What advice would you give

[mom31257]

to a child who is in this situation? At our church there are only a handful of boys around ds's age, and they aren't there consistently. We are there all the time as well as one other boy. This boy seems to want to be friends with ds because he's invited him over to his house and sits with him in the children's classes and services. Ds has had problems last year with the boy telling ds that he's not tough or manly enough when they do any kind of competition or wrestling around, etc. Ds is very thin, and this boy is taller, bigger, and takes Karate (which he seems to think makes him tough). Ds said that he got better about it and that's why ds was willing to go to his house. Now the boy has started back doing it.

 

Ds doesn't want to tell on him, hurt his feelings, or be mean to him. He doesn't know how to handle it since they go to church together and "have" to see each other.

 

Any advice? I know the mom fairly well and didn't say anything to her last year. I feel that she would want to know he's doing this, though. I've thought about talking to her, but I know ds doesn't want me to do so.

[Mama Anna]

I'm mostly giving you a bump, but I thought I'd give my opinion as well . . .

 

If your son is going to see this boy constantly, you need to talk to either the boy or his mother. If you don't do anything, you can't expect the situation to change - JMHO

 

This could be a really good teaching moment for your son to understand how "standing up for yourself" in a non-physical way works. The boy doesn't sound like a tried-and-true bully, but if he doesn't know that what he's doing is hurting your son you still can't expect him to stop it. Someone needs to "stand up for your son" and help the boy understand how what he's doing is not acceptable.

 

If your son doesn't want to be known as a "snitch," maybe you could rig a situation where you could "catch" the boy at it so he would know where you got the information about what he's doing. That could not only open a discussion between you and him, but it would be a perfect opportunity for you to tell his mom, "You know, I saw _______ doing ______ and noticed that it makes my son really uncomfortable. We chatted about it and I basically told him _________." Then you'd have a conversation with both boy and mom that could be referenced in the future if your son continues to suffer from the behavior.

 

Vague enough for you? :D

 

Mama Anna

[Catwoman]

First, tell your ds to quit wrestling with the other kid.

 

The solution may be as simple as that. No physical contact. Period.

 

And if the kid keeps essentially calling your ds a wimp, I wouldn't view him as being much of a friend, so why even bother having playdates with the kid?

[mom31257]

Thank you both. I definitely think that ds needs to have no physical contact with him, at least on his part. I'll try to work on "catching" it happening. It's mainly started happening this year before and after our new Awana program. Dh and I are commanders (in charge of the program), so we're busy before and after and have had a lot of questions from people. The boy's mother is a volunteer in the program as well, so he's arriving early and staying later, too.

 

Ds is very open with us and tells us lots of details on everything that goes on (which I'm grateful for in many ways), but he also is somewhat of a complainer while not wanting to be forward enough to take care of situations or stand up for himself.