Am I too old-fashioned? Mean-spirited? Superficial? Funeral attire.

[Hoggirl]

I attended a funeral this morning for an elderly gentleman in our church, and, quite honestly, I was appalled at what some of the people were wearing. One girl had on shorts and Birkenstocks. She has dresses - I have seen her in them in church. One lady had on a jacket that had rhinestones on it. Several men had on golf shirts and jeans. Then funeral was at 10:30 this morning. It's not particularly hot, and there was no graveside service. All the honorary pallbearers did have on jackets if not suits. But it wasn't an age thing such that the older folks were dressed more appropriately than the younger folks who were there.

 

Maybe I am just overly critical, but I don't think it is that hard to spruce up a little bit for a funeral.

 

Am I just out of touch? I know society has become a lot more casual, but to me there are just certain times when one has to dress a certain way.

 

Ducking, in case tomatoes are coming my way.

[Carol in Cal.]

I have never seen that, and I attend a lot of funerals. I would be shocked and disappointed.

[Trilliums]

I was surprised at a recent funeral to see the adult grandchildren of the deceased wearing jeans and t-shirts.

 

I am not one for strict attire guidelines. I generally do not even know what the guidelines are, actually. :lol: But, jeans and shorts at a funeral do surprise me.

[Rebel Yell]

I agree, we should dress to show respect- unless the deceased was one of those types who directed in advance that their memorial be a Luau or something...

 

But having lost very dear ones recently, I also believe that people should make an effort to show up at all. As long as they aren't naked, I'm happy. I was particularly touched by my childhood best friend who gave up her only break in a 16-hour day (traveling hospice care & going to night school for a nursing degree- all as a single mom!) showed up in her work clothes- beat-up dirty scrubs- to pay respects to my grandmother. I appreciated that so much more than the people who went home after work and changed out of their suits & ties and never bothered to show up at all. :glare:

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I was recently at a funeral and I saw the same thing! I was appalled. And it wasn't just a few people, it was a LOT of people dressed like that! I guess I'm old-fashioned, too. (I'm 26)

[LibraryLover]

I a raging liberal, but I don't like seeing folks dressed down at weddings (unless it's what the couple wishes) or funerals (unless the departed has requested something specific). I also understand people want to be comfortable on flights, but I'd like to see a little less of folks on flights. I know it seems like no big deal to fly these days, but to me it's still a huge honking deal to fly a plane and land it. lol The pilots look so snazzy, and some people look like they just rolled out of bed. It just doesn't mesh for me. ;)

 

I think coats and ties are appropriate for men and teen boys at funerals. Little boys can do polo shirts, and loafers from payless. Dresses or nice pants with a suitable top on women and girls. Not bothering to get dressed to pay your respects at a funeral doesn't seem polite. (Rushing from work in your work clothes seems reasonable to me. But grown men getting 'dressed up' in jeans and a polo shirt for a funeral? No. )

Edited September 12, 2012 by LibraryLover

[TXBeth]

Meh. I don't think you are superficial or mean-spirited, but I also don't think it really matters what people wear. Personally, I dress up, but it doesn't bother me that other people don't.

[wintermom]

I'd much rather have the person there to support the family than stay away because of dress-code issues. Not worth ruffling feather about, in my eyes. Many people avoid funerals altogether for personal comfort-issues reasons. It's not about the clothes.

[Crimson Wife]

My DS did wear shorts to my maternal grandma's funeral. However, it was August in Connecticut and the church had no air conditioning so he would've overheated if I had him in long pants. He wore a navy polo and dressy shoes with the shorts. Oldest DD and I were in navy sundresses and dressy sandals.

 

I am with you in thinking that jeans and rhinestone-studded items have no place at a funeral.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

Does not surprise me. People do not understand the "dressing for respect' thing. Even Sunday church service has shorts, halter tops, low cut tops, and flip flops.

[Impish]

Unless it's a request of the family, I say dress formally.

 

I say 'request of the family' b/c when I was 17, a close friend died.

 

His mother specifically requested that we wear what we would normally wear to come over to her place and hang out w/him. We honoured her, and did as she asked...but there were older ppl present that gave several of my friends and I holy heck for not dressing 'properly'...and his Mom ended up announcing in a very loud voice that his friends had done as she'd asked, and anyone that didn't like it could just darn well leave.

