Help! My 5 yr old says she hates school!

[hjordan423]

I don't know what to do. I don't think she really hates it, but my kindergartner does not want to do school most of the time. I'm afraid if I really force it she will just hate it more. But, obviously, not doing school is not an option. I try to make it interesting, brief and interactive. Sometimes she really enjoys it. And I try to remind her that she actually does like it. But sometimes I just can't get her to participate. I don't want school to be like a punishment.

 

The biggest hang-up for us is reading. She is doing very well with reading and is so proud of herself when she completes a lesson or reads on her own. But to get her started each day is like pulling teeth.

 

I want her to have a love of learning and reading. And she LOVES to be read to.

 

Any tips on getting her to do her reading lessons? Thanks!!

[walkermamaof4]

Can you tell us what programs you are using?

[ocelotmom]

But, obviously, not doing school is not an option

 

Why? Many 5 year olds aren't even in Kindergarten, and the ones who are in K are mostly just learning their alphabet or something. Your child will not be hurt by backing off on the academics at this stage.

 

Reading aloud books (or audiobooks) of increasing complexity is a perfectly valid way of developing literacy skills. A love of literature and a desire to read will take her much further than having the mechanics of reading mastered at age 5. You can have her do narrations (orally retelling/summarizing what she's heard) to test her comprehension and develop her composition skills.

 

http://www.starfall.com/, http://www.readingeggs.com/, and http://www.progressivephonics.com/ (this one is books you print out or read on a computer/e-reader, not something the kid does online) are some reading education sites that tend to be appealing to kids, if you do want to focus on it now.

Edited September 6, 2012 by ocelotmom

[edeemarie]

I would probably ease up with her reading, at least for a while. If she is 5 she really doesn't need to be reading yet. I would just have some cuddle time, read to her a lot, and let her lead you in things she is interested in (maybe some quick art projects, science, etc.). Not sure what state you are in but here in Ohio we don't even have to register our kids with the state until they are 6 so I would not worry about falling behind. Just play and have fun together- she will still be learning:)

[Ellie]

Why is it "obvious" that not doing school is not an option?? She's just 5. :confused:

[Mommy_of_4]

Why is it "obvious" that not doing school is not an option?? She's just 5. :confused:

 

:iagree: I would back off for a little while and just do some fun games like starfall.com

[ByGrace3]

I would take a look at how you are "doing" school, what you are using, your attitude towards it, etc. short and to the point lessons are good. Is she ok for the first 10-15 minutes? Many 5 year olds cannot do more than 10 minutes at a time.

 

I agree with you, in our house school at five is not optional. But I do desire to have my kids enjoy it as much as I can. My dd says she doesn't like school, but I know I am doing all I can within the range I am comfortable with.

 

I do things very differently for ds for k than I did with dd, but he likes school and is doing well. We usually do about 15-20 minutes of phonics, 20 minutes of math, 5 minutes of handwriting, and then join in with big sis for bible (30) minutes, history/ science (he is not required to but always joins us), and read alouds.

 

Whenever dd has gotten like that I have taken a break form what we are doing and change it up, play more games. I hat that dd hates school and I know that my attitude about it is what caused it. Now we are having to "fix" it. Things are getting better, but it has been slow. I say this as a word of caution. I wouldn't have changed the forward moving of learning, but I would have tried harder to make it more fun.

 

I would look at what you are doing, and while school may not be optional, ask how you can change it up. Playing games is still school. Try to have fun while still progressing. At this age, they learn so much more during play than "directed teaching." we chose curriculums for my Ker to that end and I couldnt be more thrilled. I feel like we are doing "school" and ds feels like he is playing. Its a win/win and how it should be! :001_smile:

[Soror]

Why is it "obvious" that not doing school is not an option?? She's just 5. :confused:

 

:iagree: That was my thought as well. But hey, everyone obviously has different opnions. In my state school isn't even compulsory until 7.

[walkermamaof4]

My kids learned an unbelievable amount from the leap videos. They watched one week and knew all of their short vowel sounds and consonant sounds. We don't own watch tv and had borrowed them that week as we had heard they were great. Do you have them?

[duckens]

Lots of good advice here.

 

Does she have any friends who homeschool?

 

I believe in the positive power of peer pressure. My 5yo daughter was not entirely on board with homeschooling, although not as difficult as your daughter.

 

Exposing her to friends who homeschool, and pointing it out after a playdate helped to "normalize" homeschooling for her, and to make her want to be like her friends.

 

Also, on days she sleeps in, I point out that

"Thank goodness we homeschool. Your friend Callie had to get up at 6am this morning!"

 

Other times we say, "Thank goodness we homeschool. We can skip stuff you already know."

or "Thank goodness we homeschool. We can work on stuff you need extra work on, and skip other stuff."

or "Thank goodness we homeschool. After math and phonics, we can work on stuff in the order that we want to."

[Guest dorab]

Oh my daughter was the same way- but she changed after she had a great day at school. Try to create a powerful positive expereince I think this will help alot. Also be hopeful kids change so much at this age...

 

good luck!:)

[a27mom]

I can partially relate. My 5 y/o occ bucks against doing school at times, but is actually ahead in her learning too. I agree at 5 in our home school is not an option. it is important in our family that our children learn to do things they don't want to do. ( our school is not that demanding -maybe a total of an hour a day)

 

My daughter is ahead with reading as well. It can be tricky. I want her to make progress, but I am trying not to push. I do some things like offer her options. "We are going to work on reading would you like to: pick a book, work in the primer, or do a workbook?"

 

Also if my daughter resists school she has the option of going and lying on her bed until she is ready to start. (this way of she is just cranky from lack of sleep or brain fatigue it is dealt with)

 

I also try to remind myself that when she resists school, then does it and enjoys it or at least accomplishes something, she feels good and learns from the experience. It is frustrating to deal with the learning process though.

[Clear Creek]

In our house 5yo means kindergarten age, and reading lessons are mandatory at that age - but it is the only school-related lesson that is mandatory. I made a big deal out of it before the school year began (big kindergarten boys don't fuss or whine about doing their lessons, they do it cheerfully and quickly because it is a big, important responsibility), and I keep it short - I try for no more than 15-20 minutes. Everything else we do is by his choice; I don't require any other subjects until 1st grade. He asks daily to do Xtramath, and he has a stack of workbooks (ETC, stuff from Walmart/Target) that he pulls out and does whenever he feels like it.

 

How many other subjects are you doing each day with your child? If reading is the most important, have you tried doing it first so that your child isn't already burned out on seatwork-type activities?

[mybluesky]

No real advice here, but I wanted to offer :grouphug:! I'm in the same boat with my son. I had so much fun planning all summer, and it just never occurred to me that he would just not want to do it at all!

 

Oh, one thing that I have found helpful so far was to figure out when during the day he is happiest to do some of the more "instructional" things. (And really, I mean like 10 minutes of phonics and 10 minutes of math, and maybe 5 minutes of handwriting.) I had planned to do this all in the morning, to leave the rest of the day for more "fun" hand-on stuff, but it turns out my ds is just not ready in the morning. At all. So now we do the fun stuff in the morning and his core subjects in the afternoon, and for him this is working out much better. He still says "Hooray!" when the school day is over (sigh) but at least he is much less resistant and whiny about school in general.

[hjordan423]

So much good advice. Thank you everyone for your input!

 

walkermamaof4: What are the leap videos?? I have never heard of this but I am intrigued!

 

Regarding what programs we're using...well, because I feel like reading and phonics is the foundation for all learning, I have put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to pick the "perfect" reading/phonics program. For that reason, I have bought several different books/programs including:

1. OPGTR -- even though this is not my favorite delivery method, this is the one we are currently using because we are such huge fans of WTM. The primary reason for using this one is that I have complete faith that OPGTR is a thorough and comprehensive phonics program, and, again, I don't want to miss teaching anything.

2. The Reading Lesson -- I really like this format...it's very simple and clean - not a lot of busy text all over the page...minimal text per page and very large font to make it super easy for a new reader to follow. I was afraid this one wasn't comprehensive enough. But dd liked this format better too. (I know, duh, go back to the one she liked, right?)

3. Reading Made Easy -- I like the way they use different fonts, colors, etc. to help you know how to read specific letters and letter combinations

4. Saxon Phonics I -- I like this...but will take much longer to do each lesson than our standard 15-20 minutes. I guess that's why this is really a 1st grade program.

5. BJU Kindergarten Beginnings with Phonics for K5 -- multi-faceted; seems fun, but maybe too complex for homeschool (vs. classroom).

6. Progressive Phonics online. I really like this program, but sometimes feel like dd is guessing the words instead of reading them because there's a picture with each tiny story that shows what's happening.

 

Math -- RightStart A and Life of Fred

Handwriting -- HWOT

 

We are also using Classical Conversations for memory work.

 

I try to spend 10-20 minutes per day each on reading and math, 10-15 on handwriting, then add in history reading and memory work when able.

 

We do listen to audio books when we can, and I read aloud to her a lot. She loves, loves, loves to hear stories and has great comprehension.

 

[This was helpful writing all this out. I had several "duh" moments while thinking through it all...and maybe I just need to not worry about it too much!]

