Tell me i am not alone! My 5th grader needs me to continually "coax" him along!!

[Halcyon]

This is new behavior. My older seems to be unable to focus on his work unless i am sitting righht next to him, redirecting his attention BACK to his work, "coaxing" him along...."and if that is the direct object what case would it be in? Good. And is it plural or singular? Okay...." this is ridixulous. He KNOWS the steps he needs to go through, but his attention is not there.

 

Tell me what is going on! Please! :001_huh:

[....]

Is he tired? Don't you guys school year-round? Does he need a break from school?

[Halcyon]

No he just had over 3 weeks off! We are in our 3rd week back. Latin and writing are the killers. Anytime i look away he is staring into space. I dont know what to do, as this is new. Ease off? Crack the whip?

[....]

No he just had over 3 weeks off! We are in our 3rd week back. Latin and writing are the killers. Anytime i look away he is staring into space. I dont know what to do, as this is new. Ease off? Crack the whip?

 

Oh, no. That's what we're having problems with - Latin and writing. We may actually drop Latin this fall.

 

It sounds like he's bored. :D

 

Does he need to spend more time outside?

[freeindeed]

:bigear:

I'm thinking it's an age thing, b/c my dd11 started this in 5th grade last year & is still having some trouble focusing during read-alouds. I'd love to hear some input & ideas.

[ErinE]

DS can complete math, spelling, grammar, science, history, etc. all on his own, but when it comes to anything that requires real effort on his part, he zones out. He always needs prompting for writing and Spanish.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Same here. So much for independent work this year....

[Kelly1730]

My 11 yos, one in particular, does this with math. If I leave the room for a minute, I'm sure to come back to him being on the same problem he was when I left the room and some additional drawings on the paper in his notebook!:glare:

[Hunter]

I often get into co-dependent relationships with students. Sigh! The harder I push and worry and help, the more they slack off. I'm still figuring out what is going on, and how best to handle it. It's like some mathematical equation. The more I do, the less they do.

 

In the past with my own boys, and currently with adults, I'm making some progress by requiring all students be well rested and nourished before wasting my time. I'm looking at their chores, outside employment etc and requiring proof of commitment before tackling advanced topics with them instead of just the basics. I've noticed some sort of link between chores/work and schoolwork. And it seems to be easier to make them deal with the issue at work, instead of with ME during academics.

 

I have to stress my value as a person, and the respect I deserve as a human and teacher. I was not placed on this Earth to be their servant. Things have been better here the past couple months, as I've put my foot down. Better for me AND better for THEM. I had an issue today, and I dealt with it head on. The student apologized.

 

Maybe NONE of MY experiences have ANY relevance, in any tiny way, and is just an annoyance, and maybe even insulting to post in your thread. I'm just saying, I've struggled for decades with "coaxing". And for ME, it goes deeper than academics, and is best fixed OUTSIDE of academics.

[Halcyon]

DS can complete math, spelling, grammar, science, history, etc. all on his own, but when it comes to anything that requires real effort on his part, he zones out. He always needs prompting for writing and Spanish.

 

This! All of his subjects are harder this year, but writing and Latin seem to be substantiallyharder, kwim? He does this with Science if the answer isnt immediately obvious, too.

 

What should I do?

Edited September 4, 2012 by Halcyon

[Karen in CO]

Over the years on the board, we've talk about the Brain Fog that hits kids as they enter puberty. So many people dismiss it as behavior when it happens to their kids, but it really is a developmental stage. More exercise, more food, more sleep, and time are the only cures. The real question is how are you going to deal with it until he passes from this to the next stage that will have completely different challenges. I was pretty sure either my ds or I wouldn't survive his. The jury is still out for my dd. Around here more discussion and fewer but deeper subjects has helped us cope. More exercise, more food, and more sleep are how we typically get through a day.

[Halcyon]

I often get into co-dependent relationships with students. Sigh! The harder I push and worry and help, the more they slack off. I'm still figuring out what is going on, and how best to handle it. It's like some mathematical equation. The more I do, the less they do.

 

In the past with my own boys, and currently with adults, I'm making some progress by requiring all students be well rested and nourished before wasting my time. I'm looking at their chores, outside employment etc and requiring proof of commitment before tackling advanced topics with them instead of just the basics. I've noticed some sort of link between chores/work and schoolwork. And it seems to be easier to make them deal with the issue at work, instead of with ME during academics.

 

I have to stress my value as a person, and the respect I deserve as a human and teacher. I was not placed on this Earth to be their servant. Things have been better here the past couple months, as I've put my foot down. Better for me AND better for THEM. I had an issue today, and I dealt with it head on. The student apologized.

