Does HS fulfill you?

[Gentlemommy]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS? Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them? Do you have support in achieving your dreams? If so, what does that support look like? From whom? Or do you pretty much have to do it on your own? Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent? Or do you feel it enhances it? What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground? How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you? Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you? If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities? Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals?

 

As you can see, I've been pondering a lot lately. Lol. And I'm not sure if the way I'm feeling right now is normal, or not. :001_huh:

 

Thank you for your replies. :001_smile:

[LibraryLover]

Lots of food for thought.

Edited September 6, 2012 by LibraryLover

[AnnaM]

Being a parent is fulfilling and by association I find homeschooling fulfilling. I have goals that I would like to attempt later in life but for now I am perfectly content being a wife and SAHM.

[Momof3littles]

My kids are still young, and I've gone through an early 30s midlife crisis where I feel like there needs to be more to my life to feel fulfilled.

 

For me I think it is a combo of having young kids who have always been on the needier side, feeling drained from almost 9 years of AP type parenthood, going through multiple moves over the last few years, and failing to prioritize "me" things that don't relate to the kids. I feel much, much better when I find some me time, and I know I need to carve out more time to explore things that interest and fulfill me outside of parenthood. I am an introvert, and it is very, very hard for me to recharge with the kids around, so I need to prioritize time to hear myself think. With kids who are 8.5, 5.5, and 2.5, I need time to hear my own thoughts at times!

 

I do find HSing and parenthood fulfilling, but in the last year or two have realized I really need to take more time to explore who I am, iykwim.

 

eta: I had a fulfilling career. I liked it, but I don't necessarily miss that specifically. DH is very supportive of HSing, and encourages me to carve time out for myself, but I am terrible at making time for me a priority. I'm a better mom when I do it though.

Edited September 5, 2012 by Momof3littles

[Elinor Everywhere]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS? Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them? Do you have support in achieving your dreams? If so, what does that support look like? From whom? Or do you pretty much have to do it on your own? Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent? Or do you feel it enhances it? What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground? How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you? Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you? If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities? Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals?

 

As you can see, I've been pondering a lot lately. Lol. And I'm not sure if the way I'm feeling right now is normal, or not. :001_huh:

 

Thank you for your replies. :001_smile:

 

I have to say that I do feel content with my lot in life right now. And it took a few years to get to this point! But, I had a career earlier, and since I had kids relatively late in life, it's a kind of been-there-done-that thing with me.

 

My goals...hmmm...honestly, they are not work-related. My dh is behind me 100% in homeschooling, and in most else I want to do. For years I wanted to travel the world, and I thought maybe it was an unreachable goal. But we've been doing it, a month at a time, slowly but surely. I plan trips to Europe or wherever, and my dh supports me and comes for as long as he can. Sometimes if he has to leave our vacation due to work constraints, my dd and I will travel on alone.

 

Or, take music. I played music all through high school and college, and a few years ago I was missing it. My goal then became to get music back in my life. I decided to join a community band, and my dh was very supportive, although with his hectic travel schedule it was difficult to find a babysitter when I had practices.

 

Or, religion. I decided I wanted to get involved in an older, more liturgical denomination, and although dh had misgivings, he's right there in the pew with me. My kids are there, too, and are so used to just tagging along on my adventures that they don't even know enough to protest. :D

 

Oh, and I had another goal of learning how to play tennis. At 48 I was a bit late to the game, but my dh was completely on board when I signed the family up at a local tennis club and got us all playing. I'm sure he shakes his head sometimes....:tongue_smilie:

 

These may not be the kind of goals you are thinking of, but they're mine. I have four more years of homeschooling, and then I'll be in my early 50s. Too old to take up my old career (hi tech), and I don't want to anyway, because both dh and I would like me to be free to travel with him. So, I see myself doing these things in "retirement":

 

taking my dog to nursing homes as a therapy dog

improve my tennis, continue kayaking and sailing, and keep healthy

being available for my aging mother (she lives only 30 minutes away now)

being involved in my extended family's lives (we're all pretty close)

having two homes & splitting my time between them

volunteering at church

 

These are all thing that will fulfill me (I think), keep me busy, and enrich my life, while still leaving me free to accompany my dh and meet the needs of my own kids.

[Oakblossoms]

I have finally gotten to the point where fulfilling isn't a goal anymore. This is life. We all do stuff. For the most part it just isn't always that important or amazing.

 

I have joy for my life. I have hope for my family.

 

I have things I think about doing. I was in school working towards a degree in Information Science just a few years ago. I will probably go back to that when my younger ones are older.

 

But, what I do know is this life, right now, it has got a lot of love attached. I am enJOYing it;)

[LibraryLover]

Interesting thread!

Edited September 6, 2012 by LibraryLover

[PeacefulChaos]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS? Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them? Do you have support in achieving your dreams? If so, what does that support look like? From whom? Or do you pretty much have to do it on your own? Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent? Or do you feel it enhances it? What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground? How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you? Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you? If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities? Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals?

 

I do feel content with where I am as a SAH, HS Mom. I stumbled upon being a SAHM - I had never really thought about it til I had Link. Then it just made sense (Any job I would have gotten would have paid for childcare only, if that. Pointless to work, kwim? :) I have never been particularly career minded, and went to college because I wanted to, but had no real passion for any major or anything like that. I ended my college career after a year and a half, and am VERY glad I did!) I also stumbled upon being a HS mom - I was anti homeschooling until 2009, when it suddenly became an absolute passion for me to homeschool my kids.

Other goals/dreams: Yes. Only recently have I given much thought to them, like in the last 6 months or so. I have a list of things I'd like to do someday, varying from hardcore goals (#1 is homeschooling all three kids through high school) to fun things I'd like to do - visit Japan, etc. :) Career wise, for many years I have been one of those people who 'could' do just about anything - you know, 'Oh, I could do that... that might be fun' ... about a lot of things. :) Somewhere in the last 3 years I began leaning toward something in healthcare, but just figured it would be in the far future - I'd start school when Pink was in high school, at the earliest. I was pretty sure what specific field I wanted to enter, but never really gave it much more thought than that, and never really considered it something I definitely wanted to do - just a 'maybe' for the future.

More recently (like, say, the past 6 months) I've been thinking on it more and more. I've researched programs for what I want to do, put more time and effort into figuring everything out, etc. Part of this is because DH and I need to figure something else out, financially. We're living ok on what we have, but to move forward we need to do something else. I've narrowed down where I plan to go, and just decided to sit and wait for the right time to come (the school is an hour away, which I currently can't do on a regular basis). I also WILL NOT sacrifice homeschooling my children for a career. That is my own personal conviction. :) (Just saying that so that no one feels I'm saying it should be everyone's conviction.) I will know when that right time is.

DH is 100% supportive in this endeavor. Part of our 'plan' is for me to go to school, get my degree, and get a job where I can work nights and we can continue to 'get by' while he (hopefully) quits his job and goes back to school full time. I would continue homeschooling through this - that stays at the top of the priority list.

Very few others know of what I'd like to do - I have two friends IRL who are aware. No family knows, to speak of. The friends that know are very supportive, as well.

I can't say for sure whether pursuing this will detract from being a HS parent. I don't think it will, for me, but I can't say for sure until I'm in it. I don't plan on doing a full load of classes, and hope to do just 2-3 per semester. I also will be doing the majority of it online/distance learning, and I'm already a pretty 'studious' person, so I don't think it would be too bad.

If DH wasn't on board, I probably wouldn't do it. My own personal feelings on it are that if it's right, it'll be right for both of us.

I am the primary HS parent and I don't expect that to change. I don't really have any desire for it to - I absolutely love it. I really feel like I was made for this responsibility. It's a niche of mine and I'm happy to do it. DH would help if necessary, of course, but that is rarely the case. :)

I guess you could say I'm in the 'waiting' phase right now when it comes to career/etc. I'm content here, and when the door opens I'll be content (if a little terrified) to walk through it. :D

 

 

ETA: Just realized I missed the balanced question! Yes, I do feel things are balanced between us. We each have our things that we do, and we do them well, and we each do them with the full support of the other. He works, does stuff at church, and is on the Volunteer Rescue Squad. I homeschool and do stuff at church. He has never balked at me leaving another night for practices and I've never balked at EMT classes or board meetings. :) Or overtime. :D

Edited September 4, 2012 by PeacefulChaos

[regentrude]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS? Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them?

 

No, I do not feel content to be a SAHM - and that's why I am not, despite homeschooling my kids. I work part time, 25-30 hours per week in a job where I can use my graduate degree: I teach physics at a university.

When the kids were little, I stayed home for four years, and towards the end I was clinically depressed. In hindsight, it was a combination of a lack of intellectual stimulation, a lack of interaction with people (I am an extreme extrovert) and a lack of a sense of accomplishment. Going back to work has made me a much happier mother and has been good for the whole family.

 

Do you have support in achieving your dreams? If so, what does that support look like? From whom?

My support is DH who wants me to work (because he sees that I am a much happier person to live with, LOL). Aside from moral support that means that he helps with child related transportation if it collides with my work, and is involved in schooling (he does science labs with the kids). I still do the majority of house work because he works long hours, but we are both happy with the division of labor.

Living on the other side of the Atlantic from all our family, I have no other support system.

 

Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent? Or do you feel it enhances it?

I am a much happier person when I work. Consequently, I am a much more patient mom. Juggling work and homeschooling is sometimes tough with respect to organization, but it is easy with respect to attitude: the kids and I want to make this work. (When I pulled them out of school, they knew up front that the one condition was that it had to work without me quitting my job.)

 

What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground? How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you?

