Have any moms here opted out from good careers for a year or two?

[madteaparty]

I am burned out and want to spend more time with my kids while they are still little. But i have a good job for which I am well-compensated and which took years of schooling to obtain. I know I will eventually want to go back to a similar job, and it won't be easy. Take a break or suck it up?

 

Words of wisdom sought. I feel embarrased to even consider, since I know I am lucky, etc. My kids are fine, this would honestly be for me.

[Miss Marple]

I am burned out and want to spend more time with my kids while they are still little. But i have a good job for which I am well-compensated and which took years of schooling to obtain. I know I will eventually want to go back to a similar job, and it won't be easy. Take a break or suck it up?

 

Words of wisdom sought. I feel embarrased to even consider, since I know I am lucky, etc. My kids are fine, this would honestly be for me.

 

Well, I opted out of a pharmacist career about 20 years ago. It worked fine because dh was seldom home but made a good salary. So we felt one of us needed to be available - that was me. I recently obtained my boards in my current state and am able to return to the profession whenever I choose. FWIW, I'm still waiting for some free time to get in some career hours :tongue_smilie:

 

I think there are many options available today. If you can do well on one salary, take the break and see how things go. If not, maybe scale back on hours - can you work part-time?

[ocelotmom]

Can you reasonably expect to get a job in your field if you take a significant break? Some you can, some you can't.

 

Would it work (logistically and emotionally) to cut your hours instead of leaving entirely?

 

I left my job when my first was born. Even two years later, I had a hard time finding a job in the same field, and eventually went into a different one (which I think was a good thing!).

[regentrude]

I took a break of a total of four years (with a few months of work in between) when my kids were little. I had completed a PhD in my field and done two years of postdoctoral work.

Taking the break meant pretty much that I was not going to pursue the normal career path I had been on up to that point: a tenure track faculty position. I ended up getting a part time teaching position that uses my qualifications, but I do not have a research program and do not have any chance of promotion to anything but what I am right now. I am happy with my decision, but it may not be the right decision for everyone.

I might have been able to return to active research, but it would have been even harder to catch up after several years than continuing in the already demanding job. I did not try.

 

In some fields, taking a few years break won't matter; in others, it pretty much ends the career track.

[dbmamaz]

its a really hard decision. its one of the banes of feminism - that we have to choose between career and family. I agree with seeing if you can do some part time or consulting work while you primarily stay home with your kids. i knew one mom who had a nanny at home with her kids while she worked from home, so she could be flexible

 

I liked where i was in my carreer, but had actually dropped out of several colleges lol with enough combined credits to graduate! the financial part is hard, hard, hard, but my kids were really not doing ok at school, so the decision was pretty easy

[Canadianmumof5]

How old are your kids?

Are they in school or are you homeschooling?

Could you manage on just one income? Some people truly cannot.

 

I've walked away from the rat race, and the 6-figure salary that goes with it.

I couldn't be happier.

I tried to do PT work just to keep myself in the loop - but even that was too demanding and so I've let that go as well.

 

Living without my paycheque is not going to be fun; but I've finally realized that I no longer want to sell my soul for the sake of $$$.

 

I'd much rather be burnt out from my kids than from a bunch of corporates ;)

[RanchGirl]

I took a twelve year break, now I am back part time. I'll go full time when the kids are in high school if they don't seem to need me during the day, or possibly college. Probably college.

 

I missed everything -- the money, the advancement, being around my co-workers and doing the actual work. I LOVE being back part time now. But I do not for a second regret putting the kids and a more peaceful family/homelife ahead of my personal needs and goals.

 

The results of taking time off really vary from industry to industry, but in most cases 1-2 years off shouldn't be too damaging. It might even turn out to be a very inspiring sabbatical that allows you to return and be more focused and creative.

 

Maybe there is something part-time that will let you stay involved with your career but takes off some of the pressure/time commitment?

[Jenny in Florida]

I took what was supposed to be a short break from working when our daughter was born. That "short break" has turned into almost 18 years mostly at home.

 

I never intended to be a stay-at-home parent, but I don't regret leaving even a little bit.

[madteaparty]

Can you reasonably expect to get a job in your field if you take a significant break? Some you can, some you can't.

