Is it rude to craft during a conversation?

[Mommy22alyns]

I basically have no friends IRL, but met a fellow homeschooling mom through one of Sylvia's activities. I bring something to do - right now it's crochet granny squares. Usually the mom and I chitchat, which I'm perfectly happy to do. She's a lovely lady and we share a bit of common ground. Is it rude for me to try & crochet during the conversation?

[Forget-Me-Not]

I basically have no friends IRL, but met a fellow homeschooling mom through one of Sylvia's activities. I bring something to do - right now it's crochet granny squares. Usually the mom and I chitchat, which I'm perfectly happy to do. She's a lovely lady and we share a bit of common ground. Is it rude for me to try & crochet during the conversation?

 

Not at all, IMO. Crochet away!

[mom2myboys]

I knit all the time while visiting. I don't think it is rude. Now, I would not knit something complicated that needed me to refer to the pattern/chart a lot while visiting. But something simple where I can still focus on the conversation would be fine. Enjoy your crafting and your new friend!:001_smile:

[Excelsior! Academy]

I hope not!

 

Craft away.

[Tap]

Not rude in the least!!! Keep up the good work!:D

[Harriet Vane]

Nope, not rude.

[Murphy101]

I will dissent slightly.

 

I think it is rude if you pick up a vibe that she is bothered by it.

 

For me, I don't really mind if you craft away. But it is so distracting to me that *I* have difficulty conversing with someone who doesn't seem focused on the conversation with me. To me, if I'm talking and they pick up their craft to do, that's a signal that I'm boring them or whatever and I usually fizzle out shortly there after.

 

Just saying. I would not tell you to stop or that it bothers me, but I would fizzle and or figure you weren't interested in the convo.

[QueenCat]

I basically have no friends IRL, but met a fellow homeschooling mom through one of Sylvia's activities. I bring something to do - right now it's crochet granny squares. Usually the mom and I chitchat, which I'm perfectly happy to do. She's a lovely lady and we share a bit of common ground. Is it rude for me to try & crochet during the conversation?

 

Not rude in that setting. If I were to invite you over for coffee, and you brought your materials in my house to work on, I would find that rather odd in such a setting.

[redsquirrel]

Not rude in that setting. If I were to invite you over for coffee, and you brought your materials in my house to work on, I would find that rather odd in such a setting.

 

r'uh r'oh. As a knitter I bring knitting every where! I always have a 'traveling' project. It is always an easy one, like a sock or a hat, and it takes almost none of my energy or focus. I save projects that require brain power for home. I can knit and talk, knit and drink coffee, knit and look you in the eye. I could almost knit and nurse a baby...but not quite. Darn babies and their hands! Hey, if Miss Marple can knit and solve mysteries, I can knit and chat!

[QueenCat]

r'uh r'oh. As a knitter I bring knitting every where! I always have a 'traveling' project. It is always an easy one, like a sock or a hat, and it takes almost none of my energy or focus. I save projects that require brain power for home. I can knit and talk, knit and drink coffee, knit and look you in the eye. I could almost knit and nurse a baby...but not quite. Darn babies and their hands! Hey, if Miss Marple can knit and solve mysteries, I can knit and chat!

 

But would you take that to someone's home when you didn't know them well? I guess as someone who can't knit, sew, etc because I've tried and find it so hard, I don't realize that people can do it and concentrate on conversation as well.

[kitten18]

No.

 

My sister can practically crochet in her sleep. She crochets EVERYWHERE. I have never been in a situation with her that I thought it was rudefor her to be crocheting.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I'll dissent too. If someone is doing something else, even knitting or crocheting, while talking to me, I find it very disconcerting and like the conversation isn't interesting enough to hold their full attention. Whether or not that's true, that's how it feels to me.

[cindergretta]

I don't find it rude in the least. I don't do anything like knit or crochet and wish like crazy I could. (I have tried valiantly! :lol: ) Anyway, one of my IRL bffs is a mad crochet'er and knitter. :D It has literally never phased me in the least that she crafts away while we blab. (Now when people text and FB constantly, I get a little annoyed. But an occasional text with their dc and/or dh also doesn't phase me. That's how we roll! ;) )

[Amy in NH]

Nope, not rude.

[Bug's Mom]

As a knitter, I'd have to say that it's not rude. That's why we all have "mindless projects" going on the side...easy stuff to work on while chatting. :001_smile:

 

I could almost knit and nurse a baby...but not quite.

