We are having a rough morning with my son!

[calledtobehome]

This morning has been rough going! After talking to everyone on the board I think my 8yr old may have Sensory issues or something else going on. It started off with him trying to mico-manage his older 9.5 yr old brother. I'm constantly reminding him that he's not the parent. Telling his brother that he can't have a second bowl of cereal and so forth. We are studying the Human body therefore I let them watch the Magic School Bus dvd. I went into the bathroom to clean my bathtub and before you know it he attacked his older brother and hit him in the face! He thought older brother skipped the dvd along to another chapter. Well he became very emotional and upset! It's just not fair to his brother.

I sent him to his room to calm down. Once he calmed down I talked to him And let him know hitting is not acceptable. If he had a problem he should have cone to get me. After a while of being calm he came out and apologized to brother and myself. Now he's acting as if nothing happened!

 

He is gifted academically and also on the piano. He definitely need structure and so far our modified work box system is working. I'm really thinking about sending him to school? He does not act this way around others. If I was to mention any of this to friends etc they would be shocked! I'm not concerned with his academics but it's his other actions that concern me.

 

Maybe he will benefit from school I don't know? I hope I'm not making him out to be a bad kid because honestly he's not. He has so many wonderful qualities! He has a great sense of humor. It just seems like when these incidents occur it out weights the good. We see his PED next week but next week can't get here quick enough!

 

Any words of wisdom?

 

Thanks for listening

[calledtobehome]

Well I see plenty of people read my message! I can't be the only one going through something like this. Anyhow we didn't get much school done but we are having a fairly good evening together as a family!

[Plink]

Blah! We didn't mean to ignore you. Posts get burried all the time. Please don't take it personally.

 

I am sorry you had a lousy day. SPD can be tricky. A new sweater or simply needing to go to the bathroom can completely derail school.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Embassy]

:grouphug:

 

I've been there.

 

Sounds like you may have some overexcitabilities going on.

[calledtobehome]

:grouphug:

 

I've been there.

 

Sounds like you may have some overexcitabilities going on.

 

 

Thanks you much for mentioning overexcitability. I had never heard of this before. Did some google searching and found this article. It is definitely a eye opener!

 

http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/overexcitability-and-the-gifted

[LisaBoo]

When my boys act up I try to remember they are constantly growing and changing. They have bad hormonal days, just like I do. It doesn't excuse behavior but helps me remember they have bad moments. Maybe your younger one feels left out, mine little one does and tells me so...says everyone talks over him (which is true, sadly), so I'm trying to be more sensitive to his needs. Parenting is hard at times, tomorrow might just be a better day for all of you - I hope so.

Thanks you much for mentioning overexcitability. I had never heard of this before. Did some google searching and found this article. It is definitely a eye opener!

 

http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/overexcitability-and-the-gifted

[heart'sjoy]

There can be many reasons for meltdowns or reactions.

 

One cause can be the brain not utilizing nonverbal communication. This causes many misreads and frustration that builds. The child may even use nonverbals in their own communication just not be recieving and utilizing the nonverbals to make decisions. Life would be like living in a foreign country since nonverbals are 80%. Snowball this to 6-8 years of not being able to learn from your parents experience but having to learn everything from the ground up everytime = avalanche.

 

Another way of looking at avalanche is calling it the tipping point. This is a down hill slide where the child can't compensate any more and can't keep up with the social and executive functioning/ organizing problem solving skills.

 

These aren't my original thoughts, just what I've gleaned from RDI.

[merry gardens]

... he attacked his older brother and hit him in the face! He thought older brother skipped the dvd along to another chapter. Well he became very emotional and upset! It's just not fair to his brother.

I sent him to his room to calm down. Once he calmed down I talked to him And let him know hitting is not acceptable. If he had a problem he should have cone to get me. After a while of being calm he came out and apologized to brother and myself. Now he's acting as if nothing happened!

...

First :grouphug:. Some children are definately more difficult to raise than others.

 

Now since you shared, I'm going to share some parenting advice: A mom talking to her son should not be punishment. You say he's bright and I believe you. We're training young minds, (and we're trying for well trained minds here :)). If he hits his brother and all that happens is you send him to his room "to calm down" and then you talk to him, he pretty much just got away with hitting his brother.

 

Smart, explosive ones require smarter than the average parenting. Come up with some type of recognizably punishment for when he hits his brother. I'm certainly not advocating for anything harsh, especially if there's question of his having special needs. There are a variety of ways to punish a child. It could be time out--which should be recognizably different from simply being sent to one's room to "calm down". It could be writing an apology to his brother. (When the picking gets bad, I've used "write ten nice things about your brother".) No tv or favorite electronic for the day, sits ups, running laps, do your brother's chore for him, etc., etc. Pick one. Some how, some way, make sure he realizes that you not only find his hitting his brother to be "unacceptable" but a serious, punishable offense.