My husband's opinion is very important to me. We have been together for 25 years and know each other very well. Our life goals evolved together; we would work hard to find a compromise. We were only once in a situation where no compromise was possible.

 

Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you? If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities? Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals?

Yes, we definitely have a balance. I support him and make sure he has the freedom to pursue his work, to travel to conferences, to work on weekends if an important publication must be finished. In turn, he is a fully involved parent and we are spending time as a family. Homeschooling is my primary responsibility; I choose curriculum and plan, and he lets me have full freedom, but is informed about what we do and why. I do not feel this responsibility to be a burden, I like being in charge.

I do have whatever freedom is possible within the restrictions of location and family - whatever is possible here, while being a parent to two teenagers, I can do.

Edited September 4, 2012 by regentrude

[marbel]

I feel pretty fulfilled by homeschooling most days. But I lived my life opposite of most people. I worked for 20+ years before I quit when my oldest was born. I feel like I've done the career thing. I had a lot of fun, traveled, etc. It wasn't nearly as fulfilling as taking care of my family. That's just me, not a comment on how others should feel about their work/life.

 

There are times I feel as though I shouldn't have given up my work completely. From time to time I feel the need to contribute financially to my family so that is a burden I feel. I didn't have a specific profession that I could pick back up and make a good salary right away. But there are other ways to contribute (for example, freeing my husband up to do things that he might not be able to do with a working wife).

 

My life particularly since I got married has taken quite a few unexpected turns. Though I will be about 60 when my kids are done with high school, I don't know that I'll be "retired." Right now that looks good though! ;)

 

My husband is quite supportive of me. If I decided to go back to school, or whatever, he'd be on board as long as we could work it out financially and with the kids' schooling. Homeschooling is my priority now. His career will always take precedence over my desires. That might sound funny or old-fashioned, but it has been his career that has enabled me to do the things I want to do with my kids, so I am happy with that. I'm a pretty old-fashioned wife. ;)

[*lifeoftheparty*]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS? Yes. I am perfectly content. I was in the Army before becoming a SAHM. It was very fulfilling. My job was important to National Security and it felt good to do it. So, I got to do something really cool and important, it was fun, but I was perfectly ready to move on :)

 

Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? I am working on a degree in Intelligence Studies online. It's my "goal", not my dream. I'm only doing it because it's free, thanks to the GI Bill, and I would be an idiot to pass up a free degree. You never know what the future holds, it may come in handy. Plus, I get extra money from the GI Bill, it goes toward vacations :) I am taking a break from it while I'm pregnant though.

 

Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them? Yes. It takes away from my "free" time, but yes.

Do you have support in achieving your dreams? If so, what does that support look like? From whom? Yes, DH supports everything I want, within reason. He helps around the house when needed, keeps DS out of my hair while I'm studying, doesn't mind more take-out while I'm doing classes, etc.

 

Or do you pretty much have to do it on your own? Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent? Or do you feel it enhances it? Not on my own. Neither, I think. I'm more happier when I'm not doing classes, LOL, b/c I would REALLY rather just be a HS'ing SAHM. Getting my degree is more of a chore for me. Soooo, I guess being happier could enhance the HS job.

 

What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground? How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you? I couldn't imagine DH not being on board with something that is important to me, even though this college thing ISN'T that important... he actually motivates me to keep going whenever I talk about quitting. If I had a goal that was very important, and he wasn't on board, I would try to find a middle ground, but if we couldn't, I would do it anyways. His opinion means a lot to me. He's very logical, non-biased, and kind-hearted... I know he thinks about things thoroughly before making a decision/giving an answer, and he always thinks about what is best for our family.

 

Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you? Yes, He does online college as well. We both work together. He even proofreads my stuff for me, if/when I ask.

If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities? Nope.

 

Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals? Yes.

 

As you can see, I've been pondering a lot lately. Lol. And I'm not sure if the way I'm feeling right now is normal, or not. :001_huh:

 

Thank you for your replies. :001_smile:

 

One of the reasons why I have never felt that whole "I don't feel like I'm doing anything with my life", or, "I want to be more than a SAHM mom", thing is because, you know, the way I look at it.... I was in the Army. It was really cool and I had an awesome job, and I was REALLY good at it. The job was important, REALLY important. But, just as in EVERY job.... it doesn't matter how great you are at it, how important the job is, etc. there will always be somebody else capable of doing that job just as well as, or better than, you (me). When you move on from that job, most people will forget you. The few who DO remember you will eventually move on too, and then no one will remember you.... unless you are The President or something ;)

 

However, I believe that NO ONE is more capable to raise and educate your kids as you are. Your (my) kids will ALWAYS remember you, long after you are gone. The legacy you leave with them is way more important than any legacy you would leave with some job.

 

*That's MY opinion anyways, it's not how I think EVERYONE should feel and act, it's my opinion*

Edited September 4, 2012 by Gao Meixue

[Ellie]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS?

Yes.