 

 

great question. I believe I should be able to, at perhaps a more junior level than my age would indicate (which i would be OK with, I think I have been cured of all ambition). I am an attorney from a top 10 school, and my experience so far is good.

[madteaparty]

How old are your kids?

Are they in school or are you homeschooling?

Could you manage on just one income? Some people truly cannot.

 

I've walked away from the rat race, and the 6-figure salary that goes with it.

I couldn't be happier.

I tried to do PT work just to keep myself in the loop - but even that was too demanding and so I've let that go as well.

 

Living without my paycheque is not going to be fun; but I've finally realized that I no longer want to sell my soul for the sake of $$$.

 

I'd much rather be burnt out from my kids than from a bunch of corporates ;)

 

My son is 7, my daughter is 1. She is with a (beloved) nanny, he is in a mediocre local public school. Yes, I would walk away from a 6 figure salary too. It would halve our income, but yes, we could survive on husband's earnings.

[JeanM]

I was in grad school when my oldest ds was born 13 years ago. I finished up my degree with baby, worked part time for a few years, and then "retired" when my employer outsourced my job. I'm actually back at work full time now because dh is unemployed, but I'd give up my job to homeschool my dc in a heartbeat. I work from home so I'm very involved in their lives, but dh is the primary homeschooling parent now.

 

I'm no longer on the career path that I was on in grad school, since I closed a number of doors by not continuing full time.

[wapiti]

I have to keep this short because I need to pick someone up, but I too was an attorney who walked away from a six figure salary, 11 and a half years ago when my oldest was born (I now have six kids). There are advantages and disadvantages, of course. If you want to continue practicing, I'd try to pave the way for that now, maybe see if your employer is willing to allow part-time, rather than completely quitting with the hope of coming back in a few years (unless you don't want to come back or may be looking at alternative careers).

[StephanieZ]

Tough call. I have a lot of education, and I *could* have pursued a serious career, but I started babies early, and never did. I have so many friends who have the big careers, and seem STUCK in the two income trap. I can't imagine how hard it would be to walk away from half the family income . . .

 

That said, I *know* that dh earns twice what many people do in his field, not in small part due to my supporting him practically and emotionally. If I'd been pursuing a serious career, his options would have been limited a lot, and it is unlikely he'd earn what he does now. We do fine on his income. Now, if I couldn't count on HIM, then my career would have been vital.

 

Besides the financial survival, I have to say that I cannot imagine how sad and empty my life would have been if I had allowed career to displace family. I cry inside everytime I hear one of my MD/PhD/MBA/etc friends talking about the 50 hr daycare, the nannies, the liveins, etc. These are brilliant women, adoring mothers, who are THROWING AWAY their children's childhoods, allowing strangers to raise their babies.

 

THOSE DAYS ARE PRECIOUS. SOOOOO precious.

 

If I could wave a magic wand, I'd have you fire the nanny, and stay home with your kids. (Working low part-time that allows you or dh to be with your kids 90% of their waking hours is fine . . . I mean, a couple hours a week with a babysitter is all well and good . . .)

 

That said, I have never walked the other walk, and I might be all wrong about it. I just feel SO SAD in my gut thinking of missing all these days and hours and weeks with my kids.

 

And, a one year old baby girl? So precious. SO. Go snuggle her, give your notice, give the nanny notice, and reclaim your baby.

 

THEY GROW UP TOO FAST to miss any time!

[JudoMom]

great question. I believe I should be able to, at perhaps a more junior level than my age would indicate (which i would be OK with, I think I have been cured of all ambition). I am an attorney from a top 10 school, and my experience so far is good.

 

I can't imagine how you would ever regret spending the time with your children. You should be able to practice law again (though you should figure out how you'd feel if you never could), but your children will never be 7 & 1 again. Enjoy them.

[bettyandbob]

I don't know what your career is so I don't know what you could work out. However, had I known where my family would financially all these years later and known that getting back into my field would be very difficult, I would have tried hard to continue part time or contract.

 

There's no way of predicting outcomes. These decisions work out great for other families. My family is in a precarious position and I feel responsible for it.