[Soror]

I think in different communities and social circles there are different standards for what is considered dress clothes. I'd never wear rhinestones at any time but some people do consider that dressy. I don't see nice jeans and polo shirts as horrible, as I could see dh wearing that depending on his closeness to the person. Most don't wear ties and certainly not jackets around here, unless it is the "rich" people. I wouldn't have problem with dress shorts for boys but wouldn't do shorts for girls or adults, or show excessive amount of skin.

[Hoggirl]

I think it's petty to give a hoot what people wear to a funeral.

 

:lol: I appreciate your honesty.

 

I'm not talking about "little" boys wearing polos or even shorts. I'm talking grown men wearing golf shirts. Even in the choir loft only one or two men had on jackets.

 

I guess "proper" is important to me. I do understand the sentiment about just being happy that people have come, but it doesn't take any longer to put on a skirt than it does to put on a pair of shorts.

[LibraryLover]

My DS did wear shorts to my maternal grandma's funeral. However, it was August in Connecticut and the church had no air conditioning so he would've overheated if I had him in long pants. He wore a navy polo and dressy shoes with the shorts. Oldest DD and I were in navy sundresses and dressy sandals.

 

I am with you in thinking that jeans and rhinestone-studded items have no place at a funeral.

 

 

I actually like young boys in dress shorts for occasions. I don't like tux on little ring bearers. They should be in Eton suits. (I am a terrible ball of misxed messages. Flaming social liberal, conservative in the ways of dress. lol) It's traditional for young boys to wear dress shorts to wedding and funerals. In Novemeber, on the sad occasion of his father's funeral, JFK Jr was in shorts.

[Nakia]

When my grandmother died last year, my middle dd picked out a pink long sleeve shirt with a rhinestone butterfly on it to wear to the funeral. The reason? "Mamaw LOVED this shirt! She would be so happy for me to wear it today." I smiled and told her to go for it!

 

I think it's pretty unfortunate to judge people on what they wear to a funeral. As long as they've got enough skin covered, it shouldn't matter. Just my opinion.

[Mrs Mungo]

I dress up. I wear black.

 

However, I have been to a lot of memorials for soldiers where their friends and family wear jeans and t-shirts imprinted with information about their beloved. I can't find it in my heart to actually fault any of those people.

Edited September 11, 2012 by Mrs Mungo
Dang iPhone!

[Amber in SJ]

My FIL wore jeans to his mother's funeral. I know he has a suit because all the DILs forced him to wear it at our weddings. He wore it to his own second wedding, but to his mother's funeral? Nope. Jeans & a western shirt with snaps. No, he is not a cowboy.

 

I jokingly told him his mother was going to come back & haunt him for it and he said;

"I hope so."

 

amber in SJ

[Canadianmumof5]

Does not surprise me. People do not understand the "dressing for respect' thing. Even Sunday church service has shorts, halter tops, low cut tops, and flip flops.

 

:iagree:

Even though it doesn't surprise me, it doesn't make it right.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Well, dh and I recently went to a funeral that was half military/ half biker. DH wore dress blues, as did the rest of the squadron. The deceased's DIL, son and many, MANY friends wore biker leathers. (Is that what you call it?) I thought it was a very fitting tribute.

 

I wore a black dress with black sandals and I forgot that I had green glitter nail polish on my toenails until we were in the car. I dare say that no one was offended by my piggies, nor did anyone notice. I'd never met the guy, but gave his widow a hug and whispered, "Thank you for sharing him with us". (DH spoke very highly of him, but he wouldn't have thought to say anything to her.)

 

I think if you (general 'you') spend your time being upset about what other people are doing you may end up very unhappy. People are always doing something cray-cray.

[justamouse]

Where I come from, it's a lack of respect for the person and the family, to not dress accordingly. And, frankly, those I've lost I love too much to go to such a ceremony dressing as if they didn't matter.

 

Everything in life is not jeans worthy. There are some things that we make reverential by how we dress for the occasion, and it's so lazy to say that *nothing* is worth dressing up. Really? So if everything is boring, like every other day---why bother? Wait, but we're already there....

 

I'm waiting for sweats to overtake wedding attire. White sweats, with rhinestones on the butt, of course.