 

Once he calmed down after an incident like today, he wouldn't be acting like nothing happened if he was been busy performing whatever punishment you gave him.

 

Now another :grouphug:. Parenting is tough work. Some children and some days are rougher than others. I hope today goes better for you and your sons.

[Mommyfaithe]

First :grouphug:. Some children are definately more difficult to raise than others.

 

Now since you shared, I'm going to share some parenting advice: A mom talking to her son should not be punishment. You say he's bright and I believe you. We're training young minds, (and we're trying for well trained minds here :)). If he hits his brother and all that happens is you send him to his room "to calm down" and then you talk to him, he pretty much just got away with hitting his brother.

 

Smart, explosive ones require smarter than the average parenting. Come up with some type of recognizably punishment for when he hits his brother. I'm certainly not advocating for anything harsh, especially if there's question of his having special needs. There are a variety of ways to punish a child. It could be time out--which should be recognizably different from simply being sent to one's room to "calm down". It could be writing an apology to his brother. (When the picking gets bad, I've used "write ten nice things about your brother".) No tv or favorite electronic for the day, sits ups, running laps, do your brother's chore for him, etc., etc. Pick one. Some how, some way, make sure he realizes that you not only find his hitting his brother to be "unacceptable" but a serious, punishable offense.

 

Once he calmed down after an incident like today, he wouldn't be acting like nothing happened if he was been busy performing whatever punishment you gave him.

 

Now another :grouphug:. Parenting is tough work. Some children and some days are rougher than others. I hope today goes better for you and your sons.

 

:iagree:

Boys can be.....ummmmmm....nuts:tongue_smilie: I have 4 of them, and tempers and fists have flown. Not everything has to come with a label.....and it sounds like your guy was having a " moment". I agree that to mother boys you can't just have a little chat and call it done. Sometimes it requires physical labor ( no, not the Gulag or anything, just a REAL reminder of why we do not hit. When you are a grown up and you hit someone, you go to JAIL....when you are a kid....watch out for MOM!). If it really gets out of hand, time to call in the head Rooster ( Dad).

 

I think a good consequence would be some type of restitution to brother. But here is the kicker.....you have to watch carefully that brother doesn't catch on and antagonize other brother into hitting him....so he can see brother get punished AND get the reward.....yeah....brothers DO that sort of thing....even in nice families....and without any labels.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

Sorry you had a rough day.....raising boys can be very interesting.....but also frustrating sometimes.....because .....we are not boys!

[Tiramisu]

This morning has been rough going! After talking to everyone on the board I think my 8yr old may have Sensory issues or something else going on. It started off with him trying to mico-manage his older 9.5 yr old brother. I'm constantly reminding him that he's not the parent. Telling his brother that he can't have a second bowl of cereal and so forth. We are studying the Human body therefore I let them watch the Magic School Bus dvd. I went into the bathroom to clean my bathtub and before you know it he attacked his older brother and hit him in the face! He thought older brother skipped the dvd along to another chapter. Well he became very emotional and upset! It's just not fair to his brother.

I sent him to his room to calm down. Once he calmed down I talked to him And let him know hitting is not acceptable. If he had a problem he should have cone to get me. After a while of being calm he came out and apologized to brother and myself. Now he's acting as if nothing happened!

 

He is gifted academically and also on the piano. He definitely need structure and so far our modified work box system is working. I'm really thinking about sending him to school? He does not act this way around others. If I was to mention any of this to friends etc they would be shocked! I'm not concerned with his academics but it's his other actions that concern me.

 

Maybe he will benefit from school I don't know? I hope I'm not making him out to be a bad kid because honestly he's not. He has so many wonderful qualities! He has a great sense of humor. It just seems like when these incidents occur it out weights the good. We see his PED next week but next week can't get here quick enough!

 

Any words of wisdom?

 

Thanks for listening

 

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about, but I don't know what it is. I see it as different from the SPD. It may come down to anxiety but there's something more, too, I think, in this need to make sure other people around them are following the rules or meeting their expectation of how things should go. When they don't, the reactions are extreme.

 

Meanwhile, they aren't great at following the rules themselves INSIDE the home, where they can let their hair down. Outside, they are wonderful. Outside, they are very rule-driven and can have a lot of anxiety over possibly not doing the right thing.

