Dobela Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 Sometimes it has nothing to do with the talent or personality of the leader. Sometimes other people take over because they want to be leader and they then work in the background to overthrow the current leader by pointing out weaknesses (real or imagined) and so on. It is a power struggle. By their saying it is because you were not good enough and that it was done publically and by surprise- that says to me that it was more of a power thing than a 'you are not right for this' thing. You were overthrown. It doesn't say anything about you unless you let it say something about you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 Regardless of whether you were *right* for the job or not what they did was a very poor way to treat someone and certainly not Christianly. It is ok to take some space and grieve and feel hurt by that. It does not make you less of a person. It also does not make you less of a person if you couldn't fulfill that role. I ended up in a few leadership roles last year, some by chance, some due to being asked and some I sort of wanted. It was a big learning experience for me. I'm an introvert but not shy. I figured a lot out about myself and my strengths and weaknesses. I'm really starting to feel ok with what I'm good at and what I'm not good at. I also can see that others may be great in some areas and not in others. Personally I realized I'm good at organization and such. I'm not good at being the mouth, I really despise that role. I've also figured out I don't really like teaching or leading other people's kids. So, thankfully I've been able to switch around my roles and responsibilities a bit to accommodate that. We all have different gifts and God doesn't make mistakes. Being a leader doesn't make you a better person. My dear friend is great at being the mouth, it comes naturally to her, but she is not good at organization. So, I keep us organized and she is able to relay ideas well. I'll say this to you (as well as to myself) you don't have to do some big thing to be important or worthy. I know that feeling. I really, really do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 I'd probably make an exit without excuses, nurse my sore wounds for a time, and then take awhile to come the to point of realizing it was probably for the better since someone who was better suited for the position came along. I'd always think it was handled badly, though. In my younger days I would have probably shot off a letter telling them that, but I wouldn't say a word now unless directly asked by someone in charge. Even then it would be a short explanation about them not handling the transition in a respectful manner...no matter how much I really felt like going off on them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 :lol: Thank you for helping me see the humor in it! I *really* wish I could say that! Maybe in a while I'll look around for something else to do that wouldn't be in the limelight, so to speak. Please do not hold yourself back from doing what you want because of a few biddies who need to feel their authority by acting like a bunch of jerks.:glare: Try sticking your nose in the air and hmmmpphhhhing at them.....then go on to do some great and wonderful things. Can you tell I have btdt? Let them have their little tiny victory.....you go on with your head up high and your focus forward. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 Thank you all. I didn't get much sleep so I am sounding more melodramatic than usual :tongue_smilie: but this hurt to the bone. I've always been somewhat of a wallflower, for this reason...to be found lacking and then be discarded. I really don't want to participate in this project any further, but I am afraid of how that would look...immature, lack of humility, who knows what. I think I've had enough life lessons for 10 lifetimes :D and I really didn't feel that I deserved this kind of public embarrassment. Oh well. You were wronged, pure and simple, and wronged in a serious way because it involved public humiliation. I think that is the first order of business to address. I would suggest that you go to the decision maker and ask what happened. (They get to explain, in case there is a remote chance of a misunderstanding.) Then tell them how you feel, and what you would have appreciated instead. (ie some help, suggestions, mentoring... or if it came to it, a private talk about stepping down.) What happened to you would be predictably humiliating to anyone. You are totally normal for feeling as you do. You are not proud, oversensitive, etc. Don't let anyone tell you differently. I am guessing there are others who are embarrassed/hurt for you because of the poor behavior of the management. At that point, you have a decision to make as to whether you'd like to participate in the project or not. Perhaps it is a passion for you and you still want to contribute. Perhaps there are friendships you'd like to maintain. Perhaps it's time to move on. But the first issue is how you were treated. The sequential issue is whether you continue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 I was publicly dumped from a leadership position once. It was done with no regard for me as a person with feelings. I told them that I had no problem with not being the leader. I had no problem supporting another leader. But the way it was handled was wrong. For that reason I stepped down from the project totally. My personal prediction was because of the character issues involved with the people running the project, the entire project would fail. I was right. I didn't feel happy about that, though. If people had been more honorable, I think it would have worked, no matter who the leader was because everyone would have been pulling together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 I've been away today, and just returned. Thank you for the responses! I not only needed sympathy, I also needed fresh, realistic perspective. I got both. :D My dh often scolds me about my bad habit of always blaming myself for everything. Why do I do that?? :banghead: While I haven't completely decided to walk away (I'm still weighing my options this week), I am prepared now to walk *into* the environment with new confidence. How dare they. How dare this other person weasel in and be SO proud of herself and her superiority. :glare: I really am a talented person, behind all this aggravating humility. :tongue_smilie: I don't have to act like a complete misfit just because I am not a natural extrovert. I really do have a lot to offer. I've pulled myself up by the bootstraps and am preparing for some kind of kerfuffle or something lol. I am going to do whatever I need to do in a loving way, and try desperately not to seem passive aggressive. But I am not going to be pathetic wimp and sneak away as I normally would. Thank you dear ladies, so much!