Let me vent for a minute, will you? (long. sorry)

[1bassoon]

I'm not sure there's a point to this. I just need to get it out there.

 

There's a long, LONG back story to this. But I'll just cut to where we are now.

 

My dh is woefully underemployed, cleaning carpets full time. He's been trying to get something to happen (he's a teacher by training - music), but it's just been a mess for 5 years now. After two years of piecing things together, this year he's had to go full time carpet cleaning. It's just him and the owner of the company.

 

The owner of the company is a great, GREAT guy. We really like him a bunch. He was understanding last (academic) year, when hubby left early 2 days a week to teach in some local schools (for not much $$ AT ALL, but it kept his "foot in the door", or at least we hoped). This past summer, there were several openings locally - he didn't even get interviews. Why? We're not from "Around Here", meaning, his degree isn't from an AL school, and he's too old.

 

So. This year, he was hoping to at least keep teaching private lessons (adjunct faculty) at the local university. Where they love him, but no doctorate, so that door is closed. Owner of company won't let him go early one day a week to teach - and I don't blame him, really. They're trying to build the business, get it to grow and hire more people. They've got to take the jobs when they come.

 

Dh is just - so down. He's trying to maybe teach at the uni on Sat. mornings. He's so, so tired. He's over 45, and has severe varicose vein problems. This is a terrible job for him. But it's all that there is.

 

And to top it off - he doesn't even make enough to cover our mortgage and utilities. And our mortgage is low - far lower than rent would be for our family of 7. He's going to try - TRY - to talk with owner about some kind of raise. Back in January, the owner mentioned bringing us on as joint owners/partners/something. But dh drug his feet, hoping a teaching gig would work out. So I don't even know what happened to that whole idea. He makes $10 an hour now.

 

Now, there won't be any teaching possibilities until maybe next summer. If ever. And the longer he's out, the harder it will be.

 

I'm teaching science 2 mornings a week, teaching piano students, and barely hanging on to homeschooling the kids. I don't really have any marketable skills, though. My teaching certification expired in 2000, and it's from CT, not AL. So me going back to work full-time is pointless. I'm tired and stressed all the time. And I've been sick for a month - no health insurance - it's been just awful

 

It's just. . . . horrible. My parents have been helping us, but they just can't anymore. I don't know what we're going to do. I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to help my husband.

 

I never thought I'd be here. And it stinks. :(

 

Thanks for listening. I'm not usually Debbie Downer, but tonight it's just more than I can bear alone.

[Susan in KY]

:grouphug: I am so sorry. :(

[ErinE]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[besroma]

Heather, I am sorry. :grouphug:

[LG Gone Wild]

I am sorry. :group hug: and prayers

[melmichigan]

I wish I had advice. :grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

what a tough situation. I an so sorry you are all going through this. I really hope something more opens up for your dh. Is his certificate also in CT? Would it make sense to move there so you both could work?:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Caitilin]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug:

I am sorry. It just stinks!

[elegantlion]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

You are not your circumstances.

 

I know that doesn't help, but you aren't.

 

Some days the only superpower you have left is to get up in the morning and try again. :grouphug::grouphug:

[1bassoon]

what a tough situation. I an so sorry you are all going through this. I really hope something more opens up for your dh. Is his certificate also in CT? Would it make sense to move there so you both could work?:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

He's been trying. 15 months ago he was flown to CT to interview at 2 private schools. He came in second. For both of them. It was crushing. He continues to apply, and doesn't even get called.

 

It's easier to be poor in Alabama than CT. Seriously. And, honestly, we do have a great support system here.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

You are not your circumstances.

 

I know that doesn't help, but you aren't.

 

Some days the only superpower you have left is to get up in the morning and try again. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

That means a lot, Paula. I know you know. Thanks.

 

Usually I'm ok. I live in the lovely state of De Nile. Kwim? But tonight it just slapped me across the head.

[Unicorn.]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Heatherwith4]

:grouphug:

[Impish]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Forget-Me-Not]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[JennifersLost]

What a hard situation - I want to say things will get better for sure, but I also don't want to just offer trite platitudes.

