Those who have sent their dc to ps

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[momma2three]

Oh it's so tough to watch your kids having a rough time emotionally.

 

Do you have any idea WHY she is doing this? Did she go to preschool, or other drop-off programs, and was the anxiety similar? Is she a particularly clingy child who is upset when separated from her parents? (I have one like that, one who barely notices we exist, and one somewhere in the middle). Does she have a lot of anxiety over other issues? Or perhaps there's someone or something specific at school who worries her? Even besides the punch (not exactly a great start to the year, but these things happen), do you have any reason to believe that she might be bullied? 1st grade seems very young, but I remember another girl and her friend used to pick on me terribly in 1st grade so I don't think it's too early to be aware of that.

 

I would try to talk to the guidance counselor, and see if maybe the counselor can talk to your daughter a bit.

[lmrich]

How long has she been in school?

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Edited September 11, 2014 by amana

[Lang Syne Boardie]

My 6yo ds acted like that when I put him in private school. He went for two weeks and seemed to be adjusting, but then began the screaming, crying, acting out and expressions of feeling betrayed and abandoned. When that happened, I chose not to analyze or delay. I took him out.

 

He was happy and well-adjusted before he went to school. Within two weeks he was a miserable little boy, having nightmares, feeling like his Mama abandoned him. That was unacceptable to me, for even a short time to try to adjust. I was his Mama for a reason, and he obviously needed me whether other 6yo's can succeed at going to school or not.

 

He's 14 now and has had a very happy childhood. He's successful academically, socially, emotionally...I don't know if this child would be the confident and secure young man he is today if I hadn't made the decision to bring him home when he was so terrified as a very little boy. Perhaps he would have adjusted. I wasn't willing to make him try.

 

Edited to add: He was afraid of his teacher, who was very stern. There wasn't any bullying. Other factors in his case were that we had just moved, we had a new baby, and the baby had health problems requiring constant hospitalization and doctor visits. Also, DH was working two shifts after being laid off for awhile. I put the older boys in school so I could try to recover from a horrific pregnancy and childbirth AND deal with the baby's health issues without dragging all three of my older children to the hospital all the time. So my son had lots of scary transitions going on. It turned out he was happy as a clam to go to the children's hospital and everywhere else I needed to go, as long as he was with Mama and his brothers. It was the most exhausting period of my life, because with DH working constantly I had no help at home with the four boys, either, and the baby didn't sleep well at night until he was 3. I still don't regret it. If I had been physically unable to keep my 6yo home with me, I would have hired a babysitter instead of sending him to school.

Edited September 6, 2012 by Tibbie Dunbar

[Paige]

I think being punched the first day of school probably affected her deeply. I'd ask for her to spend some time with the school counselor. To me, it sounds like a child who doesn't feel safe, and it's going to take a while before she can feel safe again.

[MariannNOVA]

One of my older dds had a similar situation when she was 5 and in private school.

 

It was a bullying issue we learned, she was placed in the other K class, and in a matter of minutes, all was fine.

 

Had her distress continued, I would have removed her from the school.our

 

Six years old is still quite young -- all a young child knows at that age is that they are unhappy -- i say this alot here so please forgive me, all other things considered, her little voice needs to be heard.

 

My mom kept me in school in first grade and I was miserable - i had the meanest first grade teacher on the planet - i am not exagerrating. It was a private school, and my mom had no intention of removing me from the school. I remember it like it was yesterday, and by third grade, I was suffering from colitis - I became an incredibly nervous child from that year in that classroom with no one listening to me that I wanted out.

[Princess Peach]

Yes! It is a *huge* jump from hs'ing to ps. It takes longer for some kids than others to make that adjustment. My 9yo has loved it from the first minute, and he's the one I was most worried about. Go figure! My 10yo adjusted quickly, but still is nervous about some things. My 13yo, OTOH, has had a very tough time and is just starting to level out.

 

He is my emotional one, too. Like you said, he would cry at the drop of a hat about the silliest things (to me). What we did: Let him know that we were there to support him and we "had his back", so to speak. He was devastated that he didn't get into the advanced math class, so I went in to talk to the counselor, and brought with me his standardized test scores and pre-alg grades printed out from TT. They agreed to test him and when they did, they placed him in the appropriate class.

 

We also have tried to prepare him as much as possible, but at the same time, he has to understand that some of the things he's worried about are normal things that everyone worries about. He just has to ride it out and he'll be ok. I think sometimes we, as parents, can play into our kids fears and emotions too much. Comfort, yes, but coddle, no. I realize your DD is much younger, but that is what worked for us.

 

Oh, and we had to teach him to advocate for himself. If he doesn't understand an assignment, or if he doesn't know where something is, or if he doesn't know how to do something, he needs to ask. And it's ok to say that he's new, or that he's been homeschooled previously.

 

I hope things work out for you. :grouphug:

[jen3kids]

Been there, done that.... although all my kids wanted to go to school.

 

Older ds was homeschooled in grades 3 and 4 and begged to go back. It was a better fit for him.

 

DD went to K and came home for 1-6. She started mid-way through grade 6. She begged to come home at the beginning of Grade 7, but we insisted she stay until Thanksgiving and by that time she had settled in and loves her school.

