lil' maids in a row Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 My SIL is 12 weeks pregnant and found out today that her baby had no heartbeat :sad:. I am so sad for her. I would like to (and have started making her) a small infant's blanket to give her in memory of her loss. My mom seemed to indicate that this is inappropriate. What do you think? I've never experienced this kind of loss, and don't want to do anything to make SIL uncomfortable. Is a small handmade blanket and a sympathy card an appropriate gesture in this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I have a friend that her daughter and daughter in law had a mc pretty close together. She made both of them a quilt for the baby they lost. Both ladies appreciated having something as a memory for their baby. A little different but my friends five year old nephew died. The family made the parents a memory quilt and they really cherished it. I think it is a nice idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Ugh, that's a hard one. Yes, it will be a "trigger" yet for some it can be a comforting thing to have. For me, a baby blanket would be hard to have. Blankets are what I pack in my going-home bag, what I wrap my precious little one in. Having an empty blanket would be...hard. The sentiment is lovely, though! So then what would I want to have as a remembrance item? Hmmm...something with a heart on it to represent the love I felt for that baby, perhaps? I have a baby shoe for each baby I lost but I purchased those myself. I'm sorry for her loss. :( Editing for an idea: I think if someone made me a teeny tiny (9X9 sq.in) blanket/quilt that was nothing close to a regular baby blanket I might be better with that. I might frame it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I think you are so kind and loving to do something for her, but, for me, I just couldn't handle a baby blanket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I've never had a loss, but I think an empty blanket that would never hold my baby would be hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I've never had a loss, but I think an empty blanket that would never hold my baby would be hard. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil' maids in a row Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 Thank you all so much for sharing! I was thinking of it in such a different way (because I've never been there). I am so glad I asked ..... and so grateful for the feedback. I will stick with a sweet card and a nice meal. Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I think you are so kind and loving to do something for her, but, for me, I just couldn't handle a baby blanket. I've never had a loss, but I think an empty blanket that would never hold my baby would be hard. :iagree: I think you're doing the right thing with the card and the meal. It's so nice that you want to do something special for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I have had losses like that and I would treasure anything that was made especially to remember my babies. I can imagine holding the blanket while remembering my babies, as my arms ached from their emptiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Maybe you could make a tiny blanket in the shape of a heart or angel? I don't know if you are knitting or sewing, but you could write something on it, like "Forever in our hearts" or if they name the baby you could put his name or something. A card would be really nice. I appreciated the cards I got when I lost my baby. My s-i-l gave me an pin with a tiny baby on it to remember our baby. We also bought an angel baby statue (baby is laying down with angel wings around him) which I love as a reminder. This site has some great memorials. http://rememberingourbabies.net/store/Default.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 For me the blanket would be too much. But some kind of small something as acknowledgment of my loss would help. When I went through similar events most just pretended it never happened, unsure what to say or not to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I lost my first child and I can honestly say if someone would have handed me a blanket I would have lost my mind. Everyone is different that would have to be a choice made depending on how well you know someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I don't know. I can see that it would be hard, but my friends who have lost babies say the most important thing is for people to realize they did lose a child. The loss isn't visible to others, so the fact that it was a baby they lost tends to be forgotten. I know they would love the blanket because it would acknowledge that. Maybe a smaller version, but still....you were happy for them and began the blanket - I say give it to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsingscrapper Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I have lost three. I would not have been able to handle a blanket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristineW Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Ugh, that's a hard one. Yes, it will be a "trigger" yet for some it can be a comforting thing to have. For me, a baby blanket would be hard to have. Blankets are what I pack in my going-home bag, what I wrap my precious little one in. Having an empty blanket would be...hard. The sentiment is lovely, though! So then what would I want to have as a remembrance item? Hmmm...something with a heart on it to represent the love I felt for that baby, perhaps? I have a baby shoe for each baby I lost but I purchased those myself. I'm sorry for her loss. :( Editing for an idea: I think if someone made me a teeny tiny (9X9 sq.in) blanket/quilt that was nothing close to a regular baby blanket I might be better with that. I might frame it. :iagree: I'm tearing up even thinking about my baby William (miscarried at 17 weeks) being wrapped up in a blanket. Its been more than 9 years but I still have a sleeper and stuffed animal that I had bought for him. I ache thinking of the empty blanket. I've heard about angel necklaces or bracelets. If you want to give something homemade--maybe a tiny crocheted bear or rabbit with the babies initials (I do still hug the stuffed shark I bought for him) but its personal for each mom. Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I don't think I could have handled the blanket. It's so nice of you--but I think the card and meal is a really good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommie_Jen Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Way back when I knew how to crochet, my SIL lost a baby by miscarriage. I had also lost 3 before that. I made her a tiny blanket (way to small for a baby) with a card that said something along the lines of "born or not, every baby deserves a blankie" I had forgotten all about that until she casually mentioned it a year or so ago. I know she still has it and I know it meant a lot to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in OK Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 When I had my m/c I was in the process of crocheting a blanket for the baby. After the loss I stopped working on it. One day I realized that finishing the blanket was a way for me to honor and remember my baby. If someone had given me a baby blanket, I would have been devastated. Just a reminder that it I don't have a baby to wrap in it. There's a difference between doing something for yourself to process the loss and having someone give you a gift that just magnifies the fact that your baby isn't going to be born. I agree that a card and a meal (or anything else she needs help with) will be much appreciated. And just being there for her. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jpoy85 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I would of liked something like that but on a smaller scale. Maybe get her (or go) to Build A Bear and get her a stuffed animal to honor the baby (and hold in the aching arms). :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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