 

Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them?

while my children were young and in my care, my goal was to be the best mother I could be, at home, with them.

 

Do you have support in achieving your dreams? If so, what does that support look like? From whom? Or do you pretty much have to do it on your own?

Mr. Ellie was completely supportive. We agreed that it was best for our children to have a full-time mother at home with them.

 

Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent? Or do you feel it enhances it? What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground? How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you? Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you? If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities? Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals?

I don't even know how to answer your questions, since I was fulfilled as a full-time mother--yes, and homemaker--and Mr. Ellie was 100% in favor of whatever that entailed, including homeschooling.

 

Now that I've been an empty nester for many years, I'm still fulfilled, even though I am still at home. I was the owner/administrator of a homeschool "umbrella" for 16 years, most of those after I graduated my dds; I've been able to be involved in many church ministries; and I've done things like Scottish country dance, hula, board member of a couple of non-profits, coordinated a couple of homeschool conventions, and more. I did work for three+ years as a desktop publisher for a commercial real estate company, but working for someone else is really a pain, as they can tell you when to get there in the morning and when to go home and when to take lunch, and sometimes they don't like your ideas. :lol:

[amy g.]

Yes. Being a full time mother in a happy family is all I have ever wanted.

[Farrar]

I find homeschooling fulfilling in many ways. However, I don't find that any one thing is fulfilling in life. I need different things to feel fulfilled.

[PeacefulChaos]

but working for someone else is really a pain, as they can tell you when to get there in the morning and when to go home and when to take lunch, and sometimes they don't like your ideas. :lol:

 

This is what worries me the most about working! :lol: DH says it's like high school all over again, having to work with people. (For many years, he worked construction heading up a small crew - only in the last year and a half has he been back to work at a large employer with many employees. The last time was in...2002? :lol: I haven't worked with others since 2003.)

[Gentlemommy]

My kids are still young, and I've gone through an early 30s midlife crisis where I feel like there needs to be more to my life to feel fulfilled.

 

For me I think it is a combo of having young kids who have always been on the needier side, feeling drained from almost 9 years of AP type parenthood, going through multiple moves over the last few years, and failing to prioritize "me" things that don't relate to the kids. I feel much, much better when I find some me time, and I know I need to carve out more time to explore things that interest and fulfill me outside of parenthood. I am an introvert, and it is very, very hard for me to recharge with the kids around, so I need to prioritize time to hear myself think. With kids who are 8.5, 5.5, and 2.5, I need time to hear my own thoughts at times!

 

I do find HSing and parenthood fulfilling, but in the last year or two have realized I really need to take more time to explore who I am, iykwim.

 

 

I don't know how to multi-quote lol...

 

This is me. To a T. Early 30's, 3 young (7, 4, and almost 2) children, very intense, active personalities, AP parenting (which does NOT come naturally or easily to me, and requires a LoT of effort on my part:001_huh:), and no time to complete a thought, much less devote to a hobby/career/education for myself. :tongue_smilie:

[Mommy22alyns]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS? Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them? Do you have support in achieving your dreams? If so, what does that support look like? From whom? Or do you pretty much have to do it on your own? Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent? Or do you feel it enhances it? What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground? How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you? Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you? If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities? Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals?

 

As you can see, I've been pondering a lot lately. Lol. And I'm not sure if the way I'm feeling right now is normal, or not. :001_huh:

 

Thank you for your replies. :001_smile:

 

 

Yes, I'm perfectly happy (or as happy as I can get) being a SAHM/homeschooler.

 

Right now, I aspire to get my girls into college and Rebecca at least higher up in gymnastics.

 

Personal goals? After the girls are done homeschooling, I'd like to go back to college. I don't have a degree and would like one before I re-enter the workforce. DH would completely support me. We are in complete agreement in how we are raising the girls, and he understands that I would like to go to school. I'm fine with putting that on hold for right now.

 

If he didn't support me, then I would honestly feel like our relationship was in jeopardy. I would probably try to do it on my own.

 

Sometimes I do feel a bit weighed down because the girls' education is ALL ON ME. But really, wouldn't I still be responsible if they were in school? I don't feel like I have the freedom to go to college while the girls are HSing, but again, I don't mind right now.

[Mommy22alyns]

 

However, I believe that NO ONE is more capable to raise and educate your kids as you are. Your (my) kids will ALWAYS remember you, long after you are gone. The legacy you leave with them is way more important than any legacy you would leave with some job.

 

*That's MY opinion anyways, it's not how I think EVERYONE should feel and act, it's my opinion*

 

 

This is beautifully said! I should go print that out too.

[Wheres Toto]

I worked for 20+ years before marrying dh and becoming a SAHM when ds was born. So, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by not working. Been there, done that, don't really want to do it again. I missed out on so much in my oldest's life since she was always in daycare, school, camp, afterschool care, etc. I love being home with the kids and I feel it's even been beneficial to my oldest having me here after school the last 7 years. I enjoy homeschooling and find it challenging.

