HappyLady Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 My mom and I have never had a good relationship. Regardless, I've never kept my kids from seeing her. My mom, however, has decided not to see my kids for 9 months now, even though she lives 20 minutes away. My DS's birthday party is this weekend and surprisingly she said she'd come. She didn't bother coming to my DD's last birthday party. I just got a text from my mom saying she's just going to give my DS money because she "can't find" any gifts in "rural Massachusetts." Um, yeah, we live in NY! :001_huh: I asked her what she was doing there and she said she met a man (she's widowed) and that he's been to NY twice to see her and now it was her turn to go visit him. I then found out my sister has met this man. I called my sister and she was like, "Um, I wanted to tell you but......" I don't give a rat's behind that my mom has a man in her life. My father passed away 4 years ago and they didn't have a good marriage anyway. What I AM ticked off about is that my mom has always complained that because of her health she can't do a lot of things, but she can sit in a car for 8 hours to go stay with this guy?? :glare: My mom doesn't drive and I refuse to bring my kids to her house (it's disgusting) so I've always told her when she wanted to see the kids I'd pick her up, drive all of 20 minutes to my house, and then drive her home. She's never taken me up on my offer and has only seen my kids on holidays/birthdays. I don't know how I'm going to be when I see her at the party because my initial response to her text was, "Oh that's nice that you can sit in a car for 8 hours to visit your boyfriend, but you can't sit in a car for 20 minutes to see your grandkids." I decided not sending that message to her was best, but it's on the tip of my tongue and I fear that it will come out at the party. Oh, I also found out that she's coming home by either a plane, bus or train (her boyfriend actually drove 8 hours to pick her up to bring her back to his home). I'd like to know how she's going to manage that when she can't even step off a curb (literally). I took her out to eat last year just to get her to spend time with her grandkids and she "couldn't" get off the curb until I helped her down. She also can't cross streets. All of this because of her vertigo, supposedly. She can't grocery shop for herself because she can't walk across the parking lot and can't ride on the bus anymore (and refuses to pay for a cab), but she can travel from MA to NY??? I'm going to need some serious positive vibes sent my way this weekend so I don't let her have it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 It's amazing what we're capable of when we're motivated by desires instead of obligations. :grouphug: You'll do fine this weekend because you're motivated by a desire to have a great party for your kid instead of the obligation to let your mom know she's being a tool. It won't be easy, but you'll do it because ... that's what YOU do. She doesn't. She won't. That's not going to change, whether you let her have it or not. That's my MIL. I'm not even a Christian but my son taught me the beginning of the prayer of St. Francis so I grit that through my teeth when faced with the kind of situation you are. There's something kind of wrong wrong but oddly calming about gnarling "Lord, make me an instrument of your peace" when you're really just ready to let the acid tongue roll LOL. You're a good mom and even better daughter. Good luck at the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 It's amazing what we're capable of when we're motivated by desires instead of obligations. :grouphug: You'll do fine this weekend because you're motivated by a desire to have a great party for your kid instead of the obligation to let your mom know she's being a tool. It won't be easy, but you'll do it because ... that's what YOU do. She doesn't. She won't. That's not going to change, whether you let her have it or not. That's my MIL. I'm not even a Christian but my son taught me the beginning of the prayer of St. Francis so I grit that through my teeth when faced with the kind of situation you are. There's something kind of wrong wrong but oddly calming about gnarling "Lord, make me an instrument of your peace" when you're really just ready to let the acid tongue roll LOL. You're a good mom and even better daughter. Good luck at the party. Thanks. I just might have to use that prayer because it's definitely going to take something from a higher power to get me through this party without losing it. :glare::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 It's amazing what we're capable of when we're motivated by desires instead of obligations. That's exactly what I was thinking. :rolleyes: Is she bringing the boyfriend to the party? If she is, it might be a good thing, because she obviously wants to impress the guy, so she'll probably be on her best behavior (and she might even manage to step off a curb by herself. ;)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 That's exactly what I was thinking. :rolleyes: Is she bringing the boyfriend to the party? If she is, it might be a good thing, because she obviously wants to impress the guy, so she'll probably be on her best behavior (and she might even manage to step off a curb by herself. ;)) From what I understand the boyfriend will be back in MA. I don't think she'd DARE bring him without asking me first. Then again, I wouldn't put it past her. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 :grouphug: What are the chances that she won't even come? I'm guessing unless there's some reason her transportation back home gets interfered with, she'll be there. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 :grouphug: I understand; my mother has made similar, very hurtful choices. Over the course of many years I have come to accept whatever attention to my family and children that she is capable of sharing. It hasn't been easy, and her continued poor & selfish choices still make my heart ache. But I fully understand there's nothing I can do to change her behavior. However, I long ago decided to not make excuses for her. When my kids ask, I just have to say that "G has decided thus and so...." and hug them hard. I have tried very hard to not speak ill of her. The kids, if they take offense, need to be offended by my mom's choices, not by my scorching opinion of her actions. :grouphug: Still, it hurts. Sorry you also find yourself in such a relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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