 

My dd who is like this is the one who does very well in school. However, even there she has little tolerance for kids acting up, being noisy, disrespectful, or disobedient, but she won't freak out about it enough to behave inappropriately herself. But she'll tell me all about it when she gets home.

 

Again, I would recommend the Explosive Child book. It won't tell you what you're dealing with, but it will give you helpful suggestions to deal with it.

 

I think--or my hope is--that kids like this will do well with a little maturity, but they do need extra help to learn to be flexible and forgiving.

[calledtobehome]

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about, but I don't know what it is. I see it as different from the SPD. It may come down to anxiety but there's something more, too, I think, in this need to make sure other people around them are following the rules or meeting their expectation of how things should go. When they don't, the reactions are extreme.

 

Meanwhile, they aren't great at following the rules themselves INSIDE the home, where they can let their hair down. Outside, they are wonderful. Outside, they are very rule-driven and can have a lot of anxiety over possibly not doing the right thing.

 

My dd who is like this is the one who does very well in school. However, even there she has little tolerance for kids acting up, being noisy, disrespectful, or disobedient, but she won't freak out about it enough to behave inappropriately herself. But she'll tell me all about it when she gets home.

 

Again, I would recommend the Explosive Child book. It won't tell you what you're dealing with, but it will give you helpful suggestions to deal with it.

 

I think--or my hope is--that kids like this will do well with a little maturity, but they do need extra help to learn to be flexible and forgiving.

 

First :grouphug:. Some children are definately more difficult to raise than others.

 

Now since you shared, I'm going to share some parenting advice: A mom talking to her son should not be punishment. You say he's bright and I believe you. We're training young minds, (and we're trying for well trained minds here :)). If he hits his brother and all that happens is you send him to his room "to calm down" and then you talk to him, he pretty much just got away with hitting his brother.

 

Smart, explosive ones require smarter than the average parenting. Come up with some type of recognizably punishment for when he hits his brother. I'm certainly not advocating for anything harsh, especially if there's question of his having special needs. There are a variety of ways to punish a child. It could be time out--which should be recognizably different from simply being sent to one's room to "calm down". It could be writing an apology to his brother. (When the picking gets bad, I've used "write ten nice things about your brother".) No tv or favorite electronic for the day, sits ups, running laps, do your brother's chore for him, etc., etc. Pick one. Some how, some way, make sure he realizes that you not only find his hitting his brother to be "unacceptable" but a serious, punishable offense.

 

Once he calmed down after an incident like today, he wouldn't be acting like nothing happened if he was been busy performing whatever punishment you gave him.

 

Now another :grouphug:. Parenting is tough work. Some children and some days are rougher than others. I hope today goes better for you and your sons.

 

Thank you for the hugs! Just to clarify a little when he was sent him to his room he was actually on time out for 8 min. I didn't make that clear. I do like the idea of doing his brother's chore! We already have the no

TV or electronics rule. Parenting is tough work and no two kids are alike! I'm sure I can work on being more consistent. We had good day today and looking forward to the good days ahead!

[Sharilynn29]

First :grouphug:. Some children are definately more difficult to raise than others.

 

Now since you shared, I'm going to share some parenting advice: A mom talking to her son should not be punishment. You say he's bright and I believe you. We're training young minds, (and we're trying for well trained minds here :)). If he hits his brother and all that happens is you send him to his room "to calm down" and then you talk to him, he pretty much just got away with hitting his brother.

 

Smart, explosive ones require smarter than the average parenting. Come up with some type of recognizably punishment for when he hits his brother. I'm certainly not advocating for anything harsh, especially if there's question of his having special needs. There are a variety of ways to punish a child. It could be time out--which should be recognizably different from simply being sent to one's room to "calm down". It could be writing an apology to his brother. (When the picking gets bad, I've used "write ten nice things about your brother".) No tv or favorite electronic for the day, sits ups, running laps, do your brother's chore for him, etc., etc. Pick one. Some how, some way, make sure he realizes that you not only find his hitting his brother to be "unacceptable" but a serious, punishable offense.

 

Once he calmed down after an incident like today, he wouldn't be acting like nothing happened if he was been busy performing whatever punishment you gave him.

 

Now another :grouphug:. Parenting is tough work. Some children and some days are rougher than others. I hope today goes better for you and your sons.

 

 

Thanks for some great thoughts. When my two fight, I usually just require an apology, but I never feel like it's enough. I appreciate your ideas, especially writing 10 things they like about them or along those lines. I can't do the chores thing because then my kids say, "He hit me. He has to do my chores!" when they were just goofing off. Anything to get out of work!