[AndyJoy]

I just attended my great-aunt's funeral and was pleasantly surprised that most people dressed well. Even my cousins who don't usually understand social norms dressed up--yay! This was a graveside service only, and the temperature was 90 degrees. There were quite a few old farmers wearing Wranglers, western shirts, boots, and hats, but they were definitely "dress" clothes not work clothes and this was in a rural Idaho graveyard with a breathtaking view of the farmland. We are a long-time farming family, so it seemed appropriate even if it wasn't traditionally dressy.

 

My son was supposed to be with a babysitter, but that fell through. I dressed him in his church clothes that he was going to wear to the dinner afterward--new dark blue Wranglers, a red/black/gray button up shirt, red tennis shoes, and a gray newsboy cap that my great-aunt adored him in.

[indigomama]

I wore red and white polka dots to my grandmothers funeral. However, it was her dying request that everyone wear that. So, I was just trying to respect her wishes.

 

Everyone else wore black, so I did look a little funny:tongue_smilie:

[elegantlion]

I don't really care for the most part. Polo shirts and pants may be men coming from work. I would rather they come attired in that manner than skip because they don't own a jacket any longer.

 

Kids get a pass, imo. My ds didn't have a pair of khakis for a long time, no dress pants, and no dress shoes. He wouldn't have been allowed to wear his Halo t-shirt just because it's black, but he would have been allowed some say in what he wears.

 

I try to wear black for the most part. With what's in my wardrobe now that would be pretty casual, maybe business casual level.

 

Attitude is much more important to me than what you wear.

[Kimm in WA]

It can really vary depending on where you live. I grew up in a Seattle suburb and now live in a rural area in the center of the state and things are DEFINITELY more casual. It even varies a lot between the very small town and the closest "bigger town" (still small). In town there would be slacks, shirts, and ties (though only the older folks would probably wear jackets). In the very small town funeral attire seems to be a man's "good Wranglers" and a nice shirt or a polo shirt.

[SheilaZ]

At my father's funeral, eight years ago today, I wore an all black dress suit complete with black hose and dress shoes. In the deep south, it is still very hot in early september. I was miserable anyway so I didn't mind being hot to pay proper respects to my father.

Usually, I wear a black print dress or suit to funerals and I always dress up. I want the family to know that I thought enough to not only take time to come but also to take time look nice for them.

 

I don't care what other people wear though.

[FaithManor]

I've seen it a lot and not just funerals, weddings too! I am always at the piano at weddings and so I have this unique view of everything going on since most churches and funeral homes have the piano, organ, or keyboard somewhere near the front. I witness quite a bit of inappropriate dress. :glare:

 

It's sad, very sad. But our entire culture has taken casual to the extreme. HR departments all across the land report that job candidates will come to interviews in jeans, t-shirts, shorts, sandals, directly from the gym without showering, you name it.

 

Faith

[Excelsior! Academy]

Where I come from, it's a lack of respect for the person and the family, to not dress accordingly. And, frankly, those I've lost I love too much to go to such a ceremony dressing as if they didn't matter.

 

Everything in life is not jeans worthy. There are some things that we make reverential by how we dress for the occasion, and it's so lazy to say that *nothing* is worth dressing up. Really? So if everything is boring, like every other day---why bother? Wait, but we're already there....

 

I'm waiting for sweats to overtake wedding attire. White sweats, with rhinestones on the butt, of course.

 

I agree and

 

:lol:

[Soror]

This is interesting to read for me. I live very rural, there aren't even a lot of places to buy dress clothes(JC Penney is the "fanciest" place to shop here), obviously what is considered dressy here is very different than other places. The area is poorer as well, there are just different standards and people don't necessarily see it as being disrespectful. I seen a guy at a funeral before in his nice denim overalls and plaid button-up shirt. Wranglers with a western shirt and cowboy boots would be considered dressy by many. Personally I do a skirt w/ flats. Dh might wear nice denim w/ a button up or polo- or perhaps khakis with either of those shirts. For his grandma's funeral he wore black dress pants, white shirt w/ tie but his cousins grandmother's visitation he didn't dress up as much, we were just in and out. I think more of the intention of people. As I said a lot of people consider their western wear to be dress clothes around here, I wouldn't think them disrespectful in that case.