 

Thank you everyone!!

[linguistmama]

I'm not walkermama, but I believe the video she means is by Leapfrog. Letter Factory was a huge success here, huge! My kids easily learned the short vowels and letter sounds in a week and it is very fun.

[bethben]

My 5 year old also says she hates school. She does 10-15 minutes of seat work max and listens to stories the rest of her time. I am taking it very slow, but I think what she hates mostly is no one to play with her all day. I think the second part of it is that she wants praise for everything and doesn't want to be corrected. I praised her "v" letter today and I got a "I LOVE school." I'm calling this year junior kindergarten because she's really not ready for a much faster pace than our snail pace we're going at. She'll do what I consider kindergarten work when she's 6.

 

Beth

[TengoFive]

It may be that her brain has absorbed as much reading as she can at the moment and needs a little while to process that. So, instead of doing a reading lesson, you could just have her read phonetic readers or review what you've already gone over in a fun way. That's what I've done when they start to resist reading lessons. They still have to read, we just don't work in the book (OPGTTR) for a few days. They love Explode the Code workbooks, so they keep doing those.

[Twilight Woods]

I'm not walkermama, but I believe the video she means is by Leapfrog. Letter Factory was a huge success here, huge! My kids easily learned the short vowels and letter sounds in a week and it is very fun.

 

If you have netflix the leapfrog Phonics FArm and NUmbers are available.

[Ellie]

[This was helpful writing all this out. I had several "duh" moments while thinking through it all...and maybe I just need to not worry about it too much!]

 

That could very well be true. :lol:

 

I will say that IMHO, you need to pick ONE thing for phonics and do that ONE thing as faithfully as possible. All of the ones you listed are good, but they are different; mushing them altogether, even if you just use one at a time, waters down the efficacy of them all. Just pick one.

[skeeterbug]

You could also back off a bit and only do math 2-3x a week, handwriting 2-3x, etc. Maybe reading every day but alternate the others. When she is done with those, tell her she is done with school for the day and then sneak in other things through games and hands-on activities, but not in the place you regularly do school. (Not at the table!)

 

LOF seems a bit much on top of RS A for a 5yo unless she is just tagging along with olders. I don't actually have LOF so I don't really know what I'm talking about, just going by what everyone else says about it. :tongue_smilie:

 

My 5yo resists school only when he feels it interrupts his playing. :D I back off and let him play. He goes in cycles. He'll go a couple of weeks where he insists on being at the school table with us, a couple of weeks where he is nowhere to be found during school. It all evens out, and he still participates in all our projects and hands-on activities. I'll require more consistency from him when he's closer to six.

[Guest MomInBlack]

We do OPGTR (which I'm very happy with so far) and one thing that has helped a lot for us is changing the medium. Some days we do the lessons on her big chalkboard, some days on her lap-desk white board, and some days we do them on the back of a receipt while waiting for the bus. She has no interest in looking at the book and I don't blame her: the font for the student is not different enough from the instructor's, and there are just too many letters on the page. Isolating her text has really helped. :)

[walkermamaof4]

http://www.amazon.com/Leap-Frog-Letter-Factory-VHS/dp/B0000INU7C

 

HTH

[alisoncooks]

If you decide to take out any formal reading, but still want some extra practice...what about adding in some phonics games instead? You could have 1-2 days a week focused just on games that fit what you are currently practicing in the program(s).

 

I like many of these (and they're free):

http://www.fcrr.org/curriculum/studentCenterActivities.shtm

 

I also have the Evan-Moor "Take to your seat Phonics Centers" for K and 1st and my kids like them.

 

They also really like Starfall (my girls are 4 and 6) which I consider phonics/reading practice; I let them go on there daily for about 10-15 min.)

[kirstenhill]

Yesterday my five year old Kindergartener declared he didn't want to do school any more, and he usually loves it. With a little gentle prodding I figured out that he thought the book I picked out from the library for him to read was too hard, and he was sad we had to return all the Bob books to the library. All it took was me telling him that we could read an easier book and that I would look into buying our own Bob books, and he was happy to do school again. Maybe there is something your DD isn't liking or is feeling stressed out by in particular?

 

I also remember that my DD went through a phase at 5 or 6 where she kept worrying that if she learned to read I wouldn't read out loud to her any more. I had to reassure her many times that I still would read aloud to her even if she learned to read. Maybe your DD is worried about that since she loves to listen to you read so much? Just another idea to throw out there.

[SkateLeft]

I will say that IMHO, you need to pick ONE thing for phonics and do that ONE thing as faithfully as possible. All of the ones you listed are good, but they are different; mushing them altogether, even if you just use one at a time, waters down the efficacy of them all. Just pick one.

