Am I doing my kids a disservice?

[Mynyel]

Maybe I am just feeling down because it is gloomy outside (and has been for a few days) but I just can't help but wondering if I am doing right by my kids.

 

We have been homeschooling since 2006. My dd has *ONE* friend. My ds10 has *NO* friends. When I was in school I had a gazillion. We don't live in a friendly neighborhood, there are other kids, even ones close to my kids age but *no one* plays with each other. The one child that would come over every day moved at the beginning of the year.

 

Even the free things (like hikes in the woods and other things) cost. There is gas and, most of all, time. Time away from work making money (Lord above how I hate money) that I can't even spend on what I want to.

 

I see other homeschoolers in our area that seem to do so much. They have co-ops, sports, get togethers, church functions etc... We don't have any of that. We can't afford the co-op's and sports. We don't belong to a church (and honestly I don't like church, I have tried). We also live so far out from anything. It takes 20 minutes (one way) just to go to the store for milk if we need it. So going to anything means, at the least, a 30 minute drive one way.

 

I also work full-time. Everything has been worse since I started working. On the days I work I am gone 10 hours of the day (30 min there, 8 hours work, 1 hour lunch and then 30 min back). I don't have time to cart kids around to things, even if I could afford it. My hours are scattered and not on a regular schedule. I do not get two days off in a row, nor do I get the same two days off every week. My dh hours are even worse now. He used to be able to get his regular hours in anytime. Now it is a stalking job to get his hours in hoping they will be there. His part-time job has turned into a three-quarter time job just to get the part-time hours. He can't take days off so he works (even if for a couple hours) everyday.

 

All this to say my kids have no life. Nothing to do and no where to go. Is this right? On that same taken they don't want to go to school. I have discussed it with them.

 

Maybe I am just feeling down... I am putting my TOG in sheet protectors and seeing the pictures on the pages of the kids in plays and doing fun projects and I don't get to do that with my kids. School is bare bones here because of work schedules.

 

Am I doing the right thing? I just don't know. The kids are bored, even if they aren't saying it. We can't go anywhere and we can't afford to do anything.

 

I knew y'all would understand my predicament so I came here to vent it out. If you even got this far without yawning :) Thank you.

[saraha]

:grouphug:

[kewb]

It sounds like you are in a very difficult place right now. If your kids are happy I wouldn't worry so much about it but would be keeping an eye on the situation. Being in a building full of kids your age certainly increases your chances for friends but does not guarantee you will have them.

[besroma]

It sounds like you are in a very difficult place right now. If your kids are happy I wouldn't worry so much about it but would be keeping an eye on the situation. Being in a building full of kids your age certainly increases your chances for friends but does not guarantee you will have them.

 

:iagree: :grouphug:

[Anne in CA]

I agree that being in a building full of kids does not mean your children would have them. My oldest became very popular in the neighborhood AFTER she started home schooling. But not going anywhere or doing anything is just no good. I understand being that broke, believe me I do, but I think you are going to have to spend some money you don't have to do something, or the guilt you are feeling is going to feel worse than spending the money you don't have. Even very cheap parks and rec classes would get your kids out of the house. I know it's hard to work so much.:grouphug::grouphug:

[Ruby Rose]

Sounds like a really difficult situation. What are the kids doing while everyone is working? Maybe school would be a good choice just temporarily. Even if they say they don't want to, they may change their minds after a few weeks there.

[Momof3littles]

Do you have any online HS support groups available in your area? We have several in my area. Can you try to network with some other parents? Maybe you could set up a once weekly or once monthly park date? Our library hosts a HSers get together once a month, and I don't think there's any fee for that (I don't participate as the time doesn't work for me).

 

I have a friend who HSs her DDs, and I met a mutual friend through her who also HSs. We formed our own little co-op. We have spent money on materials, but obviously that wouldn't be a necessity.

 

Even if you don't do a co-op, do you think you could perhaps find another family or two in your area? Even if you only got together once a week, once every 2 weeks, or once a month, it could be the start of a friendship for your DD possibly?

 

I would reach out and see if there is anyone in your area interested in meeting up. Even if you can't do it weekly, maybe you could do it every other week or once a month, and that would at least be moving toward building some relationships for the kids.