I learned to knit when dd was a baby. I remember making an entrelac bag while she was nursing in a sling. :lol: I did some crazy fair-isle projects that first winter, too. I didn't know that it was "hard". :tongue_smilie:

[Georgiana Daniels]

Not rude in that setting. If I were to invite you over for coffee, and you brought your materials in my house to work on, I would find that rather odd in such a setting.

 

:iagree:

 

It depends on the setting. At the kids' activity? Sure thing! But in a more intimate place I'd hold off until I knew the person better and got a vibe for how we interact as friends.

[Georgiana Daniels]

r'uh r'oh. As a knitter I bring knitting every where! I always have a 'traveling' project. It is always an easy one, like a sock or a hat, and it takes almost none of my energy or focus. I save projects that require brain power for home. I can knit and talk, knit and drink coffee, knit and look you in the eye. I could almost knit and nurse a baby...but not quite. Darn babies and their hands! Hey, if Miss Marple can knit and solve mysteries, I can knit and chat!

 

LOL, now that's talent! Oh how I wish I could knot/crochet and do other stuff.

[hollyh]

I don't know what kind of setting, but unless you were on the phone with me I would find it rude. If I am conversing with someone I would prefer to have eye contact. I know it is probably something like doing dishes where it is mindless and maybe you could do it in your sleep, but it would *feel* rude to me.

[cindergretta]

I don't know what kind of setting, but unless you were on the phone with me I would find it rude. If I am conversing with someone I would prefer to have eye contact. I know it is probably something like doing dishes where it is mindless and maybe you could do it in your sleep, but it would *feel* rude to me.

 

Not nit-picking :grouphug: genuinely curious - what about those who craft while maintaining eye contact? I know crafters who barely look down. OTOH, I have an Aspie and a sweet dd with social anxiety, neither of whom will maintain (or give much if any) eye contact while conversing with you, even with me, and I am one of their favorite people! :lol: (Which is to say they are completely comfortable with me but still can't make or maintain that eye contact.)

[phathui5]

Not rude at all.

[Bear23]

many people can have a conversation while doing something like that and bravo to them. I am not able to do such a thing, one or the other. I don't think it's rude. I have been to many activities and see moms making something.

[Little Nyssa]

Situation #1: you and acquaintance are waiting while your children have an activity. Not rude at all.

Situation #2: you are invited to her home. Not rude, but I'd expect you to make some comment like, "oh, I hope you don't mind my knitting! I take it everywhere and I always need to be doing something with my hands. Now tell me all about the latest..." whatever it is she is interested in, to show you are interested in her conversation. And, it should be something you can do easily like knitting or crocheting, not something that requires a lot of paraphernalia or instructions you have to keep checking.

Situation #3: your friend is going through a rough time and came over to cry on your shoulder. Knitting would be rude then, I think.

[cindergretta]

Situation #1: you and acquaintance are waiting while your children have an activity. Not rude at all.

Situation #2: you are invited to her home. Not rude, but I'd expect you to make some comment like, "oh, I hope you don't mind my knitting! I take it everywhere and I always need to be doing something with my hands. Now tell me all about the latest..." whatever it is she is interested in, to show you are interested in her conversation. And, it should be something you can do easily like knitting or crocheting, not something that requires a lot of paraphernalia or instructions you have to keep checking.

Situation #3: your friend is going through a rough time and came over to cry on your shoulder. Knitting would be rude then, I think.

 

:iagree: I like that breakdown!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Situation #1: you and acquaintance are waiting while your children have an activity. Not rude at all.

Situation #2: you are invited to her home. Not rude, but I'd expect you to make some comment like, "oh, I hope you don't mind my knitting! I take it everywhere and I always need to be doing something with my hands. Now tell me all about the latest..." whatever it is she is interested in, to show you are interested in her conversation. And, it should be something you can do easily like knitting or crocheting, not something that requires a lot of paraphernalia or instructions you have to keep checking.

Situation #3: your friend is going through a rough time and came over to cry on your shoulder. Knitting would be rude then, I think.

 

:iagree: For some people like me, doing something with their hands actually helps them to focus better on what the other person is saying.

[tex-mex]

I do this all of the time. I get fidgety just sitting still focusing on the conversation from an ADHD POV. I have to have something to do to help me focus and relax.

