What would you do if your child was accused of something ridiculous?

[Marie131]

Thanks everyone, I was really upset about this last night. I actually lost sleep over it. It felt pretty sick having a child accused of saying something so awful and then her whole reaction t/w me when I defended him.

 

I know that children hear bad words, but like one of the pp's mentioned it doesn't register w/ them b/c they don't know they are swear words. I can remember one occaision where the kids heard swear words but it didn't click in their heads whatsoever (this was months ago). Even if the kids picked them up and remembered them I find it unlikely that the first time they used them they put 2 swear words together, direct them at an adult and use them in perfect context. Usually kids try out new words in the home, not realizing they are bad. I don't think it's likely, at the age of 7, to keep 2 really bad swear words in your back pocket and direct them at an adult.

 

I also think it's possible she misheard him. I have heard her call her young DD the very same words she purports my son for using. So these would be words that her children know and she probably expects the same of others.

 

But really, she didn't behave like a grown up. An adult doesn't come tearing up a neighbours front steps chasing 2 little children, bang on the door and have an aggressive tone and demeanor and use words to verbally attack me. If she had an issue w/ my children that she honestly wanted to resolve, even if she was upset, she wouldn't have been so aggressive. She was looking for a fight.

 

It's going to be hard to avoid her. We live in a townhouse so we don't have a yard. The kids like to play in the front b/c that is where all the kids play. They can play in the back, but we don't have much of a yard and it's not fenced so I can't corral them there. If other kids are playing in the front, then that is where they want to be. I usually stay out there w/ them, but I can't always b/c I have another LO and things that I need to do in the house. Because of my health issues, the kids haven't been spending as much time outside as I would like. Now they will be spending less time out there b/c I don't want them anywhere near the crazy lady!

[gardenmom5]

I have enough experience to know kids can disemble and sometimes require careful questioning. Her own behavior as demonstrated to you, would give me pause as to how much credibility she has about anything. If (and I stress "if") they called her any kind of names, I'd like to know what did she say/do to them to provoke it? she sounds like one seriously unhappy woman.

[gardenmom5]

I have heard her call her young DD the very same words she purports my son for using. !

 

if your children have heard her calling her dd that, that changes things and they may have called her that name as they would have had it exampled *by her* that people are called that name when she is angry at them. but it would have been her own fault. I'd still like to know what she did to provoke things, as my instinct is "people don't call someone bad names in a vacuum."

[Stacy in NJ]

of something, it's best to just calmly hear them out for a few minutes then say something about thinking/discussing it with them later.

 

It's usually best not to accept guilt or too aggressively defend until you've have a chance to get more information.

 

That said, I wouldn't under any circumstances let a screaming cussing person into my house. Whether or not her claim is true, it's inappropriate for her to bring it to you in this manner.

 

You can say something like....."I'll be happy to discuss this with you when your calmer..."

[Joanne]

Thanks everyone, I was really upset about this last night. I actually lost sleep over it. It felt pretty sick having a child accused of saying something so awful and then her whole reaction t/w me when I defended him.

 

!

 

:001_huh::confused:

 

This is an extreme reaction to the accusation being made.

 

Reacting to the *lady*, possibly. But to this particular accusation? Even if it were *true*, I would not lose sleep over it.

[SKL]

I would not believe my kids without question.

 

However, I would inform that lady that she was acting crazy and thus had no credibility as far as I'm concerned.

 

Once a dad came to our door (when I was a kid) and angrily informed my dad that my sister (then 17) had chased his kid and hit him with a lead pipe! My dad called my sister out, and it was obvious this was BS because (a) we didn't have any lead pipes around, (b) she had absolutely no history of this, © she had no reason to do this, (d) she was visibly shocked and horrified at the accusation. The dad then asked his kid for clarification, and he changed his story very significantly. The revised story involved neither my 17yo sister nor a lead pipe!

 

My SIL discovered a box of condoms in her daughter's room. Her daughter said they had been stolen by my sister (from a store) and she was keeping them over there. She chose to believe this even though (a) her daughter was sexually active, (b) the evidence was in her daughter's possession, © her daughter had a history of stealing, (d) it makes no sense for someone to steal condoms and store them at some other girl's house. My sister vehemently denied the charge and yes, I tend to believe her, even though I know she's "capable" of lying.

 

A young relative was accused by a dad of raping his daughter during a sleepover. The accusation was changed to "I thought we had sex, but maybe not" when it was pointed out that my relative is gay. (She had come on to him and was ticked that he didn't feel tempted.)

 

So yeah, there are lots of times when parents accuse others' kids without any actual evidence. Sometimes our kids are guilty, and sometimes they aren't.

[Nestof3]

:iagree:

 

I was at the home of some friends, and we overheard their 6-year old daughter call my son a bast*rd -- they were upstairs. The parents were so shocked because they had never heard her say anything like that before. You could tell they were floored. At the time, my son didn't seem to notice b/c he hadn't heard the word before and didn't know what it meant.

 

In general, I would always ask my children about any allegations against them. I would always want to know for certain (as much as I can).

 

I don't know. I do know that kids can pick up very vile language in just about any setting, so it's always possible a kid does know what a word means or, at least has heard it used.

 

That said, if there's a history of her being unstable I *think* I would have just said, "Oh my, I'll have to talk with them. Goodbye now." and tried to leave it at that. That way she thinks I'm taking her seriously and my kids wouldn't have to hear her rant and rave.

 

It's not lying, you do have to talk with them about avoiding the neighbor, coming inside or coming to get you if she is outside, and calming them down, but it sends her on her way hopefully and gets the crazy woman off your front porch.

 

:grouphug: