s/o birthdays and friendship

[IsabelC]

Does anyone have the issues of:

 

1. Great kids, but don't get on with parents. OK, I can be a grown up and have a respectful acquaintance with the parent of my kid's friend, but it's not ideal. This can go both ways, either me not liking to spend time with them, or them apparently not approving of me (or my parenting methods or educational approach).

 

2. Great mum, horrible children. For instance there is one woman who is one of the loveliest people I have met, but one of her children can be quite *****y. She makes it pretty clear that my kids aren't good enough.

 

3. They don't want to spend time with all of us. My most social kid gets along really well with another kid, but the family doesn't particularly welcome my other kids to do stuff with them. They are happy for me to leave dd at their house while I go do something else, but whenever this happens my other dd gets upset that she wasn't invited.

 

I would love to have a group of friends where dh and I love the parents, and all the kids love each other, and we can hang out as families. Is this unrealistic?

 

I was just wondering because I don't remember it all being so tricky when I was a kid. I had friends at school, I would go and stay at their houses and it was fine that we ignored their siblings. My mother knew the parents of every kid I went to school with, but they weren't her especial friends. My parents had other friends, and sometimes we got together and I was expected to play with the kids of my parents' friends, but it didn't matter that those mostly weren't my favorite people.

 

Maybe it's just different because of homeschooling. You have a smaller pool of friends to see regularly, and they are possibly more opinionated, and there's less capacity to do things separately with separate kids. A school mother could take her preschooler to visit other little kids while the older kids are at school, for example, whereas I have all the kids with me 95% of the time.

Edited September 3, 2012 by Hotdrink

[Cassy]

Yes! Actually DS13 has just gone out for the day with one of his friends who is the most lovely boy ever and fits in so well with our family that I'd adopt him if I could; his mother, however, is a frightful, crazy woman and I mostly avoid having anything to do with her if I can (I usually let DH deal with her, he's good with people).

 

Also, DS11 had a friend who's mother was wonderful: fun, caring, a good friend and a very conscientious mum; her son was a foul-mouthed, nasty, cheeky little monster.

 

Strange isn't it?

[LaxMom]

I get what you're saying. When I was a kid, my friends weren't necessarily family friends, just school mates. Well, most of them, anyway. There were others who were whole family friends, and I played with my cousins quite a lot (they were also school mates).

 

When I was a kid, though, it was small town 1970s, and while my friend(s) and I may not have been playing with their siblings (I'm an only), the siblings also had friends who were out running the neighborhood. It wasn't the drop off / pickup situation we seem to have now. We didn't have playdates. We just went out, maybe knocked on a door, but just generally all fell in together while being out.

 

Throw homeschooling into the general spreading out of social groups and playing becomes much more intentional.

 

I am fortunate that my children's friends are those whose parents I adore. Or maybe it's simply a function of homeschooling that we meet other people as families and the relationships that develop do so that way. I mean, my kids don't really go anywhere without us, so they wouldn't meet people and develop friendships on their own. Hmmmmm. Interesting.

[snowbeltmom]

When I was a kid, though, it was small town 1970s, and while my friend(s) and I may not have been playing with their siblings (I'm an only), the siblings also had friends who were out running the neighborhood. It wasn't the drop off / pickup situation we seem to have now. We didn't have playdates. We just went out, maybe knocked on a door, but just generally all fell in together while being out.

 

This was my situation growing up as well. The whole neighborhood played outside as a group. We all would go back to our homes for lunch and supper, but the rest of the day we were somewhere outside in the neighborhood - and our moms did not always know exactly where, but no one worried about our not being safe. Growing up, the parents in the neighborhood rarely did anything together. We always had a huge 4th of July neighborhood party, and that was the main time all year that the parents got together.

 

The situation has been completely different for my kids. When they were younger, the vast majority of the neighborhood kids their age went to camp from 8 - 5 each week day. I would take them to our club swimming pool and somedays they would be the only kids in the pool because everyone else was at camp. They would play on community sports teams, so they would see some of the neighborhood kids in the evenings, but it was not the same experience that I had growing up.

 

For the most part, my husband and I get together with the friends that we have had long before we had kids. Unless we are travelling for a tennis tournament, very rarely do we get together with the parents of our kids' friends.

[Seeking Squirrels]

We met a lovely mom and daughter in DD4's mom and tot music class when she was about 2.5. The other little girl is about a year younger. I get along great with the mom and over the last almost two years we've become very good friends. I absolutely love her little girl, she's the sweetest thing. And she likes my DD. but the girls fight like crazy!!!

 

They both say they like each other and both are excited when told they get to see the other that day. But they can't get along long enough for us to have anything resembling a normal playdate. As much as we want them to figure out how to get along, we're going to scale back on trying and she's going to come over sometimes when her DD is at preschool. :( Hopefully it is their ages and this phase doesn't last. They are so cute together when they're not screaming.

[Greenmama2]

Yes! I do have all of those problems & I do think it is in part a homeschooling thing. Sigh. I wish it wasn't so difficult.