jujsky Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 and makes him age 5 years in the span of 5 minutes, and acts like he's an abusive monster (he smacked DS's hand and yelled at him because he was picking at the skin on his fingers so badly it was almost bleeding and he'd told him not to do it about 50 billion times that day alone), and she makes him feel totally unloved and worthless, AND she calls back after he saw her that day to go through it all again, it's hard to even pretend you don't completely hate her guts :mad: DH's reaction to DS was out of proportion to the situation, but everyone loses their cool once in awhile, and the only reason he got upset was because he was worried about DS hurting himself (bleeding, getting an infection, etc). He later apologized to DS, who had already forgotten the incident and looked completely confused about why his dad was apologizing. Considering MIL told DH, "If I see you do that again, I'll kill you!" I don't think she has much of a right to get on his case about having reactions out of proportion to the situation. I wish she would go away. DH hung up on her last night he was so angry and hurt. I've NEVER seen him this mad in our 13 years of marriage. He is not planning to call her back. He told her he was tired of her acting like he was some sort of abusive monster any time he disciplines our son (99.5% of the time, disciplining him means raising his voice -- the other .5% of the time it will be a little smack on the hand, which is more to get his attention than anything else). He has never once spanked him. DH was spanked as a child -- by his mom. He's never verbally abused our kids. She told him that DS (9, btw) is a "poor, defenseless boy" and asked how my DH can treat him so badly. Yeah? When my DS was 18 months old, MIL smacked him on the hand loud enough for me to hear it in another room, and screamed at him that he was a, "Stupid, stupid boy!" for playing in the toilet. She left the lid up and door open -- we always kept it shut. I think he was more "poor and defenseless" at 18 months than he is at 9 years old, and DH NEVER would have had such an extreme reaction to something like that! The woman is such an idiot! I swear! What really made DH lose it was when she said, "History Kid has changed 200% for the worse! He's depressed!" She's referring to the medication we recently put him on for ADHD. She was totally against the medication, but has kept her mouth shut about it since we put him on it, until now. Some of you may have been following this and KNOW what a hard decision this was and KNOW that we exhausted every other possibility. Everyone else in our life has commented on the positive changes -- he's calmer, he's making eye-contact, he listens when you talk to him, he can carry a conversation. DS wasn't depressed -- he was tired after a day of swimming and playing, and after a night of sneaking up and staying up until past midnight playing a game on his Nook when he was supposed to be sleeping :glare: We told her that's why he was tired. This was mentioned repeatedly. Yeah, and crazy MIL lady, if you think he's showing signs of depression because he moved his chair away from you at the party, it was because you kept poking him over and over like it was a big joke when he was clearly uncomfortable (and when FIL kept telling you, "Leave him alone.") you colossal, moronic, witch! Grrrrr!!!!!! I told DH next time she starts this crap to calmly give her one warning that she needs to stop, and when she continues we either leave, ask her to leave, or he hangs up the phone, depending on the situation, of course. He NEEDS to establish firm boundaries with her. He needs to realize he is never going to have the type of relationship with her that the little boy inside him still desires. He has to let that dream go and have the best possible relationship he can with his mom given her limited capacity to behave like a normal human being. She has some good traits, and he loves her, obviously. I think if he can adjust his expectations and set firm, consistent boundaries with her, he can have a decent (though somewhat superficial) relationship with her. You can't have a genuine relationship with a superficial person -- it's not possible. He needs to come to terms with that. Honestly, I'm proud of him for hanging up on her and for telling me he's going to wait until she calls him. I hope he sticks with it. Her interference has got to stop. I swear my DH hatched out of a pod! And seriously, please -- this is a JAWM post. I want hugs. I want chocolate. I want people saying, "I totally get it -- my MIL is like that too." I want to hear, "Good for you DH for losing it on her! I hope he takes the awesome advice you gave him, Julie, because you're totally right!" If you have a great MIL, I'm truly happy for you. I dated guys with great moms before DH and got a taste of what a beautiful MIL/DIL relationship could be like. Sucks for me that I don't have one. If your MIL died and you wish you had her back so you could work out your differences because time is fleeting, and any moment now you're going to fart roses out of your butt and bluebirds are going to sing for you, congratulations for being a better person than me. The fact that she's still living shows that I'm being the best "me I can be" right about now. Also, as much as it would be a relief to cut her out of MY life, it's not my choice because she's not my mom. DH and the kids love her, and my FIL (a sane, rational, trustworthy man) does his best to keep her reigned in most of the time. I've been researching personality disorders. I honestly think she has one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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