 

I do still occasionally need a break from the kids and house. Dh is great about letting me take time when I need it and he would be fully supportive if I wanted to take a class or do something just for myself.

[Lady Florida.]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS? Yes. Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? No.

 

I always dreamed of being a sahm, though the hs part came later. I've never been sorry. Although it wasn't intentional, I married and had a child later in life. By that time I had spent nearly 20 years in my chosen career. It was a fulfilling career, but when I left I never looked back. I wouldn't give up this life that I've chosen unless circumstances gave me no other choice.

[Gentlemommy]

Ok, for clarity-

I love being home with my kids. I love HS. I have wanted this since I was a little kid. I would not change it for the world. :001_smile:

 

However, there are other things I'd love to do, and it seems impossible to do them. Maybe I'm not being creative enough in how to accomplish those dreams? I don't know. With the two bigger goals I have, I MUST have dh's support. It would never work without it. And he is not supportive. Mostly because it would mean that he would have to be more present/helpful/hands on at home, and he likes it the way it is now-he has the freedom to work and travel as he needs/wants to, and I take care of the kids, home, therapy, and HS on my own.

 

My dh is wonderful. He really is. I'm not bashing him at all. The hard part comes from me seeing that it WOULD be possible to achieve both goals, but it would require some sacrifice from dh, and he isn't willing. :( As a result, I just need help seeing other solutions to how I can persue my own thing, kwim? Or maybe how I should let these things go, forget about them, and just do the daily thing I'm doing. I'm not unhappy, persay, I just feel very much like there is SOMEthing missing. And it's unsettling to feel that way. :confused:

[DianeW88]

Yes, I love being a SAHM and a homeschool parent!! I find homeschooling my kids the way I do to be challenging and fun. I've loved learning with them all these years (and if I didn't, I wouldn't be starting my 18th year as we speak), and watching them grow and develop.

 

My dh has always been supportive of me with homeschooling and anything else I've ever wanted to do. I have full control over curriculum, buying decisions, everything.

 

As far as personal fulfillment, there is always something I'm working on. I love reading, gardening, cooking, scrapbooking, yoga, hiking, needlework, painting, and so many other things.

 

I also have church assignments that keep me busy and enable me to serve others. Being able to serve and help others who may be struggling is soul satisfying to me in a way that nothing else is. I love the opportunities I have to "do unto others".

 

So, all in all, I am very content with my life and the direction it has taken.

Edited September 5, 2012 by DianeW88

[marbel]

he has the freedom to work and travel as he needs/wants to

 

I'm highlighting that part to ask a question.

 

Is it that your husband is not supportive or does he feel that he can't work and travel less because of finances? I think it is a huge burden on a man to be the sole provider for a family. It may be a burden a man gladly takes on! I am not saying "burden" as a bad thing. I know my husband has always taken his role as the breadwinner very seriously. (Even with his foray into grad school and his career change that is underway.)

 

So is it need, or just want on his part? I think it's important to make that distinction. Not to say your goals and desires are not important, but to clarify whether he is not supportive, or doesn't feel he can reduce his work responsibilities and still fulfill his obligations as family provider. I hope I'm articulating this well enough!

[bugs]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS? Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them? Do you have support in achieving your dreams? If so, what does that support look like? From whom? Or do you pretty much have to do it on your own? Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent? Or do you feel it enhances it? What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground? How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you? Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you? If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities? Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals?

 

As you can see, I've been pondering a lot lately. Lol. And I'm not sure if the way I'm feeling right now is normal, or not. :001_huh:

 

Thank you for your replies. :001_smile:

I actually really enjoy homeschooling my kids. Prior to starting, 10 years ago, I would never have thought that I would. But then again, prior to having kids, I never would have dreamed I would enjoy being a SAHM. Homeschooling allows me to learn new subjects as well. If I didn't homeschool, it may drive me batty to stay-at-home. I would have to go back to work. So, when the youngest graduates, I will have to figure something out.

 

My dh is totally supportive of my hsing. He knows that if he were not, he'd have to cook as well :lol:.

 

Since I had my kids in my 30s, I was able achieve many goals I had when I was younger. I am good with putting any future goals on hold. Not sure what future goals I have. This year I'd like to learn to play my ukelele.

 

The only thing I have insisted on for "me" time is regular exercise (whatever form that takes), and occasionally staying home when everyone else goes somewhere, or taking a trip without anyone else. I do like alone time.

[besroma]

Being a parent is fulfilling and by association I find homeschooling fulfilling. I have goals that I would like to attempt later in life but for now I am perfectly content being a wife and SAHM.

 

:iagree:

[besroma]

Being a parent is fulfilling and by association I find homeschooling fulfilling. I have goals that I would like to attempt later in life but for now I am perfectly content being a wife and SAHM.

