janetwhitson Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 My husband wants us to homeschool but I am not passionate about it. We moved from the Northwest Territories to Ontario last April and didn't put the kids in school when we arrived in our new home. I have been "trying" to homeschool since then but I'm banging my head against the wall. My boys are not very motivated to do any work and I spend the majority of the day fighting with them to do their school work. I admit that I have not put too much planning into it but I'm still not convinced that homeschooling is the best option for our family. Am I a bad mom for feeling like I don't want to do this anymore? I want to honor my husband but when is enough enough? P.S. My husband took a year off work 2 years ago to attempt homeschooling the kids himself but didn't do anything with them except math on a sporadic basis. Is it fair to say that he had his chance for his dream and squandered it? Please help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 What are the ages and grades of your children? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janetwhitson Posted September 10, 2012 Author Share Posted September 10, 2012 My oldest son just turned 8 (grade 3), younger son is 5 (Kindergarden) and daughter is 2 going on 15, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I wouldn't homeschool unless you actually wanted to do it. And it does sound like you gave it a fair shake. Are your kids generally at grade level? I'd be looking at other options. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I don't think it's terrible to say that you don't want to homeschool. It really isn't for everyone. If your dh feels compelled to continue homeschooling, I would consider an online school. And welcome to The Hive! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I'll be blunt: I think that no one should home school unless they *themself* are in flavour of it -- and competent at it. There are things in life/marriage that can be done on one person's steam. But homeschooling is not one of them it is best when both parents are enthusiastic, and it also can work if only the teaching parent is enthusiastic and the non-teaching parent is "OK" -- but it is not right for your family if you, as the teaching parent simply don't think it's the best thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 If you don't like it, it is going to be a lot harder to do it well. You (either of you) don't sound like you've been executing on actually doing the schooling. There is nothing wrong with trying another avenue, such as traditional schools, to see if your children receive a better education than you have provided to date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Also, it's not about "honoring your husband" -- it's not fair for his preferences to over-ride your own in decisions that need to be made jointly. You are not obligated to honour his preferences or always say yes to his decisions... The Christian requirement (assuming from your vocabulary that this might be a Christian issue) is that you honour him as a person in your relationship... Not that you consider yourself subordinate to him in family decision making. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 My husband wants us to homeschool but I am not passionate about it. We moved from the Northwest Territories to Ontario last April and didn't put the kids in school when we arrived in our new home. I have been "trying" to homeschool since then but I'm banging my head against the wall. My boys are not very motivated to do any work and I spend the majority of the day fighting with them to do their school work. I admit that I have not put too much planning into it but I'm still not convinced that homeschooling is the best option for our family. Am I a bad mom for feeling like I don't want to do this anymore? I want to honor my husband but when is enough enough? P.S. My husband took a year off work 2 years ago to attempt homeschooling the kids himself but didn't do anything with them except math on a sporadic basis. Is it fair to say that he had his chance for his dream and squandered it? Please help! I was in a similar situation, where my husband was more enthusiastic about the idea of homeschooling than I was, and I would be the one having to implement the terrific idea. Mine were a bit older when we started, ages 9 and 11, so I expected more pushback from them than I got. As far as motivating them, in your case at least for the older, he/she needs to understand that the fun stuff doesn't happen until the schoolwork gets done. Also at those ages you have to be with them all the time, not just assign them things and expect them to do it. For me, I didn't get enthusiastic about the idea of homeschooling until I started doing my own planning and researching. Then I could start visualizing it and get excited about it. And I TRULY don't see how it can work if the person doing the homeschooling is not sold on the idea. In our first year I wanted to quit at least twice a month. Then once a month. Now only occasionally. So I don't know how you get through those moments if you're looking for reasons why it won't work, or isn't right for your family. And maybe it isn't! Not wanting to homeschool certainly does NOT make you a bad mom. You want the absolute best for your family, in whatever form that takes. I think though you'd need your program somewhat organized (including lots of fun stuff at these ages!), a definite handle on the disciplinary issues (certain things HAVE to get done, math, reading, etc. before we do anything else), make science and history more fun. Let the kids pick a subject to do. Good luck. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I think it would be a good idea to try school for a while and then see how you feel about it. You may decide the school is a bad situation, or your husband might decide he likes it. Its usually the opposite - a mom wanting to homeschool and her husband not supporting it - but it has to be best for the whole family. He should respect you, too, and not push you to do things you really dislike - and i also think if you have a bad attitude about it, it wont go well. that being said, your kids are really little. is your oldest one reading? I consider myself pretty laid back, but i still am pretty strict about school time. My kids are very addicted to electronic entertainment, so that all goes off when I say its school time, and does not come back on until both the TIME i said school would end, AND the work is done. now, our work is light on the sit-and-write-worksheets stuff. there are fun ways to do school. Even just reading to them every day and taking walks and going to museums is a pretty good elementary education. but you have to be willing to invest yourself in it, and if you arent, its not likely to be a positive thing for the family as a whole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Homeschooling is not easy. Homeschooling is also not for everyone. It takes lots of time, lots of commitment, and lots of belief that this is what you want right now for your family. If any of those are missing, then homeschooling may not be for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 When people ask me about homeschooling, I tell them the single most important thing to think about is whether BOTH parents are on board with the idea. Homeschooling isn't for everyone and if you don't want to do it you shouldn't. Homeschooling with a little one running around is hard enough if you are completely motivated and want to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 A couple of thoughts. The children should obey you whether you are homeschooling or not. I do understand that the homeschool dynamic can make things more difficult but I wouldn't give up on homeschooling for that reason. I would focus on character issues and