 

Maybe NONE of MY experiences have ANY relevance, in any tiny way, and is just an annoyance, and maybe even insulting to post in your thread. I'm just saying, I've struggled for decades with "coaxing". And for ME, it goes deeper than academics, and is best fixed OUTSIDE of academics.

 

 

Interesting. We are implementing a new chore schedulemsoon, so perhaps that will help?

 

Re the codependent thing. I wo der what would happen if he were in a public school, without the coaxing he needs in Latin and writing. Would he sink or swim? I wish there was some way i could convey to him that this work is HIS responsibility. Right now, he sorta gets that, but also knows i will bust my BU** helping him understand it, helping him along. I need a commensurate effort from him, and it seems (at least in certain subjects) I am NOT getting it.

 

I am frustrated.

Edited September 4, 2012 by Halcyon

[Chrysalis Academy]

Does he do it just with independent subjects, or with all subjects? Miss P is great with things we're doing together, or orally, but on those subjects where she is meant to work through the lesson on her own for an extended period (math and writing, for us), she will do the same thing - stare off into space, daydream, hum, etc. if I'm not on hand to nudge her back to focus. It's incredibly frustrating.

 

I noticed that it is worse at certain times of day - just before lunch, and pretty much any time in the afternoon! :glare: So I rearranged our schedule so that she does math first thing - then a break - then writing. That seems to be working better. And, on the days when I'm sitting by her side working through a math lesson with her, she stays focused much better, so maybe it's just a maturity/experience thing with independent work?

 

Maybe it's worth a re-listen to SWB's "fostering independent learners" lecture . . . :auto:

[ErinE]

This! All of his subjects are harder this year, but writing and Latin seem to be substantiallyharder, kwim? He does this with Science if the answer isnt immediately obvious, too.

 

What should I do?

 

I don't know if I can be much help as my son is a little younger than yours. I try to anticipate the tough subjects, knowing I'll have to supervise. Some days are better than others, but on the whole, I know writing, Spanish, and occassionally math are going to require close attention on my part. I've staggered the two kids schedules so that dd can work on more independent tasks while I work with ds.

 

I also have many :banghead: moments. A fly on the wall in my house might hear:

 

"Seriously, dude, just do the work! You'd be done by now if you hadn't spent the last 30 minutes rolling the pencil across the desk. No, you can't have a snack; you ate breakfast an hour ago. Pencil to paper, kid, that's how the work gets done."

 

DD is memorizing the "Work" poem right now. I may start reciting it whenever ds gets spacey.

[Chris in VA]

Over the years on the board, we've talk about the Brain Fog that hits kids as they enter puberty. So many people dismiss it as behavior when it happens to their kids, but it really is a developmental stage. More exercise, more food, more sleep, and time are the only cures. The real question is how are you going to deal with it until he passes from this to the next stage that will have completely different challenges. I was pretty sure either my ds or I wouldn't survive his. The jury is still out for my dd. Around here more discussion and fewer but deeper subjects has helped us cope. More exercise, more food, and more sleep are how we typically get through a day.

 

THIS. :iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Halcyon]

Over the years on the board, we've talk about the Brain Fog that hits kids as they enter puberty. So many people dismiss it as behavior when it happens to their kids, but it really is a developmental stage. More exercise, more food, more sleep, and time are the only cures. The real question is how are you going to deal with it until he passes from this to the next stage that will have completely different challenges. I was pretty sure either my ds or I wouldn't survive his. The jury is still out for my dd. Around here more discussion and fewer but deeper subjects has helped us cope. More exercise, more food, and more sleep are how we typically get through a day.

 

More discussion and fewer but deeper subjects...resonates, and always has. He gets alot of exercise and sleep.

 

I am thinking of reworking our schedule a bit.

[Mommy22alyns]

I don't know if I can be much help as my son is a little younger than yours. I try to anticipate the tough subjects, knowing I'll have to supervise. Some days are better than others, but on the whole, I know writing, Spanish, and occassionally math are going to require close attention on my part. I've staggered the two kids schedules so that dd can work on more independent tasks while I work with ds.

 

I also have many :banghead: moments. A fly on the wall in my house might hear:

 

"Seriously, dude, just do the work! You'd be done by now if you hadn't spent the last 30 minutes rolling the pencil across the desk. No, you can't have a snack; you ate breakfast an hour ago. Pencil to paper, kid, that's how the work gets done."

 

DD is memorizing the "Work" poem right now. I may start reciting it whenever ds gets spacey.

 

 

Wait, are you in my house??

[Diviya]

We don't start fifth grade til next week, but when this has happened in the past, I've found it most helpful to just drop that subject. We move on to something else and come back to the original subject later or the next day. Some days their brains just aren't working. I try hard to distinguish between that and when they just don't want to do it. Focus is a skill. Takes work. Just my two cents.

[Pen]

Interesting. We are implementing a new chore schedulemsoon, so perhaps that will help?