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 I am prepared now to walk *into* the environment with new confidence. I really am a talented person, I really do have a lot to offer. I am going to do whatever I need to do in a loving way Now you're talkin'!! :hurray::hurray::hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 (edited) I've been away today, and just returned. Thank you for the responses! I not only needed sympathy, I also needed fresh, realistic perspective. I got both. :D My dh often scolds me about my bad habit of always blaming myself for everything. Why do I do that?? :banghead: While I haven't completely decided to walk away (I'm still weighing my options this week), I am prepared now to walk *into* the environment with new confidence. How dare they. How dare this other person weasel in and be SO proud of herself and her superiority. :glare: I really am a talented person, behind all this aggravating humility. :tongue_smilie: I don't have to act like a complete misfit just because I am not a natural extrovert. I really do have a lot to offer. I've pulled myself up by the bootstraps and am preparing for some kind of kerfuffle or something lol. I am going to do whatever I need to do in a loving way, and try desperately not to seem passive aggressive. But I am not going to be pathetic wimp and sneak away as I normally would. Thank you dear ladies, so much!! I'm relieved that you're feeling better about yourself and that you've had time to think things over and get a bit more perspective on the situation, but I have just one question for you... Why do you feel the need to "do whatever you need to do in a loving way?" I absolutely do not understand that mentality. On one hand, you're obviously angry about what happened, yet you still don't really want to ruffle any feathers. I admire your desire to be kind and loving, but there are times when you just need to put on your big girl panties, get tough, and stand up for yourself -- and I think this is one of those times. Why would you want to be loving toward people who stabbed you in the back, humiliated you, and now want to play you for a fool by having you continue to work on the project after the public humiliation? :confused: I can tell that you like to see the best in people, and that is an incredibly honorable trait to have, but at times like this, being "loving" toward people who did something awful to you, will only make you appear weak, gullible, and easily manipulated. If you do confront the group, I think "assertive and confident" need to be your goals, not "loving." They need to know that you absolutely, positively refuse to put up with being treated poorly. I hope everything works out well for you, although I personally can't imagine how you could ever stay in the group with the new leader. You seem like such a nice person, and you deserve to be part of a group that appreciates your thoughtful personality and your talents! :grouphug: Edited September 1, 2012 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) Thanks for your honesty. I have had to be overly patient and overly understanding for a while now, because there are several people in this project who seem very passive aggressive who are waiting for a slip-up. They get what they want. I know, it really is time to leave. It's just hard to say it, because I have enjoyed this project, and have been excited about the tasks I've been given (just not the pressure behind those tasks to perform perfectly). The thought of those people seeing me 'weakening' while they are wearing that smile of victory...I just can't stand the thought! I see, though, that me staying would be a weak thing to do. I'm ranting...It really does seem time to go. I just wish those few people would go instead. :tongue_smilie: Thanks for your help. :) Edited September 2, 2012 by Blueridge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 On one hand, you're obviously angry about what happened, yet you still don't really want to ruffle any feathers. I agree. That's why you should leave. You need to honor your own feelings and you can't do that if you have to play nice. If it was a job that you needed that would be one thing, but it's not. Do what's right for you. Be selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Sometimes the most kind and loving thing is to tell people straight out what's wrong. But you don't have to yell and scream or lose your temper to get your point across, even if you are mad.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Thanks for your honesty. I have had to be overly patient and overly understanding for a while now, because there are several people in this project who seem very passive aggressive who are waiting for a slip-up. They get what they want. I know, it really is time to leave. It's just hard to say it, because I have enjoyed this project, and have been excited about the tasks I've been given (just not the pressure behind those tasks to perform perfectly). The thought of those people seeing me 'weakening' while they are wearing that smile of victory...I just can't stand the thought! I see, though, that me staying would be a weak thing to do. I'm ranting...It really does seem time to go. I just wish those few people would go instead. :tongue_smilie: Thanks for your help. :) I was afraid I was being too honest, and that I might have hurt your feelings, so I was relieved to read your post! :001_smile: I'm so sorry these people turned out to be such weasels. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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