obedience for that reason. Homeschooling at those ages is a part-time job. What I mean is that the time and effort and seriousness you would put into a part-time job away from home is what I would expect to put into homeschooling those ages at home. Obviously with young children you will have to be much more flexible but I would go into this seeing it as an important job. I agree that you need to want this. Some people are successful reluctant homeschoolers but they are 100% doing it (even if they don't enjoy it) because they see it as vital for their particular children and family. And lastly, there is nothing wrong with you wanting to have your kids in public school. But public school parents need a certain amount of time and commitment to it too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruby Rose Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 If you don't want to then don't. You are doing more of a disservice to your children when your heart isn't into it. HSing is hard enough when you are fully committed to it. I can't imagine trying to get through the challenges that we face otherwise. I would suggest an online program for the kids that you oversee or put them back in school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 My husband wants us to homeschool but I am not passionate about it. ... I admit that I have not put too much planning into it but I'm still not convinced that homeschooling is the best option for our family. Am I a bad mom for feeling like I don't want to do this anymore? I want to honor my husband but when is enough enough? Enough is enough, right now. You gave it your best shot, and it didn't work for you. Plenty of absolutely wonderful moms do not have any interest in homeschooling their children -- not wanting to homeschool is no reflection at all on whether or not you're a great mom! If your husband insists that you homeschool when you believe it isn't right for you or your family, he is not honoring you. Marriage is a two-way street. P.S. My husband took a year off work 2 years ago to attempt homeschooling the kids himself but didn't do anything with them except math on a sporadic basis. Is it fair to say that he had his chance for his dream and squandered it? Yes, it is absolutely fair to say that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 I'll be blunt: I think that no one should home school unless they *themself* are in flavour of it -- and competent at it. There are things in life/marriage that can be done on one person's steam. But homeschooling is not one of them it is best when both parents are enthusiastic, and it also can work if only the teaching parent is enthusiastic and the non-teaching parent is "OK" -- but it is not right for your family if you, as the teaching parent simply don't think it's the best thing. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janetwhitson Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 Thanks for all of your advice. We have decided to stick it out and put 100% into it. No going back. I've started a blog that tells more details of our story. http://calminthemidstofcrazy.blogspot.ca/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 also, try to shop around and find some programs that you LIKE. Some are more fun than others, so it may help if you find something that appeals to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 It is too easy when starting out home schooling to try to impose another person's idea of what it should look like. There are MANY different ways to home school. I was pretty miserable when we first started as well. It took some time and a lot of reflection on what education and learning meant for me and my family before I began to feel more comfortable and content with homeschooling. warmest wishes to you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Thanks for all of your advice. We have decided to stick it out and put 100% into it. No going back. I've started a blog that tells more details of our story. http://calminthemidstofcrazy.blogspot.ca/ Good luck with it, Janet -- it sounds like you're going to give it your very best try, and with that attitude, I'm sure you will be very successful! :thumbup: BTW, I checked out your blog, and I really like it so far! I hope we will be seeing a lot more of you here on this forum. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 (edited) Thanks for all of your advice. We have decided to stick it out and put 100% into it. No going back. I've started a blog that tells more details of our story. http://calminthemidstofcrazy.blogspot.ca/ I wanted you to know I read your blog and am hoping you and your husband find peace. I do hope it all settles out that homeschooling works for you but either way I wish you guys peace. I do agree with the pp that you might look into curriculum that fits you well and the other who said you need to approach the obedience (and lack of whining or whatever you're facing) issue. Make sure you don't burn yourself out, too! A person can plan all the fun and everyone enjoys it but sustaining it can be hard. It looks like, to me, you're on the right track and I appreciated your blog. I can tell where your spiritual heart is. Hugs to you. Edited September 12, 2012 by sbgrace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenMama Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 No, if I wasn't completely invested in it, I wouldn't do it! I think you have to do what works for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 have you checked out five in a row? at least for the younger one if not for both? we loved it at those ages, and it helped us develop the discipline to succeed later on..... where in ontario are you? my dc went to public school when we lived in ottawa, and loved it. fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Welcome to the forums, Janet! I read your blog. I support you in what you are doing and I admire your resolve. I'll be totally honest: This year I do not want to homeschool. It isn't even that I'm burned out after a dozen years of homeschooling. It's more that I have so many other responsibilities that I am drowning in responsibilities. I'm on week 4 and have still not found my groove for this year. I'm not homeschooling because I want to. My heart is not in it. It's not an interest or a hobby or a fulfilling part of life right now. It is DUTY, like lovingly tending an elderly relative or finishing an overseas job when one wants to go home. I do my best, I work on my attitude, I look for the positives...these are character issues. Life is hard sometimes. I say that homeschooling is my duty because my children have worked very hard academically and deserve an excellent education. Our local public school is horrible. They wouldn't learn a thing, and they'd be in physical danger too often. They deserve to finish what they've started, as highly academic homeschoolers, and the only way they can do that is to homeschool K-12. Years of experience have taught me that whether it's a good year or a bad year, a new "normal" appears sometime in the first six weeks. You do find your groove, and then it's so much easier. I'm still waiting to hit that mark, but I have faith that I will. It will come together. I will succeed, as I always have. I hope this has been helpful and not depressing. I don't love homeschooling but I love the way my children have benefited from it, so I am much more positive about it than I sound. It's OK to not firmly embrace the romance of homeschooling. If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. But there will still be rewards and blessings, and absolutely wonderful memories made with your children. Even if you hate homeschooling, you love your kids! and those moments will come when you are so glad they are home. ~Tibbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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