 

Younger ds went to school for 8 days for Grade 4. He wanted to try it, he hated it. He refused to go some days, other days he went willingly or grudgingly. We pulled him out.

 

Now he is in middle school and aside from 1 day when he didn't want to go (Day 2) and one melt-down over homework, he's fine. If he decides to come home after the first quarter, he may.

 

We were, and still are, fortunate that I don't need to work so I can still homeschool if that's what the kids want. Dealing with younger ds a few years ago when he didn't want to go was awful. I knew it wasn't a good fit for him, but dh really wanted to force him to go. I told him that he could take him to school everyday and that changed dh's mind pretty quickly.

 

I can only give you my understanding - no great words of advice because every child is different. Some kids respond to no nonsense 'You're going, so stop.' Other kids need to know you understand and share their distress, but there is nothing to be done about it.

 

I'm sorry it's been so tough for your little one.

[dbmamaz]

Yeah, my kids went to public school first, and that was pretty much why i took them out. some kids really dont do well in school. i did make them finish out the year (the youngest only went to K)

 

why did you choose to put them in school?

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[Little Nyssa]

Mine are in PS-- went back last yr. DS (then 7) adjusted perfectly. DD5 (now 6) had some tears each day at recess when she felt lonely for the first couple of weeks, but said she liked school overall. she had a star teacher who was amazing at helping her get acclimated. This year she has had tears once at recess but overall likes school.

 

What I did-- I did go and have lunch with her a few times, and went to recess with her a few times, and I watched her signals as to when she did not need me to do this anymore, and pretty quickly she did not need me to come any more. Also: I volunteered once a week in her classroom the whole year.

 

This year what I did: I asked the principal specially for teachers who were gentle, not gruff. I also asked for teachers who like to have parent volunteers in the class, because I THINK that this is PS code for teachers who are welcoming and friendly.

 

good luck! as to your reasons, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone: HS and PS can both be excellent options depending on the situation.

[itsheresomewhere]

Is it possible right now to get her a locket? You could put your picture in it and kiss it in front of her. Give it to her and let her know that if she just needs to see you, to open it and look. It might make her feel better and help.:grouphug:

 

Not my idea. One of the moms at DS therapy place who has a adoptive child did this for her child and it worked. It turns out her child was extremely worried about forgetting her face during the school day.

[abbeyej]

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It may mean that ds3 and I will be having recess and lunch at school for awhile, but if it helps with her anxiety, I'm all for it.

 

I think having you there for a while may be a great plan. As someone else said, it may be that some of her severe anxiety is due to being *hit* on her very first day. Of course she doesn't feel safe! If I started a new job and was attacked by that co-worker on the first day, it would be *really* hard for me to go back and continue working near that person day-after-day, even if my boss assured me that it had been "handled" and wouldn't happen again. I could believe the boss had good intentions, but I'd still be anxious that that alone would not protect me.

 

If she just needs to have you *physically* there to protect her (at least in her perception) for the first few weeks, I think that's a pretty good bargain for rebuilding her sense of security. She needs to know that even if she's at school, you'll protect her no matter what. (And especially if there's some upheaval at home -- any sense of insecurity in other aspects of her life will just be magnified far beyond what it might otherwise be.)

 

I'm glad you were able to be with her today, that things went better for her, and that you'll be able to continue doing this until she's ready to face the days on her own.

[Ottakee]

Glad it is going better. When you are ready to wean this just tell her ahead of time that "mom won't see you at lunch today as I have to get groceries but I will see you at recess" or vice versa. Then wean down from that.

[Reflections]

While this idea may not work for you, I just want to say - it is OK to be a blended family. You CAN have one in school AND one at home. It does not have to be all or nothing. With your dc having this much trouble that you are having to go to the school to calm her down, you may need to reconsider how you are handling the dynamics even if it means you have to change your plans.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: Nothing is ever easy. I'm sorry.

[5LittleMonkeys]

We have several reasons for enrolling them in ps, but I'm not comfortable putting them out on the Internet. We'll just leave it as our family is going through some changes that make having them in ps the best choice for this year.

 

 

Could these changes be causing stress, uncertainty, confusion? That coupled with a stern teacher, having to follow all new rules, being away from my home and momma, and getting punched would cause me to feel like crying too! It probably isn't one thing causing the behavior...it sounds like she has a lot of new adjustments to make and just needs more time and a momma who's willing to be super supportive and understanding. I think going to school for recess and lunch is a great way to help her transition. You're doing a great job...be patient and give her lots of extra hugs and kisses when she's home.:grouphug:

[trinchick]

DD had a really hard time the first week of first grade last year. Lots of tears every evening. She was genuinely sad - not trying to manipulate or get sympathy. It broke my heart to send her back every day. However, my approach was to just stay firm and keep a no-nonsense attitude. She had to get on that bus every morning no matter what. I didn't drive her to school or offer to pick her up early or anything of the sort. I think if she saw me start to cave, she would have had an even harder time adjusting.

 

After the first week or so, the clouds just lifted and she had a fantastic year. Making a friend and getting used to the routine helped. She absolutely loves school now, despite the rocky start.

 

I know it's hard on you as her mom to see her so unhappy; hope things get better soon.

[momma2three]

She is so lucky that both you and the school are so flexible about meeting her needs. I hope she settles in soon.