 

Is it time to make a few really tough choices?

 

Can you rent rather than own?

Can you move in with another family and split costs?

Can your husband teach any kind of music lessons from home? I know several people in town who make their living that way.

Can you let go of homeschooling and take a job - any job - and begin to work your way up? I went back to work a few years ago after not working for years, and within four years I can pretty much support us if I have to.

 

I spent a lot of my life saying, "I can't...." (fill in the blank) because it didn't meet my expectations of how life should go for me. I remained stuck instead of moving forward.

 

One morning I woke up and decided I was sick of waiting for things to go right. (it was over dentist bills, actually). I decided that if I wanted economic security it was up to me to get it, even though being a stay-at-home mom was my dream.

 

It was really hard to make that switch, but once I did a landslide of reactions kicked in and life got so good.

 

Maybe if you give yourself a chance to get real quiet, look at the facts of what's happening and your true goals, you'll find a path you didn't think existed before.

 

HTH!

[Brigitte]

Has he signed up with a private school recruiting firm (Carney Sandoe comes to mind, but I know there are a couple that focus on southern states)? Many private schools use those firms as a prescreener and don't advertise their open positions publically.

[1bassoon]

Has he signed up with a private school recruiting firm (Carney Sandoe comes to mind, but I know there are a couple that focus on southern states)? Many private schools use those firms as a prescreener and don't advertise their open positions publically.

 

Yes, he's done Carney Sandoe as well.

 

Thanks for everyone's suggestions. I'm taking them all and thinking.

[Canadianmumof5]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down at this moment. It sounds like you've been holding things in for a while now so blowing off some emotional steam is good.

 

Can your DH teach on-line? Start his own virtual classes? I have no idea if this is even a possibility. Just trying to come up with something helpful.

 

There must be people (homeschoolers?? ex-pats??) that would be interested in taking some music theory classes on-line? I'm not sure if you could actually teach an instrument over the internet but.......just a thought.

 

Will pray for your family :grouphug:

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

You are not your circumstances.

 

I know that doesn't help, but you aren't.

 

Some days the only superpower you have left is to get up in the morning and try again. :grouphug::grouphug:

:iagree:

It's never over until you stop getting up.

What a hard situation - I want to say things will get better for sure, but I also don't want to just offer trite platitudes.

 

Is it time to make a few really tough choices?

 

Can you rent rather than own?

Can you move in with another family and split costs?

Can your husband teach any kind of music lessons from home? I know several people in town who make their living that way.

Can you let go of homeschooling and take a job - any job - and begin to work your way up? I went back to work a few years ago after not working for years, and within four years I can pretty much support us if I have to.

 

I spent a lot of my life saying, "I can't...." (fill in the blank) because it didn't meet my expectations of how life should go for me. I remained stuck instead of moving forward.

 

One morning I woke up and decided I was sick of waiting for things to go right. (it was over dentist bills, actually). I decided that if I wanted economic security it was up to me to get it, even though being a stay-at-home mom was my dream.

 

It was really hard to make that switch, but once I did a landslide of reactions kicked in and life got so good.

 

Maybe if you give yourself a chance to get real quiet, look at the facts of what's happening and your true goals, you'll find a path you didn't think existed before.

 

HTH!

 

:iagree:

 

Is there anyway you can get out of AL? You have nothing to lose, now, is there any way? People up here (NJ) are still taking music lessons.

 

Can you recertify and go rent? Could you put the kids into school until you get your feet under you? Can he send his resume out to other schools, states, towns?

 

 

:grouphug:

[Mommy22alyns]

Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. This sounds very familiar to me and I know how painful it is. :grouphug:

[renmew]

Is he a people person? If either of you are, you could get your life insurance license quickly and cheaply and work nights and weekends. I tried it, butiam so NOT a people person and it didn't work for me. But. There were a ton of people at the office who were doing very well.

[alpidarkomama]

When I was building up students in a new city, I worked out a deal where I would provide X classes per week in exchange for free rent for my own music studio. I supplied the piano. It was a great deal for the school, since the space was otherwise unused after school let out for the day. Eventually, I taught 14 classes a week there for the school (all the $ earned went to pay my taxes!), and had around 50 private students a week. Parents LOVE the convenience, so I always had a waiting list. It was a really good income, and eventually I hired other teachers and had a bonafide music school there. It was great!