[StephanieZ]

I do think that many people now just have no idea how to dress properly for any occasion.

 

I've been to formal funerals where the majority of young people (20s) were wearing bar clothes. As in strappy tight flashy tops and hot pants or jeans.

 

I was recently at a very sweet, traditional, formal bridal shower -- a Sunday brunch at a nice golf club/resort. The bride-to-be and her parents were wearing expected Sunday-best clothes. Her ENTIRE bridal party were wearing not just jeans, but CUT OFFs and jeans with many holes! They looked like they were on their way to tail gate at a football game. I felt so bad for the bride to have pictures taken with them!

 

I have seen folks come in to interview for a job working at a vet hospital . . . in short-shorts and flip flops. And, yes, these girls have included many who really did want the job, and even some we have hired. (We wear scrubs and have a very specific dress code, so it isn't much of an issue once they are hired . . .) One gal who came to interview in short-shorts and an equally inappropriate tank top was hired, did an awesome job for several months in her lovely uniforn, and when she left the job a few months later (on good terms), my office manager actually sat her down and coached her about her interview clothes just as a favor to her for future jobs. I am quite confident that she had NO IDEA how inappropriate she was, and that if *I* had interviewed her, she wouldn't have gotten past "Hello".

 

People are just clueless.

 

Life is short. I try not to let it bother me, but I surely teach my own children differently! We dress for the occasion, and, while we are never the *only* appropriately dressed people at formal events, we seem to be increasingly outnumbered by people whose only consideration in getting dressed in the morning must be what is comfortable and/or cute and/or sexy, not the message they are sending with their attire.

[kitten18]

Meh. I don't think you are superficial or mean-spirited, but I also don't think it really matters what people wear. Personally, I dress up, but it doesn't bother me that other people don't.

 

I think in different communities and social circles there are different standards for what is considered dress clothes. I'd never wear rhinestones at any time but some people do consider that dressy. I don't see nice jeans and polo shirts as horrible, as I could see dh wearing that depending on his closeness to the person. Most don't wear ties and certainly not jackets around here, unless it is the "rich" people. I wouldn't have problem with dress shorts for boys but wouldn't do shorts for girls or adults, or show excessive amount of skin.

:iagree:

 

Where I grew up and where both my parents were buried, it would be very common (and completely appropriate) to see men in their nice Wranglers, boots and a polo or button down shirt. I would guess that very few of these men own a jacket.

[Crimson Wife]

My husband's wardrobe is 99% polo shirts. If he doesn't wear his one jacket and shirt it's probably because at that moment he gained too much weight and it doesn't fit. So he goes in his polo shirt. What's more important? That he showed up to the funeral and paid his respects? Or that he didn't go because he couldn't button his jacket? I mean you really just never know what the reason is for what people wear. Funerals aren't generally the type of thing we plan for.

 

Polo shirts with chinos wouldn't make me blink an eye, but polos with jeans would. One is "business casual", and the other is just plain casual.

[ElizaG]

Everything in life is not jeans worthy. There are some things that we make reverential by how we dress for the occasion, and it's so lazy to say that *nothing* is worth dressing up. Really? So if everything is boring, like every other day---why bother? Wait, but we're already there....

:iagree: A funeral isn't mainly about the preferences of the people attending, or even "what Uncle Ted would have liked." It's a traditional, ritual occasion for the whole community. The details might change gradually over time, but any culture that decides to dump or re-invent its own traditions on a large scale is deeply confused. Maybe even self-hating.

 

I'm surprised that some people find this a frivolous topic. To me, it's anything but a "first world problem." Go visit any traditional society in the third world, and they will be just as concerned about following whatever their local standards are for major life events -- probably much more so. Rituals are part of what makes us human. They're one of the things we have left when everything else is gone.

 

I'm waiting for sweats to overtake wedding attire. White sweats, with rhinestones on the butt, of course.

:lol:

[FaithManor]

Polo shirts with chinos wouldn't make me blink an eye, but polos with jeans would. One is "business casual", and the other is just plain casual.

 

 

I'd be happy for jeans and polos. I see cut-offs, muscle shirts, and dollar store thong sandals at funerals and weddings around here!

