Anonymous on TWTM

[CalicoKat]

Twice this summer I've met homeschool moms who mentioned they use TWTM book. I asked, "Are you on the forums?" Of course, but when I ask what their username I go excuses.

 

"I can't remember my logon ID...."

 

"I've only bee there a couple times....."

 

:001_huh:

 

Do you feel this way about TWTM forum?

[regentrude]

I do not share my forum username with people I know in real life. I prefer to keep these separate.

Sounds like the moms you met don't want to do so either. I completely understand.

[Halcyon]

I do not share my forum username with people I know in real life. I prefer to keep these separate.

Sounds like the moms you met don't want to do so either. I completely understand.

 

:iagree:

[CalicoKat]

I do not share my forum username with people I know in real life. I prefer to keep these separate.

Sounds like the moms you met don't want to do so either. I completely understand.

 

Yes, this is what I assumed. But why do you feel this way? There's a whole load of reasons I've come up with but they're mostly negative.

[sparrow]

I do not share my forum username with people I know in real life. I prefer to keep these separate.

Sounds like the moms you met don't want to do so either. I completely understand.

 

:iagree:

 

I don't even ASK other homeschoolers if they know about, or have been to, The Hive.

 

:leaving:

[SKL]

I wouldn't tell either. It's spooky having people who know you IRL see what you write online. It's always different from what you'd say face-to-face - whether some people think so or not.

 

There are some folks I knew online first and then met IRL, though. And at least one of them is on this forum too (and knows who I am here). I don't always remember about that, but I try to behave myself for the most part.

 

Although I try not to say too much most of the time, I've been guilty of a few vents that could get me in trouble if my IRL folks knew about them.

[IsabelC]

I try to post online similarly to if I were interacting irl.

But still, it can be very weird to meet somebody and talk about the weather when you've just read really personal stuff about them on a forum. Some people share way TMI for my taste.

[Soror]

I do not share my forum username with people I know in real life. I prefer to keep these separate.

Sounds like the moms you met don't want to do so either. I completely understand.

 

:iagree: I wouldn't share either.

[regentrude]

Yes, this is what I assumed. But why do you feel this way? There's a whole load of reasons I've come up with but they're mostly negative.

 

This is a place I can talk about things from my real life that I may not be able to discuss with the actual people. If I knew that my acquaintances were reading here and knew who I was, I might not be able to be as candid as I would like to be.

This is also the place where I share info about our homeschooling that I do not wish to discuss with some people I know personally.

It is simply about privacy.

Edited September 8, 2012 by regentrude

[Classical Country Mama]

Oh yes, I'm with the sneaky, silent types. Plus I don't like my worlds colliding; Twitter world, WTM world, writers' forum world, etc, all need to keep to their own special solar systems. I have this terrible feeling the universe might implode otherwise.

 

I'll tell Y'ALL, though, since you're my online hs family: my WTM name is Classical Country Mama. :D

[IsabelC]

I try to post online similarly to if I were interacting irl.

 

But still, it can be very weird to meet somebody and talk about the weather when you've just read really personal stuff about them on a forum.

 

Some people share way tmi for my taste. (I used to know a woman who mentioned online that she and her hubby were quite into, don't know if I'm allowed to say it here, so I'll euphamize it to tea in the back room ;); the thing is, they were a lovely and interesting couple, but guess what kept coming into my mind every time I saw them?)

Edited September 8, 2012 by Hotdrink

[Beth S]

And you never know, maybe one of us is one of your friends irl. :001_smile:

[Word Nerd]

I know a few posters from another forum but haven't shared my identity here with them. I just prefer to stay more anonymous here, even though it wouldn't be hard to figure out.

Edited September 8, 2012 by WordGirl

[Denisemomof4]

It's my secret. The only people I tell about this place are very close friends who know everything I would discuss here anyway. Others? I never share because I don't want people to know me here.

 

I guess I should change my avatar?

 

Oh well. I am real person who discusses real things and if anyone wants to hold it against me, their issue. Not mine. But I do hope nobody I know is here.:tongue_smilie:

[Princess Peach]

Oh yes, I'm with the sneaky, silent types. Plus I don't like my worlds colliding; Twitter world, WTM world, writers' forum world, etc, all need to keep to their own special solar systems. I have this terrible feeling the universe might implode otherwise.

 

I'll tell Y'ALL, though, since you're my online hs family: my WTM name is Classical Country Mama. :D

 

Worlds collide!!

Edited September 8, 2012 by Princess Peach

[KungFuPanda]

Privacy. It's not negative to guard your privacy. I'm honestly torn. I think the days of online anonymity are drawing to a close, and there seem to be some great Hive ladies close to me that I'd really enjoy meeting, but I'm not sure I want those worlds colliding. As it stands now, "What KungFuPanda said online yesterday" has never been a topic of conversation in real life. It wouldn't take master code-breaking skills to match up my details and figure out who I am IRL, but it is useful to keep things separate.

 

I like knowing I can get opinions about how to handle That Crazy Homeschooling Lady without said crazy lady approaching me IRL and demanding an explanation. I think it's easier to get objective opinions HERE than it is out in polite society. Some of usare absolutely constrained by manners when it comes to face-to-face conversation.

[Kathryn]

I've met a few people in my local HS group that I "knew" from here first. And the other way around. And people that I've known online from other forums (not just HSing) I've seen here too. I don't hide who I am.

[sparrow]

Worlds collide!!

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[SKL]

I think if you want total honesty (which is often very helpful and hard to find, as Billy Joel says), you need some anonymity.

 

For example, suppose your kid is going through something that is really concerning and you'd like advice, but you don't want you and your kids to be judged by someone who knows you IRL. Chances are, several people on the Hive have BTDT. I wouldn't trade that for the knowledge that the crazy stroller lady lives down the street from me. :D

Edited September 8, 2012 by SKL

[Classical Country Mama]

Worlds collide!!

 

:scared:

 

It was like that awful, terrifying day when I introduced my online boyfriend to my parents.

 

:scared: :scared: :scared: :scared:

 

PS. Whatever happened to that guy?!

[EKS]

I don't give people I know IRL my username. I am much more candid here than I am in person, particularly regarding gifted issues.

[Wheres Toto]

As far as I know, no one I know IRL is on here. But I don't usually discuss forums with people so I can't be sure. Anyone who is on here and knows me IRL would be able to figure it out pretty quick. My user name is the same as my email. Add in my blog link and it's pretty obvious.

[KungFuPanda]

I do want to add, that while I've been guilty of putting too much personal information online, SOME of you have put enough information here to lead someone right to your door. If I wanted to, I could just knock and say "HI! I'M KUNG FU PANDA! WANNA BE MY BFF!!!!"

 

Tell me that's not scary!

[Jane in NC]

I have tried to respect my kid's privacy more than anything else.

 

I did learn a lesson on the old forums though. None of the homeschoolers whom I knew in real life used the WTM. Hence I assumed they would not be on the forums. (Silly me.) Thus after an uncomfortable incident with another homeschooled child I appealed to the general forum readers for advice. The parent of the unruly child never spoke to me again. Was this because of the uncomfortable incident or because I related the tale on an Internet forum?

 

Lesson learned.

 

It fascinates me that some people are so forthcoming about so much in public spaces. I suspect that these same people are less forthcoming IRL and use the Internet as a place to vent or sound out ideas.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm the opposite. I know over 20 people irl who know my user name here. I actually never had the choice of being private on here because from the first, a friend would introduce me to new people in our homeschool group with my user name. So I've always posted knowing that people know who I am.

 

I have posted about some pretty personal stuff (abuse etc.). And yes, I would have a hard time actually going up to someone and sharing that face to face simply because that would be extremely awkward socially. But I'm not ashamed of it. These are things that have happened to me and have impacted my life. In those kinds of personal threads, my focus has been on helping someone who has gone through the same things or who wants to understand the point of view of someone who has gone through it.

 

I do not post rants about other homeschoolers. I do not post rants about my church. I post about my family but in general ways. If I have to do any of those kinds of rants or WWYD, I have a small cadre of trusted WTMer friends who I PM.

 

I try to post respectfully on the boards. But sometimes I can be catty or sarcastic or grumpy. I try to talk respectfully to people in real life. But sometimes I can be catty or sarcastic or grumpy. . . What you see is really the way I am.

 

I know that I meet people all the time that I think probably are here on the boards. I don't ask them if they are. I respect their choices. The only reason I posted to this thread is to point out that there are other ways to approach some of the issues involved. I also want to say that I own any potential social problems or even security problems from me posting as much as I do or as honestly as I do.

Edited September 8, 2012 by Jean in Newcastle

[Nestof3]

With an actually avatar, clearly I cannot remain anonymous. :lol: In fact, I have a had a few people ask me if I am nestof3 when they meet me in real life. :lol:

[Just Kate]

I do want to add, that while I've been guilty of putting too much personal information online, SOME of you have put enough information here to lead someone right to your door. If I wanted to, I could just knock and say "HI! I'M KUNG FU PANDA! WANNA BE MY BFF!!!!"

 

Tell me that's not scary!

 

I'm not at all a part of this conversation, but I just can't get this image out of my head!!! :lol::lol::lol:

[Seasider]

I think if you want total honesty (which is often very helful and hard to find, as Billy Joel says), you need some anonymity.

 

For example, suppose your kid is going through something that is really concerning and you'd like advice, but you don't want you and your kids to be judged by someone who knows you IRL. Chances are, several people on the Hive have BTDT. I wouldn't trade that for the knowledge that the crazy stroller lady lives down the street from me. :D

 

Great point!

 

I also agree with those who have said anonymity helps protect the privacy of your children, whether they are struggling or gifted.

 

Even if you feel sure you don't recognize other boardies as IRL acquaintances, it's not safe to assume they're not lurking here. Any search for curriculum these days leads to at least one hit on TWTM boards, ime.

[SorrelZG]

Even if you feel sure you don't recognize other boardies as IRL acquaintances, it's not safe to assume they're not lurking here. Any search for curriculum these days leads to at least one hit on TWTM boards, ime.

 

 

... and if you've been singing the praises of some new curriculum find on the forum AND to IRL friends who then go googling for more info ...

[Dory]

I try to not say anything online that I wouldn't be willing to say in person. I would love to meet some people that I've had the privilege of getting to know online. I have done so in the past through other sites. Also, If I meet someone that is looking for information and support, I would not hesitate to point them in the direction of this forum.

 

If I wouldn't say something IRL I have to ask myself if it's really worth saying at all.

[Wildcat]

I actually changed my username because I wanted privacy.

 

It never occurred to me to be anonymous when I originally signed up four years ago. At least one person IRL "found" me here and over time I would hear her talking to others about things I had posted on. Nothing like "Wow, Wildcat said such-and-such on TWTM forums, what do you think?" but she would just talk in general about topics I had posted on. I got the impression she was coming here and reading my posts to see what I had to say. Never once did she say "hey, I go to TWTM and are you *former user name*?" It was sneaky-like.

 

It made me uncomfortable enough to change my name.

 

These forums were the first I had ever joined, and I had *no idea* how difficult it was to remain completely anonymous.

 

I also learned by accident not to use the same user name (and avatar) on multiple forums. There is someone here who uses the same name on another board I visit (totally NOT homeschooling or parenting oriented) and she uses the same name and avatar. I totally "recognized" her when I came across one of her posts.

[Plink]

I've met a few people in my local HS group that I "knew" from here first. And the other way around. And people that I've known online from other forums (not just HSing) I've seen here too. I don't hide who I am.

:iagree:

I know several people IRL who post regularly here, but I haven't told them. I would never intentionally destroy anyone's illusion of being anon. If they ever mention the boards I will happily share my screen name though :D

[Wildcat]

I think if you want total honesty (which is often very helpful and hard to find, as Billy Joel says), you need some anonymity.

 

For example, suppose your kid is going through something that is really concerning and you'd like advice, but you don't want you and your kids to be judged by someone who knows you IRL. Chances are, several people on the Hive have BTDT. I wouldn't trade that for the knowledge that the crazy stroller lady lives down the street from me. :D

 

This is what caused me to to change my name. Except it wasn't the crazy stroller lady I believed was reading over my shoulder, it was a close acquaintance/distant friend.

 

Great point!

 

I also agree with those who have said anonymity helps protect the privacy of your children, whether they are struggling or gifted.

 

Even if you feel sure you don't recognize other boardies as IRL acquaintances, it's not safe to assume they're not lurking here. Any search for curriculum these days leads to at least one hit on TWTM boards, ime.

 

:iagree: Especially with the bolded. Or if one is in the running for an award or has won a competition. I would like to share that info without coming across as bragging. If I share with my friends, it sound like bragging. When I share here you all can rejoice with me, or commiserate. There is no obligation either way, and our relationship(s), such as they are, aren't affected.

[regentrude]

I

If I wouldn't say something IRL I have to ask myself if it's really worth saying at all.

 

So if you had a difficult issue with your child and wanted advice, would you feel comfortable sharing with the IRL people? More important, would your child be comfortable knowing that you shared with people who know him personally?

[Soror]

I try to be nice online and not to present myself differently, however, I don't give my opinion as freely irl as I do online. I live rurally and some things we do aren't accepted by everyone and even though we are conservative, we're not always the right kind of conservative. So, irl I'm cautious with what I share about some things, depending on the company.

[QueenCat]

My avatar is me..... a few pounds ago but still recognizable. A few on here have met me irl but only one knows me well (but she isn't on here often, and does more in the K-8 forum). If I could start over, I'd change my name more for those that might know me and I don't know about.

[KungFuPanda]

I'm not at all a part of this conversation, but I just can't get this image out of my head!!! :lol::lol::lol:

 

Now I'm cultivating a little fantasy where I pour through the traffic on this site and gather location information. Then, I buy an actual panda costume and come to your house as a little security wake-up call. For example, in three different posts you've mentioned:

 

I can see the world's largest ball of strig from my house.

 

I live in a rural area.

 

I just painted my door red today!

 

 

You are soooo getting Panda-d!

[Just Kate]

Now I'm cultivating a little fantasy where I pour through the traffic on this site and gather location information. Then, I buy an actual panda costume and come to your house as a little security wake-up call. For example, in three different posts you've mentioned:

 

I can see the world's largest ball of strig from my house.

 

I live in a rural area.

 

I just painted my door red today!

 

 

You are soooo getting Panda-d!

 

 

:lol: Seriously, you have to stop!!! I mean, what would I really do if a woman in a panda costume showed up at my door??? That is just hilarous!!!! :lol:

[justLisa]

I don't know many home schoolers in real life. All of my kid's friends go to public school.

 

I have never mentioned the hive anywhere IRL because it never comes up. I don't think I would care though. I don't really post about big issues because I don't really have any. I am rather boring.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I have too much personal info on the board to "hide" it IRL (though the name change probably made a difference). No doubt people in one group who do both have figured it out. When I figured it out for one person, I felt funny about her probably having figured me out too. Then I decided not to worry about it. But I am definitely just who I am, good or bad, whether I like it or not so it may be less of an issue for me.

 

I have worried a little more about certain issues, like related to attachment disorder, brought up on this board.

Edited September 8, 2012 by 2J5M9K

[Jean in Newcastle]

Now I'm cultivating a little fantasy where I pour through the traffic on this site and gather location information. Then, I buy an actual panda costume and come to your house as a little security wake-up call. For example, in three different posts you've mentioned:

 

I can see the world's largest ball of strig from my house.

 

I live in a rural area.

 

I just painted my door red today!

 

 

You are soooo getting Panda-d!

 

The acquaintances that I socialize with at the Y know my name, the names of my kids (which I've never released online) and know even better than you do, the general area where I live even within this town. They know the highlights of my current life - that I'm firing the latest math and science tutor, what subjects my kids enjoy and which ones they struggle with. They know I have health issues because they are cheering me on as I struggle to gain strength. I'm not worried about my security or that of my children because of it. They don't know as much about my views on certain subjects or my life history but I don't think that makes me any more safe.

[The Girls' Mom]

It is just too hard for me to be anonymous, so I don't even try. I have had blogs and websites for around 10 years. Art, scrapbooking, photography, and homeschooling have all led to a rather public face for me. I always keep that in mind when I post anything online. I try not to say anything that I would not announce to our local community :lol: But my family and I are pretty open books. We have nothing that we desire to keep from public knowledge and try to be real, no matter what the setting.

[BugsMama]

I feel like I've lost all ability to be anonymous.... and it sucks. I post on 4 different message boards, on different topics, regularly. I keep a blog, with pictures of my family. I try to be anonymous, but I have people come up to me and say "Hey, I read your blog!" IRL, or "Hey, are you BugsMama" or my other screen names, and *poof* all sense of anonymous is gone.

 

Sigh. I miss the days when I really did feel like no one knew me and I could say anything.

[Carrie12345]

I'm happy to make irl connections that stem from my online places, but not the reverse.

Online, I'm much more open and honest. IRL, there's much more social nicety and saving face. If you've already heard me discuss curriculum failures and greusome surgeries online, you won't find me shocking in person. I can't promise the opposite, lol.

[NanceXToo]

I would tell people if they asked. I already know at least one mom who is currently in my homeschool group and one who used to be both post here occasionally.

 

And I've met two forum members in person so far (aside from those two I mentioned)- Classical Country Mama and AskPauline. Yay! :D

 

I never really think to ask/bother asking people if they post here though! Anyone in my homeschool group would instantly know me, though, since I use the same screen name for here and Meetup and the same avatar in Facebook

[Wheres Toto]

As far as I can remember, I haven't said anything on here that would be a surprise to anyone who knows me IRL. Anyone who is around my son more than 5 minutes knows about his issues (it's a running joke that everyone knows my sons name the minute we go somewhere, either from him telling them or me yelling at him).

 

I don't generally complain about specific people unless it's an acquaintance not a friend - I'm pretty sure I posted here about the woman who verbally attacked me complaining that my son "pummeled" her daughter.

 

I suppose if someone studied my blog, studied all my posts here (and elsewhere) they might be able to narrow down the general area I live in, but in one of the most densely populated states in the country, it's really not going to help much.

 

I just did a google on my name out of curiosity. Searching each name first and last with the state of NJ - my current name only a psychic comes up, my first married name has information on me but all of it is at least 10 years old, my maiden name comes up with a bunch of obituaries. :tongue_smilie:

 

I will admit that I haven't invited anyone I know IRL to join my special homeschool facebook group. Definitely not a place I want to share with people I actually know.

[amsunshine]

Now I'm cultivating a little fantasy where I pour through the traffic on this site and gather location information. Then, I buy an actual panda costume and come to your house as a little security wake-up call. For example, in three different posts you've mentioned:

 

I can see the world's largest ball of strig from my house.

 

I live in a rural area.

 

I just painted my door red today!

 

 

You are soooo getting Panda-d!

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

That is too funny! I sometimes tell my dh about things I've heard from my "imaginary friends" from TWTM. He thinks I'm weird. How much weirder for him would it be to be "Panda'd".:tongue_smilie:

[*Michelle*]

I don't post anything online that I wouldn't say in real life. I have our blog in my signature, so it's very easy for those who know us to figure out who I am. If I met you in the world, I'd tell you my user id. (Hint: it's my name.) ;)

[Princess Peach]

The acquaintances that I socialize with at the Y know my name, the names of my kids (which I've never released online) and know even better than you do, the general area where I live even within this town. They know the highlights of my current life - that I'm firing the latest math and science tutor, what subjects my kids enjoy and which ones they struggle with. They know I have health issues because they are cheering me on as I struggle to gain strength. I'm not worried about my security or that of my children because of it. They don't know as much about my views on certain subjects or my life history but I don't think that makes me any more safe.

 

Yes, but I think the major thing that makes putting everything out there on TWTM forums different is that they are public. I'd be interested in seeing the statistics on site traffic from non-members.

[eternalknot]

Twice this summer I've met homeschool moms who mentioned they use TWTM book. I asked, "Are you on the forums?" Of course, but when I ask what their username I go excuses.

 

"I can't remember my logon ID...."

 

"I've only bee there a couple times....."

 

:001_huh:

 

Do you feel this way about TWTM forum?

 

I don't, no. Through my job, I encounter hundreds of people each day - it's not unusual to see someone using/reading one of those books (including TWTM) that indicate a Likely Homeschooler/Afterschooler :) I always approach, ask, invite if applicable, and share my username.

 

I do understand the desire for relative an annonymity, somewhat now, based on a recent incident. While at work, in a very public and transit environment, I readily recognized a WTM boardie among a sea of several hundred faces. This boardie is a lovely woman with a particularly memorable physical trait that stood out IRL because she was a prolific poster whose avatar was a family portrait. I knew immediately that I had seen her before. It took me a minute to figure out from where, but I knew I "knew" her from somewhere :tongue_smilie:.

 

I have a friend who has been mistaken for me by WTM boardies and apparent lurkers when she chats people up at work or homeschool events. We met pre-homeschooling when we married men who were colleagues, then she got me into the job she and I do :D. Our families are similar, our lifestyles are similar, we're both Asian, kids almost same age, etc.

 

When I was processing this whole "WTM-IRL worlds colliding" situation with her, she said it would've been bad form to approach this boardie in front of her husband and kids because "I knew too much" about them while they didn't know me from Adam. My friend is not so much a fora/online person, and is decidedly more private than I am. I thought she was a freakish exception. I had no idea so many people felt the way she does, but based on this thread .... I must be the freakish exception :confused: :tongue_smilie:I always approach people I think I know or may have something in common with. I love when people approach me, too!