connecting with difficult tweens/teens

[EthiopianFood]

Any book/article recommendations? I have a tendancy to be too intense/serious/boring when I'm showing interest, and I know this is a huge turn-off. I really need to feel like I'm doing the right thing, because it is hard for me not to shut down when I am rebuffed, as kids like this tend to do, even when they are happy you care.

 

Books on ways to encourage them to make better life choices when they have begun to make negative ones would be helpful too. This is not for my child, FYI. :001_smile:

[EthiopianFood]

Bump!

[Rosyl]

I subscribed to this thread because I feel the same way. ;)

 

I have a teen/tween. I do think it depends on the kid. Some are just easier to talk to and enjoy. The reason I haven't replied is that is all I have.:glare:

I don't know that there is a resource for this.

 

My observations have been:

I think maybe just dropping my expectations of the conversation topic,

 

being patient to wait for conversation--think about it adults give the kids impressions that they don't want to talk by body language

 

They way I say things gives the impression that I have 5 min or less to share, so adjusting my expectation and giving the impression I have all the time in the world to talk to them and patiently waiting

 

Asking questions about school, what they are going to do with the rest of their lives adds pressure. I have found that birds are a good conversation starter. I had no idea that so many people bird watch. (A good thread idea might be "what are some good conversation starters with kids/ teens/tweens"). the Hunger Games is a good topic and I have had good conversations about literary elements with the teens. i unfortunately have a movie gap in my life and if it isn't a disney pixar, I probably haven't seen it--but movies might be good topics.

 

I think the feeling of rebuffed and not shutting down is conquered by a strong self confidence. It really doesn't matter how they answer you--you are a strong valueable person whose self worth isn't dependent upon another human. You do what you do, and ignore their response. Keep talking, just don't wear it. It is your choice what to wear, don't wear their rebuff or indifference or whatever. I think that just takes practice. I am at the trial and error phase in this. The more I practice the more I don't wear. :tongue_smilie:

 

What observations have you made?

[freeindeed]

The book How to Talk so Teens Will Listen and Listen so Teens Will Talk may help.

[deacongirl]

The book How to Talk so Teens Will Listen and Listen so Teens Will Talk may help.

 

:iagree:

Also Hold on to Your Kids.

[EthiopianFood]

I subscribed to this thread because I feel the same way. ;)

 

I have a teen/tween. I do think it depends on the kid. Some are just easier to talk to and enjoy. The reason I haven't replied is that is all I have.:glare:

I don't know that there is a resource for this.

 

My observations have been:

I think maybe just dropping my expectations of the conversation topic,

 

being patient to wait for conversation--think about it adults give the kids impressions that they don't want to talk by body language

 

They way I say things gives the impression that I have 5 min or less to share, so adjusting my expectation and giving the impression I have all the time in the world to talk to them and patiently waiting

 

Asking questions about school, what they are going to do with the rest of their lives adds pressure. I have found that birds are a good conversation starter. I had no idea that so many people bird watch. (A good thread idea might be "what are some good conversation starters with kids/ teens/tweens"). the Hunger Games is a good topic and I have had good conversations about literary elements with the teens. i unfortunately have a movie gap in my life and if it isn't a disney pixar, I probably haven't seen it--but movies might be good topics.

 

I think the feeling of rebuffed and not shutting down is conquered by a strong self confidence. It really doesn't matter how they answer you--you are a strong valueable person whose self worth isn't dependent upon another human. You do what you do, and ignore their response. Keep talking, just don't wear it. It is your choice what to wear, don't wear their rebuff or indifference or whatever. I think that just takes practice. I am at the trial and error phase in this. The more I practice the more I don't wear. :tongue_smilie:

 

What observations have you made?

 

Thank you for your observations. It is especially difficult for me with this particular child because she is more immature and not very interested in intellectual anything, and even though she has seen Hunger Games, I can't imagine having a conversation about literary themes about it, for instance. It's just very different from how I am now, and even how I was at that age.

 

The book How to Talk so Teens Will Listen and Listen so Teens Will Talk may help.

 

I didn't realize there was a teen edition. Thanks!

 

:iagree:

Also Hold on to Your Kids.

 

I just love this book, although I haven't finished it yet. This child doesn't live with me, and is being raised very differently than how this book would recommend, which is why it is so difficult to know how to connect with her sometimes.