 

:iagree:

[Farrar]

Ok, for clarity-

I love being home with my kids. I love HS. I have wanted this since I was a little kid. I would not change it for the world. :001_smile:

 

However, there are other things I'd love to do, and it seems impossible to do them. Maybe I'm not being creative enough in how to accomplish those dreams? I don't know. With the two bigger goals I have, I MUST have dh's support. It would never work without it. And he is not supportive. Mostly because it would mean that he would have to be more present/helpful/hands on at home, and he likes it the way it is now-he has the freedom to work and travel as he needs/wants to, and I take care of the kids, home, therapy, and HS on my own.

 

My dh is wonderful. He really is. I'm not bashing him at all. The hard part comes from me seeing that it WOULD be possible to achieve both goals, but it would require some sacrifice from dh, and he isn't willing. :( As a result, I just need help seeing other solutions to how I can persue my own thing, kwim? Or maybe how I should let these things go, forget about them, and just do the daily thing I'm doing. I'm not unhappy, persay, I just feel very much like there is SOMEthing missing. And it's unsettling to feel that way. :confused:

 

:grouphug: I'm very happy and fulfilled by homeschooling, but I would find it oppressive if it precluded me having time for myself to pursue my own interests and projects that had nothing to do with the kids. And I'm lucky that dh understands and supports that (and that I can do that for him as well). While I don't doubt that it's true for some people, there's an oversimplicity to saying that parenting can be fulfilling for everyone in and of itself. And if it's true for people around you (or seems to be anyway) and it's not true for you, then I think that can probably feel pretty oppressive.

[Trilliums]

Ok, for clarity-

I love being home with my kids. I love HS. I have wanted this since I was a little kid. I would not change it for the world. :001_smile:

 

However, there are other things I'd love to do, and it seems impossible to do them. Maybe I'm not being creative enough in how to accomplish those dreams? I don't know. With the two bigger goals I have, I MUST have dh's support. It would never work without it. And he is not supportive. Mostly because it would mean that he would have to be more present/helpful/hands on at home, and he likes it the way it is now-he has the freedom to work and travel as he needs/wants to, and I take care of the kids, home, therapy, and HS on my own.

 

My dh is wonderful. He really is. I'm not bashing him at all. The hard part comes from me seeing that it WOULD be possible to achieve both goals, but it would require some sacrifice from dh, and he isn't willing. :( As a result, I just need help seeing other solutions to how I can persue my own thing, kwim? Or maybe how I should let these things go, forget about them, and just do the daily thing I'm doing. I'm not unhappy, persay, I just feel very much like there is SOMEthing missing. And it's unsettling to feel that way. :confused:

 

:grouphug:

 

I am so happy I have been able to homeschool my kids in a supportive environment for the past 9 years. Like most full time pursuits, it has had its fulfilling and less than fulfilling times. Overall though, I has been wonderful for our family plus it has provided me many unanticipated opportunities for personal growth.

 

DH and I finished graduate degrees at the same time. He started a post-doc and I started teaching college Biology. When we had babies though, it was clear balancing the two jobs with kids would not work for our family. That was the reality of our situation even though my DH wanted to be supportive of my work as well. The stress was not worth it!

 

Now my youngest is 14. I have not worked for pay in many years (although I do have a very small side business). I have been active and happy with activities in the community. I am at a juncture where I have the liberty to choose between many options.

 

 

I would not just let go of your dreams and ambitions. You will have time to do them when the kids are older. I would find a way to volunteer around them in the community or to pursue interests when you can, even with your children. . But....while the kids are so little, it is fine to have their care and development as the primary goal. It does not have to equate to losing yourself.

[momma aimee]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS?

 

YES

 

Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them? Do you have support in achieving your dreams?

 

My dreams are to raise my boys to be good men, to see them educated both in books and in life.

 

If so, what does that support look like? From whom? Or do you pretty much have to do it on your own? Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent? Or do you feel it enhances it? What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground? How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you? Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you?

 

If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities?

 

i feel empowered to have such a pivotal role in my children's life

 

Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals?

 

As you can see, I've been pondering a lot lately. Lol. And I'm not sure if the way I'm feeling right now is normal, or not. :001_huh:

 

Thank you for your replies. :001_smile:

 

:tongue_smilie:

[elegantlion]

I have to say that I do feel content with my lot in life right now. And it took a few years to get to this point! But, I had a career earlier, and since I had kids relatively late in life, it's a kind of been-there-done-that thing with me.

 

My goals...hmmm...honestly, they are not work-related. My dh is behind me 100% in homeschooling, and in most else I want to do. For years I wanted to travel the world, and I thought maybe it was an unreachable goal. But we've been doing it, a month at a time, slowly but surely. I plan trips to Europe or wherever, and my dh supports me and comes for as long as he can. Sometimes if he has to leave our vacation due to work constraints, my dd and I will travel on alone.

 

Or, take music. I played music all through high school and college, and a few years ago I was missing it. My goal then became to get music back in my life. I decided to join a community band, and my dh was very supportive, although with his hectic travel schedule it was difficult to find a babysitter when I had practices.

