EmmaNZ Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 How wierd/unstable would you think a woman in her 30s, married, children was if she took her childhood teddy bear to bed with her when she was upset or stressed? How about thumb sucking at bedtime in the same lady? My husband and I disagree. He thinks she needs therapy. (This isn't about me in case you're wondering!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 How wierd/unstable would you think a woman in her 30s, married, children was if she took her childhood teddy bear to bed with her when she was upset or stressed? How about thumb sucking at bedtime in the same lady? My husband and I disagree. He thinks she needs therapy. (This isn't about me in case you're wondering!) I think the weird part is that she told you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 How wierd/unstable would you think a woman in her 30s, married, children was if she took her childhood teddy bear to bed with her when she was upset or stressed? How about thumb sucking at bedtime in the same lady? My husband and I disagree. He thinks she needs therapy. (This isn't about me in case you're wondering!) I have an aunt in her 50's who still sucks her thumb. It's just weird. I think my knee jerk reaction would be to side with your husband. It's almost like an aversion to growing up. It would be interesting to know more, like whether she tends to be more childish in other instances as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BugsMama Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I have a quilt my great grandmother made me when I was 10. I have slept with it every night since then. It is the perfect warmth in the cold, and perfect cool in the heat. I *can* sleep without it, but I don't like to, or want to. So, in my book the teddy isn't weird. The thumb sucking IS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) Without more indicators, I don't think this is an awful thing to do. I think it is her method of calming and comforting herself since she is upset or stressed out when she does it. It isn't illegal. It doesn't hurt anyone. Some adults sleep curled up with their pets, their stuffed animals, or a pillow when they sleep, whether they are upset or not. When I was in the hospital for 6 weeks before my sons were born, my husband brought me a huge stuffed bear. I named it Jess Tate. Unfortunately, my abdomen was rather large with triplets, so there wasn't enough room and Jess Tate had to "sleep" in a chair. The thumb-sucking is unusual, but I'd a lot rather someone did that than to achieve the same end by doing something that would harm themselves. I fall asleep every night holding my Kindle. Lest anyone get any bright ideas about me, I had been reading it, not cuddling it. Edited September 7, 2012 by RoughCollie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 It's not the weird things people do that indicate they need therapy. It's the things they do or don't do that really interfere with them having a stable, reasonable normal life. If it's doing active harm, she needs therapy. If it's just something she does with no repercussions on the rest of her life, she's fine. Honestly, we need to revisit the idea of eccentrics so that everyone has a little room to be weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Not particularly. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trlt Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 My DH sent me a teddy bear a long time ago when we were apart for quite a while and I was going through some really difficult life stuff. It smelled like him and brought me comfort when my life was just a huge mess. I don't have that kind of stress in my life anymore so I really don't snuggle my teddy bear but when I was all alone and life seemed unbearable it helped! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 It's a little weird but not scary-and-perverted weird. Since there are a number of websites, support groups etc for adult thumb/finger suckers, I'd imagine it's not that rare. Teddy bears and other comfort items would probably be even more common, and not that different to things like preferring a certain pillow or style of sleepwear, or using a night light, or whatever. Many people have some kind of item and/or ritual to help settle at night. As for needing therapy, I'd imagine that the behaviors you mentioned could be little eccentricities in an otherwise balanced person, or they could be the tip of the iceberg and manifestations of some disturbance or trauma. The woman in question herself, and her partner, are probably the best judges of whether she needs therapy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I guess thumb-sucking is weird but it's likely a habit that is extremely ingrained that she just never broke. I think it's probably as difficult to stop that as stopping fingernail biting which is something I did up until several months ago and I'm 44 yrs old. I had tried to stop many times over the years but then one day I just didn't have the urge. It was very weird. However, I do still chew the skin around the nails. I hate having nails though. I don't know how people stand them. Sleeping with a comfort object is just not something everyone outgrows. I used to feel guilty that my children had to sleep alone, especially when they were scared. I've got DH to make me feel safe. I would call him a big comfort object. However, I also have a teddy bear that sits on the shelf at the head of my bed. I sleep with my arm under my pillow and my hand rests on the bear's foot. It would feel weird to not have it there anymore. :tongue_smilie: I agree that therapy is for people who have an issue affecting their lives in a negative way. They would teach her comforting techniques, yet it sounds like she already has some. For the record, I'm going to make a huge assumption about adults in general. My guess is that we are scared of something just like we had things that scared us as kids. Only we're supposed to be big, strong, tough people now. But that isn't me. I'm a wuss and I still consider myself to be an adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I think the weird part is that she told you. There's that too. Of course I just admitted to some stuff on a public forum. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 It's not the weird things people do that indicate they need therapy. It's the things they do or don't do that really interfere with them having a stable, reasonable normal life. If it's doing active harm, she needs therapy. If it's just something she does with no repercussions on the rest of her life, she's fine. Honestly, we need to revisit the idea of eccentrics so that everyone has a little room to be weird. I agree. I'm sure I have all sorts of odd little rituals. I just don't think of them as odd because I've done them for so long. The world used to be full of little eccentricities. I think Kalanamak is spot on: the weird thing is that she told you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 It's a little weird but not scary-and-perverted weird. Since there are a number of websites, support groups etc for adult thumb/finger suckers, I'd imagine it's not that rare. Teddy bears and other comfort items would probably be even more common, and not that different to things like preferring a certain pillow or style of sleepwear, or using a night light, or whatever. Many people have some kind of item and/or ritual to help settle at night. As for needing therapy, I'd imagine that the behaviors you mentioned could be little eccentricities in an otherwise balanced person, or they could be the tip of the iceberg and manifestations of some disturbance or trauma. The woman in question herself, and her partner, are probably the best judges of whether she needs therapy. See, I think the bolded is weird. When you find and post on a support group for people that have the same odd little habit, it suggests it has too much weight in your daily life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Here are some perspectives from thumbsuckers. As someone pointed out, it's kinda warped that it's considered worse than potentially more harmful coping mechanisms such as smoking and drinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I think the teddy bear makes sense. I ball up my sheet and blanket and hold them when I'm having trouble sleeping or stressed out. A teddy bear would be easier. :D I sucked my thumb, and my mother (and the dentist) made me quit, and it was hard. If no one ever helped her break the habit, and she didn't take the initiative, that is sad. I would think it slightly odd if she wasn't at least trying to quit, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I always ball up a pillow to sleep with so I can see the bear thing. I don't know about thumb sucking because I never did that. I did suck on two of my fingers though forever even in my teens. It is not that I even wanted to, I tried to stop but in the morning I would wake up that way so it was something that just seemed to happen during the night. It has happened again a few times since I was an adult when something was really wrong or I was upset. Again, it is not something I have done on purpose but have woke up that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I think it is very weird and she needs therapy to help her deal with her anxiety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I don't think it's weird at all. I know of a 6' tall burly man in his forties who sucks his thumb; it's not common knowledge, but those who do know are just very tickled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I wouldn't necessarily say she needs therapy, but if you define "weird" as "not what the majority of people do or consider within the realms of normal," then yes, this behavior is weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Lots of people hold on to childhood mementos. And lots of adults are still stuck in oral fixation. Honestly, while it's a little outside the norm, I don't think it's necessarily unhealthy behavior or anything that needs help, assuming it's not stopping her from otherwise living her life. Weird is relative. I tend to ascribe to the idea that we're all weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ailysh Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 It's just a coping mechanism, like taking a hot bath or meditating. If it relaxes her there's no problem with it. To each, his own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Down_the_Rabbit_Hole Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Why do people think just because someone is doing something out of the norm they need therapy? At what point is just a habit a weird habit? Who is to decide? finger nail biting-acceptable/ thumb sucking-not acceptable curling with a pillow-acceptable/curling with a teddy- not acceptable Personally I think those who worry about others habits that are not harmful to them self or others needs the therapy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 The teddy bear doesn't seem odd to me. The thumb sucking does, but I guess that is just because I've never seen an adult do it. Mostly I think it is odd she told you. I don't think people should go to therapy unless there is a serious issue to work through. I feel like unnecessary therapy can create issues. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 So, in my book the teddy isn't weird. The thumb sucking IS. :iagree: When I'm particularly upset, curling up and holding something close is comforting. In my case, it's just a pillow. While I wouldn't snuggle with a teddy bear, I don't think it's too far out on the weirdness scale. Thumb sucking, however, is a bit different. Not out at the end on the weirdness scale, but it seems that the woman is trying (at that moment) to escape being an adult and wished she was a child and didn't have to deal with whatever made her upset. IM(non-professional)O, whether she needs therapy would depend on so much more. I do think it's odd that she told you/someone else who then told you. I would imagine that's the sort of thing I would want kept to myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I have a stuffed lamb that I've slept with since I was a kid. I still sleep with it because it fits perfectly under my chin and holds my head in a good sleeping position. I don't take it with me on vacation or anything, so I do notice that I don't sleep as well without it. It's more about positioning than a comfort thing. I also need my big body pillow or I don't sleep as well. I sucked my thumb at night for a very long time. I stopped completely sometime during high school, but for many years after I'd still find myself waking up with my thumb in my mouth. I never needed braces or anything, so it never seemed like a problem. I do think the weird thing is that she told you about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 The thumb-sucking is not weird. People cannot control that. The teddy bear is kinda :001_huh:, although I must say that my younger dd has a pot belly koala that I gave her for Christmas when she was about 2½ (over 30 years ago), and she still sleeps with him. In fact, she just washed his poor body again and he lost his nose. :lol: So I guess I'm going with "Not a very high level of weird." :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I think the weird part is that she told you. It's not the weird things people do that indicate they need therapy. It's the things they do or don't do that really interfere with them having a stable, reasonable normal life. If it's doing active harm, she needs therapy. If it's just something she does with no repercussions on the rest of her life, she's fine. Honestly, we need to revisit the idea of eccentrics so that everyone has a little room to be weird. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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