 

Some professions can really lend themselves to part time. I knew a doctor who managed to land a job working only one evening a week (4-9 pm) for several years. I've known pharmacists who have worked out 1 day a week gigs.

[LMV]

Can you reasonably expect to get a job in your field if you take a significant break? Some you can, some you can't.

 

Would it work (logistically and emotionally) to cut your hours instead of leaving entirely?

 

 

This is somewhat true in medicine. I ended up taking almost two years off when our daughter was sick and I went into that with the acceptance that it might not be possible to resurrect my medical career. In the end it has been but partly because I did what I needed to do in terms of CME and a little part-time work to maintain my licensure. If I hadn't done that it would have definitely been harder.

 

great question. I believe I should be able to, at perhaps a more junior level than my age would indicate (which i would be OK with, I think I have been cured of all ambition). I am an attorney from a top 10 school, and my experience so far is good.

 

My husband is an attorney. He has oscillated between criminal (working as a prosecutor mostly) and corporate law over the years. I realize that sounds like a weird combination [of course some might argue that there is much criminal activity in corporate America] but the former doesn't work so well with being an involved hands on dad and the latter does work quite well for him being home with the kids, doing some work from home, and working his out of the house commitments (board meetings, contract negotiations, etc) around when I am not working. He's been "home" since I went back to work full-time at the end of 2010 and that has worked well for us.

 

My son is 7, my daughter is 1. She is with a (beloved) nanny, he is in a mediocre local public school. Yes, I would walk away from a 6 figure salary too. It would halve our income, but yes, we could survive on husband's earnings.

 

We lived on my husband's salary for the most part during the time I was home with our daughter (which turned into daughters as I gave birth to our 2 year old and our foster daughter came into our lives). He also had some investment income and I had some (pretty negligible in the grand scheme of things) income from working a little part time. Now we're theoretically living on my salary but he is actually making more money doing part time corporate law than he did working full time as a prosecutor.

 

I wish you luck and peace with your decision.

[bettyandbob]

Oh, I see you said you are an attorney. Do you think you will return to it? Do you know any attorneys who have taken extended time (years off) and returned. I was an attorney and I know attorneys who have taken extended time and have not been able to return. Perhaps it is the current economy, but law firms tend have a pretty strict path they want associates to follow.

 

Again, this is b/c of my experience, which may not be what happens to your family, but I would seriously consider working out a part time or contract thing or doing regular pro bono for a non profit or the local bar. Non profit work can be a great way to get experience in a different aspect of law you had not considered. Additionally, you will have a good network for when you return.

 

If you don't think you'd like to work as an attorney again then I wouldn't give it another thought if your family can financially handle the change.

 

I don't regret the time I've spent with my dc. However, I think if I'd handled things differently we wouldn't be looking at working until we die, living in a townhome that needs major repairs, worried about university costs and the costs of long term care for a disabled child who will out live me, but won't be able to provide for himself. We do ok, but I can see where a different strategy would have put me in a better position to contribute more now.

[mchel210]

I took what was supposed to be a short break from working when our daughter was born. That "short break" has turned into almost 18 years mostly at home.

 

I never intended to be a stay-at-home parent, but I don't regret leaving even a little bit.

 

I am in the same boat!! I stayed home with my second because I wanted to spend that time I missed with my first. I had no intentions on staying home long term. I ended up having a third and then homeschooling. Mine went back in school and i had planned on going back to work...but then my oldest came back for 3 years of homeschooling middle school. When he went back I thought for sure I would go back to work...but now we do additional online classes to make up for credits in high school...and I feel like my girls need me here to do work with them after school.

 

I really want to have that time back in my career but I cant imagine not being here to do school work, sports, and all the after school things we do with my kids. Now all 3 of my babies are learning to cook and do things around that house and I dont feel ready to give that up with them. I had NO intentions on this but I personally LOVE it. I feel like Ive been blessed to have the ability to stay home with them and it means more to me in the longrun to be here for my family then work in my career.

 

It is a very hard choice but it is easy to get caught up and not go back. My career really doesnt have a lot of "part time" options for me. I opened my own business at home and I work around my kid's schedules. It isnt the same money but it affords me flexibility!