lynn Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 The two friends dd has over always want to play dress up. I thought I made it quite clear, if it does not fit over your regular clothes you don't get to wear it. I have caught them a couple times trying to change into dressup clothes. I told them again that if it does not fit over your clothes you don't get to wear it. the door is to stay open when they play and I keep up with what they are doing. Should I call friends mom and let her know her daughter thinks nothing of changing into her friends clothes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 What's the big deal? How old are they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 No, I wouldn't call. You need to make sure DD and her friends are following your rules in your house. But I have no idea why on earth you'd want to call the parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 What's the big deal? How old are they? I don't see the problem either...even when they are teenagers they will be trying on each other's clothes....they won't call it 'dress up' anymore though. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Is this the six year old? I'm assuming it is given they are playing dress up. I don't see why this would be a concern to bring to the parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 The two friends dd has over always want to play dress up. I thought I made it quite clear, if it does not fit over your regular clothes you don't get to wear it. I have caught them a couple times trying to change into dressup clothes. I told them again that if it does not fit over your clothes you don't get to wear it. the door is to stay open when they play and I keep up with what they are doing. Should I call friends mom and let her know her daughter thinks nothing of changing into her friends clothes? I would be speechless if I were on the receiving end of this call. They are wrong to disobey your rules at your house, but I see their behavior as entirely normal otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 That is completely normal behavior, so I don't see why you would call the other mom. By all means enforce your rule in your house, but do know that it's kind of an unusual rule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 If, as I assume, they are female friends of your dd6, I cannot imagine why you'd make a rule like that. I certainly would not cll the other mother about it:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelli Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I let my girls and their friends play dress up. The only rule I have is that underwear must stay on and the door is always open (but that's a house rule anyway). It's not a big deal, IMO, especially when they are young. My friends and I used to change clothes and share clothes with each other all the time jr. high and high school. We'd get practically naked in front of each other trying on clothes, laughing, having a good time. I never gave it another thought. However, if this is something that really bothers you, then I would put the dress up clothes away when the friend came over, but I wouldn't call her mother. Different families have different rules. If she's little she probably didn't think about it or remember. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I see no problem with girls changing in front of each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 That is completely normal behavior, so I don't see why you would call the other mom. By all means enforce your rule in your house, but do know that it's kind of an unusual rule. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Maybe they don't understand what you're asking them to do. If you are concerned about modesty, maybe make sure they each have a cami and tell them to please not take their tops off. Although I wouldn't care in the least if they were stripping down and sharing clothes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzingirl Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 If, as I assume, they are female friends of your dd6, I cannot imagine why you'd make a rule like that. I certainly would not cll the other mother about it:001_huh: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) Now little girls playing dress-up is an issue? How can you be a fairy princess with jeans underneath? Your house, your rules, but if you called and asked me/told me that, I would be shocked --and a little worried. Edited August 28, 2012 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 If she's little she probably didn't think about it or remember. This is also true. I would not expect an excited little girl who wants to wear something sparkly to remember that she can't wear it if she has to take her top off to get it on. They are caught up in the moment, having fun, and not thinking about rules that they are not used to and do not understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 :confused: I'd be worried if my girls thought that changing into dress-up clothing was somehow a big deal, requring rules and open doors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Maybe suggest to the mom that she send her daughter with a leotard & tights that can be worn under dress-up clothes? That way the outfits would fit easier but the girls would remain clothed while changing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 My girls and their friends changed into dress up clothes all of the time. It never crossed my mind that it would bother anyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 At home my two dds always change into dress-up clothes - that's how dress-up is done for them. Our only rule is to keep underwear on. That's their norm, and it would take a bit of time for them to adjust to a different norm in some else's house. (I had to gently guide them