Alessandra Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Dc are the age when the bar/bat mitzvah invitations arrive. The IRL (non-Jewish) people I asked all said to give money in multiples of 7, $77 being especially propitious. I am looking for some opinions because: a) $77 is lot of money to me. As a matter of fact, so is $35 (5 x 7), if I don't know the people terribly well, even though I really like them, KWIM? b) But I don't want to be cheap. I mean, don't want to look cheap. c) Something in my waspy soul rebels against money as a present -- not quite right. d) On the other hand, I don't want to be the type who has a pastrami sandwich on white bread with mayonnaise. So............sugesstions???????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 We have always given money. It seems to be the expected gift, at least where we live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 We gave my nieces watches with Hebrew numbers, and those were a big hit. At least, they seemed to like them. :D I don't know where I found them, I must have ordered them online, or found them at an art show. I don't think monetary gifts are a must, but money gifts are always appreciated, although I thought it was multiples of 18 that particularly meaningful? Maybe it can differ. Half my family is Orthodox (Jewish), part tends toward atheism, part is some sort of non-denominational Christian. Makes for interesting get-togethers. Anyway, not being in the OJ half, I could have the number mixed up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted September 10, 2012 Author Share Posted September 10, 2012 We gave my nieces watches with Hebrew numbers, and those were a big hit. At least, they seemed to like them. :D I don't know where I found them, I must have ordered them online, or found them at an art show. I don't think monetary gifts are a must, but money gifts are always appreciated, although I thought it was multiples of 18 that particularly meaningful? Maybe it can differ. Half my family is Orthodox (Jewish), part tends toward atheism, part is some sort of non-denominational Christian. Makes for interesting get-togethers. Anyway, not being in the OJ half, I could have the number mixed up. I heard 7, but it was from someone in my church, so it may or may not be accurate....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 We never gave money. We gave "adult type" gifts...if i remember correctly. It was a really long time ago. The only gift I really remember was a engraved pen set, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted September 10, 2012 Author Share Posted September 10, 2012 (posted reply to another thread by mistake) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted September 10, 2012 Author Share Posted September 10, 2012 We never gave money. We gave "adult type" gifts...if i remember correctly. It was a really long time ago. The only gift I really remember was a engraved pen set, lol. Good idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Money is the most appropriate gift. It certainly doesn't need to be $77. I think it is multiples of $18--so if I didn't know them very well I think $36, or $48 would work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I've known of people giving stock. There are lots of fun interesting little stocks. It helps if you already have a method to buy it. You can look into DRIPs (dividend reinvestment plans) where the dividends buy additional shares of the stock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I thought it was multiples of 18 that particularly meaningful? This is correct. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I'm Jewish (though not religious at all) and have never given money as a gift. With the number of invites that kids receive their is no way every child is getting a lump sum of money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 We gave my nieces watches with Hebrew numbers, and those were a big hit. At least, they seemed to like them. :D I don't know where I found them, I must have ordered them online, or found them at an art show. I don't think monetary gifts are a must, but money gifts are always appreciated, although I thought it was multiples of 18 that particularly meaningful? Maybe it can differ. Half my family is Orthodox (Jewish), part tends toward atheism, part is some sort of non-denominational Christian. Makes for interesting get-togethers. Anyway, not being in the OJ half, I could have the number mixed up. It is multiples of 18. A lot of kids around here give gift cards to popular stores instead of actual cash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Can someone explain the tradition to me? Around here, spiritual or religious milestones are not normally associated with gifts. So, if one is invited to a confirmation open house, baptism, etc., gifts are generally not given except by maybe the closest relatives and the godparents. I'm kind of lost on that. Is there some unspoken rule that every guest must bring $18.00 or multiples of $18.00? Is it $18.00 per person in a family attending the event - so that would be $54.00 for dh, myself, and youngest who has a Jewish friend and will be invited this spring? I'd like to know so I could figure this out. I was going to make a twin size quilt for him...something really nice in his favorite colors and representing his personal hobbies. Though we aren't what I would call close friends with the parents, ds and their son are "thick", so to speak, and that's why ds asked me to make the quilt. He was even going to do some cutting and sewing on it too which I thought was very sweet. But, maybe that would be considered very poor taste. :bigear: Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Around here money is the standard for all those types of occasions (communion, bar/bat mitzvah, graduation, etc.). We were just at a bat mitzvah, and the guest of honor received only envelopes as gifts. I've never heard about multiples of any denomination, though. Huh. I'll have to ask around about that one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bar_and_Bat_Mitzvah This might help explain the reason and it is nothing to do with the amount of money spent on a guest at the event. So often is a fine fountain pen the gift that there is a joke about this. "Today I become a ...fountain pen."Instead of the statement today I become a man or woman as the case may be. I think any gift given with love will be received in love and gratitude for sharing such a special day. If you are Christian and asked to a bar or bat mitzvah know that whatever gift you bring it is appreciated and loved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 at my bat mitzvah most of the gifts were money, but I also got a necklace with my name (this was the 70s), a thesaurus (this is the only thing I still have), a candle set for doing shabbat, and i think some more ordinary gifts from non-jewish friends. I'm pretty sure my mom bought unabridged dictionaries for at least one of my cousins, and I think several. But i clearly remember kids (in synagogue and family members) comparing how much cash they got (i always had the smallest amount). i dont think they would be offended at a personal gift, esp from someone who isnt jewish, but it is traditional to give money. Its supposed to be almost like graduation, not a birthday, a milestone once-in-a-lifetime thing. i guess second to a wedding? idk, i've only been to one jewish wedding and i had a fever . . . . the quilt does sound sweet to me though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kubiac Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) FWIW, we had a year of bar/bat mitzvahs when I was in junior high and my parents just said, simply, "We're not paying for gifts. You can attend the events if you want, but we're not giving presents to all those kids." I recall being mortified at the time, but as far as I know, no one ever noticed or cared. Edited September 11, 2012 by kubiac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) I am Jewish. If you're going to give cash, the relevant multiple is 18, which is the numerical value of the Hebrew word for "life." However, I would not sweat this At All. Cash is definitely appropriate, but so are personal or other gifts, and in any event you should not be extending yourself financially to do this. Some older relatives may (or may not) give more substantial gifts, but for a friend of the kid? I'd go with a book or iTunes certificate and call it good. It's fun to get something that doesn't go straight into the bank anyway. I still regularly use my bat mitzvah candlesticks and have a number of Jewish-themed books with early 1980s copyright dates on the shelves downstairs. Do people still give savings bonds as gifts, for anything? I held on to mine for 20 years and then finally cashed them in so DH and I could furnish our first apartment. Thanks, Mom's siblings, for the EKTORP sofa! Edited September 11, 2012 by JennyD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Can someone explain the tradition to me? Around here, spiritual or religious milestones are not normally associated with gifts. So, if one is invited to a confirmation open house, baptism, etc., gifts are generally not given except by maybe the closest relatives and the godparents. I'm kind of lost on that. Is there some unspoken rule that every guest must bring $18.00 or multiples of $18.00? Is it $18.00 per person in a family attending the event - so that would be $54.00 for dh, myself, and youngest who has a Jewish friend and will be invited this spring? I'd like to know so I could figure this out. I was going to make a twin size quilt for him...something really nice in his favorite colors and representing his personal hobbies. Though we aren't what I would call close friends with the parents, ds and their son are "thick", so to speak, and that's why ds asked me to make the quilt. He was even going to do some cutting and sewing on it too which I thought was very