[lailasmum]

No I don't think It's rude. Many knitters can maintain perfect eye contact when knitting. I can read (if I can prop the book up) or watch tv at the same time as knitting, my hands know what they are doing. I can't maintain eye contact while crocheting as I am new to it but I can definitely have a perfectly functional conversation.

[momofkhm]

I basically have no friends IRL, but met a fellow homeschooling mom through one of Sylvia's activities. I bring something to do - right now it's crochet granny squares. Usually the mom and I chitchat, which I'm perfectly happy to do. She's a lovely lady and we share a bit of common ground. Is it rude for me to try & crochet during the conversation?

 

I think it depends on the situation. A tad bit of background - my mom knits/crochets/handwork all the time. In front of the tv. In the car. Watching the kids play sports. So I'm used to seeing her always with something in her hands.

 

If you are at an activity, I think it's perfectly fine for you to start your granny squares when you sit down if you are the first one there. Or even if the other mom doesn't acknowledge you when you sit down. Just sit and get started. But if the conversation gets beyond the pleasantries, yes, put the granny squares down. Have them in your lap ready to go, but pay attention to the other mom as you are talking. If the conversation lags, go ahead and start again, but be ready to stop if it starts up.

 

If the conversation starts as you walk up to the chairs, I wouldn't even get the granny squares out.

 

Being willing to put it down shows that you are interested in her. You say you have no friends, maybe she is one in the making?

[Lizzie in Ma]

Heavens no! We are a family of knitters, our hands are always busy.

[I talk to the trees]

Situation #1: you and acquaintance are waiting while your children have an activity. Not rude at all.

Situation #2: you are invited to her home. Not rude, but I'd expect you to make some comment like, "oh, I hope you don't mind my knitting! I take it everywhere and I always need to be doing something with my hands. Now tell me all about the latest..." whatever it is she is interested in, to show you are interested in her conversation. And, it should be something you can do easily like knitting or crocheting, not something that requires a lot of paraphernalia or instructions you have to keep checking.

Situation #3: your friend is going through a rough time and came over to cry on your shoulder. Knitting would be rude then, I think.

 

:iagree:Excellent list.

 

I'll confess to being one of whose knitters who takes their knitting everywhere. I even bought my last purse to accommodate my knitting projects (mostly socks, these days.) I say, knit (or crochet) away! I'd much rather you craft than smoke to keep your hands busy!

[elegantlion]

:iagree: For some people like me, doing something with their hands actually helps them to focus better on what the other person is saying.

 

I fidget while talking, but don't knit. I have a spinner ring that I love to wear.

 

But I have two other people in my house that listen better while doing something else. My problem is it would be distracting to me because I'd had a thousand thoughts racing through my mind about what you were doing instead of the conversation. So, we'd probably end up talking about knitting, of which I have no interest in starting.

Edited September 12, 2012 by elegantlion

[In the Rain]

Not rude in that setting. If I were to invite you over for coffee, and you brought your materials in my house to work on, I would find that rather odd in such a setting.

 

:iagree:

[Harriet Vane]

Situation #1: you and acquaintance are waiting while your children have an activity. Not rude at all.

Situation #2: you are invited to her home. Not rude, but I'd expect you to make some comment like, "oh, I hope you don't mind my knitting! I take it everywhere and I always need to be doing something with my hands. Now tell me all about the latest..." whatever it is she is interested in, to show you are interested in her conversation. And, it should be something you can do easily like knitting or crocheting, not something that requires a lot of paraphernalia or instructions you have to keep checking.

Situation #3: your friend is going through a rough time and came over to cry on your shoulder. Knitting would be rude then, I think.

 

Nice breakdown.

 

I am one of those who focuses/listens much, much better if my hands are busy. If I do not occupy my hands, I will bite my nails or spend ALL my energy trying not to.

[K-FL]

I basically have no friends IRL, but met a fellow homeschooling mom through one of Sylvia's activities. I bring something to do - right now it's crochet granny squares. Usually the mom and I chitchat, which I'm perfectly happy to do. She's a lovely lady and we share a bit of common ground. Is it rude for me to try & crochet during the conversation?

 

Not at all! It's a time proven way to multi-task. ;) Do you think all those conversations while washing dishes, quilting bees, etc where considered rude? Personally, it helps me focus on what's being said if I keep my hands busy. It also can help diffuse a tense talk if you don't feel you have to eyeball the other person the whole time.

[mamajag]

I knit during casual conversations. It only bothers one person I know, but I figure if she can text I can knit. I won't knit if the conversation turns serious and it's obvious the other person needs my full attention.