 

Or, religion. I decided I wanted to get involved in an older, more liturgical denomination, and although dh had misgivings, he's right there in the pew with me. My kids are there, too, and are so used to just tagging along on my adventures that they don't even know enough to protest. :D

 

Oh, and I had another goal of learning how to play tennis. At 48 I was a bit late to the game, but my dh was completely on board when I signed the family up at a local tennis club and got us all playing. I'm sure he shakes his head sometimes....:tongue_smilie:

 

These may not be the kind of goals you are thinking of, but they're mine. I have four more years of homeschooling, and then I'll be in my early 50s. Too old to take up my old career (hi tech), and I don't want to anyway, because both dh and I would like me to be free to travel with him. So, I see myself doing these things in "retirement":

 

taking my dog to nursing homes as a therapy dog

improve my tennis, continue kayaking and sailing, and keep healthy

being available for my aging mother (she lives only 30 minutes away now)

being involved in my extended family's lives (we're all pretty close)

having two homes & splitting my time between them

volunteering at church

 

These are all thing that will fulfill me (I think), keep me busy, and enrich my life, while still leaving me free to accompany my dh and meet the needs of my own kids.

 

Wow, thank you. I'm in a similar situation with four years left and finding pursuits that will fulfill me. Ds was born when I was 30, I worked until he was born, so I had jobs and experiences before being a parent.

 

To the OP, yes, I find homeschooling fulfilling. My ds has varied interests and as we start high school, I'm learning some things alongside him. I really like the process we've created.

 

When he was younger it was more work really and I felt stretched further. I feel more confident now, still stressed, but not so unfulfilled. I started pursuing some of my interests a few years ago. They are second in priority to ds's education, but they are still a priority. Dh's support means a lot to me.

[Dory]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS? Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations? Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them? Do you have support in achieving your dreams? If so, what does that support look like? From whom? Or do you pretty much have to do it on your own? Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent? Or do you feel it enhances it? What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground? How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you? Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you? If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities? Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals?

 

As you can see, I've been pondering a lot lately. Lol. And I'm not sure if the way I'm feeling right now is normal, or not. :001_huh:

 

Thank you for your replies. :001_smile:

 

No it doesn't fulfill me. I see it as, I took on the job of raising kids. It is the job that I agreed to do at this point of my life. Any job that is worth starting, is worth me putting my best effort into. I have other dreams, but they can wait until later. If my dh wasn't on board with what I was doing, I would have to stop and ask why and if there is validity in his reasons. If so, than yes, I would probably change the way things are done. There are many times when the responsibility of raising kids the way I see as best, gets hard. There are moments when I wish I could pursue some things, but my life isn't ending just because those things need to wait. This is more important.

Fulfulling though, only in the way that a job well done would be. HS'ing is definitely not my favorite thing to do. Only a few years ago I said I had no desire to do this.

[Heidi]

I feel fulfilled as a SAHM and even more so homeschooling. I love it. Being a mother has always been my desire since I was a little girl. I have also been taught that motherhood is an honorable calling, so I don't feel like I am doing something less than women who enter the workfield; I feel like my job as a mom is WAY more important than any paying job ever could be. That has a lot to do with me being fulfilled as a SAHM/HS.

 

I do have goals/dreams for the next phase of life, when my children are grown and gone. It is something I am content to wait for.

 

I don't know that I would have much motivation for an activity if my dh wasn't on board with it as well. It is just my personality though. I'm fairly easy going, not strong-willed, and can adjust easily to shifts in goals/activities and still be able to find satisfaction in life.

[KungFuPanda]

It fulfilled me for several years . . . back when I was reading all of the books and discovering curricula for the first time. It kept m from missing classrom teaching. I had a good 2-3 years before I hit saturation. By then my baby was 4 and I could leave them with Daddy and nobody really needed/missed me for an hour here or there. With my kids getting older I had more time and energy to explore other things.

 

I WISH I felt obsessed with keeping house, and I do have mad cooking spurts, but I am happier when I know I'll eventually be part of the world outside my own walls. My dancing rounds out my life nicely. It generates income, provides hours of exercise each week, and gives me a creative outlet where I can perform and be someone else.

[warneral]

I don't feel that HS fulfills me, nor should it. I'm homeschooling because it is what we feel is best for our kids.

 

Feeling fulfilled can come from a variety of things, but only God can truly fulfill me and fill the void I have. This side of heaven, I will never feel completely fulfilled until I am in His complete presence.

 

I have hobbies and have to keep them in check (knitting, road biking and reading) because for this short season in my life, my biggest responsibility is my children. I do enjoy this and feel its right where I want to be and it is not FOR me :)

[LibraryLover]

I was just talking about this thread with dh. :) He read a bit (ok, listened to me read), and I could tell him that I have no regrets. 100% no regrets.

