mothergooseof4 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 My kids have always been hsed. I also hsed a step child in the past so this is my 12th year to do this. My two oldest have said this to me often in the last couple of years and it is getting to me. My oldest, 13yo ds, had a complete meltdown during a writing lesson yesterday. He had not done it correctly on his own, so I was calmly going through it with him and reworking it. He got frustrated and went off on how nothing he ever does is right and kids in public school know more than him...he is so dumb...his brain doesn't work.....you get the picture! This kid has never liked any school work. NONE! If he thinks he is learning something then he automatically hates it. He does not want to go to ps nor does ds 10yo who has also made such statements. I ask them what it is that their ps friends know that they don't and they can't answer. I just don't get it. Why do they think this? How do they think I am supposed to correct this supposed mistake when they don't want to take on more work either? And, for the record, we are covering all of the bases with quality curricula plus they have a few outside activities. And, most importantly, they know how to learn things on their own. My oldest amazed me with his knowledge of a topic he is interested in the other day.....he had done all the research himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 My oldest, 13yo ds, had a complete meltdown during a writing lesson yesterday. He had not done it correctly on his own, so I was calmly going through it with him and reworking it. He got frustrated and went off on how nothing he ever does is right and kids in public school know more than him...he is so dumb...his brain doesn't work.....you get the picture! Pay that argument no mind. That's just a drama meltdown (and a straw man argument). Stay firm in your verbal praise of his abilities, let him have a cool down time, then just retackle it. Persevere! It's the age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I'm going to pass on the name a book that Alte Vista Academy passed on to me when I was talking about my child who hates all school but loves to actually learn on her own. http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Willed-Child-Dreamer-Dana-Spears/dp/0785277005 It is making a big difference in our relationship and our schooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 When my dd was around 12-14 she used to say emotionally manipulative statements that would throw me into a psychological tizzy until I finally realized what she was doing. She wasn't trying to express deep seeded thoughts/emotions only trying to toy with mine. She is a very sweet child but she knew just how to play me. She doesn't do it much anymore. More than likely she has grown out of it and matured but also I quit reacting to it. Instead of questioning her when she would make those statements or going over it in my mind, I just started ignoring it. I would just answer her with, "Ok". I imagine that is what your ds is doing and will stop when he realizes it doesn't bother you anymore. If your son were coming to you when things were calm and asking to have a serious conversation with you I would definitely take his concerns seriously. But when a child throws out emotionally charged statements when they are frustrated and don't want to do more work I completely ignore them (the statements) now. God Bless, Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 When my dd was around 12-14 she used to say emotionally manipulative statements that would throw me into a psychological tizzy until I finally realized what she was doing. She wasn't trying to express deep seeded thoughts/emotions only trying to toy with mine. She is a very sweet child but she knew just how to play me. She doesn't do it much anymore. More than likely she has grown out of it and matured but also I quit reacting to it. Instead of questioning her when she would make those statements or going over it in my mind, I just started ignoring it. I would just answer her with, "Ok". I imagine that is what your ds is doing and will stop when he realizes it doesn't bother you anymore. If your son were coming to you when things were calm and asking to have a serious conversation with you I would definitely take his concerns seriously. But when a child throws out emotionally charged statements when they are frustrated and don't want to do more work I completely ignore them (the statements) now. God Bless, Elise in NC :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Yep - that would be puberty, the beginnings of teen drama, etc. Usually starts at around 11 -ish for boys..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mothergooseof4 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 Thanks everyone! I typically ignore this, but it just got to me yesterday. I know that none of them want to go to ps, and I have confidence in what I am doing academically. So, I usually bring the focus back to the lesson and move on. Neither of my boys have ever been competitive at all! However, maybe if they know what the ps requirements are they might understand that they are not lacking. I will see if I can find some requirements to print out. Thanks for that suggestion. When I talked more calmly with him, the only reason he gave for ps kids knowing more than him was that they are there longer. Funny because he already says I torture him with too much school work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 You might want to take that kernal of fear seriously. Many boys are competitive and want to know where they stand. They get frustrated if they put time in and don't have something to show other than frustration. Show them the checkoff list vs the honors/preAP checkoff used at public schol. And give them their 'attaboys' when due. That's a really good point. My homeschooled son has cousins the same age who attend our local schools. Sometimes it DOES seem like they know more, based on what they're doing. Usually, though, it's just a more shallow or different sequence than what we're doing at home; it's just hard for the kids to see that, especially if they're ... pubescing LOL. It took my son awhile to believe me that it's about depth and sequence. It came out when his cousins thought HE was ahead. He wasn't, we just had a different sequence so he covered some things sooner (and of course, some things later). Seeing that from the other side helped. I went to our district website and printed off their checklist so all the kids could see they were all studying pretty much the same stuff and over the course of this "era" (elementary/middle/high) it all evened out in the end. For the most part LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 My dd is just entering this drama stage so this is helpful for me to read. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 My son went through that too. He does have some learning disabilities and there are subject areas in which it's true that his peers in ps know more than he does. However there are other areas where he excels and they think he is brilliant, if a little weird in his interests. When he was 13 we struggled a lot. He blamed me because he couldn't write well (as in composition, not handwriting, though that's a problem too). I told him how much he'd fought me when he was younger and he said I should have forced him more. Ha! I had to laugh at that, which made him angrier. Oh boy. We had some tough times. At one point he burst out "I'm ready to be in charge of my own education!" I left him alone for a day, and then he was back, asking me to be involved again. He's 15 and things are much better. We do focus on his strengths as we work on his weaker areas. He's calmed down a good bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Pay that argument no mind. That's just a drama meltdown (and a straw man argument). Stay firm in your verbal praise of his abilities, let him have a cool down time, then just retackle it. Persevere! It's the age. Exactly...and the fact that he can do research on interesting (to him) subjects proves that his brain is working! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Pay that argument no mind. That's just a drama meltdown (and a straw man argument). Stay firm in your verbal praise of his abilities, let him have a cool down time, then just retackle it. Persevere! It's the age. :iagree:Hang in there....this, too, shall pass, but it may be awhile. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Yep - that would be puberty, the beginnings of teen drama, etc. Usually starts at around 11 -ish for boys..... :glare: So now I know something my son is advanced in. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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