 

ETA: I always have a simple project going for "conversation knitting".

Edited September 12, 2012 by mamajag

[Juniper]

Situation #1: you and acquaintance are waiting while your children have an activity. Not rude at all.

Situation #2: you are invited to her home. Not rude, but I'd expect you to make some comment like, "oh, I hope you don't mind my knitting! I take it everywhere and I always need to be doing something with my hands. Now tell me all about the latest..." whatever it is she is interested in, to show you are interested in her conversation. And, it should be something you can do easily like knitting or crocheting, not something that requires a lot of paraphernalia or instructions you have to keep checking.

Situation #3: your friend is going through a rough time and came over to cry on your shoulder. Knitting would be rude then, I think.

My mother and I are fiber artists so we take crochet stuff everywhere. My ex step father has convinced my sister that it IS rude to crochet in front of someone and not devote their full attention to her.(he is just manipulating her to be angry at her mom...and me.) It is unfortunate, but if someone crocheted while she was trying to talk it would trigger a deep wound....right now. It is inaccurate, but really hurts her. I realize that is an unusual case, but just wanted to point out that some people have different backgrounds with needlework.

 

I still bring it everywhere, but I really try to watch people's body language at first.

[eternalknot]

I'm not coordinated enough to knit or crochet, but I draw and doodle. On everything - napkins, business cards people hand me. I always have pencils handy, pens are never hard to come by, and it's something I do without realizing I'm even doing it (if that makes any sense).

 

So it's not the same, but I've discovered that it's sometimes okay and it's sometimes not. I have to work hard to read the individual and take it on a case by case basis. So that's what I do. It's not something I can do whilst maintaining excellent eye contact - so there's that - but I pause frequently as I sketch, and make eye contact frequently enough that (I hope) the other person isn't put off. I'll ask if it bothers people. They almost always say no, but I can tell that some people are just saying that to be polite; if I sense that, I make an excuse to stop that allows all of us to save face. And I note it for next time. I don't want to put anyone off, you know?

 

So, short answer: it depends on the person, place, and situation.

 

If it were going to bother me that someone else was doing it, it'd bother me if I was needing/hoping for some one-on-one time to process something important. Casual conversations, regular get-togethers, and gatherings of 3+ I don't think it'd even register at all (much less register as 'rude').

[Karen in CO]

So now you ladies have helped to further explain why I don't have many mom friends. I don't talk to people that are working on projects. I assume they'd rather work on their project. I typically take my kindle with me read while waiting. I keep it put away at the beginning of an activity, but once moms bring out their projects, I bring out my kindle and read. I always assumed ya'll were using the activity time to catch up on a project and enjoy a little peace and quiet. I have always equated my reading with your projects. Hmm.

[Janie Grace]

 

If you are at an activity, I think it's perfectly fine for you to start your granny squares when you sit down if you are the first one there. Or even if the other mom doesn't acknowledge you when you sit down. Just sit and get started. But if the conversation gets beyond the pleasantries, yes, put the granny squares down. Have them in your lap ready to go, but pay attention to the other mom as you are talking. If the conversation lags, go ahead and start again, but be ready to stop if it starts up.

 

If the conversation starts as you walk up to the chairs, I wouldn't even get the granny squares out.

 

Being willing to put it down shows that you are interested in her. You say you have no friends, maybe she is one in the making?

 

I agree with this completely. I think you have to be sensitive to the nuances of the conversation. If I'm just exchanging pleasantries with someone, I don't mind if they're doing something with their hands. But if it transitions into going deeper and they kept knitting, I'd feel that they weren't focused or engaged, even if there is good eye contact.

[Janie Grace]

My mother and I are fiber artists so we take crochet stuff everywhere. My ex step father has convinced my sister that it IS rude to crochet in front of someone and not devote their full attention to her. It is inaccurate, but really hurts her.

 

I'm not sure you can say that it's "inaccurate." As demonstrated in this thread, some feel it is rude, some feel it isn't.

[wintermom]

I don't have many friends who knit, crochet or hand-sew, but the few I do have a welcome to do their thing while we chat. I had a friend who had never done hand-sewing previously and I was surprised initially when she first started darning clothes while I was over for coffee, but just because it was something different from her normal routine.

 

I see a big difference between hand-work and reading regarding who can or wants to maintain a conversation. They just aren't in the same category. I've also held many an interesting conversation in kitchens while friends prepare food or even wash dishes. Aren't we women supposed to be multi-taskers?