 

We chuckled. He makes much more than I (with grad scool. STEM, people, STEM) could, and he tried to imagine himself content nursing babies for hours a day, for over a decade. He could not. I could, and it was pretty wonderful.

 

Each person has to decide what they need, and then they have to weigh family resources and needs.

 

It's not a simple thing.

Edited September 5, 2012 by LibraryLover

[dbmamaz]

Dont have time to read it all - i quit my hated job but was not ready to leave my career, only expected to take a year off. I really did not much like homeschooling for a long time, and it still drives me nuts, but at least its interesting and challenging and i have autonomy over what I do. I am getting old enough (47) that i'm starting to get used to the idea that my time has passed, but i still REALLY want to help earn some money for retirement. I really look forward to going back to work, but i remind myself that this is super important for now.

 

but i've been a mom for 20 years already, so sacrificing my desires to take care of my kids is old hat

[Jpoy85]

I feel happy, fulfilled and content!

 

I wanted to be a teacher and a SAHM (i judt didnt know it would happen at the same time!). I went to college for Deaf Studies but dropped out because it wasnt in my heart. I wouldnt change my life though. :001_smile:

[SunnyDays]

This is a timely thread in my eyes, as I've been thinking about this too.

 

No, it really doesn't fulfill me. I always loved the *idea* of homeschooling, because I knew what the benefits could be, but I was reluctant to take the plunge. We finally did it last year because I knew DS's school situation would not be a good one for him at the time. While watching him grow makes me happy, I see that as his success, not necessarily my own... does that make sense??

 

I'm still having trouble seeing us doing this long term, though. I never envisioned staying home long term. I left my job when DS was born, but I was ready for a change. I assumed at the time that it'd be for a year or two. I don't want to go back to doing the same thing, but when I think about never having a career or professional success of any sort... it makes me a little melancholy.

 

I haven't been good at finding fulfilling hobbies in recent years either. So I really do need to do some soul searching as to my future directions...

[Mommyof4ks]

Being a parent is fulfilling and by association I find homeschooling fulfilling. I have goals that I would like to attempt later in life but for now I am perfectly content being a wife and SAHM.

 

:iagree: I will be 45 when my youngest goes to college, so I have time to do other things later in life. For now I am happy and fullfilled pouring into my kids.

[Garga]

Do you feel perfectly content being a SAHP and HS?

 

Nope.

 

Do you have other goals/dreams/aspirations?

 

I have hobbies: photography and blogging.

 

Are you able to accomplish those, or at least work toward accomplishing them?

 

Yup. By staying up late and annoying my family.

 

Do you have support in achieving your dreams?

 

Somewhat. I've had to pull back from spending too much time taking pictures or writing while the kids are awake, because I let it take over too much time. The kids were expressing how neglected they felt, and I had to admit they were right. I give myself strict time limits during the day.

 

If so, what does that support look like? From whom? Or do you pretty much have to do it on your own?

 

My DH doesn't necessarily "support" but he doesn't stop me, either. Sometimes he's really proud of a picture I do or something I write, and sometimes he sighs deeply when my writing cuts into our time together.

 

Do you find that pursuing your own goals detracts from your job as a HS parent?

 

Somewhat. Just because I'm stretched thin.

 

Or do you feel it enhances it?

 

Somewhat. I'm a MUCH happier person when I can pursue my hobbies. MUCH.

 

What would happen if your dh/dw/SO wasn't on board with your goals, would you give them up? Continue to work toward them regardless? Find a middle ground?

 

Middle ground. I'd set more time limits for myself, even when the kids were sleeping. Actually, DH was starting to complain that we don't spend as much time together, so I purposely set aside time while the kids are awake for all of us to sit on the couch cuddled, watching tv shows. It has helped a lot.

 

How much weight does your spouses opinion carry for you?

 

A heavy amount.

 

Do you feel there is a balance in you supporting him/her and them supporting you?

 

Yes. DH spent 6 evenings out of 7 for 5 years studying for his master's degree. Now, his degree was important for work, and my hobbies are only for "play", but I think he understands that I need to feel that my interests aren't pushed aside as "unimportant" just because they're not job related. I spend 7 nights a week writing my blog. It's a year-long project I'm doing. In January, I'll back down to 3-5 nights a week. DH knows there's an end in sight.

 

If you are the primary HS parent, do you feel encumbered by the responsibilities?

 

Sure do. It's a constant struggle to get everything done.

 

Do you feel like you have the freedom to pursue your goals?

 

Yes. But my kids are 7 and 9 and aren't small babies, so I can do stuff while they're playing by themselves if I have to. Two years ago, I could never have had my hobbies. They've only started in the last year and a half.

 

As you can see, I've been pondering a lot lately. Lol. And I'm not sure if the way I'm feeling right now is normal, or not. :001_huh:

 

Thank you for your replies. :001_smile:

 

:)

Edited September 5, 2012 by Garga