 

:iagree:

 

My jaw dropped when I saw 6 phonics programs and 2 math programs. Young kids like predictability. Some of the child's balking could be due to just not knowing what to expect whens she sits down for a lesson.

 

Pick 1 phonics program (they're all good), and 1 math program. Then, just be consistent.

[2squared]

:iagree:

 

My jaw dropped when I saw 6 phonics programs and 2 math programs. Young kids like predictability. Some of the child's balking could be due to just not knowing what to expect whens she sits down for a lesson.

 

Pick 1 phonics program (they're all good), and 1 math program. Then, just be consistent.

 

:iagree: My Ker is using Reading Made Easy and RightStart A. That's it. I read aloud to him, but he truly has no other academic requirements. I even use RME for handwriting. He writes the daily sentence(s) on a whiteboard for his handwriting. I didn't do that with my older two, and now I wish I had.

[hjordan423]

I love the idea of playing games...my girls LOVE to play games. So thank you for the suggested sites! I will also start letting them do more on the computer...like starfall, etc. We did a trial of readingeggs and they loved it, but I just haven't subscribed.

 

I think part of it is just laziness on dd's part because even when I just read a book to her and ask her to read with me or just read a single word that I know she knows, she gets whiny and frustrated and says, "No, just you read it."

[Aspasia]

 

I will say that IMHO, you need to pick ONE thing for phonics and do that ONE thing as faithfully as possible. All of the ones you listed are good, but they are different; mushing them altogether, even if you just use one at a time, waters down the efficacy of them all. Just pick one.

 

:iagree: Definitely! And you will probably enjoy school more, too.

 

:iagree: My dd hated the sight of OPG but would do the lessons if I did it in another format. One thing that really helped us was writing the words on either end of an index card, cutting them in half, and playing "Go Fish" with them (making her sound out the words to play). I also agree with backing off a little.

 

Same here.

 

We live in a state where school is compulsory at age 5, plus my dh is kinda pushy when it comes to school, so I totally understand school as mandatory at this age. Your dd sounds a lot like mine. She doesn't like to do anything that requires much effort. It's just how she is. But if I can get her through something hard, she always feels super proud of herself and even energized to do more. It's just getting over that initial hump.

 

Below is my response to a thread about whining. This is what worked for my dd, and now that her attitude has improved, she is reading more easily, which makes her like school more. Here you go:

 

My dd is a huge whiner, very sensitive, blah, blah, blah. Up until a couple weeks ago, reading lessons in particular were absolute torture for her, and by extension, me. She whined and dragged her feet, all of which resulted in her making unnecessary mistakes and getting frustrated, which led to...more whining. Ahhhhh!

 

Finally one day I explained to her the difference between a positive attitude and a negative attitude. I gave examples of what each one looks like during a reading lesson. It's okay to not want to do something, but there is a difference between, "I don't waaaant to do readiiiiiiing. I haaaaate schooool." and "This is hard, but I know I have to do it anyway." I explained that having a good attitude makes everything easier--having a bad attitude makes everything harder. (Because doesn't it? Cleaning the kitchen seems much harder when I'm dragging my feet and forcing myself to do it, versus just flippin' doing it.)

 

Next I told dd that if she does anything to exhibit a bad attitude (which definitely includes whining), then we will take a 5-minute attitude break for her to adjust her attitude and come back with a better one. But here's the catch: You waste five minutes of my time, I will waste five minutes of your time when school is over. So basically, she sits in a chair when she could be playing.

 

Ever since that day, I feel like I'm teaching a brand new child! Not only has the whining stopped, she regularly says she LIKES reading AND school in general. She has asked to do additional reading lessons and asks for extra math pages. I'm not making this up! Turns out when you're not whining and resisting everything in your life, some of that stuff is actually enjoyable. Go figure! I also think the positive attitude is helping her learn the skills more easily, and that is really boosting her confidence.

[sleeplessnights]

I'm on my third Kindergarter this year, and I have learned a lot about how they work over the years. First, learning to read is hard work. You can play games and try to make it fun, but it's hard. I joke that I see smoke starting to come out of their ears at times. Learning to control your pencil and write those letters on the correct lines is hard too. Of course, as they practice, it gets easier, and then it becomes fun. No one likes to do hard things. Everyone would rather play, watch tv, or do pretty much anything do avoid doing hard things.

 

However, we must all learn to do hard things. As adults, we know what our hard work will accomplish and we can self-motivate to make it through difficult times. Kids can't see that far ahead. Looking more than a week in advance is "forever."