[WiseOwlKnits]

I vote for not rude. I do it all the time though so that's my caveat. :)

[mamajag]

My mother and I are fiber artists so we take crochet stuff everywhere. My ex step father has convinced my sister that it IS rude to crochet in front of someone and not devote their full attention to her.(he is just manipulating her to be angry at her mom...and me.) It is unfortunate, but if someone crocheted while she was trying to talk it would trigger a deep wound....right now. It is inaccurate, but really hurts her. I realize that is an unusual case, but just wanted to point out that some people have different backgrounds with needlework.

 

I still bring it everywhere, but I really try to watch people's body language at first.

 

Isn't that what talking is for? "Oh, I'm sorry, I have this strange issue with people needlepointing during my conversations. It's an odd family thing. I hope you don't mind."

 

I have yet to meet anyone with this issue, though, and I knit virtually everywhere I get a spare minute. Most people realize I knit to pay attention and know my mind wanders around if not fenced in by knitting.

[TranquilMind]

I will dissent slightly.

 

I think it is rude if you pick up a vibe that she is bothered by it.

 

For me, I don't really mind if you craft away. But it is so distracting to me that *I* have difficulty conversing with someone who doesn't seem focused on the conversation with me. To me, if I'm talking and they pick up their craft to do, that's a signal that I'm boring them or whatever and I usually fizzle out shortly there after.

 

Just saying. I would not tell you to stop or that it bothers me, but I would fizzle and or figure you weren't interested in the convo.

 

I totally agree with Martha. I would figure you weren't very interested in our conversation.

 

At the very least, ask her if it bothers or distracts her when you do this, and if so, you are happy to just talk.

[QueenCat]

So now you ladies have helped to further explain why I don't have many mom friends. I don't talk to people that are working on projects. I assume they'd rather work on their project. I typically take my kindle with me read while waiting. I keep it put away at the beginning of an activity, but once moms bring out their projects, I bring out my kindle and read. I always assumed ya'll were using the activity time to catch up on a project and enjoy a little peace and quiet. I have always equated my reading with your projects. Hmm.

 

I've done the same before. Just assumed if someone was knitting or something, in a waiting area for kids activities, that they wanted to be left alone to their thing.

[kitten18]

Situation #1: you and acquaintance are waiting while your children have an activity. Not rude at all.

Situation #2: you are invited to her home. Not rude, but I'd expect you to make some comment like, "oh, I hope you don't mind my knitting! I take it everywhere and I always need to be doing something with my hands. Now tell me all about the latest..." whatever it is she is interested in, to show you are interested in her conversation. And, it should be something you can do easily like knitting or crocheting, not something that requires a lot of paraphernalia or instructions you have to keep checking.

Situation #3: your friend is going through a rough time and came over to cry on your shoulder. Knitting would be rude then, I think.

:iagree:

[redsquirrel]

But would you take that to someone's home when you didn't know them well? I guess as someone who can't knit, sew, etc because I've tried and find it so hard, I don't realize that people can do it and concentrate on conversation as well.

 

I take it everywhere. My travel knitting fits in my small purse. A sock doesn't take up much space or take my attention. If someone stopped talking or seemed bothered by it, then I would of course put it down. If someone was discussing something emotional or difficult then of course I put it down. If we are chatting about curriculum or busy schedules or recipes then I can chat and knit.

 

I have noticed that I tend to stop knitting and make eye contact when the other person is talking. I knit a few stitches when I am considering my response or in a natural pause in my speech.

[Mommy22alyns]

I've done the same before. Just assumed if someone was knitting or something, in a waiting area for kids activities, that they wanted to be left alone to their thing.

 

This is probably part of my problem too. I'll just ask her if it bothers her. (And try not to run this one off!)

[jenL]

Craft away! I would be asking you to teach me!

[Mommy22alyns]

This is great. She solved it for me by bringing her own crochet! And she did say that she would lob any questions my way. :001_huh: I'm kind of self-taught and trying to figure things out myself! :lol:

[greenvneck]

This is great. She solved it for me by bringing her own crochet! And she did say that she would lob any questions my way. :001_huh: I'm kind of self-taught and trying to figure things out myself! :lol:

 

That is so awesome! I *need* something to do with my hands unless I have remembered to take my ADHD meds (catch-22 right there!), otherwise I can't focus on the conversation. How cool that you found a fellow hooker! :001_smile: