Vent / Rant / Prayers & Positive Energy needed

[tabinfl]

I am about to throw in the towel, and we're only a month in.

 

The kids are a challenge, testing boundaries every which way. I can handle that. It is difficult, it ends up with me yelling & spanking (please please don't debate this with me -- I'm talking about a swat on a 5yo's clothed backside with my open hand -- the twins cause each other more pain wrestling than I do) a lot more than I would like, but it's getting better.

 

I discovered today, however, that my husband thinks we do nothing but play Romper Room (am I dating myself? :)) all day. He does not understand why I can't drop everything to handle a business issue (I am not entirely out of our business because there are certain technical issues that I'm the only one who understands & a replacement would be more expensive than is feasible) whenever he calls.

 

Today was the last straw. He came home early and said he'd help with school work so I could dig into a more complex problem on one of our systems. The kids were working on a couple of phonics and HWT worksheets, and I asked him to make sure they finished those and then "play" with the Cuisenaire rods and/or sentence building cards on the floor.

 

When I came out, he'd given them the math worksheets I had lined up for later, but didn't bother to teach them the concept or even read the directions on the pages. He said it was no big deal, he'd just erase them. I did most of that and asked him to erase the colored pencil they used on some of them because my eraser hand was worn out.

 

He actually said, "Is it really that important? Can't you just give them the next set? What's the big deal?" He thought I was just busting his backside over nothing. Well, that escalated into quite an argument and he's now headed back to his office leaving me to handle the computer problem AND the kids.

 

ARGH! Now granted we're only on K level math, simple addition and subtraction, but he really doesn't get that I am actually *teaching* them things, and that the building blocks are important, I can't just skip them arbitrarily.

 

This makes a lot of other stuff clear, though, when I've gotten subtle hints that he thinks I've got the easy end of the deal and that my reading & researching is just for fun.

 

But... ARGH again. It has taken me a lot of effort to learn how to get things across to kids at this level -- I actually have an easier time helping older kids (my stepdaughter & after-school places I've volunteered) with homework than trying to teach pre-readers. This is HARD for my logical, technical mind to get used to (not to mention a complete life change from a successful 20+ year computer career to full time SAHM & homeschooler). And he thinks I'm just slacking when I'm working harder now than I ever have in my life.

[besroma]

:grouphug: It is harder than many jobs, and also so much more rewarding.

 

I am sorry you had a rough day.

[GinaPagnato]

I'm sorry. You totally have my sympathies.

 

BUT don't throw the towel in. You can do this, it just takes time, patience, and gritty determination. I hated teaching my dc how to read. It was awful! It will get better, really.

 

 

As for your dh. I get that, too. Just try to put that aside and keep your expectations of what he can do to help very, very low. You'll get the hang of things and establish a flow soon. You can do it!

[Anne in CA]

No one likes to feel disrespected and it does sound like you dh's view is disrespectful because he has not tried to understand what you do. At the age your children are it is very hard to get them to settle down and pay attention. That is a battle that you can only win with patience and a lots of smiles. Getting your dh to understand is going to be hard, but I would make it a full time project until he sees what you are doing.

[Catwoman]

OK, so let me get this straight.

 

All your dh had to do was work with the kids on a couple of worksheets, but apparently he couldn't get them to do them properly.

 

And then he had the nerve to criticize you?

 

Not in my house, he wouldn't. :glare:

 

Let him spend some time teaching and taking care of the kids -- alone -- and then see if he changes his tune about who has things easier.

[FO4UR]

:grouphug:

 

 

Treat HSing professionally. Do NOT drop teaching in order to do work for dh, unless it is a *serious* crisis. If you don't take your job seriously, he won't.

 

 

Some people think that b/c when they are home with their dc it is relax and playtime, that when you are home with your kids you are having a relax and playtime. They can't fathom the work behind HSing...or that you would spend long hours reading and researching just to teach your own dc. If it doesn't generate $$$, it isn't work - in some minds. Understanding that mindset, it's a bit easier to move forward and communicate and get your job done.

 

 

My dh has an office at home now, and it has caused some upheaval. One one hand, he appreciates that I do treat HSing professionally. He knows his dc are getting a great education. OTOH, he gets all kerfluffled when I don't make exceptions and allowances for his spontaneous (daily!!!:tongue_smilie:) interruptions. He wouldn't really want me blowing off the kids' education for piddly things, or even other things that are important...but the logic doesn't always immediately compute.

[Murphy101]

OK, so let me get this straight.

 

All your dh had to do was work with the kids on a couple of worksheets, but apparently he couldn't get them to do them properly.

 

And then he had the nerve to criticize you?

 

Not in my house, he wouldn't. :glare:

 

Let him spend some time teaching and taking care of the kids -- alone -- and then see if he changes his tune about who has things easier.

 

:glare: That wouldn't fly here either. In fact, my dh has tried to school the kids when I've been seriously I'll and he openly admits he felt like he was drowning in less than one day. And it was schooling "light"! No arts, no errands, no baby biting his boob during a book discussion, no science experiments. :tongue_smilie:

[Beth in OH]

But... ARGH again. It has taken me a lot of effort to learn how to get things across to kids at this level -- I actually have an easier time helping older kids (my stepdaughter & after-school places I've volunteered) with homework than trying to teach pre-readers. This is HARD for my logical, technical mind to get used to (not to mention a complete life change from a successful 20+ year computer career to full time SAHM & homeschooler). And he thinks I'm just slacking when I'm working harder now than I ever have in my life.