 

That sounds really hard :grouphug:

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Who teaches the children on the days you are gone for 10 hours? Do you and DH both teach?

 

From what you say, it sounds almost as if your children rarely even leave home, and you are gone half the week, at work.

 

I would not do this unless school were absolutely unsafe, physically. Even if the academics at school are sub-par, I would think really hard about sending them to school in this situation.

 

You know why you began homeschooling. Do those reasons still exist? Does homeschooling still beat ps, now that some circumstances have changed? These are the questions. I'm not saying the answers are easy.

 

Maybe there's an out-of-the-box solution that will be better than ps. I'd be looking for one.

 

:grouphug:

[jhschool]

Things aren't so bad.

Kids can paint, read books they

love, watch educational videos,

jump rope, and play board games.

 

You don't have to be doing outside activities to have a good

homeschooling experience.

 

Your kids can do their own plays--there are many two-people plays. They can make the costumes themselves. They can videotape the plays and upload them on the web for their grandparents.

 

Make sure they have plenty of good art supplies and plenty of good books. You can always go to the park or the library--my kid's favorite places when he was younger, and in my opinion, the two best places to homeschool kids.

[Dobela]

If you feel like you are doing a disservice, sometimes it is best to listen to your inner voice. Things are really tough right now, school for a year or two is not a bad choice, especially if it would help take some stress off of you while you work. If your living situation seems to be long term, you may want to consider school, or finding someone else to help school the kids. We did more than one year of bare bones schooling and it has come back to haunt me in a bad way. I really should have asked for more help or just sucked it up and put my son in school. Stopping homeschooling is not failure. Sometimes it may be the best thing.

[angela in ohio]

Who teaches the children on the days you are gone for 10 hours? Do you and DH both teach?

 

From what you say, it sounds almost as if your children rarely even leave home, and you are gone half the week, at work.

 

I would not do this unless school were absolutely unsafe, physically. Even if the academics at school are sub-par, I would think really hard about sending them to school in this situation.

 

You know why you began homeschooling. Do those reasons still exist? Does homeschooling still beat ps, now that some circumstances have changed? These are the questions. I'm not saying the answers are easy.

 

Maybe there's an out-of-the-box solution that will be better than ps. I'd be looking for one.

 

:grouphug:

 

I agree.

 

Have they been to school, even just to visit and see what it is like? I know many HS kiddos have a negative impression of school just from what they hear from their parents, but don't really know what it is like.

[elegantlion]

M

 

Am I doing the right thing? I just don't know. The kids are bored, even if they aren't saying it. We can't go anywhere and we can't afford to do anything.

 

I knew y'all would understand my predicament so I came here to vent it out. If you even got this far without yawning :) Thank you.

 

We're in the too broke to do anything category too and we don't even have access to a car during the day.

 

I would sit down and ask them what they'd like to do if money wasn't an issue. Get some ideas of their interests.

 

My ds is introverted and quite happy to work on his computer stuff in his spare time. But we didn't let him have free reign on the computer until a few years ago.

 

What kind of long-term projects can they do? Ds and I developed a "walk around the world project" where each time we walk in the neighborhood we add miles to our log. We're so behind because of the heat, but we count each 30 minutes of walking as 75 miles.

 

Do you have a video camera, a digital camera, can they do some video or photography projects? Pen pals, can they write with someone else?

 

I see times like these as seasons. Hopefully this season won't always be this way, so I'd be considering long-term goals.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: I ponder these questions a lot, I worry, it's never easy.

 

ETA: one other thing is I think neighborhood dynamics have changed. Dh grew up, so did I, where the neighborhood kids all ran around together for hours until dark. That didn't stop until early high school when cliques were forming, activities were overtaking free time. In the neighborhoods we've lived in, kids don't play together anymore. They might have one friend, but our last neighborhood we saw one neighbor out on a regular basis, the others came out to mow their lawn and that was it. Dh doesn't really get it and he thinks ds can just go out and hang out and friends will come running. It doesn't work that way around here, especially at the teen age.

 

I'm figting the urge to start back to church for the social scene. I just can't, it feels hypocritical. and everything organized for teens around here is through the school or church. Ds is happy though, we discuss it a lot, he likes his freedom, so it's mostly my worry.

Edited September 6, 2012 by elegantlion