to keep clothes on at a dress-up party, but if I hadn't been there, they'd have stripped right down :lol:; a matter-of-fact reminder from the mom - keep your clothes on, please - would have done the trick, but might have required repetition - not every little kid can learn a new rule, that violates an old rule, with just one or two repetitions.) Calling their parents to give them a heads-up that you have different norms than they are used to - so their parents could prep them a bit for how different homes have different rules - could be helpful :). Calling to tell them their dc have issues because they play dress-up "wrong" would probably not be helpful ;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I'm a mom of 3 girls, and it's never crossed my mind to be concerned about them changing in front of their friends or playing dress up. My oldest dd had a group of friends over on Friday night for a birthday sleepover, and they were all in her room changing in front of each other. I didn't think twice about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Munchkins_mama Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 We have an extensive dress-up collection and our only rule is that they keep their panties on. If it is an incredibly uncomfortable situation for you, I'd suggest taking away the dress up when friends are over. Otherwise, know that most families dress-up without clothes underneath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 This is also true. I would not expect an excited little girl who wants to wear something sparkly to remember that she can't wear it if she has to take her top off to get it on. They are caught up in the moment, having fun, and not thinking about rules that they are not used to and do not understand. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 The two friends dd has over always want to play dress up. I thought I made it quite clear, if it does not fit over your regular clothes you don't get to wear it. I have caught them a couple times trying to change into dressup clothes. I told them again that if it does not fit over your clothes you don't get to wear it. the door is to stay open when they play and I keep up with what they are doing. Should I call friends mom and let her know her daughter thinks nothing of changing into her friends clothes? I get why you want the rule. Or at least I get why you would want the rule, because I sometimes enforced this rule too. With the DDs of close friends, I didn't mind them shutting the door and completely changing into dress-up clothes. With other friends, whose parents I didn't know extremely well, no, I did not want them practically naked at my house. I certainly didn't worry about anything happening because of it but it did go through my mind how it might look or what could be misconstrued. When DH and/or older DS were at home (and DS was always there), it could look bad. The child could innocently share about their innocent play and mention something about DH or older DS being there. DH could be walking down the hall in his own house and if the girls fail to shut the door, DH is seeing the girl's nakedness, which would be nothing to him, but an innocent sharing could easily turn a mountain into a molehill. The girl's parents could have a flip attack because who knows what their life experience has been... So, again, with good friends who know our family, not a problem. With casual friends, nope. With you having three older boys, I would probably be even more likely to disallow nakedness. To be clear, I totally see where all the other posters are coming from. It should be completely innocent. It shouldn't be a problem at all. But I do not need trouble and avoid it wherever I can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Underwear staying on is the only rule here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 It may have something to do with the fact that the OP's other kids are boys. Not that she doesn't trust them, but we have rules in our house about kids changing in front of each other, and perhaps she does too? Maybe, we have that situation here but our rule is door CLOSED when changing clothes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 If you aren't comfortable having them change in front of each other, reinforce the rules you've set or give the visitor the bathroom. I wouldn't call the mom just because her dd is comfortable changing in front of a friend. Most little girls are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 This girl thing is new to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 However, if this is something that really bothers you, then I would put the dress up clothes away when the friend came over, but I wouldn't call her mother. Different families have different rules. If she's little she probably didn't think about it or remember. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) I get why you want the rule. Or at least I get why you would want the rule, because I sometimes enforced this rule too. With the DDs of close friends, I didn't mind them shutting the door and completely changing into dress-up clothes. With other friends, whose parents I didn't know extremely well, no, I did not want them practically naked at my house. I certainly didn't worry about anything happening because of it but it did go through my mind how it might look or what could be misconstrued. When DH and/or older DS were at home (and DS was always there), it could look bad. The child could innocently share about their innocent play and mention something about DH or older DS being there. DH could be walking down the hall in his own house and if the girls fail to shut the door, DH is seeing the girl's nakedness, which would be nothing to him, but an innocent sharing could easily turn a mountain into a molehill. The girl's parents could have a flip attack