 

Faith

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I don't really care what people are wearing at funerals, but I was really, truly appalled at my great aunt's funeral when her granddaughter set her Diet Pepsi down next to the guest book so she could scratch off her lottery tickets on top of it. :glare:

[Nakia]

I seriously cannot get over this thread. Life must be pretty good if this is the biggest thing to worry about. Really...

 

I agree!! I guess you and I are clueless, disrespect, sad, and shocking.

 

My family simply does not own what most consider "dress up clothes." My girls don't have formal dresses and neither do I. My husband does not own a suit, never has. The girls and I wear (nice) jeans, sweaters, simple dresses, etc (and of course there's the pink rhinestone shirt I mentioned up thread, lol) to funerals. That's what we wear every day though. My husband wears jeans or khakis when he goes (he HATES funerals and rarely attends one). I've never considered non-black clothing to be offensive at funerals. I'm not about to go out and spend hundreds of dollars buying "appropriate" funeral clothing. We look nice, and we are clean. Most of all, we're there, showing love and respect for the deceased and their family/loved ones.

[Crimson Wife]

I wore white on purpose to my mother's funeral. I didn't want it to be dark and sad. Of course I was sad, but my mother suffered for a long time before she died. So part of me was relieved for her. She would have appreciated that I thought to wear white despite knowing I'd be the only one doing so. And I was. Although nobody dared say anything to me. LOL

 

My maternal grandma always wore a white suit to funerals because she claimed white was the Chinese color of mourning (and she was Scottish rather than Chinese :lol:). Everyone just chalked it up to her being rather eccentric :tongue_smilie:

[justamouse]

:iagree: A funeral isn't mainly about the preferences of the people attending, or even "what Uncle Ted would have liked." It's a traditional, ritual occasion for the whole community. The details might change gradually over time, but any culture that decides to dump or re-invent its own traditions on a large scale is deeply confused. Maybe even self-hating.

 

I'm surprised that some people find this a frivolous topic. To me, it's anything but a "first world problem." Go visit any traditional society in the third world, and they will be just as concerned about following whatever their local standards are for major life events -- probably much more so. Rituals are part of what makes us human. They're one of the things we have left when everything else is gone.

 

 

:lol:

 

Actually, I think poorer countries have higher standards for community ritual than we do.

 

I mean, they have dances, and ceremonies, and special dress, and the customs are strictly adhered to because they KNOW their culture and community are important.

[lynn]

I would wear a dress or skirt in darker colors. That's the way I was brought up. I felt bad that I had to attend my Oma's wake in capri's in a light blue sweater because my plane was late and I did not have time to change.

[FaithManor]

I agree!! I guess you and I are clueless, disrespect, sad, and shocking.

 

My family simply does not own what most consider "dress up clothes." My girls don't have formal dresses and neither do I. My husband does not own a suit, never has. The girls and I wear (nice) jeans, sweaters, simple dresses, etc (and of course there's the pink rhinestone shirt I mentioned up thread, lol) to funerals. That's what we wear every day though. My husband wears jeans or khakis when he goes (he HATES funerals and rarely attends one). I've never considered non-black clothing to be offensive at funerals. I'm not about to go out and spend hundreds of dollars buying "appropriate" funeral clothing. We look nice, and we are clean. Most of all, we're there, showing love and respect for the deceased and their family/loved ones.

 

 

I don't think anyone expects formal attire. I do think a line has been crossed when cut-offs with frayed seams and holes in the butt, muscle shirts, and tube tops are worn to weddings and funerals. I am sorry you think that the thread is offensive. But, possibly the people putting on the event are little offended when people arrive looking like they just arrived from the beach, the gym, or the barn. Believe me, I've seen it. I've even seen men in this area that think it's okay to choose to hunt right up until the event and then show up wearing camo, mud encrusted boots, and smelling of "deer scent". This level of "casual" is what I object to. I don't care two hoots about formal attire or expensive clothes. But, I do care about being appropriate. Tube tops and camo are not appropriate in my opinion nor are gym clothes worn to job interviews.

 

Faith

[Hoggirl]

Where I come from, it's a lack of respect for the person and the family, to not dress accordingly. And, frankly, those I've lost I love too much to go to such a ceremony dressing as if they didn't matter.

 

Everything in life is not jeans worthy. There are some things that we make reverential by how we dress for the occasion, and it's so lazy to say that *nothing* is worth dressing up.

 

This.

