Robin Hood Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 Dh and I had to make a hard choice. It seems petty, but it was hard. We are quitting swim team. My dds have done so well in performances and in their personal growth that we hate to see it end, as do they. I had asked for hive advice last month because my older 9yo (kate) was accosted by an 11yo Mean Girl who likes a boy that Kate is friends with. I wasn't sure how to handle it and left it to the coach. I have no idea what the outcome of that was. Two weeks later, my younger (Bianca) was touched inappropriately by this same girl. I was a little worked up even after extensively questioning Bianca to make sure she wasn't misreading anything. Bottom line - she felt violated. I asked a veteran mom how to handle the situation and she said talk to the girl. So I did. In front of two witnesses. Four feet away. All I did though was to tell her not to touch either of my girls again. Mean Girl's mom is uninvolved in her dds life, is a druggie and has had jail time. Mean Girl has an advocate that is using swim team to help her. This advocate who was a witness has twisted what I said into me assalting Mean Girl, leaving nail marks in her arm and shoving my finger into her chest and pushing her around while I yelled at her. I was no more than 4 feet away from Advocate and another mom when I told Mean Girl not to touch my girls again. Neither woman knew what I said because they could not hear me, 4 feet away, but somehow that is yellling. The other witness said that what I was accused of never happened and that I handled situation very professionally. She is a school nurse. Swim Team president said she believes I did nothing wrong but to make situation go away, say and do nothing more about it. Mean Girl's mom is going around town now telling ex employee of ours and others that I am a F....B.... and that I beat up her dd. OK fine. I don't care. But then she throws my dds into mix and my dander got ruffled. Again, I said words, but nothing more than that my dds did nothing wrong and have no need to applogize. Again, I am told not to talk about it and it will go away. FF to yesterday's swim meet. I said hi to Mean Girl. She was in close proximity for much of the day. Later, she was standing near me. I am a timer. I said, "Swim well." to her. That is all. Mean Girls's mother did show up for 1/2 an hour. Mean Girl told her mother than I "talked" to her. Mother talks to Pres. Pres tells dh and I that it is best to not talk to Mean Girl period. No talking, nada. Stay away. The situation will go away if I don't have anything to do with Mean Girl even tho Pres is on our side of issue. This is tollerance? On the way home, I told my girls that we did what we could to befriend Mean Girl and rise above a disagreeable situation. I have been ordered not to talk to her so I think it best that they don't either. Stay away. Then Bianca pipes in with, "She came up to me today and told me that my mom is not allowed to talk to her." By the time I got home that had me pretty worked up. That my hands are tied and this girl has permission to approach my dds against my will while I can't even say a word has me upset. She has been not only been physical with my girls, but verbal too. Dh and I wrestled all evening and into this morning and decided that an 11 yo Mean Girl and her uninvolved druggie mother have somehow gotten control of the swim team. It seems like there is a community attempt to help this young girl which we are not against. But is this helping her? Dh is concerned that if I walk into the locker room and Mean Girl is there alone, she could accuse me of anything, even if I turn and immediatly walk out. Ya know what? I am not a mean person. Dh and I are held in high regard in our community and we are a tight family. I feel like I am being drug low and I am not doing well with it. I have a right to protect my children ~ I think. I didn't hurt anybody. I don't want this girl touching my kids, but I want to get along with her. I want my dds to get along with her. Just no touching. No mean words. To protect our family, we decided to quit swim team. That just seems backwards. We are going to write a nice letter of resignation to the Pres and a thank you to the coaches for their input into our dd lives. I don't know if the coach knows the depth of it so we are not even going to address anything, only that we feel the need to protect our family from further drama. I know this affects no one here, but I need to work it out, so thanks for letting my get it off my chest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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