because who knows what their life experience has been... So, again, with good friends who know our family, not a problem. With casual friends, nope. With you having three older boys, I would probably be even more likely to disallow nakedness. To be clear, I totally see where all the other posters are coming from. It should be completely innocent. It shouldn't be a problem at all. But I do not need trouble and avoid it wherever I can. Yes, this. I don't know the parents beyond casual neighborhood chats. I would not want my dd changing clothes at someone's house I did not know. just not comfortable Edited August 27, 2012 by lynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) Yes, this. I don't know the parents beyond casual neighborhood chats. I would not want my dd changing clothes at someone's house I did not know. Completely innocent yes, just not comfortable Totally get you. My DD had a friend down the street whose parents I did not know very well and they were very liberal with supervision. She had a great deal of freedom (too much, in my opinion) and was quite the...um...storyteller. Lots of pretend play about romance, in a way that seemed inappropriate for her age, based on what I saw in my DD and her other friends. (She did have a brother who was an older teen so maybe her play reflected his love life?) Many times she asked DS9 to play her husband or boyfriend when they all pretend played and then try to kick DD and younger DS out of the room and close the door. Um, noooooo. DS9 would try to be polite but her play always ended with him :001_huh: :auto: . Suffice it to say that I didn't have any interest in her telling any of her "stories" about my house. Actually, I stopped letting this girl inside the house at a certain point, to be completely honest. I know in my head that if I don't want my DD changing at someone's house, someone I don't know very well, that she shouldn't be there at all anyway because anything can happen, clothes or no. But in my gut, it just seems like a valid place to start...keeping clothes on. :tongue_smilie: Edited August 27, 2012 by Alte Veste Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjand6more Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Could you keep a few leotards at your house for girls to use. Usher them one by one into the bathroom to change into them and then let them play dress up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghee Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 As long as no one is getting naked, i wouldn't care. We don't even have the door open policy, because we have 2 boys in the house. I figure the other moms would rather their kid be in skivvies for a moment with the door closed, than with it open and my 13 year old possibly ambling by ( ftr, he would absolutely try to die.) ETA we do know these girls very well, and know the families. I wouldn't be as comfortable if it was the girls across the street that I don't know their parents. I think leotards would be a good middle ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 We have something similar but older girl issues going on. I've ended up limiting dd's contact with the friend because of the parents' issues on modesty. They are over the top and this kid is going to end up a bad influence on dd in the end. The writing is on the wall. So if you called me to tell me that my 5, 6 or 7-year old kid was changing during dress up and that you had a problem with it, I'd likely start limiting dd's contact with your kid because I'd feel that your adult issues on modesty would be detrimental to my dd's mental health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 The two friends dd has over always want to play dress up. I thought I made it quite clear, if it does not fit over your regular clothes you don't get to wear it. I have caught them a couple times trying to change into dressup clothes. I told them again that if it does not fit over your clothes you don't get to wear it. the door is to stay open when they play and I keep up with what they are doing. Should I call friends mom and let her know her daughter thinks nothing of changing into her friends clothes? I couldn't imagine little girls playing dress up with frilly ballerina costumes over baggy jeans and bulky sweatshirts. :confused: If you called me about it, I would have been shocked- and we're pretty modest here. I would think you were accusing my child of something horrible. I try to asume the best of intentions, but you would have a hard time wording it IMO, to sound otherwise. We had a box of old dance leotards to wear under dress-up costumes, or anyoen was allowed to change in a private room/bathroom. My rules were wear SOMETHING under the costume, and no nakey kids... If you cannot allow them to wear a leotard, camisole/undies etc. and change in private, perhaps dress-up should not be an option for guests. Or stick to accessories- hats, scarves, jewelry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 especially since you have a household full of older boys. I might be less comfortable with my daughter taking all her clothes off when there are a bunch of boys hanging out - not that I would be suspicious of them necessarily, but I would be aware it might make her or them feel really uncomfortable if they walked by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwallowTail Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I can't imagine having that rule or worrying about it at all. But, I also do not have strangers' children at my house, and even friends have their parents with them when they are here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 What's the big deal? How old are they? :iagree: Who cares if they change into dress-up clothes? :confused: My kids used to do it all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) As long as they are keeping undies