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry, Heather.

[Mrs Mungo]

He's been trying. 15 months ago he was flown to CT to interview at 2 private schools. He came in second. For both of them. It was crushing. He continues to apply, and doesn't even get called.

 

Which candidates were hired? Maybe he could work on his resume or interviewing skills?

 

Can your DH teach on-line? Start his own virtual classes? I have no idea if this is even a possibility. Just trying to come up with something helpful.

 

I have known several people who have taught online classes. Maybe an online college or one of the online schools geared toward homeschoolers?

 

Sorry, Heather. :grouphug:

[MrsBasil]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Jenny in Florida]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

You are not your circumstances.

 

I know that doesn't help, but you aren't.

 

Some days the only superpower you have left is to get up in the morning and try again. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Wise words, EL.

 

I hope things improve soon, Heather. We've had those times now and then over the last couple of decades, and all I can tell you is that, just about the time I feel like I'm at the end of my rope, something gives enough to make it better for a while.

 

I'm hoping that holds true for you, too, and very soon.

[aggieamy]

I'm sorry. I've got nothing but :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:.

[Aggie]

I'm so sorry, Heather. :grouphug::grouphug: Another friend's dh was an unemployed music teacher for years here. He just got a position as an asst band director. I watched what they went through and it was rough. :grouphug:

 

 

When I was building up students in a new city, I worked out a deal where I would provide X classes per week in exchange for free rent for my own music studio. I supplied the piano. It was a great deal for the school, since the space was otherwise unused after school let out for the day. Eventually, I taught 14 classes a week there for the school (all the $ earned went to pay my taxes!), and had around 50 private students a week. Parents LOVE the convenience, so I always had a waiting list. It was a really good income, and eventually I hired other teachers and had a bonafide music school there. It was great!

 

What a great idea!

 

 

Heather, since you have a local university, would your dh consider going back to school for another degree? It might take 2 years, but a SPED degree might be quick and very marketable. What about a LVN degree?

 

Is he on Facebook? Lots of my musician friends network gigs on FB.

 

Can you take on more piano students? It would be hard on you, but you could schedule lessons after your dh gets home from work and on Saturdays. All the piano teachers around here have waiting lists. And they can easily make $30/hr.

 

I'll be praying for you. :grouphug:

[JennifersLost]

Don't forget daycare, either - it's saved my butt in so many situations. Often taking one or two full-time kids can cover the gap between the other partner's income and your expenses. I homeschooled for years while doing childcare.

 

Ideal? Maybe not. Possible? Definitely!

[fastforward]

:grouphug:

[idnib]

I don't know your family well but is it possible for the two oldest kids to get jobs or do some work around the neighborhood?

 

:grouphug:

[Twilight Woods]

:grouphug:

[chickenpatty]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[ChristyB in TN]

Can you move? Maybe a larger city?

[MamaAkins]

:grouphug:

 

I am so sorry for the situation you're stuck in right now. I am praying that better opportunities present themselves soon.

[TranquilMind]

I'm not sure there's a point to this. I just need to get it out there.

 

There's a long, LONG back story to this. But I'll just cut to where we are now.

 

My dh is woefully underemployed, cleaning carpets full time. He's been trying to get something to happen (he's a teacher by training - music), but it's just been a mess for 5 years now. After two years of piecing things together, this year he's had to go full time carpet cleaning. It's just him and the owner of the company.

 

The owner of the company is a great, GREAT guy. We really like him a bunch. He was understanding last (academic) year, when hubby left early 2 days a week to teach in some local schools (for not much $$ AT ALL, but it kept his "foot in the door", or at least we hoped). This past summer, there were several openings locally - he didn't even get interviews. Why? We're not from "Around Here", meaning, his degree isn't from an AL school, and he's too old.

 

So. This year, he was hoping to at least keep teaching private lessons (adjunct faculty) at the local university. Where they love him, but no doctorate, so that door is closed. Owner of company won't let him go early one day a week to teach - and I don't blame him, really. They're trying to build the business, get it to grow and hire more people. They've got to take the jobs when they come.