sweet. But, maybe that would be considered very poor taste. :bigear: Faith No, it's not $18 per person. And I think the quilt would be a lovely gift, and he would be very appreciative of the fact that you put so much of yourselves into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shifra Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Besides the gift of fountain pens, watches, and jewelry with your name in Hebrew on it, a religious item is also appropriate for a bar/bat mitzvah: prayer books for the Sabbath or High Holidays, Hebrew Bible (with English translation is nice), candlesticks for the Sabbath (particularly for the girls), a menorah for Hannukah. Money is not the only option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Can someone explain the tradition to me? Hebrew letters have numerical values (not unlike Roman "numerals"). The letter word "Chai" (life) is made up of the letters "Chet" and Yod. Together they have a value of 18. Giving in multiples of "18" is a symbolic way of saying "to life!." The study of the mystical value of words is called "gematria." Gematria is a bigger focus of Hassidim and many Orthodox that it is in practice with Reform and Orthodox Jews, but for gift-giving and charity given in multiples of 18 is a custom that is widely followed by all. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Money should be in multiples of $18. $18 is fine. $36 would also be fine. Other appropriate gifts are also fine -- pen and pencil sets have always been oddly popular. Planting a tree in Israel through the Jewish National Fund is also popular: http://www.jnf.org/support/tree-planting-center/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bar_and_Bat_Mitzvah This might help explain the reason and it is nothing to do with the amount of money spent on a guest at the event. So often is a fine fountain pen the gift that there is a joke about this. "Today I become a ...fountain pen."Instead of the statement today I become a man or woman as the case may be. I think any gift given with love will be received in love and gratitude for sharing such a special day. If you are Christian and asked to a bar or bat mitzvah know that whatever gift you bring it is appreciated and loved. That is hysterical! I am Jewish. If you're going to give cash, the relevant multiple is 18, which is the numerical value of the Hebrew word for "life." However, I would not sweat this At All. Cash is definitely appropriate, but so are personal or other gifts, and in any event you should not be extending yourself financially to do this. Some older relatives may (or may not) give more substantial gifts, but for a friend of the kid? I'd go with a book or iTunes certificate and call it good. It's fun to get something that doesn't go straight into the bank anyway. Besides the gift of fountain pens, watches, and jewelry with your name in Hebrew on it, a religious item is also appropriate for a bar/bat mitzvah: prayer books for the Sabbath or High Holidays, Hebrew Bible (with English translation is nice), candlesticks for the Sabbath (particularly for the girls), a menorah for Hannukah. Money is not the only option. I love these ideas, but I would be a bit nervous that I might get something that was too liberal or too conservative. Or just wrong somehow. Like if someone gave me a particularly saccharine biography of a Christian saint.... Hebrew letters have numerical values (not unlike Roman "numerals"). The letter word "Chai" (life) is made up of the letters "Chet" and Yod. Together they have a value of 18. Giving in multiples of "18" is a symbolic way of saying "to life!." The study of the mystical value of words is called "gematria." Gematria is a bigger focus of Hassidim and many Orthodox that it is in practice with Reform and Orthodox Jews, but for gift-giving and charity given in multiples of 18 is a custom that is widely followed by all. Bill I remember that from doing Bible study with a Torah commentary (Plaut's). The 'mystical' numbers are fascinating. But I had not known about 18 being the number for bar/bat mitzvahs. ----------- So, I think I will give money -- $36 somehow sounds nicer than $35. Do you give a check or cash? Send it ahead or give it at the event. The one we have been asked to is a two-day event (Saturday & Sunday), of which we will only be able to go to the Sunday part, sadly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherL Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 At my Bat Mitzvah it was a mix of money, savings bonds and gifts. The gifts were just normal gifts you would give a teenager. I got a boom box (this was the eighties :tongue_smilie:), a tote bag for traveling, some jewelry, and a stuffed elephant (that I'm not ashamed to admitt still sleeps in my bed). Probably other things too, but I can't remember. I gew up in Conservative Judaism and this was the norm in at least my 20+ bar/bat mitzvah class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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