Scarlett Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I don't know, Amy. Teens can answer the hormonal call at any time of day, not just at night. Do you never let these kids be alone together for long periods of time? Also, if her siblings are planning to be present, I'd assume that no hanky panky will go on. I can't think of any teenage girl who likes to get romantic in front of her brother. Not Amy, but I would say if the goal is to guide teens to be chaste, then I would not allow them to be alone for any amount of time. And siblings are not proper chaperones unless they are well into adulthood. Youngers certainly don't count. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarfoot Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I wouldn't let mine go, either. If it was a friend who invited your boys, then it's at a church different from your own, right? So, if she and her brother can invite friends to come, I'd assume the other kids will also be inviting "outside" people. There's no way for you to know who will be there. As for mission trips, my DH made an interesting comment the other day. Our almost 13 y.o. niece went with her church youth group on a week-long mission a few hours away. My DH commented that he couldn't imagine letting the kids do that after going on several youth group mission trips himself. In his words, "Everyone's parents would have died if they'd known what was going on.":001_huh: Just food for thought... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in Orlando Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 I've spent a couple of days mulling this over, particularly my reaction to the whole thing. This is what I've come up with: 1) The church I grew up in didn't sponsor these kinds of events so I don't really have first hand experience with it. 2) The church where this event is being held is a different denomination than our own and, while I've never gotten this kind of feeling from the girl or her family, I have had some negative interactions with others from this church's members who are on our side of town. While I'm confident my son only wants to attend this event to be with this girl, the idea of him being (possibly) exposed to negative comments and attitudes for such an extended period of time. Especially since I do not know any of the adults involved. While I hope our sons stay with our church as adults, it's their ultimate decision - when they are adults. I'd rather they encounter some of the ignorant attitudes (if they do encounter them) with me or their dad around to help them see both sides. 3) Sex isn't really a huge concern of mine right now, based on the many conversations we've had around here. My son and this girl both have lofty goals for their futures. That said, they're 15 and things get out of hand with even the most level-headed people. 4) The potential for drama with this age group being together for such a long time (throwing in excessive tiredness too) is just a backdrop for stoopid teenage drama that seems unnecessary to me. (Have I mentioned the parade of girls and barrage of phone calls from girls aimed at my 14 yo twins? It's insane. They're also both clueless and girls tend to take their disinterest personally.) The boys have been good about our decision. They are making up plans for next weekend to go skating as a group. For three hours. I think that's good for now. 3) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I don't know, Amy. Teens can answer the hormonal call at any time of day, not just at night. Do you never let these kids be alone together for long periods of time? Also, if her siblings are planning to be present, I'd assume that no hanky panky will go on. I can't think of any teenage girl who likes to get romantic in front of her brother. ahem.....maybe not LIKES to, but willing to? hormone driven?? without going into too many details, I'll have to agree w/ clwcain and a multitude of others on this one. I'll also agree w/ you and Pam about being on guard in all the familiar places too...including libraries. You don't even need 20 minutes.... ;) That being said, i MIGHT allow my 14yos to go if I was one of the chaperones. I'd snag him and leave if i got any bad vibes tho. i prefer whole-family church events. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest midschmin Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 It sounds like some of you don't trust your youth ministers. I would suggest you find a church where you do trust him/her. We have had many lock-ins with guys and girls and we have never had a problem. Does this mean you will never allow your youth to go on a mission trip unless it is only guys or only girls? Here is another idea...How about volunteering to chaperone such an event. That would just blow your youth minister's mind and s/he would see that they are not alone in ministering to your youth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 It sounds like some of you don't trust your youth ministers. I would suggest you find a church where you do trust him/her. We have had many lock-ins with guys and girls and we have never had a problem. Does this mean you will never allow your youth to go on a mission trip unless it is only guys or only girls? Here is another idea...How about volunteering to chaperone such an event. That would just blow your youth minister's mind and s/he would see that they are not alone in ministering to your youth. I can trust someone and still realize they are fallible-- esp w/ a larger co-ed group of hormonal teens. as I mentioned in the post directly preceding yours, i would insist on chaperoning. i think something else that tends to blow away youth ministers is seeing a few parents SO INVOLVED that they insist on being there. Not all youth ministers appreciate seeing parental involvement. they call it "over protective", "hovering" and "helicopter parenting." There certainly are a lot of different ideas and points of view that everyone needs to be aware of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 My oldest son had this "friend-who-is-a-girl." I like her very much. We've known her and her family for the past eight years. She just invited all three of my oldest sons to join her and her brother at an overnight "game night" at their church. I trust my sons and I trust this girl and her brother, but this is just the weirdest thing to me. Why would a church put a group of kids with the biggest hormones raging locked in a room for a full night? Really. I don't get it. I'd be happier to pick my boys up at 3 am. Am I being a big old prude? I was much wilder at 15/16 than my boys are at the same age. And, dh seems to age 10 years with each birthday (I'm currently married to Ward Cleaver and I'm thinking Spencer Tracy isn't far behind). I don't know this church, but I know the girl-that-is-a-friend's mom pretty well. So part of me is thinking that if it's ok with her, maybe I'm ok with it. But, I'm just not. So, I ask again, am I being a big old prude? If you are a prude, then I am one too!;) I would be very proud to be a prude in this situation.:D Why can't this church just have a game night? Why does this have to be a sleep over? Why does the sleep over have to be co-ed? IMHO I just think this kind of thing is just asking for trouble. Good people sometimes make mistakes too. This is just my . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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