 

Dh is just - so down. He's trying to maybe teach at the uni on Sat. mornings. He's so, so tired. He's over 45, and has severe varicose vein problems. This is a terrible job for him. But it's all that there is.

 

And to top it off - he doesn't even make enough to cover our mortgage and utilities. And our mortgage is low - far lower than rent would be for our family of 7. He's going to try - TRY - to talk with owner about some kind of raise. Back in January, the owner mentioned bringing us on as joint owners/partners/something. But dh drug his feet, hoping a teaching gig would work out. So I don't even know what happened to that whole idea. He makes $10 an hour now.

 

Now, there won't be any teaching possibilities until maybe next summer. If ever. And the longer he's out, the harder it will be.

 

I'm teaching science 2 mornings a week, teaching piano students, and barely hanging on to homeschooling the kids. I don't really have any marketable skills, though. My teaching certification expired in 2000, and it's from CT, not AL. So me going back to work full-time is pointless. I'm tired and stressed all the time. And I've been sick for a month - no health insurance - it's been just awful

 

It's just. . . . horrible. My parents have been helping us, but they just can't anymore. I don't know what we're going to do. I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to help my husband.

 

I never thought I'd be here. And it stinks. :(

 

Thanks for listening. I'm not usually Debbie Downer, but tonight it's just more than I can bear alone.

I'm so sorry, Heather.

 

I pray something good comes for your husband, soon. It only takes one job, one contact.

[Liz CA]

If partnership in this company is still a choice, I think I would encourage dh to consider it. It should raise the income level and take some stress off. He can still keep an eye out for a teaching position while he is co-owner of the business. Should anything in teaching materialize, you may be able to sell your share of the company.

If he is a music teacher to the core, would he consider to work on a doctorate if that would open the door to teaching and tenure at a university?

Has he tried community colleges? Have no clue about your area but here you don't have to have a PhD to teach at a community college, a masters usually suffices.

Edited September 5, 2012 by Liz CA

[Anne in CA]

Since no one else suggested it, has your dh considered opening his own music school? Why play someone else's game if you have the degree that you need to go on your own? Maybe he could start by taking part of his vacation time from the carpet cleaning job to host some camps at a local church that would be very low cost but get people interested in him.

 

Our piano teacher holds "Worship Camp", a day camp where she and some other music teachers get lots of kids who play lots of instruments together and work with them in groups according to instrument, and then put them together in worship teams and work with them to play songs together. Those camps make a lot of money for her church.

 

Our local high school has a similar Rock Star Camp which is like the other camp but with secular music. If no one else is doing something like this in your area maybe this is for you?

[ChristyB in TN]

Since no one else suggested it, has your dh considered opening his own music school? Why play someone else's game if you have the degree that you need to go on your own? Maybe he could start by taking part of his vacation time from the carpet cleaning job to host some camps at a local church that would be very low cost but get people interested in him.

 

Our piano teacher holds "Worship Camp", a day camp where she and some other music teachers get lots of kids who play lots of instruments together and work with them in groups according to instrument, and then put them together in worship teams and work with them to play songs together. Those camps make a lot of money for her church.

 

Our local high school has a similar Rock Star Camp which is like the other camp but with secular music. If no one else is doing something like this in your area maybe this is for you?

Loooooooove this. You all could work together!

[Mrs Mungo]

Since no one else suggested it, has your dh considered opening his own music school? Why play someone else's game if you have the degree that you need to go on your own? Maybe he could start by taking part of his vacation time from the carpet cleaning job to host some camps at a local church that would be very low cost but get people interested in him.

 

Our piano teacher holds "Worship Camp", a day camp where she and some other music teachers get lots of kids who play lots of instruments together and work with them in groups according to instrument, and then put them together in worship teams and work with them to play songs together. Those camps make a lot of money for her church.

 

Our local high school has a similar Rock Star Camp which is like the other camp but with secular music. If no one else is doing something like this in your area maybe this is for you?