on, it wouldn't bother me. Little girls of that age playing dress up is pretty innocent. My girls have always been very modest, and wore camisoles and bike shorts, but most of their friends didn't. My dds complained a few times about having to see their friends' tummies. :001_rolleyes: and then they got over it. :lol: If you don't want your dd undressing at other people's houses, just tell her. I doubt my dds would do that, even without me telling them not to. :tongue_smilie: Edited August 27, 2012 by Julianna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy_of_4 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I don't see what the big deal is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Could you keep a few leotards at your house for girls to use. Usher them one by one into the bathroom to change into them and then let them play dress up? This. Ask them to change into leotards and then most dress up clothes will slip on over them without problem. We are a house of girls and some of the younger ones that come over strip down to panties (and no problem) but if I had boys also, I'd hand out leotards first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I would be speechless if I were on the receiving end of this call. They are wrong to disobey your rules at your house, but I see their behavior as entirely normal otherwise. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Don't see the problem. Some dress-up clothes do not fit over regular clothes- frilly sleeveless dress with fringes over jeans and sweatshirt?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I don't understand the concern; not even with older boys in the house and not knowing the parents well. If I were on the receiving end of that phone call, I'd consider limiting play time with the family because my "weird" and "micromanaging" bell would be dinging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I don't understand the concern; not even with older boys in the house and not knowing the parents well. If I were on the receiving end of that phone call, I'd consider limiting play time with the family because my "weird" and "micromanaging" bell would be dinging. I totally get the majority thinking there is not sufficient concern to warrant worry. I totally get that and I agree that the risk is slight, even with kids/parents you don't know well. But not understanding that the potential for false inference or mistaken allegations exists at all? Surely no one is so naive as to think it couldn't happen. I personally would not make a phone call. In my own experience, at the point I was concerned enough about a particular child, I just did not allow her to play dress up at my house anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magic Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 My daughter and her two best friends love changing into each other's clothes and putting on fashion shows for us. We have three older boys and the girls always change in the bathroom or my daughter's room with the doors closed. They are giggly and just love being girls together. None of the girls have sisters and this is their ways of "playing sisters". I love that she has such a close relationship with them and that they feel comfortable enough with each other to be themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I totally get the majority thinking there is not sufficient concern to warrant worry. I totally get that and I agree that the risk is slight, even with kids/parents you don't know well. But not understanding that the potential for false inference or mistaken allegations exists at all? Surely no one is so naive as to think it couldn't happen. I personally would not make a phone call. In my own experience, at the point I was concerned enough about a particular child, I just did not allow her to play dress up at my house anymore. The possibility of false accusations exists with or without playing dress up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I don't understand what the big deal is. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiniBlondes Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I'm another who doesn't think this is a big deal. I have 2 girls. They don't play dress-up much anymore but when they did, they would strip down to panties in front of any/everyone if the words 'dress-up' were so much as whispered. As far as them playing dress-up at a friends house or a neighbors house, I wouldn't have a problem with that either. Perhaps it's because I wouldn't allow them into someones home that I don't already know. If it were a new friend then they wouldn't be there without me in the first place. What about bathing suits? What if someone had a sprinkler? Would they be allowed to put on a bathing suit and jump? I vote for not making the call. If I were on the receiving end of that call, I would have concerns that were non-existent before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 The possibility of false accusations exists with or without playing dress up. Of course. I don't dispute that. But nudity as part of an accusation (whether true or false and especially concerning children) has a way of pitching reason into the rubbish bin and moving assumptions into the express lane. For what it's worth, I'm fairly liberal and this is not something that kept me up at night. I had a situation that gave me pause, so I could relate to the OP. I don't get the impression that the OP is a modesty loon, just another person who has a situation that gives her pause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiniBlondes Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 The possibility of false accusations exists with or without playing dress up. :iagree: Sadly, this is very true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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