Um, okay.

 

I have given food only to anyone asking for help, no money. I won't give money to someone begging on a street corner. I give money to organizations who actually help the homeless, not support a habit or buy a pack of $6 cigarettes.

 

I would not suggest giving anyone a ride who you don't know. Even in the social work community this is rarely done and only done after some long term knowledge is developed and even then usually only by specific workers.

:sad: This is what it's come too

[Tutor]

When I worked in DC, there was a homeless woman I befriended who hung out outside the local grocery store. (She didn't live there; she and her children alternated their time between a friend's couch/ floor and a homeless shelter.) I would bring her breakfast and lunch a few times a week. We gave her grocery gift cards for Christmas that year. When she told me she had a job interview at a local ice cream shop, I bought her a congratulatory bathroom/ beauty kit. She waited for me outside my office about a week later to tell me she got the job and that her friend offered to let her and her kids stay with her as long as she had the job. She sought me out about a year later to let me know she was moving in to her own apartment. It was so thoughtful of her to keep me informed like that.

 

When we travel in cities, we carry extra packed lunches with us to hand out to people who ask us for money.

[Sherri in MI]

I worked in downtown L.A. for a few years & saw many homeless & people asking for money. One woman I got to know a little bit and got her a place in a shelter, but she never showed up on the day I was supposed to give her a ride there. I didn't see her for a few weeks, when I did again, she told me she was in the hospitial. Eventually she just stopped showing up. She wasn't well, but I didn't think she was dangerous, but I do cringe now when I think of the risks I took. We sat in my car talking a couple of times.

 

I don't recall if I gave her money. I try not to give money became many will use it for drugs or alcohol, but I have given a little change to people. I did give her a coat, which she lost (but I'm still glad I gave it to her), and food.

 

She had a very sad story, and I had hoped to be able to see her get on her feet.

 

A different woman scammed me at the bus stop once, saying she left her change for the bus at the office. She was dressed nicely. But the minute I gave her change, she took off & a few weeks later I saw her asking people for money at a corner. I wasn't angry, I don't know her story.

 

You have no obligation to help more than you want to. And have no expectations. Only give what you are willing to never see again.