 

These are good ideas. One of our local churches hosts an "Orchestra Academy" mainly directed at homeschoolers. The lady who is running it used to be a public school music teacher. Hosting it in the church means that she doesn't have to pay rent on a building or something.

 

What options might you have for meeting? Where do local homeschool groups meet? What other contacts do you have who might have other ideas?

[katilac]

If dh is only making $10/hour and doesn't get medical benefits, and wants to keep himself in the music world, might it make more sense to switch to a job with more flexible hours that would enable him to teach and/or take on some private students? Minimum wage is $7.25/hour, but lessons generally pay more, so it might even out (and be better for long-term).

 

Has he looked into stuff like Wal-mart, restaurants, Starbucks, pizza delivery? I'd explore all the options that might let him continue as a music teacher, and these jobs often have odd shifts available, and may even pay a premium for working them. Some of the jobs have tips to supplement income. Starbucks, UPS, and Walgreens have been known in the past for offering benefits to part-timers.

 

Would you make more working evenings/weekends at one of these places rather than teaching classes? Maybe early mornings, say at Starbucks? Your older kids are old enough to babysit the 7-yr-old. If things are that hard, you might consider adding a part-time job while you continue to teach for at least a bit. I know it's hard to think of taking on more, but easing the financial strain might make it easier to deal with everything else, and at some point you just need the money. Even if you make minimum wage, some money is always better than no money.

 

Good luck! :grouphug:

[katilac]

Oh, I forgot to say that one part-time job that worked out well for us in the past is vending machines. The rule of thumb is that it takes about a year to pay for your machines/route, which seems like a long time, but then you are making decent money, and it's usually very flexible. The people don't care when you go fill the machines, usually, as long as they aren't running out of stuff. Go in and talk to the local guy who sells and repairs machines. We paid for our machines outright, but our guy was willing to have us pay him monthly.

[1bassoon]

Loooooooove this. You all could work together!

 

We already do.

 

I run science camps, my daughter runs ballet camps.

 

My husband has tried to start camps, but can't get enough kids to make it work.

 

Right now, we're hoping that one of the following will occur:

 

a) his boss (carpet cleaning co. owner) will agree to pay him enough that we can at least pay our bills. This has a decent possibility of happening. I earn 1K a month between teaching piano and teaching science.

 

b) Someone out of the blue will offer him some kind of management/office position (many, MANY people know he's looking)

 

c) we'll stick it out, and he'll get a teaching job next year.

 

The problem is: we've been dealing with this for FIVE YEARS. There are no reserves - NONE - for him to go back to square one and get a degree, or start a business. We've been doing camps for 5 years. Only just now have we got a decent enough customer base, that next summer, if I work all summer, we should make some pretty good $$$. (Example: my oldest dd ran 4 ballet camps, and came away, after expenses, with 1500 for school. Not too bad.)

 

I really do appreciate everyone's thoughts, encouragement, and suggestions. One of the things that's so hard is that 99% of these ideas we've already thought of, and tried.

 

My kids already babysit the youngest while I work and teach piano. My eldest dd is struggling to put herself through college. Ds is about to get a job at Chick-Fil-A, to help bring in $$ so he can get a license and pay his insurance.

 

We've also been encouraged by some folks at church to pray about starting a music/worldviews ministry, and to pray for funding for that. Another interesting thought!

 

Anywho.

 

Dh apologized for being so miserable. We'll make it through. Somehow.

 

I am thankful, though. My kids are great. We're still strong and close as a family. And we have wonderful support IRL.

 

Thanks, all.

[idnib]

My older kid finished this and my younger is about to start:

 

http://www.musictogether.com/Home

 

I think it's a nationwide program. We're in CA and this is the web site for our area, for example:

 

http://eastbaymusictogether.com/

 

The kids love it and the music is really good, well, to me anyway. :)

 

They have a section on opening a chapter/small business with them. Maybe check it out? It seems like they provide the music books and CDs and the business owner provides the class instruction, space, and some musical instruments. The instruments are the easy-for-little-kids kind, like drums and shakers. Our instructor uses one of those mini-harp things where you can slide paper music under the strings. In other words, not big expensive equipment.