Please post examples of WWS Wk 15 Day 4 ROUGH DRAFT

[Halcyon]

We are working on Step One, rough draft, and I am a bit confused between what it looks like the Student Text is asking for and what the Teacher Text gives as an example (which is much more elaborate than what I was looking for in his writing for a rough draft). We have watched videos of black smokers and some stuff on hydrothermal vents, and have read some online descriptions, but I am not sure at what point he should be incorporating more "vivid" imagery in his narrative. Based on the given outline, it seems that she's asking for something more straightforward for the rough draft? :confused:

[Halcyon]

Bump

[Halcyon]

Bump

[lewelma]

Post 47 on the WWS thread is my ds's rough draft; I just checked his notebook and it is handwritten and not edited. We often don't follow directions exactly, so I don't know if my ds's example is what you are looking for. I really don't remember the details of what the assignment was asking for.

 

Hope it helps,

 

Ruth in NZ

[Cosmos]

We are working on Step One, rough draft, and I am a bit confused between what it looks like the Student Text is asking for and what the Teacher Text gives as an example (which is much more elaborate than what I was looking for in his writing for a rough draft).

 

I don't think the description in the teacher manual is intended as a student example. I think it was meant as inspiration for a "stuck" student.

 

Here's my ds' rough draft. We only did revision on some pieces, and this was one that we didn't come back to. It has lots of mistakes! He went over the word count, and I don't think he actually included figurative language. :glare: Maybe the part about "looks like smoke coming out of a chimney" counts.

 

 

 

Hydrothermal Vents

Draft 1

 

Before 1977 no one had ever seen a hydrothermal vent. There were hypotheses about them of course but they had yet to be found. The reason there were hypotheses is that theories about tectonic plates shifting gave light to the fact that there might be places on the ocean floor that heated up.

 

In 1975 an expedition called FAMOUS, "French-American Mid-Ocean Undersea study," searched for hydrothermal vents along the Mid-Atlantic ridge, a boundary between two tectonic plates. The ridge is between the American, the European and the African continents. Between the plates lava occasionally erupts onto the sea floor. They did not locate any hydrothermal vents.

 

During 1976 unmanned crafts, diving saucers, went into the Galapagos Rift, a boundary between two tectonic plates. In this area volcanic activity was common and when the plates moved lava spilled onto the ocean floor. Samples of water that had been brought back had a strange mineral content.

 

In 1977 the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration sponsored an expedition. They used Alvin, a 25-foot long submarine made for deep sea usage. The expedition was led by Robert Ballard who had been in the 1975 expedition. Later Robert Ballard wrote, "Suddenly our floodlights revealed a swaying field of orange pink dandelions, Their puffy heads pulsing with fine webs of filaments. . . . The lumped mounds of pillow lava were thick with jutting chalk white clams, some of them a foot in length." They dove down 2,500 feet and discovered hot springs in the ocean floor: hydrothermal vents. The crew wrote, "Shimmering water streams up past giant tube worms, never before seen by man. A crab scuttles over lava encrusted with limpets, while a pink fish basks in the warmth." They also called the hydrothermal vents "Lush oases in a sunless desert. . . a phenomenon totally new to science."

 

Hydrothermal vents are natural phenomena. These phenomena are simply gaps in the seafloor where water goes down and touches lava and then shoots out of a different crack in the seafloor. The water coming out of the crack is no longer seawater but is a different liquid that can reach 570 degrees Fahrenheit. Even at that high temperature it does not boil because it is under too much pressure. When the liquid cools it disperses into the seawater and turns the surroundings cloudy "milky" with minerals.

Some hydrothermal vents are tall columns that spew black liquid that looks like smoke coming out of a chimney. This liquid is black because it contains black sulfides, minerals that contain sulfur. The columns from which this liquid shoots can on occasion reach a height of two hundred feet. They differ in yet another way from other hydrothermal vents by the water expelled being much hotter and generally having a temperature of above 662 degrees Fahrenheit.

 

The life that lives around hydrothermal vents is specialized to say the least. there are giant mussels that have yellow shells and filter bacteria from the seawater to eat. There also lies giant clams with red flesh caused by an abundance of oxygen. there are also tube worms grow between these other strange wonders. The tubeworms are white stalks with a crimson plume on top. The plume is made red by blood that is red like our own. The tube worms have neither mouth nor digestive tracts to digest the food from a mouth. They live on energy produced by bacteria within them, and they can grow to be nearly eight feet long. White crabs stalk the land between this strange array of creatures. They prey upon the giant mussels and nibble on the tube worm's stalks.

 

This is the civilization of a hydrothermal vent. Here one day gone the next. Swept and burned away by a lava flow erupting from the vent which sustains it.

[Halcyon]

Thank you bith very much. We are continuing this assignment this week, so hopefully i will be able to give him better feedback.