 

Re the codependent thing. I wo der what would happen if he were in a public school, without the coaxing he needs in Latin and writing. Would he sink or swim? I wish there was some way i could convey to him that this work is HIS responsibility. Right now, he sorta gets that, but also knows i will bust my BU** helping him understand it, helping him along. I need a commensurate effort from him, and it seems (at least in certain subjects) I am NOT getting it.

 

I am frustrated.

 

I spent many hours at a ps last year, and saw the teachers on nearly constant patrol with kids in this age range. Bringing attention back from staring out windows, or from goofing around with neighboring deskmates, etc. was the rule not the exception. Staring off into space and rolling pencil absently across desk is not limited to home school.

[Oakblossoms]

I think this age appears to be so much older to us especially if it is the first child. But, looking back...they are just little kids still. They get the fog and it doesn't help. Your kids are on track to be very successful. I think you should expect to do maybe half the work this year. But, it isn't the end if the world. Just prepare yourself. Along with all the sleeping and exercise might I say lots of snuggles and keep up the read alouds. They need it more than they will admit at that age.

[SunnyDays]

I also have many :banghead: moments. A fly on the wall in my house might hear:

 

"Seriously, dude, just do the work! You'd be done by now if you hadn't spent the last 30 minutes rolling the pencil across the desk. No, you can't have a snack; you ate breakfast an hour ago. Pencil to paper, kid, that's how the work gets done."

 

 

 

 

Wow. Either we are twins, or our boys are twins. Possibly both... seriously, I cannot understand why this message can't get through their little brains.

[Hunter]

Interesting. We are implementing a new chore schedulemsoon, so perhaps that will help?

 

Re the codependent thing. I wo der what would happen if he were in a public school, without the coaxing he needs in Latin and writing. Would he sink or swim? I wish there was some way i could convey to him that this work is HIS responsibility. Right now, he sorta gets that, but also knows i will bust my BU** helping him understand it, helping him along. I need a commensurate effort from him, and it seems (at least in certain subjects) I am NOT getting it.

 

I am frustrated.

 

When they KNOW for certain that YOU will take responsibility, it seems to hurt them somehow :confused:

 

And sometimes my fears have not been the student's fears. My son feared ME, but not what I feared, if you know what I mean.

 

When I went on a trip to Bermuda to bury my father and had my pregnant sister with me, I had the opportunity to see someone pace herself entirely based upon what I was willing to do. She did NOTHING until I failed. Then she immediately did JUST enough, until I was no longer failing, and went right back to doing NOTHING.

 

I then noticed my son and others doing this with me. Sometimes people ARE overwhelmed, and are doing this in self-defence, but I'm NOT going to be the ONE to carry everyone. It's bad for everyone in the long run.

 

I don't have any quick fixes. I just know for ME, the academic situation straightens out when I deal with the RELATIONSHIPS and work/health/sleep habits OUTSIDE of the academics, and when I make the students take a LONG and HARD look at what they REALLY want. Sometimes they really are not COMMITTED to the plans they tell me they want help with. Sometimes we need to get more efficient and streamlined, to lighten the load, no matter what the consequences of that are.

 

It's hard. I certainly don't have it figured out yet. I feel like things are getting better, but it's still an issue, here. Me doing LESS has helped, though. :confused:

 

Good luck!

Edited September 5, 2012 by Hunter

[Amy Jo]

Well, I just wanted to say you aren't alone. My 10 yo has been spacey and distracted - which is NOT like him, usually he is a great worker. I have redone our schedule so it should be doable and have more activity changes. Hopefully that will help.

[ezrabean2005]

One trick that works with our DS is if is he getting spacey, I'll have him "be the teacher" for a problem. He loves this. I write the problem and act like I don't know what to do first. He'll patiently guide me, then I'll toss my pencil on the ground (he always laughs because he recognizes why I am doing this). Then he'll guide me through the rest since I "don't know how to do it". Then I am the teacher again and he is the student. We'll take turns being the student and the teacher - on bad days it may be every other problem. But on other days, it may be once on the page or one for each section. Just when he needs a change and a laugh to refocus. It helps me for the same reasons.

Edited September 5, 2012 by ezrabean2005

[RootAnn]

I've never had a greatly focused student, but I thought it was getting better with oldest ...

 

If she's out in the main "school" room with us while she's working on something on her own (math review, for example), she is constantly distracted by us. If I send her to her room (literally right next door), she complains that she never gets to be with us. And she gets distracted by anything (dust motes in the air?) in there all alone.

 

:001_huh::confused:

 

And this is the year I really NEED her to be more independent with the subjects that she CAN be independent on. (And I've reworked our schedule to hold her hand or be there for discussions for all the other subjects.)

 

:grouphug: Just joining the crowd.