 

I'm not talking about little kids, or something the deceased wanted people to wear, or people who don't have/can't afford dressy clothes. I knew 80% of the people at this funeral, and I have seen them wearing what I would consider funeral-appropriate clothing in church. I would have no issue with a ten-year-old girl wearing a sparkly shirt because her grandmother loved it. I think that is precious. I love Eton suits on little boys! But, I just don't understand why if people HAVE dressier clothes why they wouldn't wear them.

 

No one was too bare. Interestingly one of the grandaughters (probably in her mid-30s) often wears things a bit bare to church. Today she had on a sleeveless dress which was NOT too bare on it's own, yet she was wearing a scarf tied around her shoulders as well. Made me think of the rules about visiting St. Peter's in Rome. I think that's kind of my standard for church and religious ceremonies even though I am not Roman Catholic.

 

I do acknowledge that my views are all tied in to my southern upbringing.

[Parrothead]

I can't say that I've never seen jeans and flannel at a funeral. But, these were the best those particular people had so jeans and flannel it was.

 

The funeral last week seemed okay. A few of the younger crowd had on what I would call slinky dresses - more appropriate for a night club. But I was wearing slacks so I've no room to talk.

[momma aimee]

I attended a funeral this morning for an elderly gentleman in our church, and, quite honestly, I was appalled at what some of the people were wearing. One girl had on shorts and Birkenstocks. She has dresses - I have seen her in them in church. One lady had on a jacket that had rhinestones on it. Several men had on golf shirts and jeans. Then funeral was at 10:30 this morning. It's not particularly hot, and there was no graveside service. All the honorary pallbearers did have on jackets if not suits. But it wasn't an age thing such that the older folks were dressed more appropriately than the younger folks who were there.

 

Maybe I am just overly critical, but I don't think it is that hard to spruce up a little bit for a funeral.

 

Am I just out of touch? I know society has become a lot more casual, but to me there are just certain times when one has to dress a certain way.

 

Ducking, in case tomatoes are coming my way.

 

I am right there with you

[elegantlion]

I'm sure some people are clueless and disrespectful. I'm sure some of it is that you don't have to dress up for everything anymore. Funerals and weddings don't happen that often, hopefully. I realized reading this thread that ds has never owned a suit or really needed one for that matter.

 

For some it is a matter of tradition, for some it's a matter how things are changing.

 

I'm always surprised when I study the clothing of history, how removed and unimportant some of the details of by-gone eras seem now. I think we are in one of those cycles of change, a letting go of the Victorian strictness.

 

I have many family that dressing up would mean the good Wranglers, your clean boots and a shirt with sleeves and buttons.

 

Again, I would rather people show up with the proper attitude of mourning and be sorrowful for the departed, hopeful for their eternity (if that is their way of thinking), and around to hug the people that are suffering. I honestly can't remember what I've worn to some funerals, but I'll never forget my dear friend's father sobbing on my shoulder because his son died unexpectantly and hugging my friend because her only sibling was now gone at too young of an age. Sorrow and respect don't show up in a dress code.

[Hoggirl]

Actually, I think poorer countries have higher standards for community ritual than we do.

 

I mean, they have dances, and ceremonies, and special dress, and the customs are strictly adhered to because they KNOW their culture and community are important.

 

This is interesting to me. I wonder why this difference exists.

[Hoggirl]

I don't think anyone expects formal attire. I do think a line has been crossed when cut-offs with frayed seams and holes in the butt, muscle shirts, and tube tops are worn to weddings and funerals. I am sorry you think that the thread is offensive. But, possibly the people putting on the event are little offended when people arrive looking like they just arrived from the beach, the gym, or the barn. Believe me, I've seen it. I've even seen men in this area that think it's okay to choose to hunt right up until the event and then show up wearing camo, mud encrusted boots, and smelling of "deer scent". This level of "casual" is what I object to. I don't care two hoots about formal attire or expensive clothes. But, I do care about being appropriate. Tube tops and camo are not appropriate in my opinion nor are gym clothes worn to job interviews.

 

Faith

 

This used to happen at ds's piano recitals. People's kids had so many activities that they would swoop in at the last minute for the recital The child playing would *usually* be dressed appropriately but often mom and dad were still in gym shorts and a t-shirts from the previous event - soccer, softball, etc.