 

This. Honey, I want to encourage you to hang in there awhile longer. You and your husband are obviously capable people who now want to extend those abilities to guiding your children. As a former corporate attorney, I can tell you that the qualities that made me successful in that career are not necessarily the same ones that were helpful to me in homeschooling. :lol: Your family is undergoing an enormous culture shift, and it might take a very long time--months for some things, perhaps years for others. My family never really moved past the tension of everyone feeling like everyone else was working as hard as they should. I think that is one of our collective character flaws.

 

Attorneys, and I suspect techies, are accustomed to measuring success in terms of controlling outcomes and being productive. Unfortunately, it works a lot differently when you are developing people. They have their own wills, and their success won't depend solely on whether you did all of the right lessons or gave them the best opportunities.

 

It is important to stay on track generally, but I think over the years you will find that there is a lot of room in homeschooling to be flexible. I ended up dropping many lessons and sometimes entire chunks of subjects, and yet my dc all did well on ACT/SAT and are succeeding in college. In hindsight, I wish I could have enjoyed the flexibility rather than feeling guilty that I wasn't accomplishing what I thought was necessary. Anxiety and pressure over unfinished lessons doesn't make our children any more successful than they would be without it. It's a lot more fun to go through life enjoying the moment.

 

You can do this. And you will be better for it. And you will know your children at a deep level you would never achieve if they were gone all day.

 

Blessings on your family.

[CalicoKat]

I am about to throw in the towel, and we're only a month in.

 

The kids are a challenge, testing boundaries every which way. I can handle that. It is difficult, it ends up with me yelling & spanking (please please don't debate this with me -- I'm talking about a swat on a 5yo's clothed backside with my open hand -- the twins cause each other more pain wrestling than I do) a lot more than I would like, but it's getting better.

 

I discovered today, however, that my husband thinks we do nothing but play Romper Room (am I dating myself? :)) all day. He does not understand why I can't drop everything to handle a business issue (I am not entirely out of our business because there are certain technical issues that I'm the only one who understands & a replacement would be more expensive than is feasible) whenever he calls.

 

Today was the last straw. He came home early and said he'd help with school work so I could dig into a more complex problem on one of our systems. The kids were working on a couple of phonics and HWT worksheets, and I asked him to make sure they finished those and then "play" with the Cuisenaire rods and/or sentence building cards on the floor.

 

When I came out, he'd given them the math worksheets I had lined up for later, but didn't bother to teach them the concept or even read the directions on the pages. He said it was no big deal, he'd just erase them. I did most of that and asked him to erase the colored pencil they used on some of them because my eraser hand was worn out.

 

He actually said, "Is it really that important? Can't you just give them the next set? What's the big deal?" He thought I was just busting his backside over nothing. Well, that escalated into quite an argument and he's now headed back to his office leaving me to handle the computer problem AND the kids.

 

ARGH! Now granted we're only on K level math, simple addition and subtraction, but he really doesn't get that I am actually *teaching* them things, and that the building blocks are important, I can't just skip them arbitrarily.

 

This makes a lot of other stuff clear, though, when I've gotten subtle hints that he thinks I've got the easy end of the deal and that my reading & researching is just for fun.

 

But... ARGH again. It has taken me a lot of effort to learn how to get things across to kids at this level -- I actually have an easier time helping older kids (my stepdaughter & after-school places I've volunteered) with homework than trying to teach pre-readers. This is HARD for my logical, technical mind to get used to (not to mention a complete life change from a successful 20+ year computer career to full time SAHM & homeschooler). And he thinks I'm just slacking when I'm working harder now than I ever have in my life.

I have discovered that ADHD and other unsavory behaviors don't wake up at 6 a.m. :001_smile:

 

It was easier to be tired than angry & frustrated this week.

 

I served coffee & tea to my students too at 6 a.m., their choice.

 

Added bonus, they went to sleep at bedtime faster.

[tabinfl]

Thanks for all your kind words, support, and suggestions. It's really nice to have a place to blow off steam and get some wisdom from those who have gone before.

 

Things are still tense this morning, but I did apologize for my part (ok, well, part of my part... I'm not perfect yet). As for him being disrespectful, well, I know there's no way to tackle that head on. He's not much for verbal apologies, but if this follows past experience, he'll be sweet as honey and pitching in extra in a day or two to make up for it.

 

It will take a lot more than this to get me to actually give up. I just have to remember that we have a few other stressful things going on at the same time, and make allowances for his world changing along with mine -- he's used to having his tech expert (me) on calll 24/7, and (not to blow my own horn too much, but...) the guy he did hire to take over the bulk of my work... isn't me. ;)

 

I think there is some phone & email management steps I can take to put the "work" part of my work back on *my* schedule without a head-on confrontation.

 

Thank you again, I really love this forum esp. when I don't get a lot of face to face time with my local friends!