 

What has worked for my children is to make their school work integrated into their every day routine. I find that when I move things around, do it today but not tomorrow, etc, they think they can get out of doing it. Our rule is: if Dad's at work, you are too. That being said, my Kindergartener's work is very minimal. Immediately after breakfast, she brushes her teeth and comes in to do her math. This avoids the problem of breaking up her play. She probably takes about 10 minutes for math. Then she goes and plays.

 

About 10am (after my older boys need a break), I announce that I'm putting the kettle on and she comes down to the kitchen and she does her phonics and handwriting while I'm brewing tea. This takes about 15 minutes. When she's done we have tea and a small snack. (Strangely, the boys often wander down too)

 

Before quiet time, she reads out of one of her readers and then I read something to my two younger kids. We have a family rule that after you finish reading a book you get to write your name in the front of it. It's cool to see the books that have three names in them now. And as a family we do Bible during breakfast, a read aloud during lunch, memory work as we clean up from lunch, and more read alouds before bed.

 

And that's about it for her work day. She knows her routine, she knows what's expected and that it won't take forever, and now that she sees results and can read Frog & Toad type books, she's becoming a whole lot more self-motivated during school time.

 

I hope you can find a routine that works best for you guys. When my daughter was working hard to try to learn to read, a "star chart" type of reward system helped keep her excited. After every 10 stars we went out to get ice cream!

 

Good luck!

[2squared]

I think part of it is just laziness on dd's part because even when I just read a book to her and ask her to read with me or just read a single word that I know she knows, she gets whiny and frustrated and says, "No, just you read it."

 

Learning to read is very, very hard work. I wouldn't ruin cozy read aloud time with hard work. It's truly counter-productive. If read aloud time is hard work, she will begin to turn off and not want to listen to the books. Instead, use your read aloud time to build family bonds, introduce her to the magic of reading, and excite her. Use your lesson time to make her work.

[walkermamaof4]

sleeplessnights - I love your routine and the idea of writing their names in the books! I think I'll start that too! Thanks. I love this forum!

[srs]

I have found that continued reluctance to do something means I am asking too much, too soon. Someone on here has a quote "It's not a race, it's an education." I remind myself of that frequently.

[hjordan423]

I think I'll print out that quote "It's not a race, it's an education" and hang it on my fridge. Love it. Thank you for reminding me. :)

 

sleeplessnights...I like your routine as well and writing the names in the books. I think we will adopt that tradition too. I have always wanted to be one of those people who "puts a kettle on" and has tea in the afternoon. Don't know why. Just like the romantic idea of it.

 

By the way, instead of doing a "reading lesson" today we just played Sight Word Bingo and she loved it!

[LisaBoo]

:iagree:Wait until she matures a little more, unless you are required by law.

I would probably ease up with her reading, at least for a while. If she is 5 she really doesn't need to be reading yet. I would just have some cuddle time, read to her a lot, and let her lead you in things she is interested in (maybe some quick art projects, science, etc.). Not sure what state you are in but here in Ohio we don't even have to register our kids with the state until they are 6 so I would not worry about falling behind. Just play and have fun together- she will still be learning:)

[janainaz]

At 5 years old I played with my kids and incorporated learning. They did not know we were doing 'school' at that age. We did do OPG daily, but that took no longer than 10 minutes - it was honestly effortless. We played a LOT of games (board games, card games, and just made-up active learning games).

 

Just have fun - they're only little for a short time!

[lea_lpz]

I would probably ease up with her reading, at least for a while. If she is 5 she really doesn't need to be reading yet. I would just have some cuddle time, read to her a lot, and let her lead you in things she is interested in (maybe some quick art projects, science, etc.). Not sure what state you are in but here in Ohio we don't even have to register our kids with the state until they are 6 so I would not worry about falling behind. Just play and have fun together- she will still be learning:)

 

:iagree:

 

My dd is 5 and we're doing a letter of the week, basic math (calendar, counting, etc.) and a lot of hands on learning, arts, imaginative play and read alouds. At 5, that's enough I feel.

 

And some kids aren't for school until they are like 6, and it's all good. They end up ok.

 

If she's already reading, she's ahead of the game and so backing off would not hinder her.

[cagirlintexas]

We had similar issues last year. I wouldn't say he hated it he just complained a lot. I trimmed things down though and that helped. We basically did a little of OPG and a little handwriting without tears and that was it. We did it everyday so 7 days a week which honestly helped and decreased the arguments and we only did about 20 minutes so it wasn't overwhelming. This year we have worked out a system where he earns tickets to watch TV by doing his lessons and this has been motivating him. Good luck I know how frustrating it can be.