[laundrycrisis]

I do not think dark clothing is necessary at a funeral. My grandmother loved bright colors, and at her funeral, we all wore very bright colors, on purpose, because she would have liked to see us all decked out like a rainbow.

 

I do think it is an occasion that requires at least clothing that is a step up from our most casual clothes. Anything overly casual or trendy, or anything worn and ratty looking, is impolite. A clean, not worn out shirt with nice pants/skirt/new and not overly trendy jeans, and nice shoes or sandals is fine, even if it is a casual and comfortable outfit. A faded or ripped tee shirt with holey jeans, ragged shorts, sweat pants or pajama bottoms and worn athletic shoes or flip flops, or a loudly trendy or street-culture type outfit really is not respectful. If someone is leaving straight from work just to make it to the funeral, whatever they work in is fine. Anyone else should take a few minutes to put on something that shows a little care if they aren't already dressed in moderately nice clothing.

 

JMO. But then again I also don't think it's at all appropriate to go grocery shopping in a cami, pajama bottoms and flip flops...so I suppose I'm a fuddy duddy.

[Nakia]

I don't think anyone expects formal attire. I do think a line has been crossed when cut-offs with frayed seams and holes in the butt, muscle shirts, and tube tops are worn to weddings and funerals. I am sorry you think that the thread is offensive. But, possibly the people putting on the event are little offended when people arrive looking like they just arrived from the beach, the gym, or the barn. Believe me, I've seen it. I've even seen men in this area that think it's okay to choose to hunt right up until the event and then show up wearing camo, mud encrusted boots, and smelling of "deer scent". This level of "casual" is what I object to. I don't care two hoots about formal attire or expensive clothes. But, I do care about being appropriate. Tube tops and camo are not appropriate in my opinion nor are gym clothes worn to job interviews.

 

Faith

 

I did say skin should be covered. :)

 

And I'm not offended in the least by this thread. Just wanted to make that clear.

[LisaBoo]

:iagree:

I have never seen that, and I attend a lot of funerals. I would be shocked and disappointed.

[FaithManor]

I did say skin should be covered. :)

 

And I'm not offended in the least by this thread. Just wanted to make that clear.

 

 

OOOOH Good! Whew! I wanted to make sure we were okay!!!! :001_smile:

 

And I'm just speaking from the perspective that things, in terms of being neat in appearance and not being GROSS, has gotten out of hand in my little micro-culture. The absolute worst so far for 2012 was the granddaughter of a neighbor that showed up to her grandmother's funeral in a bikini top and short-shorts. :001_huh::tongue_smilie::glare:

 

Seriously, miss teeny-bopper, there is a thrift store just down the road with perfectly acceptable pants and shirts for $1.99 each!

 

You get the idea. I think we are on the same page.

 

Faith

[G5052]

I'm sure some people are clueless and disrespectful. I'm sure some of it is that you don't have to dress up for everything anymore. Funerals and weddings don't happen that often, hopefully. I realized reading this thread that ds has never owned a suit or really needed one for that matter.

 

For some it is a matter of tradition, for some it's a matter how things are changing.

 

I'm always surprised when I study the clothing of history, how removed and unimportant some of the details of by-gone eras seem now. I think we are in one of those cycles of change, a letting go of the Victorian strictness.

 

I have many family that dressing up would mean the good Wranglers, your clean boots and a shirt with sleeves and buttons.

 

Again, I would rather people show up with the proper attitude of mourning and be sorrowful for the departed, hopeful for their eternity (if that is their way of thinking), and around to hug the people that are suffering. I honestly can't remember what I've worn to some funerals, but I'll never forget my dear friend's father sobbing on my shoulder because his son died unexpectantly and hugging my friend because her only sibling was now gone at too young of an age. Sorrow and respect don't show up in a dress code.

 

For me, dressing in a "better" dress is a way of showing respect for the family. That is pretty much the norm where I live though. So when I go, I do that. Where DH and I used to live, the norm was suits for both men and women, and I did think that was expecting a bit much.

 

Now at both of my parents' funerals, I was one of the better dressed people there in a simple burgundy dress, and indeed people wore everything from cut-offs to dark suits. This was a daytime memorial service (no viewing) in a church. It bugged me, but I was just glad they came and got past it.